“Do I HAVE to do this assignment? Why do I have to study? I KNOW it all! I am TOO tired for more work. No one else has to do this!” The rants are endless, arguments are too frequent, and the frustration simply frustrating. Personally, I don’t believe in homework. Reading…yes! Long term projects….Yes! Filler worksheets each night…No! Fighting with your kids with only a few precious hours to share each night? Definitely NOT.

But recently I flipped the switch on our homework battle with my 10 year old by asking her, “What did you EARN on your science quiz?” “I GOT an 83,” she replied with a disappointing sigh. “You didn’t get an 83. You EARNED an 83,” I casually stated. She looked at me perplexed and I explained how a teacher doesn’t randomly hand out grades. Mrs. Berard doesn’t give her an 83 and a classmate a 93 just because she feels like it. Students EARN their grades based on the work put into preparing for assignments, how much they study, and whether they understand the material or simply memorize it.

Well, thinking about the difference between those words made a HUGE difference. It placed the responsibility solely in my daughter’s hands. Would she find a Quizlet for extra practice? Did she reread the chapters to understand the concepts? Was she asking questions if she was confused? Yes, Yes, and Yes! It’s almost if the word earned her the right to make decisions over how and what she studied. It took me out of the picture. And I had to embrace that and let her take ownership.

She has another science quiz coming up and hands down she prepared much more than last time and without the usual complaining! While reviewing her progress report I made sure to say, “What grades did you earn thus far in middle school?” Earn does not only apply to school work, but also about how they earn money for chores (or if they didn’t) and even how they earn consequences. It’s amazing how this new vocabulary transferred to my high schoolers as well. Did they earn the privilege to drive the car??!!!❤︎