The African saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is so true and may ring even more true as they get older. My son graduated from high school a few weeks ago and had a ceremony at church honoring seniors. Our church pews were filled with people who watched our family grow and mature over the last 15 years. My husband and I observed our son greet fellow parishioners with heartfelt gratitude as they wished him well and showered him with blessings on his next phase in life.
We watched him shake hands with a man who has been his mentor as a Dj, offering business and life-advice, taking him under his wing. We saw him embrace a woman who has been his biggest cheerleader, encouraging him to continue being involved in the young adult Greek community in Boston. He hugged our priest, sharing a special moment as he has worked side-by-side on the altar serving in faith for many years.
At some point in the adolescent years, our kids listen better to others. It’s a normal part of their development and I saw how it can visibly be a positive source of support, motivation, and confidence building. These adults inevitably helped shape his course in life, helped mold his identity, and were vital in his maturing into the young man he has become. It does make you, as parents, realize just how essential it is to surround your children with people you respect, admire, and trust. It is these people your teens and young adults will emulate…know these people, believe in these people, love these people for they will do the same for your children.❤︎
This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!
Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?
“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.
So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.
Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!
Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎
Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!
Encourage your children to inspire one another with…
completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
starting homework after a snack or practice
keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
choosing a nicer outfit for church
picking up the phone to call a grandparent
**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com
Taken by my oldest at sunrise at Mayflower Beach on Cape Cod
One of the most powerful ways I have connected with my children is asking for their forgiveness. Will you forgive me? These four little words have deepened our relationships, fostered greater respect and heightened awareness of the importance of acknowledging when we make mistakes. Teaching my children to say, “I’m sorry” when they were younger was a critical first step in developing empathy and taking ownership of wrongdoing. However, as they got older, I found that they were quick to respond but wondered if they really meant it. Asking for forgiveness allows them to pause and reflect on what actually happened. It also gives a voice to the one who was wronged. There have been times when I was asked to forgive and with an open heart I shared, “Of course, but I need a moment.” Forgiving shows unconditional love but it also validifies the feeling of disappointment and the acceptable need to calmly regroup and move on. This entry is brief…Will you forgive me?❤︎
I try to leave my kiddos notes to show them I’m thinking of them, loving them, praying for them. These notes go into lunch boxes, taped to bathroom mirrors and even hidden in suitcases. But to my surprise, I get notes too! A simple message to show they are thinking of me and it means way more than they could imagine. “Have a great day,” was secretly written on my office calendar by my eldest daughter, brightening my day and my heart immeasurably.
And I usually don’t think they’re listening to me, but they’re definitely watching.❤️
My oldest just graduated high school. The first round of questions from family, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike was, “Where are you going to college?” The second question was, “What do you want to do?” The implication is what will you study and more indirectly, what job do you want.
The reality is most 17 & 18 yr olds have no idea what they’re going to do. How many adults still don’t either?! So I’ve come to realize it’s more helpful and pleasant to ask, “What are you currently interested in?” or “What classes may spark your curiosity?” Then you make these young adults more comfortable with the next phase of their lives focused on discovering strengths, passions, and paths they never dreamed of.
And please don’t ask me what I want to do when I grow up because I’m still figuring it out!❤️
Once a teacher, always a teacher. A true educator has an innate desire to make this world a better place by teaching our children, who will be our future. I believe this mission takes a toll with never-ending responsibilities, increasing academic demands, managing behavioral and psychological challenges facing most children, and trying to appease parents, administrators and politicians alike. Yet, teachers preserve. Their purposeful work is a compass, guiding them to bring knowledge, curiosity, compassion and empathy to a younger generation. However, this is hard! Teachers are human, fallible, and exhausted. How can we help recharge their enthusiasm, rediscover their passion, and further their commitment?
Sweet Jesus, is it June Yet? by Amy J. Cattapan, helps educators find solace, motivation and inspiration through a higher purpose. Her own experience with teacher burnout is real and she honestly shares how she found peace and wisdom through the Bible. “Sometimes I think that I can only be successful if there are no thorns in my side. If the path is totally clear and I have no cause to stumble, then all will be well. However, that’s not true. Thorns grow. Stumbling blocks appear. Doors are slammed in my face. The good news is that we need not worry. God’s grace is enough to get us through it. In fact, the Lord told St. Paul that ‘power is made perfect in weakness.’ So the next time you feel discouraged because your teaching isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, remember that God’s grace will be enough to get you through it” (106).
For my fellow teachers, please remind yourself of the gift you have and the talents are you giving your students.
You are a servant leader.
Remember your purpose.
Don’t be hard on yourself.
We all make mistakes.
Take 1 day at a time.
Learn from your students.
Ask for help.
Build friendships within your school walls.
Be a voice for change.
Stay positive.
Make time for yourself!
Connect with your students.
Plant seeds that may grow in the years to come.
Trust in God.
It’s not surprising that most educators start counting down the end of the school year months before it arrives! “I wanted to endure whatever trials might come my way as an educator with a humility based on kindness and compassion, and a strength that comes from knowing who you are” (135). This will be one of the toughest jobs we’ll ever have but one of the most rewarding. And while in unison we pray, “Sweet Jesus, is it June Yet?” we’ll garner the strength, patience, wisdom and grace to continue opening new cartons of crayons, organizing bookshelves, and color-coding literacy centers, with our faith guiding the way.
When you have kids, things don’t go as planned. The sooner you realize it, the easier time you’ll have. For me, I have come to learn that my home isn’t really mine at all. It belongs to my kids! Early on, the dining room was a playroom. The office was an art center. Half the kitchen housed a toy kitchen, kid sized table, and of course, a doll highchair. Our garage became stroller then tricycle now bicycle central. Add all the balls, beach toys, snow sleds and we are lucky to get our car into it. Yet, our home functions remarkably well because we adjust our environment to the ever-changing developmental stages of our three kids. Who needs a formal dining room anyway when you practically live in your kitchen?
When we moved into our current home over 12 years ago, we were bequeathed my mother’s piano. Movers placed it into our formal living room since there really wasn’t another space for it and there it sat. Occasional interested children would bang on the keys, but the piano simply waited to be dusted. “I don’t think the kids see it enough to want to play,” I declared to my husband. “Our house isn’t that big,” he replied. Out of sight, out of mind kept replaying in my head. “Let’s move it!”
Up two stairs and into the foyer we rolled the piano (yes, my husband and I moved it, which really wasn’t the best idea but this wasn’t thought out too well). The only wall big enough for it was under the stairs directly infront of the door. By all means, this was an interior decorator’s nightmare, but I had a hunch that this old piano was going to be brought back to life! And sure enough, I was right! All three kids passed by this piano many, many times a day to get to and from their bedrooms! Randomly tapping keys turned into sitting on the bench to opening a beginner’s piano book to asking for lessons. Years later, my oldest children play beautifully, oftentimes getting lost their music. Piano has become a form of relaxation but also a way for them to entertain. Annual Christmas concerts are planned, practiced and printed out on programs. These shows have become a most anticipated tradition. I always asks for this to be my gift as having my children perform together is one of my most precious memories. Musical interests have expanded to other instruments as well. My son plays the alto sax and a little bouzouki and likes to compose his own music. He has now started to DJ. Our home is constantly filled with music, the old piano keys creating happiness all times of the day. When I think back to one of the best mom moments I’ve had, putting the piano in our foyer is one of them. Rearranging our home to create opportunities for our kids was always a priority no matter how improper the spaces looked. Plus, I never wanted to be an interior designer anyway❤︎
Take inventory…what’s on your coffee table? And by coffee table I mean the table that’s in your family room, the table in front of your TV where feet gently rest or the remote finds a home. Mine is usually stacked with magazines that want to be read, stylish hardcover books that collect dust and candles (because I do love candles!). But more recently, I cleared off the table…a clean slate. With school starting, I realized time together as a family is going to be at a premium. For our home, that means TV viewing goes down tremendously so that we can actually spend time with one another!! Hence, we don’t watch television Monday-Thursday. It’s been our rule since the kids were young simply because I was tired of arguing with them about how much they could watch (I’ll write a post about this soon!) But the coffee table is still a focal point in our family room without the TV being used. So, how could we better use it? Out came Bananagrams. Now I don’t know the real way to play Bananagrams, if there is one. We just put letter tiles out and make words. But we don’t clean them up! I found if we leave the words and letters on the table, the kids will sporadically pop over and sit to add words. Then comes another child with a parent and soon enough we are gathered by the coffee table. I then took a bowl of colorful pattern blocks and left them off to the side. Now creativity takes over and beautiful designs are created as we sit and chat together. Can your coffee table become your new family hub?
I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎
School has started and kids are back in class. I’ve been getting very reflective lately as I have a junior and sophomore in high school. I feel like time is ticking…FAST…and there are things I was to accomplish as a parent. I believe my job is to guide these unique children to become the best versions of themselves as they leave my nest. What will I do with this time?
I was watching the news this morning and the reporter was discussing the need for teachers to monitor what students are eating during the school day. And honestly I was taken aback. Teachers are given more and more and more to do within the same timeframe. They are handed all academics, moral development, socio-emotional health, socialization, conflict resolution and now nutrition. But the reason I paused was not to necessarily defend teachers, but to wake-up parents. There are 168 hours in a week. Let’s estimate your child is in school eight hours a day…that’s 40 hours per week of mandated time out of the home. The other 128 hours is up to you! And that’s powerful!!
How do you fill your child’s time? How much sleep are they getting? Who watches your child for after school care? What exercise or sports are they engaged in? What meals and snacks are fueling their bodies? Who are they hanging out with? What are they viewing on screens or listening to in music? Do you make time for Church? Are you volunteering as a family? How much time is devoted to being together? Think hard and take inventory, but without blame or excuses. Acknowledge your reality and make changes if it’s not what you envision. Small changes lead to big results so start somewhere!
So my question to all of us parents is, “What are you doing for your children with 128 hours per week?”
‘Tis the time for back-to-school shopping! Stick me in a store brimming with brightly colored markers, stacks of post-it notes, fun folders and planners galore….I’m a very happy woman. As a former elementary teacher, this time of year is filled with promise, hope, and growth. But while parents are busy purchasing items off the class supply lists, let’s remember to stuff our kids’ backpacks’ with socio-emotional essentials as well.
Starting a new grade or school can be emotionally overwhelming. There are many changes in friends, schedules and routines, new teachers and personalities, coping with homework demands, and navigating teammates. Inevitably, emotions will be running the gamut and some days will be awesome and others downright terrible. So what can we teach our kids to help manage the good and the bad? Positivity, simply having an optimistic attitude!
“Positive thinking is a mental attitude that perceives situations in a constructive way. It does not mean ignoring the negative. Rather, a positive thinker acknowledges a situation and looks at it productively.”1 Making a mental switch is not always easy, but having a positive mindset lends to resilience, self-efficacy, decreased anxiety, and more happiness. This is a skill that needs practice and parents can be great role models. For instance, your child is sad to learn that his best friend isn’t in his new class. Acknowledge his feelings of disappointment, but point out the potential benefits (having a chance to develop other friendships, discover things in common with other people, enlarging social group, planning special outings with his bf). Your positive attitude will help him reframe his initial thoughts and subsequent feelings in a more hopeful manner.
Academically, students who are positive in their abilities and when they come across challenges fare much better. “Students who were positive about math tended to be more interested in it and were also more likely to practice it, and this positive perception towards math and their abilities resulted in enhanced memory and more efficient problem-solving” (How Maintaining a Positive Outlook Can Help Us Learn). To boost memory and performance, guide your kids in attitude. If your child gets stumped on a math problem, teach her to enthusiastically say, “Bring on the challenge!” She’ll be better able to cope and solve.
So while you’re stuffing those backpacks with pencils, folders, and dry-eraser markers, don’t forget about those emotional supplies that will last a lifetime.❤︎
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Jib, tack, trapping, beam reach, turtled, wing on wing…All jargon to me, but not to my teenagers. They teach me about the world of sailing, specifically racing 420s. They become the experts, showing me the ropes or knots of this sport. They take pride in knowing more than me and I let them take ownership of explaining the complexities, navigating the rules, and making sense of watching 65 boats on a race course at sea.
When was the last time your children taught you a skill? Now, my kids teach me many things each and every day such as patience and how many loads of laundry is possible with a family of five. But I’m talking about a tangible skill or facts that may amaze you or knowledge that you once knew but seem to forget quickly these days. Think of those preschoolers who memorize all the scientific names of dinosaurs or the rapid creation of a video game using code you don’t possibly fathom by your middle schoolers. Instead of overlooking the technicalities of their knowledge, celebrate it. Have them become the experts and teach you all that they know, well at least one area at a time. Take the passenger seat and try not to interject your ideas too often. Simply enjoy watching your child take pride, develop confidence, expand their expertise, work through problems, grow trust, and see the light in their eyes as they share what they love with you.
For the next few weeks, you’ll find me harborside throughout Cape Cod, binoculars in hand, cheering on two sailors waiting for them to come ashore and explain what I was even watching. The wind is in their sails ❤︎
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It’s 4:30am on a Saturday morning, still dark and much earlier than I typically write my entries. The smell of newly lit wood is beginning to linger in the air. Today’s menu…pork butt rubbed with a blend of paprika and brown sugar, corn pudding, and cole slaw. The chef…my 15 year old son. His new hobby is cooking on a smoker and he has truly developed a talent over the last few months. From brisket to sea bass (which he caught) to ribs to cheese-stuffed jalapenos, this kid is on fire!! And our family gets to savor his new skills.
Back in February, we headed to South to visit family. My brother has become engrossed in the world of smoking food, which I had little knowledge about. But my son took a huge interest in it (do I mention he’s eating nonstop these days!) and cooked side-by-side his uncle for one week straight. Fast forward to summer vacation and my brother was visiting us up North. Knowing that a smoke-off would ensue, my parents surprised my son with a smoker (technically theirs, yet fully knowing he would take ownership).
“Experts agree that having passionate interests in life improves your effectiveness and well-being.” 1 Hobbies are healthy!2 They build self-awareness, identity, confidence, a skill-set, curiosity, problem-solving, and eventual mastery. Fostering interests build connections between parents and children as well. We give support and enthusiasm while following their lead. Encouraging kids to try new things can ignite passions and careers later in life.
What do your kids like to do in their spare time? Do you notice a natural tendency in some area? Consider activities/interests available in your area. I do hope my son continues to develop his culinary interests for a very, very long time because I don’t mind washing dishes!
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Summer has always been a convenient time to get your home cleaned up, organized, and ready for the school year ahead. Marie Kondo’s, Spark Joy, really hit home as I value and take pride in the environment I create for my family. And it’s a fact…the more organized my home is, the better our family lives. We eat better when meals are planned ahead and there’s time left to prepare them! Our mornings are less rushed when lunches are prepacked, clothes laid out, and homework completed! We talk nicer to one another when there’s less stress too! And honestly, we have time to play and simply hang out together when life is organized, which means more happiness all around.
Don’t think Kondo’s only about folding clothes into small bundles that fit much better in your drawers. This book shows you how to organize your home and the rooms you live in rooms as well as your belongings so that you are happier. Less truly is more. Get those donation bins and trash bags out and spend some time figuring out what items you really can’t live without, the ones you truly use, and the ones that just make you smile.
Let’s get started! Put these 3 places on your MUST-DO list before school starts. Give yourself a day to tackle them all or space them out over a week. Whichever method you prefer or have time for, you’ll inevitably be more organized and less stressed before school starts.
Pantry
Time for a pantry overhaul!
*Get rid of expired items, almost empty boxes, and the snacks no one likes. Find a meal center to donate unopened food items.
*Empty the entire pantry and wipe down shelves.
*Collect baskets/bins from around your home or purchase matching baskets. Donate what you don’t need! Place specific snacks and food items together in the bins for easy retrieval. We keep a large snack bin stocked with prepackaged snacks for school lunches and afterschool activities. We also keep reusable water bottles as well as reusable mini-bags so that our pantry serves as a one-stop place for our kids to pack their own lunches. Maybe rethink where you store certain items in your kitchen to improve overall daily function. Having an organized,well-stocked pantry will help make mornings run smoother and happier!
2. Mudroom
I call the place where we store backpacks, jackets, shoes, etc. our mudroom. Ours is actually in the breezeway, which is a 3 season hallway that attaches to our garage (how I dream of a fully insulated, cubby-laden space, with slate floors, oh, and a doggy shower!), but it serves the purpose quite efficiently. Some people have a laundry room that serves as a mudroom space too.
*Try on shoes and coats and donate those that don’t fit or are not worn regularly. Season-specific garments can be placed in bins outside of the mudroom to make more room.
*Have designated hooks for each child as it makes it easier for them to hang up their coats/backpacks when they have a certain spot. Use large baskets or racks to keep shoes organized and in pairs!!
*Less is more, especially here. Only have available what you’ll use over the season.
3. Homework Area
An organized homework area with school-aged children benefits everyone! Some families have desks in each child’s room while others, like us, have a common space. We have an office that is used by all 5 of us. It only had one desk, however, we had a shelf built along one wall and voila, it became a desk space that fit two stools! It serves its purpose quite well and offers a quiet getaway when someone doesn’t want to do work at the kitchen table.
*Have a desk clean-out party! It feels so good to throw away old papers, stubs of pencils, and dried-out markers.
*Take inventory of what items are needed so you can start the year prepared.
*Gather small glasses, jars or vases to store writing implements, paperclips, and mini-post-it notes. Have bins for papers or file folders to keep the paper trail/assignments/projects in order.
*Hang a calendar! Even if your child uses a personal daily planner, I can’t urge enough the importance of having a clearly visible family calendar to record meetings, events, obligations, birthdays, extra-curriculas, etc. (I should do a separate post on this!). Color code it for each family member too!
*Make sure lighting is bright! Keep a few plants for better air quality!
This may seem like a lot but some work now will give your family huge benefits each day! And these 3 areas will typically motivate you to continue organizing other rooms…like the kids’ bedrooms!! Remember, less to clean, less to tidy, less to nag about, and much more JOY!
the Essentialist Family 