Summer sweetness
Pure delightfulness
Simply delicious
Summer Sweetness
Category: essentialism
Look Me in the Eyes
I see roughly 40 students a day as a reading interventionist. As I welcome various groups into my classroom, I have a rule when they come to the door: they must make eye contact, choose a greeting, and give me a handshake, elbow pump, quick dance move or a hug. Guess what the hardest part of this routine is? Loooking me in the eyes when they say, “Good morning, Mrs. D.” Social etiquette is a skill that takes practice and midway through the school year, these kids are experts at it! They confidently wish me a “Good afternoon” as they firmly shake my hand and look me squarely in the eyes. While this takes all of 3 seconds, it’s a life skill that I hope they’ll carry with them every day when they interact with other adults. When was the last time you looked your own children lovingly into their eyes? And they back to you?
Book Takeway: The Blessings of a B-
March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎
Recent nontraditional learning instruction has parents wondering if their children are behind academically. I recently read, The Blessings of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel (author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee), and couldn’t help but remind myself that grades are not what matters most. Maybe the pandemic is making parents pause and consider what schooling is really for. “The most reliable predictors of adult success are not grades in high school or a college pedigree. They are the qualities that psychologist Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence: empathy, optimism, flexibility, a good sense of humor, the capacity to function as a team member, and a positive reaction to setbacks.” Aren’t these the characteristics we hope our children will develop? As they enter the real world on their own, what in fact will help them succeed? Our goal as parents is to guide them toward independence, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and confidence while teaching them basic life skills so they use their own unique abilities to make their mark in this world. “If you teach your child that everyday work is a gift, you encourage skills that will allow him to develop his holy potential-first as a child and student, and eventually as a parent and contributing member of the community.” Perhaps we need to refocus our parenting lens; less on academics pressures and more on life skills. Mounting data shows that today’s teens are less prepared for living on their own than generations before. This should be a wake-up call for parents that this is our fault! It is our job to prepare them! Let’s not fail our children but instead arm them to be the productive, innovative, compassionate individuals that our society needs. And maybe don’t think about grades over the next few weeks or months ..think about thier future lives.❤︎
“Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.” Raising Children According to Saint John Chrysostom
Organizing Brings Happiness and Less Complaining
I like to organize! I like to have a place for everything. My daughters have followed in my footsteps, but my son, not so much. We are heading into Lent and cleaning our home is part of our preparedness. This year, my 10yr old has been watching The Home Edit so our home is going through some major re-organization! It first started with my daughter’s room. I spent way too much on clear drawer containers so she could roll her clothes into neat, small bundles. Hours upon hours later she surfaced with a huge smile of accomplishment. She purged bags of clothes that did not fit, hammy downs that she would not wear, and trinkets that were long over due to be tossed. She gained 2 empty drawers, which she stored her hair accessories and jewelry so that the top of her dressers were free from clutter. WOW! I was amazed. Her happiness was contagious and soon we were on to tackle the kitchen pantry.
A trip to our local Home Goods shocked the cashier as she inquired what we could possibly do with all those bins! Honestly, the kitchen project took me a few days to mentally process before we began because I knew it would temporarily disrupt our daily lives. But with her enthusiasm gleaming, we jumped in. I even put a coat of glossy white paint on the shelves since it hadn’t been done in years! Together we sorted, color matched, and rearranged the most highly utilized part of our kitchen. And it is glorious! Something as simple as putting school snacks in a clear bin within easy reach makes mornings that much smoother! Moving nuts to the middle shelf within eye sight allows them to be chosen as a snack more often! Up went the pasta to the top shelf simply because I need to eat less pasta…and it worked! Who would have imagined organizing a pantry would make everyone in our home happier? Even my husband keeps saying he LOVES opening the doors as it looks pretty.
Why stop there? Kitchen drawers were my project one afternoon. My daughter tackled her bathroom closet. Then came refrigerator. Again, it’s incredible what a few clear bins can do to transform a space. We reimagined where food items could go and started with a clean slate. Veggies and fruit came out of the built-in produce drawers and we sorted them by color in the easy to reach middle of the fridge. Breads went into the drawers so they aren’t seen as easily or eaten as frequently. And guess what? We’ve been flying through our fruits and veggies simply because they are front and center. And when you sort by color, they look so nice!
Honestly, all I can say is start organizing the most used parts of your home right now! Think of your kitchen, mudroom, bedrooms, bathrooms. Take your time though…make it a month long project. Keep in mind, if you drag it on too long it won’t get done. Divide tasks, rooms and roles to make it a family affair. Plus, the more hands who contribute, the more ownership they’ll have and will aim to keep it organized along the way. And when people can find things, there’s less complaining, smoother mornings and bedtimes, less chaos, and fewer inquires of where things are. And that makes mom simple happier. ❤︎
If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎
Lauri
For inspiration check out: https://thehomeedit.com/
3 Ways to Create Calm Right This Minute!
A few years back, a mom friend popped over after school. She walked in and looked around quite suspiciously. “Is this how your home is all the time?” she wondered. I didn’t know what she meant until she said her house was not as peaceful and her kids, not as calm. So I shared my thoughts on how I create calm in the chaos of life!
1.Turn down the lights or better yet, open the shades
Imagine coming home from a busy day at school, bombarded with tests, overwhelming assignments, navigating the social world of teens, hangry, and physically and emotionally exhausted. You fling open the door to your haven of home and are blinded by glaring florescent lights turned all the way up to BRIGHT. You squint! You bend your head away from the blinding light before a headache ensues. Not a comforting way to come home.
Instead, open the door to a kitchen with the blinds opened all the way up and natural light pouring in. The high hats are dimmed a tad, producing a glowing effect that brings a smile to a warm room. Is this ambiance any harder to create in your own home? Probably not, but lighting does make a large impact on how people feel. And after a long day at school and work, your family wants to come home and feel at ease, relaxed and happy to be together. Turn the lights down a notch to create this calming effect.
2.Light a candle
Using scent is a powerful calming technique. Lavender, vanilla, and rose can instantly bring calm one first sniff. I happen to look for beach inspired scents as anything beachy brings a relaxing vibe to our home. You can also try plug-in air fresheners, dried flowers, or essential oil diffusers to fill your home with longer lasting smells. I happen to prefer candles as the flicker of light also soothes–maybe even put on the fireplace for the same effect!
3.Turn on the music
Do you like waking up to a beeping, blaring alarm blasting at a high volume? Neither do I. Talk about jarring yourself into a state of panic rather than starting your day peacefully. Walking into a home filled with soft jazz, classical music, drumming or soothing sounds of a rainfall does produce calm almost instantaneously. “Music around 60 beats per minute can cause the brain to synchronize with the beat causing alpha brainwaves (frequencies from 8 – 14 hertz or cycles per second). This alpha brainwave is what is present when we are relaxed and conscious.”1 We constantly have music playing because I visibly see how it positively effects my family. Plus, when the volume is subtle, voices get softer. I asked for a record player a few Christmases ago and even though I only have a few albums, they work wonders! We also did get Sonos speakers for the main living areas just for this reason of creating a soothing environment.
So, what are you waiting for? Create a more calming home right now in 3 easy ways! Let me know how it went….
If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎
Lauri
1https://www.unr.edu/counseling/virtual-relaxation-room/releasing-stress-through-the-power-of-music
The Importance of Seeking Challenges!
I recently gave a class of 4th graders the opportunity to take home math fact worksheets so they could improve their scores on multiplication tests. Out of 19 students, 4 raised their hands eagerly wanting the extra practice and excited to put in the work to do better. The others simply had no interest. I was shocked and honestly disappointed! You tell this educator, mom, and writer of self-improvement that you don’t want to ‘better yourself’ and you may get a lecture or two. 🙂
The math lesson was paused and I pulled up a stool to the front of the class for a heart-to-heart. I explained to these young students that there comes a time when they assume more responsibility for their own learning. This shift in ownership will determine who is going to excel. Who is going to do the extra work, read additional materials and ask more questions to expand knowledge? Where does this drive come from? It has to come from within!
Intrinsic motivation “is the drive that comes purely from within, without any ostensible external rewards. You do it because it’s inherently enjoyable, and not because of any anticipated reward, deadline, or outside pressure.” 1 It is out of joy that people are motivated and desire to fulfill the outcome, It becomes a personal mission to do something better like running faster, eating less sugar, or scoring higher on math tests. Many people use extrinsic motivation, which utilizes an external reward to encourage behavior such as toys, stickers, or even money. However, extrinsic motivation doesn’t last. There’s no real internal compass that continues to drive you when situations get tough or drag on. So how do we help kids begin to feel intrinsically motivated so that they can develop skills that will benefit them into adulthood?
Let’s MAP it out! Kids need mastery in a topic, autonomy in their learning and purpose of why they are even learning in the first place!2 Providing successful opportunities builds confidence and a platform for wanting to continue the feeling of victory. When given choices of what to learn and how to learn it, students will increase their enjoyment during the process which will allow for taking on more work or problems. Acknowledge their successes and increase awareness of how they are feeling after they accomplish their goals. What was their process? What worked for them? What did they learn? These questions place the responsibility back on themselves as they reflect on hard work, organization, and commitment to spend time on their goals.
Here are 5 ways to increase intrinsic motivation in your kids today:
- Praise their effort, not the outcome. You focused on building that Pinewood Derby car every Sunday for three weeks! You made it a priority to refine the design as you tested its speed.
- Focus on one area at a time. Make a goal of getting 95% or higher on weekly spelling tests.
- Devise a plan for your child to complete tasks on his/her own. Create a chart, calendar or checklist with activities to be done independently to help reach his/her goal.
- Explain the why! Mastering math facts on timed drills will help you solve problems faster and make more complex math easier. When you are checking out of a store, you can make sure you get the correct change back by completing the math in your head!
- Point out feelings. You tied your shoes all by yourself! How do you feel?
Developing intrinsic motivation does not happen instantaneously. It is a process, but so incredibly important for lasting success. Guide your children to look for challenges as a way to better themselves and when they see a challenge have them shout, “BRING IT ON!”
1https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-brain-and-value/202101/the-power-intrinsic-motivation
2https://www.edutopia.org/article/help-students-build-intrinsic-motivation/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953616303689
Simple Gifts for My Children: Traditions
I thought the previous blog post was going to be my last entry of simple gifts. Yet, when a cousin asked if I would make my pizzelles for Christmas Eve, I had to smile. My grandmother’s recipe for the Italian cookie has been enjoyed by family and friends since I can remember. I was gifted my own pizzelle iron when I got married, hence carrying on the tradition. And that’s when I realized I do have one more gift for my children this and every year going forward….traditions.
It’s ironic really because I wrote an article this month for a parenting newspaper. And guess what my topic was? Traditions old and new! Yet I didn’t fully think of our customs as a gift, but that’s what they truly are. Traditions are passed down from generation to generation, providing comfort, history, belonging, and simple joy. Many of the things we do each holiday may be overlooked. I use Christmas glasses from when I was a child. They come out each and every year, mostly for egg nog. We admire ornaments from years past, ones that were even pieces of my own baby mobile. I have one photo ornament since we became a family 17 years ago and they have become a visual reminder of how our children have grown. When our children started school, we made teachers a variety of cookies as a gift. Even this last weekend, my youngest inquired as to when we were having Baking Day, she enthusiastically named it. These are all simple traditions created and treasured by my family.
We bake A LOT in our home. Becoming a mother made me a cook and baker. I found such gratification in cooking homemade meals for my family. Baking has become comforting and a way to show love. We pass on the love by making recipes from grandparents (nan’s thumbprint cookies, yiayia’s butter cookies stuffed with Nutella), relatives (my aunt’s cranberry nut bread), and friends (my college roommates’ nana’s date nut bread). We’ve added many favorites of our own from peppermint bark to chocolate-dipped Oreos (notice the chocolate theme?!). But the sentiment is the same; pass on what you love through work with your hands to show others you care.
I admit I had a hundred other things to do today. However, the laundry will eventually get done, dusting the dining room can wait, and researching my next topic will be paused. Instead, I’m making a cup of tea, putting on Christmas music, and deciding to pass on decades of joy. Smiles along with tantalized tastebuds with hints of anisette are my priority. Knowing my children have generations of traditions filling their hearts, makes this gift one that will keep giving when they have families of thier own.
Wishing my Essentialist Family a very, very Merry Christmas! May your days be filled with all things essential: happiness, laughter, kindness, compassion, faith, love and traditions. Oh, and a few pizzelles would make it that more tasty.❤︎
Simple Gifts for My Children: Giving of One’s Self
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
How is it possible that Christmas decorations start lining the shelves in stores beginning in August?! Where’s the anticipation of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, pull out the decorations and start shopping for gifts in the few weeks leading up to December 25th? The overwhelming push for buying ‘stuff’ has been so off-putting. Never mind the fact that the real reason we celebrate Christmas is the birth of Jesus. That completely gets lost to commercialism. I do admit I can get caught up in purchasing presents for my own children, but I stop to remind myself that the real meaning of this holiday is giving to others. The wholehearted joy that comes from selfless giving is a wonderful gift that I can pass on to my children today and always.
Service to others was taught to me at a young age. We did not have a lot of money growing up, but when we had clothes we outgrew or furniture to replace, we always donated our items realizing that others could use them. And even when holiday gifts for my brother and I were scarce, my mother made it a priority to donate to a charity close to her heart. As I raise my own children, I have come to include them in the process of choosing who and how we open our hearts. Over the years, we have served at meal centers, put together meals in a bag, donated toys, coats and mittens, books, school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste, mattresses, made blankets, given money to animal rescue centers, wildlife refuges, and homeless shelters. We spread the word to immobilize troops of friends to support our missions so that we can do more together. Giving to our Church and our schools is essential to us as well. Establishing relationships with homebound seniors through cards, phone calls, and homemade goodies brighten all of our days. In our community, we serve our neighbors whenever we can. Maybe it’s sharing vegetables from our garden, bringing in garbage cans or shoveling a walkway for an elderly woman up the hill. Big or small, noticed or unseen, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” (Albert Einstein).
I hope my children realize they are not alone…they are part of a village of people who help whenever they can, in whatever capacity they have and receive openly in return. Life will bring good times and hardships, but no matter what each day will deliver, may they carry a giving heart because that will fill them with joy. ❤︎
Simple Gifts for My Children: Disconnecting to Reconnect
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.
This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!
Simple Gift to Myself: Dog Walks
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
It’s a mild December morning in Boston, but rainy and deary. Looking out the window I can tell it feels warmer than expected because walkers and joggers are out in my neighborhood at the dimly lit hour of 6am. While the temperature may be inviting, the dampness is not. Yet, I look at my Goldendoodle who will no doubt be looking forward to his walk today. He could care less about the state of the atmosphere. 100-degree, humid summer days or below-zero temps bringing in feet of snow. As long as he’s outside, traipsing around in fresh air, he’s a happy pup!
And I am grateful for that pure, simple joy. The feeling of just being outdoors and running or walking carelessly around. He’s right…it does feel good and refreshing! But to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for him, I’d spend the majority of chilly to cold, rainy to snowy, and hot to humid days inside! I’d bail on my walk and cool off in AC or snuggle warmly on my couch. Yet being a dog owner has given me the gift of selflessness, much like children. And giving him his daily dose of exercise has made me a pretty grateful woman, even if I don’t acknowledge it in the moment (like when the hail is pounding my face). Together, Marlton and I make our bodies stronger, hearts healthier and are simply happier after our walks. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am more fit for the day. And it doesn’t take long…20-30 minutes! How can I not make time for that?! We explore new trails, parks and neighborhoods enjoying all four seasons of our beautiful New England. I coordinate walks with friends as well to squeeze in some social time. Walking and talking does a whole body good. In a way, Marlton is keeping my friends healthy too!
They say dogs are best friends. I couldn’t agree more. He’s been an invaluable source of love and comfort as well as a playmate and entertaining member of our family for almost 7 years. He loves life and can never get enough cuddles. He has shown the kids what true responsibility for a living animal entails and is a testament to the power of unconditional love. He does give us way more than we give him, and even on the upcoming frigid winter days, I’m going to treasure our daily walks. Thank you, Marlton, for being part of our family. We are truly blessed.❤︎
Simple Gifts to Myself: Beach Walks
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
It’s a chilly but clear November afternoon on Cape Cod. Thermometer registered at 42 degrees but maybe a tad warmer in the sun. Our family just arrived for the night and while they’re settling in at the house, I head to the beach. My kids cringed when I asked if they wanted to join because it will no doubt be windy and cold. I probably would have responded the same 30 years ago, but how perception changes as one matures.
There aren’t many places in the world where I feel more at peace than when I’m on a beach. Church, yes, but in a different way. Here, the breeze rustles my hair, salt air fills my lungs, sand weighs down my feet as I trudge to the water’s edge. As I look out into the vast openness of the ocean (it’s really Nantucket Sound), I feel calm, content. I hear the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore and take deep breaths. I squint with the glare coming off the water, keeping my distance from the incoming waves, not daring to get my sneakers wet. I find a soft patch of sand and start walking. Not a soul in sight even on a glorious day such as this. But I secretly am glad no one else is here–my special time. I honestly am not thinking, not planning, not organizing in my head…simply being in the moment. I guess the beach does that to me. Grants me a state of mediation in a way. It’s rejuvenating, mind-clearing, and helps center myself. Oh how I wish I could live at the beach year round. One day, I will but for now, I take my beach walks back home through shells, driftwood and photographs. And if I close my eyes and try really, really hard, I capture this moment in time to savor within and bring peace when daily life back home just happens.
My gift to you…what’s a place that fulfills you will peace and contentment? If you can’t go there right now, picture it in your mind-how do you feel? Share your special place with us…
Simple Gifts to Myself: Books, Books, & More Books
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
Simply stated, I love to read. Under an umbrella on a beach, curled up on a window seat, snuggled warmly in bed, or waiting in a carpool line, it really doesn’t matter. I pretty much always have a book in tow. Fiction and nonfiction…I typically have both on my nightstand and alternate between a few chapters of each. While some ladies like to get their nails done or splurge at the spa (which I do enjoy), buying books is my treat. I do utilize our fabulous local library but some books I really just want to hang on to and reread. Plus, I am notorious for dog-earring pages, underlining passages, and jotting notes in the margins. I write as I read, making connections, notes to self, questions to research, topics to blog about. The thoughts are endless. Hence, buying my own copies makes much more sense.
And simply, the smell of a new book makes me smile:) A simple pleasure throughout my day. If I have a ‘free’ day or I’m exploring a new town, one of the first things I do is find a bookstore. I think so much is told about a community by their book purveyor. Local authors fill the shelves along with regional history, artisan gifts, and hopefully homemade snacks and a cup of coffee. Comfy chairs beckon perusing various books for hours on end. Soft music in the background drowns out crowded noise and I can just get lost in the world of literature.
Can I say I find myself in a bookstore often? Sadly, no. And I have one of the oldest in our country right down the street! As my kids have gotten older, I find we go there less and less as a family. But this gift I bequeath myself… making time to venture to local bookstores for no other reason than to simply enjoy the experience, to take a deep breath and savor the new pages waiting to be opened. And imagine what adventure awaits.
This past year, I started a Book Club. I reached out to Facebook friends and asked who was in. The response was gratifying and friends from different parts of my life, in different parts of the country have come together over a love of reading. We share stories, inspirational quotes and many laughs. Our meetings have turned into food-themed parties with a fondue night and a s’mores bar (thinking all things bubbly and gold for the New Year!). Book Club has become a highlight on my social calendar and reading with friends adds such fun and excitement to my usual quiet and calming reading ritual. Don’t tell me twice…I will continue reading alone and reading with Book Club, and of course, reading with my kiddos because I can never get enough. ❤︎
My gift to you…what is a tangible item that you immensely enjoy? Treat yourself to it without guilt and treasure the moment. Maybe it’s a book?!
Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?
There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.
I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.
My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎
Focus on Less, But Gain More
The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.
Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.
Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done
What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!
More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!
Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs
What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.
More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!
I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎
Gift from the Sea: Solitude
Walking along the beach is my haven in the summer months. I used to feel it was selfish to steal a quiet stroll alone. But now I have come to understand that this solitude is a gift not just to myself, but for the ones I love.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s, Gift from the Sea, honestly discusses the huge demands placed on modern American women. While she hopes that we will learn to embrace simplicity, she also reminds us of the importance of being alone. Many of us have to re-learn what it means to even be alone as years have been given to juggling school, child rearing, careers, community service, and cultivating a home. “It is a difficult lesson to learn today-to leave one’s friends and family and deliberately practice the art of solitude for an hour or a day or a week…And yet, once it is done, I find there is a quality to being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, richer, more vivid, fuller than before” (36).
Why do women especially find it hard to make time to be alone? Solitude can differ immensely from person to person both in quantity and in essence. I have created a new morning routine for myself over the past year. I’ve always been an early riser but now before I get up to accomplish my list of tasks, I deep breath for a few moments, then read my devotional. The positive affirmations shape my day, focus my mindset. In a way, I feel rejuvenated and excited to greet what is yet to come. But something so small took many, many, many years to start…why? It is the acknowledgment of the essentiality of making solitude a priority that needs to shift for mothers. No guilt. No excuses. Simply because it makes us better versions of ourselves. “Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others” (38). Now maybe that means making time for a daily workout, painting, going to yoga, gardening in your yard, walking in the woods, sipping tea before anyone else wakes up, journaling before turning off the lights for bed…find what soothes your soul. My 15-minute daily wakeup devotional is what I need, but maybe it’s one hour a day for you or one hour per week or even one weekend a year.
My husband and I have found it essential in our marriage to find time without the children. Even when he was a resident, money was scarce and we were away from family, he found a kind-hearted woman working in one of his clinics who would watch our babies one night a week for $5/hour. I recently reached out to her, 15 years later, and expressed my gratitude again as I reflected on what has helped my marriage remain strong…finding time to be alone even when life doesn’t seem to want to make that possible. Now that our kids are older, date night has come back regularly since we don’t need babysitters (what a treat in itself!). We also faithfully take a trip once a year, alone. Some years it will be a fancy vacation, while other times it’s just a weekend in the mountains or simply the kids staying over at Nana and Pa’s. With our 20-year anniversary next week, I know that our commitment to us as a couple has inevitably contributed to our happiness.
Mothers, you do not have to be walking alone among the sand dunes to find solitude; it is within reach every single day. Make a little time for only yourself, and in doing so, you are giving more to those you love.
the Essentialist Family 