Category: Family

Spring into a Time Makeover: Discovering How Much Time You Really DO Have

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Spring is a time for renewal, to refresh and start again. I chose my book club’s spring read, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam, to bring about life change to simply revive in this season. WOW! That’s all I can say…WOW! How many of us constantly complain that we don’t have enough time in the day to accomplish the things we need to nevertheless less the things we want to do? Vanderkam honestly makes readers pause, reflect and examine how we utilize our time. But here’s the warning…. You need to be utterly HONEST with yourself to get an accurate picture of how you spend your 24 hours per day, 168 hours per week. And trust me, it’s easier said than done.

Vanderkam offers a Time Management Worksheet as a useful tool to record your daily activities in 15minute increments. Sounds like a large undertaking, right? However, the time is well worth it. Think of it as a log to visually track everything you do on a typical day. She does recommend tracking for an entire week as weekends will bring on different schedules. In addition, some days will inevitably pop up atypical appointments, last minute emergencies, and sicknesses that alter your plans. I’ll be completely upfront and admit I didn’t fulfill a week’s worth of tracking but I did get much insight. What was personally most helpful, was logging my activities at the end of a month to see what changes I had in fact made…this is what I recommend!

Bottom line is that 168 Hours shows how you choose to spend your time whether working, carpooling, playing with your kids, or completing house work. It shines light on what you think matters most compared to how much time you actually spend on the most important things or people. Time can get away from us with busy lives, work and responsibilities, but 168 allows us to reexamine our lives and help us make conscious choices that better align with our goals, core competencies and happiness.

Leading a full life is what most of us aspire to. Having a happy family life, purposeful work, meaningful social connections, serving others, prioritizing faithful endeavors and making time to relax or enjoy hobbies is what we strive for. While the exact component of what defines a full life will vary from person to person, the greater idea is the same. What a time overhaul does is show you exactly where you are logging hours, wasting minutes, and underutilizing yourself. What we think we are doing may very well not be happening. For instance, volunteering has always been important to me. I selectively choose which organizations I support but when I looked at my weekly commitments, I realized they were inconsistent. Projects come and go but I don’t have a regular volunteer obligation, which I realize I enjoy…it fulfills me. So scheduling 2 hours per week to help my causes made my life more full!

Starting with a blank slate is invigorating! You are the designer of your life. You fill in the slots with what you choose to do. “You build a life where you really can have it all” (24). You decide how to spend your time doing more of the things that are fulfilling and ones you are passionate about. You choose what is not important in this season of life and make time for things and people who are. If your priority is playing more with your children, block time do that each and every day. Gracefully decline a PTO meeting that you can get the agenda to, or cancel a golf outing you are secretly dreading. If it’s not a priority, get comfortable with saying, “No!” Turn off your phone for 45 minutes so you can play board games, shoot hoops, or take a bike ride together. Make dinner the meal you get home for each night, connect through conversation, share laughs, jokes and stories. This small part of your day may immensely strengthen your bonds while fulfilling your priority to family time.

Vanderkam reminds us that we each have core competencies-things we are naturally good at. It’s most effective and satisfying when our work aligns with these competencies (This will be another blog post!). “You should do what you love and you should love what you do,” says Harvard professor Teresa Amabile (58). While that all sounds idealist, it can and should happen. Again, that may take time for some of us who aren’t living out that dream job. Yet small changes can create a job more consistent with your ideals. Really look at how much actual time is spent on job related tasks. How many employees think they work 40 hours a week, but spend closer to 30? Checking personal emails, taking coffee breaks, scheduling doctor appointments don’t count as work so be honest about your time. If you discover more time, try spending it on pursuing ways to make your current employment more fulfilling, consider alternative careers or even spend it on other time-deficient areas. The time is yours so do with it what will brings you life’s satisfaction and purposeful work. Happiness follows when we are productive, purposeful, and honestly ourselves.

I find happiness is easier to achieve when I have help with mundane, household responsibilities. I consciously remind myself of how cleaning my house creates a calm, organized environment for my children to feel safe and comfortable in. Would I rather outsource that job? Absolutely! And we have in the past. But my husband is firm in his commitment to raising self-sufficient teens and keeping rooms dusted and vacuumed, bathrooms scrubbed, and laundry folded, neatly away is his way of helping them be grateful for what they have and responsible for continual upkeep. Yet looking at how much time I still spend making doctor appointments, weeding the garden beds, and food shopping, I do wonder how I can hire others to help. Vanderkam has someone do her laundry, but I’m not sure that will work for me. However, that’s a conversation my husband and I will have as we prioritize our time and finances to reach more of the life we want.

One of the eye-opening parts of this time makeover was ‘seeing’ that we do have more time for leisurely pursuits than originally thought. Most of us want more leisure time but when it comes, we don’t know what to do or instead, just veg on the couch. Instead, this is the time to pursue the hobby you’ve been putting off, joining the knitting group, book club, taking skiing lessons, playing the cello, or training for a half-marathon. This somewhat gifted time is really important to our overall well-being so make it happen….schedule it and don’t make an excuse to get rid of it! Will it be hard to change your habit of falling onto the couch after a long day at work? Perhaps. However, you’ll be amazed at how your happiness increases when you start making time to do meaningful activities that nurture your soul.

“Broadly, figure out what hours you would like to be working, sleeping, nurturing your family and friends, and nurturing yourself” (221). Take back your 168 hours to create the life you want and deserve. No shame. No guilt. Spring into change and refresh your life, one minute at a time.

http://www.lauravanderkam.com

Book Takeway: The Read-Aloud Family

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March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎

Reading with your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.  Not only is it a way to bond and strengthen your connection, which is what we are all about at The Essentialist Family, but you are building important literacy skills in the process.

Countless studies show that reading aloud increases vocabulary, develops fluency, increases attention span, increases phonemic awareness, enriches conversations, allows for connections between other texts and real world experiences, fosters better listening skills, and creates meaningful experiences between parent and child.

I just finished reading, The Read-Aloud Family, by Sarah Mackenzie, who founded The Read Aloud Revival.  It is a MUST read!  As a teacher, reading aloud to my students was interwoven throughout our days with multiple picture books and passages of chapter books.  When my children were born, books were everywhere from Day 1.  Cuddling in the rocking chair, reading together was how we spent a good portion of our time together.  Reading at bedtime was a ritual, just like so many other families.

However, as my children got to be in upper elementary and now middle school and high school, I have to admit that reading aloud has stopped.  And it’s my fault!  They have assigned readings from school and have a stack of personal reading selections they rarely get to after homework and activities, so how could I possibly add another book to the little time they have?  Reading is suppose to be enjoyable and I didn’t want to make it a chore.

Yet, I did feel like I was denying them an important experience.  The Read-Aloud Family inspired me to not waste another moment and start reading together!  I knew I’d have a challenge enticing my tween and teens so I asked them to join me for dessert!  Out came a pile of picture books, which are never too grownup!  They can ignite imagination through illustrations, offer dialogue about various topics, and are usually short enough so that they can fit into any schedule.  I chose three word-free books: Journey, Quest, and Return by Aaron Becker.  My kids were enraptured in the pictures and each shared their interpretation of what was happening.  It took about 20 minutes to read and we all enjoyed a brownie while we chatted.  I explained that we were going to start Family Read Togethers again.  My son thanked me, my oldest asked if they’d continue getting dessert during each Read Together, and my husband said this was his new favorite family activity.  We figured out what days would realistically work for us to continue this (M,W) and also decided to start an audiobook for the car ride to school!

Sometimes we start to believe that our children are too old for certain things we use to do, like reading to them.  My heart was beaming because I was shown that tweens and teens are still children who do like being with their parents.  Spending quality time reading together was another way for us to connect…but with dessert, of course!

“Men are often called intelligent wrongly. Intelligent men are not those who are erudite in the sayings and books of the wise men of old, but those who have an intelligent soul and can discriminate between good and evil. They avoid what is sinful and harms the soul; and with deep gratitude to God they resolutely adhere by dint of practice to what is good and benefits the soul. These men alone should truly be called intelligent.” St. Anthony the Great, “On the Character of Men and on the Virtuous Life: One Hundred and Seventy Texts,” Text 1, The Philokalia: The Complete Text (Vol. 1)

Book Takeway: The Blessings of a B-

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March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎

Recent nontraditional learning instruction has parents wondering if their children are behind academically. I recently read, The Blessings of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel (author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee), and couldn’t help but remind myself that grades are not what matters most.  Maybe the pandemic is making parents pause and consider what schooling is really for.   “The most reliable predictors of adult success are not grades in high school or a college pedigree.  They are the qualities that psychologist Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence: empathy, optimism, flexibility, a good sense of humor, the capacity to function as a team member, and a positive reaction to setbacks.”  Aren’t these the characteristics we hope our children will develop?  As they enter the real world on their own, what in fact will help them succeed?  Our goal as parents is to guide them toward independence, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and confidence while teaching them basic life skills so they use their own unique abilities to make their mark in this world.  “If you teach your child that everyday work is a gift, you encourage skills that will allow him to develop his holy potential-first as a child and student, and eventually as a parent and contributing member of the community.”  Perhaps we need to refocus our parenting lens; less on academics pressures and more on life skills.  Mounting data shows that today’s teens are less prepared for living on their own than generations before.  This should be a wake-up call for parents that this is our fault!  It is our job to prepare them!  Let’s not fail our children but instead arm them to be the productive, innovative, compassionate individuals that our society needs.  And maybe don’t think about grades over the next few weeks or months ..think about thier future lives.❤︎

“Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.” Raising Children According to Saint John Chrysostom

Morning Calm

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Thoughtfulls For Kids from Live-Inspired.com

“Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like.”
― Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

School mornings can be hectic….fights for the bathroom, trying to bag healthy snacks and lunches, looking for homework that the dog may have eaten (this actually did happen in our house)…let the mayhem begin! But, you don’t have to start your day in a craze! Try these family-tested tips to make your mornings calmer and happier:

  1. Wake up with soothing music. Who enjoys having a blaring siren abruptly wake them from a sound sleep? No one! Set your alarm to a soft, soothing ringtone or play a classical song. Jazz may be the genre that makes you feel calm, so try playing it for your kids. Continue playing music while the kids make their beds, get dressed, and mosey their way to the kitchen to eat. Over time, they will register the soft, relaxing tunes with a calm, morning routine. (Read my latest post about lighting a scented candle to create more peace as well!)
  2. Set alarms earlier than needed. Alarms are a useful tool. They also decrease nagging done by parents. Teach your children to give themselves more time than they think they need to get ready in the morning. They will feel less rushed and can mentally handle the tasks at hand all in a more positive manner. Add different alarms for various tasks for instance a “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to wake up then a twinkling sound to start getting dressed followed by a chime to head downstairs for breakfast.
  3. Display a schedule. Children need and like structure. Having a bulletin board, wipe-off board or calendar in a highly visible area such as the kitchen, is a great way to let your kids know what’s on the agenda for the day. Soccer practice at 4pm…What needs to be packed? After-school daycare….pack an extra snack. Not only are they mentally prepared for the day, but they can take an active role in getting themselves ready. Make the charts interactive so they physically have to check off a completed task and are ready to go!
  4. Leave a HAPPY note. Who doesn’t like to get a surprise note as a reminder that someone is thinking of them? Take a few minutes to write your kids a special note of love, a smiley face or an inspiring quote. Stick it on the bathroom mirror, put it in their shoe, or hide it in their backpack. Positive vibes will surely follow.
  5. Take deep breaths. When things are hectic, take a moment and take a deep breath. Have your children follow suit. It will supply the brain with fresh oxygen, provide a moment to pause and allow you to move on in a less crazed manner. Ahhhhhh!
  6. Say a prayer. Before your family goes off in their own direction, take a moment to pray. Recall a prayer that’s inspirational to your family, give thanks, ask for guidance, or simply keep someone else in your thoughts. You set the tone of your home, so remain at peace yourself and calm will follow❤︎

Some mornings will no doubt be better than others. But a 100% success rate is probably not possible! Set reasonable expectations with a reasonable timeline and you’ll be happily surprised how much smoother and calmer your days begin.

Book Takeaway: Joyful, the Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness

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March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎

Slowing down, enjoying the simpler moments in our daily lives is a mission here at The Essentialist Family. I try to inspire other families to do just that! Months ago, I read Ingrid Fetell Lee’s, Joyful, The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness.  I can’t help but think if others read this, maybe they’ll notice the joy that surrounds each of us in the most basic ways.  Finding moments of joy with everyday objects can make us smile and will make long days a little brighter.    Fill your home with photos of family trips and adventures. Display those art projects from school instead of tossing or storing them in a bin. I use blue painter’s tape to stick drawings on our pantry door-instant smiles! My oldest is painting canvases in a fury so I stood them up along the wainscoting in our dining room for instant art for all to admire. As a family, we collect seas shells and rocks in the shape of hearts. We place them in glass jars, along windowsills and even on my writing desk to remind me of happy trips to different beaches. Even in a rough moment, a glance at those shells restores my peace and makes me smile.

Joy is individual-what gives me happiness, is not what brings you contentment.  Lee takes readers on a  journey of self-discovery; acknowledging joy in everyday pleasures or in the mundane.  “The problem is that without joy, we may be surviving, but we are not thriving.  If we rarely laugh or play, if we never have glimpses of magic or flashes of transcendence or bursts of celebration, then no matter how well fed and comfortable we are, we are not truly alive.”  Her Joyful Tooklit provides a step-by-step guide of joyfinding.  Couldn’t we all use a little more of joyfinding in our lives?! I’m not sure there’s a better activity to build connections with your loved ones but to discover what brings you joy together. Going on nature walks, taste-testing local ice cream, training for a 5K, serving lunch at a meal center, learning a new language, building a row boat or cooking for another family are all fun ways to discover joy. So, gather up your family and go joyfinding. ❤︎

Don’t forget to share what you discovered on Facebook at Lauri Diamantis. And kindly follow this blog for more tips of living Simply Happier❤︎

Book Takeaways: Tending the Garden of our Hearts

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“Fasting is wonderful because it tramples our sins like a dirty weed, while it cultivates and raises truth like a flower.”

-St. John Chrysostom

Last Lent, I came upon Tending the Garden of Our Hearts: Daily Lenten Meditations for Families by Elissa Bjeletich and Kristina Wenger. It became a special ritual during our 40 days to read this book together. Each week’s theme is explained along with daily scripture and Bible stories. Each chapter ends with a discussion prompt. What makes this a valuable resource is that it’s easy to incorporate it into daily life. Short Bible verses, practical ideas and thought-provoking questions draw us to pick it up! We become inspired, reflective and simply better Orthodox Christians after incorporating it into our lives. Fasting during this season allows us to focus on less material items, and give thanks for what we truly need. “Ascesis is not directed against the body but against passions, whose root is spiritual because the intellect is the first to fall to passion” (Bartholomew of Constantinople). By becoming aware of our choices and thoughts, we can train our minds to focus more on love, prayer, serving others, and less on ourselves. My husband recently commented that Lent is his favorite ‘holiday.’ It’s a time for personal reflection, to develop your own spiritual character. It’s a unique journey for each one of us as well as for our children. My hope is that you journey together with your family during this Great Lent and grow closer to one another in the process. ❤︎

Our Piano Lives in the Foyer

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When you have kids, things don’t go as planned. The sooner you realize it, the easier time you’ll have. For me, I have come to learn that my home isn’t really mine at all. It belongs to my kids! Early on, the dining room was a playroom. The office was an art center. Half the kitchen housed a toy kitchen, kid sized table, and of course, a doll highchair. Our garage became stroller then tricycle now bicycle central. Add all the balls, beach toys, snow sleds and we are lucky to get our car into it. Yet, our home functions remarkably well because we adjust our environment to the ever-changing developmental stages of our three kids. Who needs a formal dining room anyway when you practically live in your kitchen?

When we moved into our current home over 12 years ago, we were bequeathed my mother’s piano. Movers placed it into our formal living room since there really wasn’t another space for it and there it sat. Occasional interested children would bang on the keys, but the piano simply waited to be dusted. “I don’t think the kids see it enough to want to play,” I declared to my husband. “Our house isn’t that big,” he replied. Out of sight, out of mind kept replaying in my head. “Let’s move it!”

Up two stairs and into the foyer we rolled the piano (yes, my husband and I moved it, which really wasn’t the best idea but this wasn’t thought out too well). The only wall big enough for it was under the stairs directly infront of the door. By all means, this was an interior decorator’s nightmare, but I had a hunch that this old piano was going to be brought back to life! And sure enough, I was right! All three kids passed by this piano many, many times a day to get to and from their bedrooms! Randomly tapping keys turned into sitting on the bench to opening a beginner’s piano book to asking for lessons. Years later, my oldest children play beautifully, oftentimes getting lost their music. Piano has become a form of relaxation but also a way for them to entertain. Annual Christmas concerts are planned, practiced and printed out on programs. These shows have become a most anticipated tradition. I always asks for this to be my gift as having my children perform together is one of my most precious memories. Musical interests have expanded to other instruments as well. My son plays the alto sax and a little bouzouki and likes to compose his own music. He has now started to DJ. Our home is constantly filled with music, the old piano keys creating happiness all times of the day. When I think back to one of the best mom moments I’ve had, putting the piano in our foyer is one of them. Rearranging our home to create opportunities for our kids was always a priority no matter how improper the spaces looked. Plus, I never wanted to be an interior designer anyway❤︎

Organizing Brings Happiness and Less Complaining

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Our ‘after’ pantry

I like to organize! I like to have a place for everything. My daughters have followed in my footsteps, but my son, not so much. We are heading into Lent and cleaning our home is part of our preparedness. This year, my 10yr old has been watching The Home Edit so our home is going through some major re-organization! It first started with my daughter’s room. I spent way too much on clear drawer containers so she could roll her clothes into neat, small bundles. Hours upon hours later she surfaced with a huge smile of accomplishment. She purged bags of clothes that did not fit, hammy downs that she would not wear, and trinkets that were long over due to be tossed. She gained 2 empty drawers, which she stored her hair accessories and jewelry so that the top of her dressers were free from clutter. WOW! I was amazed. Her happiness was contagious and soon we were on to tackle the kitchen pantry.

A trip to our local Home Goods shocked the cashier as she inquired what we could possibly do with all those bins! Honestly, the kitchen project took me a few days to mentally process before we began because I knew it would temporarily disrupt our daily lives. But with her enthusiasm gleaming, we jumped in. I even put a coat of glossy white paint on the shelves since it hadn’t been done in years! Together we sorted, color matched, and rearranged the most highly utilized part of our kitchen. And it is glorious! Something as simple as putting school snacks in a clear bin within easy reach makes mornings that much smoother! Moving nuts to the middle shelf within eye sight allows them to be chosen as a snack more often! Up went the pasta to the top shelf simply because I need to eat less pasta…and it worked! Who would have imagined organizing a pantry would make everyone in our home happier? Even my husband keeps saying he LOVES opening the doors as it looks pretty.

Why stop there? Kitchen drawers were my project one afternoon. My daughter tackled her bathroom closet. Then came refrigerator. Again, it’s incredible what a few clear bins can do to transform a space. We reimagined where food items could go and started with a clean slate. Veggies and fruit came out of the built-in produce drawers and we sorted them by color in the easy to reach middle of the fridge. Breads went into the drawers so they aren’t seen as easily or eaten as frequently. And guess what? We’ve been flying through our fruits and veggies simply because they are front and center. And when you sort by color, they look so nice!

Honestly, all I can say is start organizing the most used parts of your home right now! Think of your kitchen, mudroom, bedrooms, bathrooms. Take your time though…make it a month long project. Keep in mind, if you drag it on too long it won’t get done. Divide tasks, rooms and roles to make it a family affair. Plus, the more hands who contribute, the more ownership they’ll have and will aim to keep it organized along the way. And when people can find things, there’s less complaining, smoother mornings and bedtimes, less chaos, and fewer inquires of where things are. And that makes mom simple happier. ❤︎

If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎

Lauri

For inspiration check out: https://thehomeedit.com/

Our ‘after’ fridge

3 Ways to Create Calm Right This Minute!

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A few years back, a mom friend popped over after school. She walked in and looked around quite suspiciously. “Is this how your home is all the time?” she wondered. I didn’t know what she meant until she said her house was not as peaceful and her kids, not as calm. So I shared my thoughts on how I create calm in the chaos of life!

1.Turn down the lights or better yet, open the shades

Imagine coming home from a busy day at school, bombarded with tests, overwhelming assignments, navigating the social world of teens, hangry, and physically and emotionally exhausted. You fling open the door to your haven of home and are blinded by glaring florescent lights turned all the way up to BRIGHT. You squint! You bend your head away from the blinding light before a headache ensues. Not a comforting way to come home.

Instead, open the door to a kitchen with the blinds opened all the way up and natural light pouring in. The high hats are dimmed a tad, producing a glowing effect that brings a smile to a warm room. Is this ambiance any harder to create in your own home? Probably not, but lighting does make a large impact on how people feel. And after a long day at school and work, your family wants to come home and feel at ease, relaxed and happy to be together. Turn the lights down a notch to create this calming effect.

2.Light a candle

Using scent is a powerful calming technique. Lavender, vanilla, and rose can instantly bring calm one first sniff. I happen to look for beach inspired scents as anything beachy brings a relaxing vibe to our home. You can also try plug-in air fresheners, dried flowers, or essential oil diffusers to fill your home with longer lasting smells. I happen to prefer candles as the flicker of light also soothes–maybe even put on the fireplace for the same effect!

3.Turn on the music

Do you like waking up to a beeping, blaring alarm blasting at a high volume? Neither do I. Talk about jarring yourself into a state of panic rather than starting your day peacefully. Walking into a home filled with soft jazz, classical music, drumming or soothing sounds of a rainfall does produce calm almost instantaneously. “Music around 60 beats per minute can cause the brain to synchronize with the beat causing alpha brainwaves (frequencies from 8 – 14 hertz or cycles per second). This alpha brainwave is what is present when we are relaxed and conscious.”1 We constantly have music playing because I visibly see how it positively effects my family. Plus, when the volume is subtle, voices get softer. I asked for a record player a few Christmases ago and even though I only have a few albums, they work wonders! We also did get Sonos speakers for the main living areas just for this reason of creating a soothing environment.

So, what are you waiting for? Create a more calming home right now in 3 easy ways! Let me know how it went….

If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎

Lauri

1https://www.unr.edu/counseling/virtual-relaxation-room/releasing-stress-through-the-power-of-music

Pick Up the Phone!

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I have a house phone so all my kids can make calls.

I spoke with one my oldest friends this morning. The conversation lasted 1 hour and 4minutes. And let me tell you…the time flew by! While this is not typical, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time catching up about our children, hearing about upcoming birthday celebrations, talking through doctor appointments, devising strategies to deal with child organization, discussing which volunteering commitments give us joy, what we ate for breakfast and when we were making time for our workout routines. While she was on speaker, I emptied the dishwasher and refilled it, did 2 loads of laundry, tidied the kitchen, walked the dog and ate breakfast. This multi-tasking morning while conversing with a dear friend was just what we both needed. Our socio-emotional well-being increased tenfold!

Then I go to wondering how often my teens pick up the phone and talk to friends? RARELY!!! And it shocks me because it’s so nice to chat with friends and I don’t mean to chat via text but actually hear their voices, listen and feel their excitement in happy moments, and verbally console when disappointment strikes. I encourage my kids to call their friends yet they hardly do. “No one does that, mom” they firmly state. But why not? They should! Aren’t we trying to raise competent, contributing citizens? Well, they will in fact need to communicate effectively with others and not just by texting! Let’s encourage our kids to pick up the phone and start calling their friends and let’s go out on a limb and add extended family members.

My 10yr old talks every single day to my mother on the phone. And not just with me urging her to dial. She asks to use my phone to call or Facetime and they can talk for 20-30 minutes strong. She has become such a great conversationalist too! Because there can be awkward moments of silence… how does she break that? You can get stuck on what to discuss…so what else can you talk about? Some topics can be boring or uncomfortable…so how do you change course? All these skills are being developed by simply taking with Nana! So, let’s hand over our phones or start encouraging our kids to press the green Call button to talk it up! Their future selves will thank us 🙂

Relax, Release

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Take a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release.

My youngest daughter has a “worry” brain. That’s how we’ve come to name her anxiety ridden thought processes that weigh her down. It has been a struggle to have her ease her worries to live in a more calm, happy state. Some days are better than others, especially as she learns strategies to help. Maturity as well as the ability to verbalize her feelings, tiggers and concerns facilitates in getting her emotions under control.

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael Singer, is my most recent read in a genre I don’t typically grab. Yet, I loved it! There’s truth of going outside your comfort zone to experience joy in unexpected ways. As I dove into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that “if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow”(61). I couldn’t help but think of my daughter. I can’t protect her from troubling situations but I can guide her in how she copes. “Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. They’re just events. You determine whether or not you’re going to be happy…if you can live this way, your heart will be so open and your Spirit will be so free, that you will soar up to the heavens (143). Simply, keep an open heart. When negativity, frustration, or disappointment arise, relax your heart and let these feelings flow freely through. Release the negativity. Try it! Because you know what? You will feel better. But it takes deliberate practice, self-awareness, and time. “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It is the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems” (10). And this is what I want to show my daughter…her mind is creating chaos. When she reframes the situation and renames her feelings, she is empowered and her outlook shifts. “That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up” (79).

7:15am. Bedside, I nudge my daughter from sleep. Eyes slowly open and then instantaneously turn red, watery, filling with tears. Not even 10 seconds have gone by since awakening. “What is it, my love?” I ask. “I have MAP testing,” she whimpers. Together, we took a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release. Out went the negative feelings. In came relief. She got up and started her day, tears drying up, a smile emerging. As Singer says, “You live in love and it feeds you and strengthens you” (57). ❤︎

Spreading Joy While Nurturing Your Soul

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“Joy is thankfulness, and when we are joyful, that is the best expression of thanks we can offer the Lord, Who delivers us from sorrow and sin.”
― Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

My posts in December were focused on simple gifts I can give my children as well as myself. My mind began tuning into the simple things I do for myself that I hadn’t realized were really important. They mostly go unseen, unnoticed except for this one….creating fresh floral arrangements. I’ve always loved flowers and gardens. I think part of that stemmed from the fact that I grew up in an apartment and wasn’t able to have a garden of my own. I yearned for one. My mother found a way of making our windowsills mini-gardens filled with potted plants. I adored helping her care for these beauties, watering and deadheading blooms. As I got older, I found that making simple bouquets of fresh flowers was a treat and a way to surround myself with colorful flowers. This gift continues today as I find any reason to create arrangements for my home. It gives me joy, pure and simple. I guess you can call it a hobby or a passion just to create something I love. I have come to gift my arrangements to friends and family for celebrations, surprises for neighbors, and to cheer up homebound seniors from our Church. It is a simple way to spread joy while nurturing my own soul in the process. With Valentine’s Day approaching, think about how your family can give happiness to others, but in a way that hones in on your strengths, interests or hobbies. What do you enjoy doing together? Crafts? Reading? Cooking? Think about curating family favorite books, tie with a bow and gift to a teacher. Put together your favorite family soup recipe with dry ingredients in a jar, and attach a recipe card to gift to a neighbor. Make a fleece-tied blanket for grandparents or elderly friends. Love chocolate? Try making your own for friends! You can add different flavors based on their preferences such as hints of coffee, peppermint or even jalapeno. Creating a gift together to pass on to people you care about will have lasting meaning for all of you. So while the majority of people are stopping at convenience stores to buy last-minute Valentine’s gifts, take time to bond with your family showing the value of using your time, talents and thoughtfulness for those you care about. And when in doubt, flowers do make people smile 🙂

Embracing Life with Heart & Soul

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January 2023. A New Year and another birthday a few days later. It’s a time for reflection, change, lists of hopes, long-term plans, redefining wants and needs, and simply finding ways for joy and fulfillment. My book club is finishing up The Untethered Soul by Micahel Singer, and one of my favorite quotes is, “Just embrace life with all of your heart and soul” (46). This will be my mantra for this coming year…keeping my heart open and joyfully welcoming opportunities, and new experiences, while letting go of past frustrations and expectations.

A tradition of my family has been to go to the beach for my birthday, even in the snow! The beach is my happy place; the sound, the smell, the feeling I get. This year it was mild so we headed up to nearby Maine to one of our all-time favorite beaches, Goose Rocks. The sugar-white sand is silky underfoot, while the emptiness of the seashore in winter is serene. Deep breaths in and even slower breaths out refocused me. Children are very perceptive, more than we tend to give them credit for. One by one, they ran and found rocks, smoothed by the ebb and flow of the waves. We like to collect ones that look like hearts. And of course, on this glorious day, we found just the right one. It’s larger than usual, rugged and jagged on one side, more rounded on the other. Smooth in some spots but rough on others. The color varies in shades of gray, and chips can be seen throughout nodding to the hard life under the ocean. Yet, its imperfections make it perfect for me. Our life as a family is not perfect, but in moments like these I want to savor for all time. The joy in my heart and soul are utterly overflowing and I can’t help but say a prayer of gratitude. I do hope, in my 46th year, I give a gift to my children. I want them to feel love, contentment, enthusiasm, and joy in life. I want them to find their own beaches, with loved ones by their sides. Happy, Happy❤︎

Goose Rocks Beach, Kennebunkport, ME

Are You Choosing to be Distracted?

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Mornings in our home are quite busy. All five of us are suppose to have morning responsibilities (jobs or chores) to make it go more smoothly as well as to not lay the burden on just one person (ME). Activities include emptying the dishwasher, loading breakfast dishes, feeding and walking the dog, spraying the kitchen counters, as well as starting a load of laundry-first come, first dibs! While they make their own breakfasts and pack lunches, the intention is that they will clean up after themselves too! Oh and I’ve started to workout in the mornings! Also, I work out of the home three days a week so getting out at a precise time is paramount. Needless to say, I can be frazzled!

This morning was no exception. I was coming up from exercising enthusiastically reminding my children of what needed to be done (or as they said, “shouting orders”). My youngest was asking me to head to her room to look at something, and I quickly replied, “Wait a sec…let me do this first.” Well, minutes later I had found 5 things to do…load laundry, fold towels, replenish napkins, put a clean bag in the trash bin, and water the plants. Sophie inquired again as to my whereabouts.

“I got distracted, sweetie, but I’m on my way.”

“You are CHOOSING to get distracted, mom.”

WAIT…WHAT??!!!!

Pause….

Hmmmmm…she’s totally on to something. But first, how did she get SO incredibly insightful at 10 years old. I’ve never use this line on my kids so she didn’t hear it from me!

Point is, she was right! Completely, utterly, 100% correct. I did chuckle because I did not HAVE to do all those things in that moment, but I CHOSE to. My enneagram 1 personality makes me like to have things promptly done and done in a certain way. It is hard for me to walk away from a task that’s not completed, even if it’s not completed in my own mind. But Sophie made me think-How many times have I chosen to be distracted and set myself up to disappoint others, not meet a deadline, or not finish what I could have?

I can honestly say I felt relived in a way when I left my mundane tasks and headed to see what my daughter wanted…proudly wearing her Girl Scout sash. My plants would not have instantaneously died, someone else would have put a clean bag in the trash bin and the towels would have stayed fluffy in the dryer. Thanks for my child, pausing in the moment to consciously decide if what I’m doing is what needs to be done, is what I’m going to work on. And reminding my kids to do the same is powerful! If they can become more aware and reflect themselves, just think about how much time, nagging and stress could be saved and how much productivity could be gained. Sounds simple enough to give a try. Oh, and those towels may stay in the dryer ALL day!

A New Year of Small Changes

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A year ago this month, I launched a non-fiction Book Club asking my Facebook friends to join me as we read James Clear’s, Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results. The response was greater than I anticipated and I think the reason is that change hits home! We all want change but it is HARD. We started the New Year with an 8-week journey into the world of making small changes in our daily lives so that we would see larger growth over time. People wanted to change many different aspects of their lives from weight loss to exercising more, from making time for self-care to volunteering more, from changing careers to entering the workforce after being home childrearing. While the types of changes varied, the sentiment was the same…we’ve been wanting to do this, and NOW is the time. But the key difference for much of the success of the people in this group was changing our mindset to making ONE SMALL change at a time. With progress and small successes, confidence and motivation grew. Big changes did occur as time went on, even after our Book Club finished the book. I, for one, started volunteering at a local inner-city Catholic school which turned into an academic interventionist position and I’m loving it! I also realized that I thoroughly enjoyed guiding a book club with questions, quotes and inspiration and started a FB community aptly titled, Simply Better Yourself. Inspiring others to think of small ways they can better themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually has been very fulfilling. Now, I’m not perfect at always taking care of myself but I think that’s what’s important about our group’s support…we aim for progress, not perfection!

With 2023 beginning, I couldn’t help but purchase my two teenagers their own copies of Atomic Habits. While my children may not always listen to what I say, I thought if they read about the importance and high success rate of making small changes in their lives, maybe they would actually try it (ie. making their beds each morning, staying on top of laundry, planning their homework/project schedule, staying fit during sports’ off-season, studying for SATs). My list could be endless for them but that’s what I want to change…taking me out of the picture as they develop more responsibility for their own future. I believe my goal is to get them ready to be on their own in this world when they leave for college. Yes, I’ll be there for them always, but I want them equipped to handle life. I do think this gift of small changes can enable them to think about ways to improve that will bring greater rewards. When you refocus challenges in manageable bits, anything seems possible.

So, when everyone else is waiting in line to join a gym, I’m lacing up my sneakers to take a walk with my family and dog, with the plan of taking part in our town’s Feaster 5 on Thanksgiving…starting small ❤︎