Family – Page 5 – the Essentialist Family

Simple Gifts for My Children: Traditions

December 22, 2022December 21, 2022Posted in essentialism, Family, Joy, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, parentingTagged family traditions, gifts for your children, simple giftsLeave a comment

My eldest daughter painted the sign as a Christmas present one year. She also found a ceramic light up tree and painted that as well since I remembered having one as a child.

I thought the previous blog post was going to be my last entry of simple gifts. Yet, when a cousin asked if I would make my pizzelles for Christmas Eve, I had to smile. My grandmother’s recipe for the Italian cookie has been enjoyed by family and friends since I can remember. I was gifted my own pizzelle iron when I got married, hence carrying on the tradition. And that’s when I realized I do have one more gift for my children this and every year going forward….traditions.

It’s ironic really because I wrote an article this month for a parenting newspaper. And guess what my topic was? Traditions old and new! Yet I didn’t fully think of our customs as a gift, but that’s what they truly are. Traditions are passed down from generation to generation, providing comfort, history, belonging, and simple joy. Many of the things we do each holiday may be overlooked. I use Christmas glasses from when I was a child. They come out each and every year, mostly for egg nog. We admire ornaments from years past, ones that were even pieces of my own baby mobile. I have one photo ornament since we became a family 17 years ago and they have become a visual reminder of how our children have grown. When our children started school, we made teachers a variety of cookies as a gift. Even this last weekend, my youngest inquired as to when we were having Baking Day, she enthusiastically named it. These are all simple traditions created and treasured by my family.

We bake A LOT in our home. Becoming a mother made me a cook and baker. I found such gratification in cooking homemade meals for my family. Baking has become comforting and a way to show love. We pass on the love by making recipes from grandparents (nan’s thumbprint cookies, yiayia’s butter cookies stuffed with Nutella), relatives (my aunt’s cranberry nut bread), and friends (my college roommates’ nana’s date nut bread). We’ve added many favorites of our own from peppermint bark to chocolate-dipped Oreos (notice the chocolate theme?!). But the sentiment is the same; pass on what you love through work with your hands to show others you care.

I admit I had a hundred other things to do today. However, the laundry will eventually get done, dusting the dining room can wait, and researching my next topic will be paused. Instead, I’m making a cup of tea, putting on Christmas music, and deciding to pass on decades of joy. Smiles along with tantalized tastebuds with hints of anisette are my priority. Knowing my children have generations of traditions filling their hearts, makes this gift one that will keep giving when they have families of thier own.

Wishing my Essentialist Family a very, very Merry Christmas! May your days be filled with all things essential: happiness, laughter, kindness, compassion, faith, love and traditions. Oh, and a few pizzelles would make it that more tasty.❤︎

Collecting books each year has become a wonderful keepsake that will be passed on.

Simple Gifts for My Children: Faith

December 19, 2022December 18, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, parentingTagged finding faith, gifts for my children, parenting in faith, simple giftsLeave a comment

❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

I was raised Catholic until I was 7yrs old. When my parents decided to divorce, my mother stopped going to Church. Without guidance, I fell away too. When I met my husband, I was thrown into the world of Greek Orthodoxy. His family’s rich and fierce faith was eye-opening. Their culture is intricately woven into their religion. Liturgies are mostly delivered in Ancient Greek. It took me years to get comfortable with the rituals, icons, chants, symbolism, and Greek written texts. Yet, there was always something so peaceful and calming about each service. When my husband, two children, and I moved away from family and started a new part of our lives in New England, one of the first places we went was Church. It was the summer of 2010, and I saw a flyer for a Bible Camp. When I walked in with a 3 and 4-year-old, not knowing a soul, I was warmly greeted and embraced. I felt welcomed in a way I never experienced. Our previous high-holiday visits to Church quickly morphed into weekly attendance. Our children loved the friendships they formed eagerly awaiting Sunday School each week. Fellowship after Liturgy allowed for learning more about our community, things to do, insight into schools, and a social network connected in faith.

As time progressed, I personally looked forward to sitting in a pew, surrounded by glorious icons, inhaling fragrant incense, and lighting a single white candle. As I paused each Sunday to ignite a flame, I prayed and thanked God for the good health, happiness, and blessings of my family. This Church was deeply part of the overall strength of my young family. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a family,” rings true in my heart. Our Church has become our village even without knowing it. As parents, we surrounded our children with like-minded families, valuing similar morals, dedicated to service, and putting God first and foremost in our lives. With this village, came peace and immense gratitude. I never knew what I was missing in life until this Church and Priest invited me in. After my third child was born, I converted to Greek Orthodox. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ll ever know. In a way, it completed me as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and teacher. It has continued to shape my journey in this world in a way I never imagined. Nor should I have assumed I had it all planned, because I know now more than ever that God’s plan for me is simply more than I ever could have dreamed.

Twelve years later, this Church, our Priest, and its members have become our family. My children have each become interwoven in this community of faith. My older two actively lead a teen youth group proudly engaging and promoting their Greek Orthodox religion. They are starting a Hellenic Club at their Catholic high school sharing their love of Orthodoxy as well as culture with their peers. They seek our social opportunities within the realm of their faith along with purpose. They give of themselves freely to serve others less fortunate. It has shaped who they have become as individuals. Their identity and belonging are rooted in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). This last gift to my children is one I had never expected. If you had asked my younger teenage self if I would belong to a Church or be an active Christian, I’d firmly say, “No.” Yet, once I became a mother, I opened my heart to possibilities, seeking answers for my blessings. The Greek Orthodox Church was my answer and is my gift to my family. It has strengthed my connection to my beloved husband which deepens our family bonds. I wholeheartedly pray my children will continue to walk with God each and every day of their lives and feel as much love and completeness as I have been blessed.

Simple Gifts for My Children: Giving of One’s Self

December 15, 2022December 16, 2022Posted in essentialism, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Joy, Parenthood, parentingTagged gifts to children, giving, serviceLeave a comment

Over the summer, my mother crocheted 125 hats for students at my school in school colors. She continues to be an example of generosity with a joyful spirit.

How is it possible that Christmas decorations start lining the shelves in stores beginning in August?! Where’s the anticipation of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, pull out the decorations and start shopping for gifts in the few weeks leading up to December 25th? The overwhelming push for buying ‘stuff’ has been so off-putting. Never mind the fact that the real reason we celebrate Christmas is the birth of Jesus. That completely gets lost to commercialism. I do admit I can get caught up in purchasing presents for my own children, but I stop to remind myself that the real meaning of this holiday is giving to others. The wholehearted joy that comes from selfless giving is a wonderful gift that I can pass on to my children today and always.

Service to others was taught to me at a young age. We did not have a lot of money growing up, but when we had clothes we outgrew or furniture to replace, we always donated our items realizing that others could use them. And even when holiday gifts for my brother and I were scarce, my mother made it a priority to donate to a charity close to her heart. As I raise my own children, I have come to include them in the process of choosing who and how we open our hearts. Over the years, we have served at meal centers, put together meals in a bag, donated toys, coats and mittens, books, school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste, mattresses, made blankets, given money to animal rescue centers, wildlife refuges, and homeless shelters. We spread the word to immobilize troops of friends to support our missions so that we can do more together. Giving to our Church and our schools is essential to us as well. Establishing relationships with homebound seniors through cards, phone calls, and homemade goodies brighten all of our days. In our community, we serve our neighbors whenever we can. Maybe it’s sharing vegetables from our garden, bringing in garbage cans or shoveling a walkway for an elderly woman up the hill. Big or small, noticed or unseen, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” (Albert Einstein).

I hope my children realize they are not alone…they are part of a village of people who help whenever they can, in whatever capacity they have and receive openly in return. Life will bring good times and hardships, but no matter what each day will deliver, may they carry a giving heart because that will fill them with joy. ❤︎

Simple Gifts to My Children: Gratitude

December 12, 2022December 6, 2022Posted in Family, Joy, parentingTagged gifts to your child, gratitude, meaningful giftsLeave a comment

“Thank you!” Two small words that are always nice to hear. We are quick to say thanks to a worker at the supermarket or wait staff at a restaurant. We pass along a wave of thanks to our crossing guard in the morning and the receptionist on the phone after scheduling an appointment. But how many times a day do you give a sincere, “Thank you” to your loved ones?

Positive reinforcement goes a long way, especially with highlighting all the good things your children do. I am showering my kids with gratitude for picking up after themselves, helping around the house without being asked, and remembering they have appointments or sport meets and being prepared accordingly. I am grateful that at this point in parenthood, they have become incredibly independent. I want them to know that I am completely proud and thankful for their help and responsibility. And to be honest, it also frees up my mental capacity to focus on other tasks because they have things under control!

And the more I say, “Thank you!” the more they do!! While they’re overall polite children, they have been acknowledging the smaller things. “Thanks, mom for driving me to Launch.” “I appreciate the gas money, mom!” (Well, gas money these days isn’t small!!) Even better, they are appreciating one another even more and verbally say it. It makes my heart full when I hear the grateful comments between siblings, strengthening the bonds that will carry them into adulthood.

During Thanksgiving, we kept a gratitude pumpkin. It sat on our kitchen table and during dinner we wrote something we were grateful for. My initial goal was to write on it every night, but reality made it only possible 3 or 4 times per week. However, that still had a positive impact. My youngest would especially love reminding us it was time to share. Being grateful for things evolved into being more aware of our surroundings such as sunlight in cold, dark New England or small acts of kindness such as turning over someone’s laundry. Or something my husband wrote that we all may take for granted, “Family to come home to.”

Gratitude is simple, free and profoundly loving. The more you share how grateful you are for the unique individuals they are and what they do to contribute to your family, the more all of those attributes will flourish. This simple Christmas gift will continue to spread joy well after the season is over.

❤︎And please know that I am very grateful for all The Essentialist Family readers. You make time to read my blog, and make comments and reach out to me. You make my hobby worthwhile and fill a special place in my heart. Truly, thank you! ~Lauri

Simple Gifts for My Children: Disconnecting to Reconnect

December 8, 2022December 2, 2022Posted in essentialism, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, parentingTagged gifts to your children, meaningful giftsLeave a comment

When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.

This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!

Simple Gifts for My Children: Asking for Forgiveness

December 5, 2022December 2, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parentingTagged gifts to your childLeave a comment

My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.

“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.

Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎

Simple Gift to Myself: Dog Walks

December 1, 2022November 29, 2022Posted in essentialism, Family, Happiness, Joy, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged dog walk, gift to selfLeave a comment

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

It’s a mild December morning in Boston, but rainy and deary. Looking out the window I can tell it feels warmer than expected because walkers and joggers are out in my neighborhood at the dimly lit hour of 6am. While the temperature may be inviting, the dampness is not. Yet, I look at my Goldendoodle who will no doubt be looking forward to his walk today. He could care less about the state of the atmosphere. 100-degree, humid summer days or below-zero temps bringing in feet of snow. As long as he’s outside, traipsing around in fresh air, he’s a happy pup!

And I am grateful for that pure, simple joy. The feeling of just being outdoors and running or walking carelessly around. He’s right…it does feel good and refreshing! But to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for him, I’d spend the majority of chilly to cold, rainy to snowy, and hot to humid days inside! I’d bail on my walk and cool off in AC or snuggle warmly on my couch. Yet being a dog owner has given me the gift of selflessness, much like children. And giving him his daily dose of exercise has made me a pretty grateful woman, even if I don’t acknowledge it in the moment (like when the hail is pounding my face). Together, Marlton and I make our bodies stronger, hearts healthier and are simply happier after our walks. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am more fit for the day. And it doesn’t take long…20-30 minutes! How can I not make time for that?! We explore new trails, parks and neighborhoods enjoying all four seasons of our beautiful New England. I coordinate walks with friends as well to squeeze in some social time. Walking and talking does a whole body good. In a way, Marlton is keeping my friends healthy too!

They say dogs are best friends. I couldn’t agree more. He’s been an invaluable source of love and comfort as well as a playmate and entertaining member of our family for almost 7 years. He loves life and can never get enough cuddles. He has shown the kids what true responsibility for a living animal entails and is a testament to the power of unconditional love. He does give us way more than we give him, and even on the upcoming frigid winter days, I’m going to treasure our daily walks. Thank you, Marlton, for being part of our family. We are truly blessed.❤︎

Bring on the Laundry!

October 31, 2022October 26, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parentingTagged kids doing laundry, mom loving laundryLeave a comment

Full disclosure….. my mother folded all this laundry. She always insists when she visits!!

I like cleaning. I like organizing. I always have. In fact, one of my first jobs was cleaning apartments when I was in high school. This does not mean my house is always the cleanest but the act of putting things in order, refreshing and decluttering brings me joy and a sense of calm. And hands down, my house runs better when it is neat and orderly. Yes, I’m a Tye A! However, I do not like doing laundry. Actually, it’s the folding part I don’t like. It’s probably because I hav to be still for a few minutes and slowly, carefully fold items. For this multi-tasking brain, that’s hard for me. A little while back, someone shared that they use folding laundry as their prayer time. I was sold…multi-tasking with a purpose! And this has helped me tremendously. Trust me, I have lots of people to pray for these days. But most recently, I read about a mom who said she stop complaining about the never ending loads of laundry when she realized no laundry meant no kids at home. She’s right! I’m not ready for that, right now. I mean I’m getting there but I don’t want an empty house at this very moment. That simple statement changed my mind-set. Truly. Now when I see the piles waiting to be folded, I thank God for my amazing husband, three incredible children, the actual clothes I am able to provide for them, the uniforms from the Catholic schools they attend, and the activities they enjoy while wearing a lot of these clothes. I am blessed and our laundry reminds me of that. Now I will mention that my kids have been doing their own laundry for years, even my 10yr old. They also clean their own sheets. However, somehow I do get to launder extraneous items found in the car or left from a game or towels that were not fully dried and now smell! But I’m not complaining… bring on the laundry!!

Parenting Long & Strong

October 27, 2022October 20, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parentingLeave a comment

Charting their own course, yet still alongside

Now that I have 2 teens off to college really soon, I realize that my job as a personhood leader (read my post Parents as Personhood Leaders) is even more important that ever! Being a teen is hard. Raising a teen is harder. It takes patience, listening, empathy, more listening, perseverance, and more patience. It doesn’t end when kids drive themselves about nor when they leave the nest. Parenting just changes. My kids are not my friends. They are my children and I, their one and only mother. No one will ever love them as much as I do and I make that abundantly clear. My actions are based on this motherly love, with all my best intentions wrapped up. This doesn’t exempt me from making parenting mistakes, but it helps us acknowledge the fact that I’m here for the long journey in life…parenting long. ❤︎

Listening is hard for me, honestly. I’m a talker and a fixer. I truly pray to be a more effective listener and pause on my opinion. I often ask my kids, “Do you want me to simply listen or offer advice?” And they have come to understand what they need in that moment–an ear, shoulder, or wisdom. Parenting strong is more complicated the older kids get. There are more delicate conversations (relationships/sex), hard choices (parties/underage drinking) to navigate, and real-life pressure (college, employment). But that doesn’t mean we parents wither away and let them take the wheel. We are still personhood leaders guiding conversations, offering support, weighing pros/cons along side them. While dialogue can be tense or minimal at times during this stage, our commitment to being there should offer reassurance that they don’t have to do it all alone…parenting strong. ❤︎

Parents as Personhood Leaders

October 24, 2022October 20, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementTagged 8 simple tools for raising great kids, Dr. Todd Cartmell, personhood leadersLeave a comment

When you think of your role as a parent, do you consider yourself a teacher, cheerleader, coach, guide, leader? On a recent flight, I read Dr. Todd Cartmell’s book, 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids. His definition of a personhood leader is, “one who people follow simply because of the way they live and interact with others…they have a spark and an integrity that attracts others and makes them want to walk along the same path” (188).

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a Personhood Leader for my kids!! I try every day to be the best version of myself I can, and I fail! But I try agin and again and aim to get better and improve in small ways. Children learn by watching, listening and doing. They watch, listen and do what we do…pure and simple. That’s a hard fact to swallow and live up to. Yet if our jobs as parents is to lead them to be good humans (with your unique version of good-read my last post!), then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk. Dr. Cartmell highlights 8 tools to help parents become personhood leaders: talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading. In time and with faith, we can all become Personhood Leaders, strengthening our family and our community.

drtodd.net

Build the Walls so the House Doesn’t Fall

October 21, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementLeave a comment

I recently started a Mother’s Ministry at my church called, Roots & Wings. My favorite parenting quote passed on to me from my mother is, “There are two gifts we bequeath our children: the first is roots, the second is wings.” I find this incredibly helpful to guide me along my parenting journey and helps me focus on what I want my children to learn, value, appreciate, and embody. One of the moms in our group asked, “How do we raise good humans?” Hmmmmm..that’s not an easy one.

On the way to this group, Maren Morris’ song, The Bones, played on the radio. The phrase, “The house don’t fall when the bones are good,” resonated with me. What makes good bones for a family? What 4 pillars are needed to make the home strong? Maybe this is tied into how we raise good humans?! We lead a powerful Mother’s group, I tell ya’!

In the Bible, the fruits of the Spirit include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues (more than 4!) are the ones I am trying to instill in my children along with developing perseverance, independence and embracing challenges. Providing opportunities to build these skills is my job. Role modeling, role playing, and surrounding our family with like-minded people reinforce these values as well. Gracefully declining events, activities, or social commitments that don’t align with our foundational principles has become easier when I think, “Will this build our family up?”

The foundation you want to build for your unique family is your own decision. Own it! Encourage it! Reinforce it by each decision you make, brick by brick! In time, the walls you create will help buffer adversity. You will build a home that strengthens the character of your children and in turn, help raise a good human.

Securing Their Hearts

October 6, 2022October 12, 2022Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementTagged essentialism, Focus on the family, Kathy Koch, start with the heartLeave a comment

I recently purchased a bunch of books from the Focus on the Family website. I find they have a fantastic list of parenting and family books. They are inspiring, practical, and quick to read…these are checks on my list!

Start with the Heart, by Kathy Koch, reminds parents of the importance of secure, unconditional love for our children. We must parent with grace, forgive quickly, walk side by side through struggles, satisfy needs not wants, create traditions and memories, be a good role model, and a reminder to raise the unique children we were given. Securing your child’s heart will “increase your influence so you’ll be able to motivate then to be responsible, brave, compassionate” (21). These sound easy but sometimes we need reminders to separate behaviors from beings. What they do is not who they are. Dr. Koch reiterates one of my life mantra’s…progress not perfection. She evens states “prioritize progress” (23) which is so true because it’s the starting of something that is the hardest (a new behavior, project, homework, chores, kind words, forgiveness).

Building character along with effort, diligence and perseverance shapes who your child becomes as an adult. Think of what kind of adult you want contributing to our world and strengthen those qualities. “Aristotle said that ‘courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others'” (54). Dr. Koch gives a slew of examples on how to redirect behavior, choosing wise words, using logical consequences and creating strategies to help develop identity and thus character.

I build my personal library with books I need to guide me through parenting. Start With the Heart proudly stands on my bookshelf, underlined, starred and dog eared.

“Find Five” gives insight to your child’s goals, hopes and dreams. But before you can guide them, you should know yourself better (119). Answer for enlightenment:

5 Things in My Lifetime I Want to…BE, DO, HAVE, HELP

What are they for you? Comment below…

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

https://www.moodypublishers.com/start-with-the-heart/

Focus on Less, But Gain More

October 3, 2022September 26, 2022Posted in essentialism, Family, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged essentialist family, focus on your family, less but more2 Comments

The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.

Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.

Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done

What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!

More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!

Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs

What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.

More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!

I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎

Stop Blaming the Child, Start Teaching the Parents

September 29, 2022October 25, 2022Posted in Family, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged parent educator, stop blaming the kids, teaching parentsLeave a comment

“My child doesn’t sit still! My child can’t focus! My child won’t eat anything I make for dinner! My child doesn’t read on grade level! My child throws tantrums! My child refuses to do chores! My child doesn’t pick up his things! My child is not appreciative! My child”….the list goes on and on. There are many, many things we feel our kids don’t do, but there are many more things that they can do. As a Parent Educator, I teach parents to stop placing the blame on their children but instead change their own mindest, expectations, routines, language and consequences. The results can be quite amazing!

It’s hard to accept responsibility when things don’t go as planned. Parenting is one of the hardest areas to acknowledge difficulties because parenting is just plain HARD! And it doesn’t always get easier the longer you do it! Finding support and encouragement is key in being the best parent you can be. Learning new techniques and strategies while seeking advice are essential in the parenting handbook. Take responsibility in the fact that you won’t know everything and won’t do everything well. Utilize resources, devote time to learning, and humbly acknowledge when you need help. This is what makes good parents great!

Stop blaming your kids for not focusing on homework. Teach them to have a snack before getting down to work, having supplies on hand, using a timer to chunk work into 15-minute increments buffered with a 5 minute break, stand while completing work, or using a fidget tool to keep fingers busy.

Stop blaming your kids for not being thoughtful. Teach them to say, “Thank you” when you serve them dinner, have them bring a neighbor’s trash cans off the street to their garage, bake a treat for a senior at your Church, write a thank you note to the crossing guard at school, leave flowers for a sibling on their nightstand.

Stop blaming your kids for watching too much TV. Teach them to shut off TV during school days and play outside, help cook dinner, build with legos, read or simply be bored!

While we can be quick to point out faults in our children, pause to see how it may be possible for you to do a better job teaching them the necessary skills so they are more adept. Teaching parents effective strategies for their parenting toolkit empowers them and their children thus strengthening their families and making life simply happier.

The Magic Of a Whisper or a Cow Bell

September 23, 2022Posted in Family, motherhood, Parenthood, parentingTagged nonverbal signals, use a soft voiceLeave a comment

How annoying is it when your kids begin to ignore you? It seems like you’re talking to yourself! Kids tune us out. It’s a fact! So what can we do to engage our kids? Whisper! Sounds silly but try to change the volume of your voice. They need to lean into you to be able to hear which means they’ll become more focused on the conversation. Try changing your tone and intonation as well. Early childhood educators are experts at this and is why they can captivate a class of 25 4year olds when reading a book aloud. They are dynamic, expressive, boisterous then subdue.

“Parents often have trouble softening their tone, because a harsh one is so effective. There are a few things to consider here. First, if you always yell, you will always need to yell. Continuing to rely upon a certain volume or tone of voice actually trains your kids to only listen when you use it. They know that you don’t mean what you say until you are yelling. Next, a “mean voice” might work in the short term, but it fails in the long run. Not only are your kids not listening or retaining, but you are wearing the relationship down.”¹ Now in the moment, our first reaction may be to use a loud voice as our emotions escalate. But we need to pause, take a breath and then respond with a quieter tone. This is modeling at its finest!

But what if you get sick of hearing yourself talk? That’s me! Time for the nonverbal signals…clapping, stomping, a chime, or cow bell…my favorite. Clap out a pattern or stomp a beat from a song…it’s amazing that kids will pause from what they’re doing and listen. They tune into the novel stimuli, which is NOT your voice! We were given a cow bell as a souvenir from an alumni event at my husband’s school. It occasionally rings in the start to dinner and not so quietly declares it’s time to go when we are in a rush. Also try incorporating a thumbs up or another family favorite…point two fingers at my eyes then point to my child indicating, “I am watching you!!”

My other go-to strategy is keeping a small wipe-off board on the kitchen island for a reminder of things that need to get done that day. It’s not a calendar but a reminder/task pad! (J: Empty wheel barrow, E: Order swim gear, S: Is your laundry basket filling up?). This stops me from nagging and gives them ownership by placing responsibility to get it done on their time frame. When they get to erase their task off the board, they feel accomplished too! Sometimes the least said is the most effective.

Check out my new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

¹https://www.familyeducation.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-the-tone-of-voice-to-use-when-disciplining-kids

https://www.theteachertoolkit.com/index.php/tool/non-verbal-signals

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: