Who are your kids’ people?

The African saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is so true and may ring even more true as they get older. My son graduated from high school a few weeks ago and had a ceremony at church honoring seniors. Our church pews were filled with people who watched our family grow and mature over the last 15 years. My husband and I observed our son greet fellow parishioners with heartfelt gratitude as they wished him well and showered him with blessings on his next phase in life.

We watched him shake hands with a man who has been his mentor as a Dj, offering business and life-advice, taking him under his wing. We saw him embrace a woman who has been his biggest cheerleader, encouraging him to continue being involved in the young adult Greek community in Boston. He hugged our priest, sharing a special moment as he has worked side-by-side on the altar serving in faith for many years.

At some point in the adolescent years, our kids listen better to others. It’s a normal part of their development and I saw how it can visibly be a positive source of support, motivation, and confidence building. These adults inevitably helped shape his course in life, helped mold his identity, and were vital in his maturing into the young man he has become. It does make you, as parents, realize just how essential it is to surround your children with people you respect, admire, and trust. It is these people your teens and young adults will emulate…know these people, believe in these people, love these people for they will do the same for your children.❤︎

Siblings stepping up to serve as examples to one another

This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!
After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!

Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?

“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.

So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.

Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!

Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎

Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!

Encourage your children to inspire one another with…

  • completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
  • preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
  • starting homework after a snack or practice
  • keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
  • setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
  • choosing a nicer outfit for church
  • picking up the phone to call a grandparent

**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com

Fear not with love

“There is no fear in love.” -John 4:18

What a comforting thought for our children… where there is love, there can not be fear. When we raise our children with unconditional love, they learn to conquer worries, face tribulations, and solve problems all while remaining confident of our support. Yes, at times, we may get angry or disapprove of their decisions, but we still love them. And it is this simple love that carries them through the good and bad, the hurt and sorrow, the scary and painful.

Love is a verb

Husband & youngest daughter spending time together

This past Sunday at Church, our Deacon enlightened the children that love is a verb. Think about that for a minute…love is an action; it’s something you do, say, show. I couldn’t help but think what an important reminder for adults too. Imagine if we all showed affection more often, spoke kind words more than others, and did small acts of lovingkindness throughout our days. Treating love as an action to our children will encourage them to reciprocate it not only to the family but to those all around. Now that’s something to pass on…❤︎

5 Ways to Show Love to Your Kids

  • leave “Just Because I Love You” notes in lunchboxes, in sport bags, on bathroom mirrors, on pillows
  • give a hug & kiss, cuddle up, walk arm-in-arm,
  • say, “I love you!” “You mean SO much to me!” “I’m very lucky to have you!”
  • make their favorite meal, snack or dessert
  • plan one-on-one time together (neighborhood walk, bike ride, trip to the mall, ice cream outing, board game)

Worrying a little less

Rome, Italy

“Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” -Matthew 6:34

The phone rang in the early morning. Our daughter was studying in Rome and had fallen. She was being taken to the hospital. Ironically, my husband and I were planning to visit her that weekend so we headed to the airport unsure what we were flying into. Various scenarios played in my head; does she have surgery in Rome, do we fly her home, can she finish her semester? My steadfast, rational husband kept assuring me not to worry until we knew exactly what we were dealing with. Turns out, our daughter did need to have surgery back in the States and would not be able to finish her semester abroad. Her peace and positivity throughout this ordeal were admirable. Even in pain, she was able to make reasoned decisions, not lamenting over experiences lost, but appreciating the time she did have and focusing on what was in her control at each moment. She didn’t spend extra energy worrying about what could potentially happen next yet instead put her effort into the now.

It’s comforting to look at our growing children as they make important life lessons while showing their strength of character, all while worrying a little less.

Do you want me to listen or give advice?

3 swans in Nantucket Sound

I like to talk things out. I’m an advice-giver. I am a problem-solver. I seek solutions. But sometimes my kids don’t appreciate these qualities. And they are exactly right! While these characteristics can be good, they are not always helpful. Raising teens is a whole new ball game in parenting. My role and strategies have evolved in this season of childrearing. One of the best tips I received was when my kids come to me about a troubling issue I ask, “Do you want me to listen or give advice?” This has worked wonders! In the past, I would tend to offer advice, since that’s my personality, and a teen would stomp off in frustration because that was not what she was looking for. While she didn’t know exactly what she wanted, it was not necessarily a cure. Listening has wound up being more helpful and what they need in many difficult situations. I undermined their coping skills by trying to fix the problems with my own perspective and my own solutions. I am not surprised to discover that they have amazing foresight, conflict resolution skills and simply good heads on their shoulders. What I find is they need an unbiased ear to listen, an unconditional hug to soothe, and a simple smile to assure them I’m always here. Sometimes my best advice is none at all.❤︎

The Love Langauge of After-School Snacks

Yummy banana apple bread

I recently took a pause from working out of the home and am back home-momming, as my kids call it. And do you know one of the first things they got excited about? After-school snacks! Unbeknownst to me, I hadn’t really planned ahead for food when we all got home in the afternoon. It was a free-for-all of grabbing something from the fridge or pantry. But I never thought too much about it because life at 3:30pm was a craze and survival mode said, “all left to their own food choices.” Apparently, my kids didn’t appreciate this. They had most looked forward to a homemade treat. I realized that while they did like creative alternatives to the bag of Smartfood or apple and peanut butter, it was more about the time we spent talking while eating the snack together. The grab-and-go option wasn’t as fulfilling emotionally since it didn’t make us slow down together and debrief about our days. Now that I’m home-momming 2.0, I can’t help but exercise my baking skills more often. It’s not the homemade options necessarily that show love, it’s the time and effort I make for a few moments in the afternoon, sitting at our kitchen island sharing, laughing, and comforting. However, homemade banana apple muffins warm out of the oven never hurt (see recipe below). ❤︎

I made 1 dozen muffins then used remaining batter for a bread
Here’s the recipe from the Sept 2024 Costco Connection magazine
(Instead of 2 bananas, I substituted one with apple sauce; I used whole what flour instead of all-purpose; I replaced 3 cups of apples with 3 whole apples.)

Family Style Anniversary

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

I’ve been married 22 years; together 30. Our anniversaries have become family celebrations simply because our marriage gave us a family. Typically, our kids make us dinner. They take such pride in spending time planning, setting a pretty table and cooking together to surprise us. We don’t exchange gifts, but sit around a table filled with love and laughter and simply count our blessings…the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for. ❤︎

Surprise notes… from my kids!

What goes around comes around!

I try to leave my kiddos notes to show them I’m thinking of them, loving them, praying for them. These notes go into lunch boxes, taped to bathroom mirrors and even hidden in suitcases. But to my surprise, I get notes too! A simple message to show they are thinking of me and it means way more than they could imagine. “Have a great day,” was secretly written on my office calendar by my eldest daughter, brightening my day and my heart immeasurably.

And I usually don’t think they’re listening to me, but they’re definitely watching.❤️

Summer Adventures Strengthen Families

Summer beckons bucket lists of activities that get pushed aside during the busy school year. It’s a time to plan adventures near and far to simply spend time together. Backyard adventures could be making different types of s’mores (PBcups are my favorite) to constructing a zip line to turning on the sprinklers on a hot day and running through them.

Local adventures turn into visiting as many ice cream shops in a 20 mile radius, keeping a running list of local trails hiked or taking a guided history tour in your own town.

A pillar of strong families is spending quality time together.

Get curious together &

Adventure On…

Exploring newly discovered, Spohr Garden in nearby Falmouth, Ma

The sweetness of a cookie jar

One of my most beloved heirlooms is my mother’s Fanny Farmer cookbook! My go-to, never disappoint assortment of recipes sure to delight all! Summer vacation allows time to get back to baking much more frequently than the school year. Out comes our cookie jar and smiles abound knowing that a sweet treat awaits.

Today’s recipe: Cape Cod Oatmeal Cookies! Yum! What makes them different… molasses! It’s totally worth buying a container even though you don’t use much. These may quickly replace your traditional oatmeal cookie forever!

Cape Cod Oatmeal Cookies

Preheat oven 350

Sift:

1 1/2c flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp salt

Stir in:

1 beaten egg

1c sugar

1/2c melted butter

1tbs molasses

1/4c whole milk

1 3/4c oatmeal

1c raisins and/or walnuts

Place on greased cookie sheet by teaspoonfuls and bake until edges are lightly brown (approx 12 mins).

Now you can fill that cookie jar and watch the smiles grow. Enjoy!

Pulling the weeds

Several summers ago I herniated a disc in my back doing what I love… gardening. Since then, the joy of tending to my flowers ceased. The pain radiating down my leg turned off my desire to garden for a very long time. I watched as weeds overtook beds that I had carefully maintained, curated for years. I hired someone to weed a few times a season but it was not the same as my daily love of the flowers that brought much happiness. It was easier to not look at my yard, not spend time there, disregard it.

That changed this summer and I can’t tell you why. A stirring in me perhaps to move forward, yet back to what I love but have put to the side. It’s been hard, sweat-filled, dirt-covered work and I loved every minute. Yes, I garden differently now, carefully bending with my legs, short bursts of time, not feeling the pressure to do it all at once. Instead, I’ve started the regrowth of my garden, slowly, removing weeds one by one. It’s beginning to flourish right before my grateful eyes. Maybe I’m reblooming too.

Daily Thanksgiving

“Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy.” 57

What a simple gift to give ourselves and our children: the power of giving thanks. With continual thanksgiving, joy flows, worries lessen, internal peace comforts. Feel joy, share joy, give thanks.

Surrounded by Scripture

I recently discovered artist and inspirational author, Emily Lex. My mother let me borrow her copy of Emily’s book, Freely and Lightly. I read it in a few days, not wanting to put it down, soaking up all the honest feelings, reflections, wisdom, and heart. Her choice of Scriptures resonated with me along with the simple, everyday objects she paints. I ordered her simple and beautiful everyday Truth for Today cards and display them around our home for my family to read, remember, and reflect on. Their honest beauty of words and art fill our home with His presence even in the most unexpected places.

As you can imagine, I bought my own copy of Freely and Lightly!

*Check out Emily’s site to add inspiration to your days.

https://emilylex.com/