These rules hang in our home as a reminder of how we want to be as a family.
Our family is a team! We work together, help one another, challenge, support, coach, comfort and want to be the best we can be.
Our team mindset considers our family as a collective unit, shaping our decisions, plans, words, and actions. Doing household chores becomes working together to make our home the place we love. Helping unload groceries becomes many hands make light work. Reminders are simply, “Come help!” Because that’s what teammates do!
We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and our team is strengthened by this commitment to one another. So celebrate your one and only amazing family and have fun together… Go f💜mily!
My oldest just graduated high school. The first round of questions from family, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike was, “Where are you going to college?” The second question was, “What do you want to do?” The implication is what will you study and more indirectly, what job do you want.
The reality is most 17 & 18 yr olds have no idea what they’re going to do. How many adults still don’t either?! So I’ve come to realize it’s more helpful and pleasant to ask, “What are you currently interested in?” or “What classes may spark your curiosity?” Then you make these young adults more comfortable with the next phase of their lives focused on discovering strengths, passions, and paths they never dreamed of.
And please don’t ask me what I want to do when I grow up because I’m still figuring it out!❤️
My youngest recently told me I’m a “fun mom!” When I inquired what makes me fun, she said because I play!! That’s what our kids want and need from us… connection, sincere interest, engagement. Like all mothers, it seems I always have a list of things to do, but her soft voice echos in my head to make sure I leave time to play.❤️
My dad has Alzheimer’s. For those of you who love someone suffering from this terrible disease, you understand how sad it is. He hasn’t known me or his grandchildren for years yet times I get a glimpse of familiarity; his hug a little tighter, his smile a tad broader. In my last visit to the facility he’s in I brought my dog. My dad loved Marlton and when he saw him, his eyes twinkled and he chuckled. Did he really remember my dog? I’ll never know. But what my heart feels is that Marlton brought my dad a moment of happiness and unconditional love and that’s all I can hope for these days. 💜
I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎
We were away with another family when their daughter saw my two hugging and shockingly exclaimed, “You two hug?” Mine looked at one another surprisingly and replied, “Yeah!” I guess I take for granted that we’re an affectionate family. Brother hugs his sisters without prompting! Dad hugs both his son and daughters to show his love. We cuddle with our dog, curl up to next to one another while watching movies and my husband and I stroll hand in hand.
I actually felt sad my friend’s daughter doesn’t randomly hug her own brothers. No doubt they love each other but sometimes there’s nothing like a warm embrace from those you care most about.❤️
For several years now, my children have ventured to a one week, religious sleepaway camp on a serene lake in New Hampshire. Days are filled with traditional camp games, bond fires, chatting between bunkbeds, swimming, and making new friends. But they also spend lots of time in a quaint tiny Church beside the lake attending services, reading the Bible, praying, and journaling their thoughts about life as well as their personal relationship with God. My kids LOVE their week at camp. It invigorates their faith, renews the importance of alone time with God, connects Greek Orthodox youth, and simply delights their souls. Sign me up!
March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎
Reading with your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. Not only is it a way to bond and strengthen your connection, which is what we are all about at The Essentialist Family, but you are building important literacy skills in the process.
Countless studies show that reading aloud increases vocabulary, develops fluency, increases attention span, increases phonemic awareness, enriches conversations, allows for connections between other texts and real world experiences, fosters better listening skills, and creates meaningful experiences between parent and child.
I just finished reading, The Read-Aloud Family, by Sarah Mackenzie, who founded The Read Aloud Revival. It is a MUST read! As a teacher, reading aloud to my students was interwoven throughout our days with multiple picture books and passages of chapter books. When my children were born, books were everywhere from Day 1. Cuddling in the rocking chair, reading together was how we spent a good portion of our time together. Reading at bedtime was a ritual, just like so many other families.
However, as my children got to be in upper elementary and now middle school and high school, I have to admit that reading aloud has stopped. And it’s my fault! They have assigned readings from school and have a stack of personal reading selections they rarely get to after homework and activities, so how could I possibly add another book to the little time they have? Reading is suppose to be enjoyable and I didn’t want to make it a chore.
Yet, I did feel like I was denying them an important experience. The Read-Aloud Family inspired me to not waste another moment and start reading together! I knew I’d have a challenge enticing my tween and teens so I asked them to join me for dessert! Out came a pile of picture books, which are never too grownup! They can ignite imagination through illustrations, offer dialogue about various topics, and are usually short enough so that they can fit into any schedule. I chose three word-free books: Journey, Quest, and Return by Aaron Becker. My kids were enraptured in the pictures and each shared their interpretation of what was happening. It took about 20 minutes to read and we all enjoyed a brownie while we chatted. I explained that we were going to start Family Read Togethers again. My son thanked me, my oldest asked if they’d continue getting dessert during each Read Together, and my husband said this was his new favorite family activity. We figured out what days would realistically work for us to continue this (M,W) and also decided to start an audiobook for the car ride to school!
Sometimes we start to believe that our children are too old for certain things we use to do, like reading to them. My heart was beaming because I was shown that tweens and teens are still children who do like being with their parents. Spending quality time reading together was another way for us to connect…but with dessert, of course!
“Men are often called intelligent wrongly. Intelligent men are not those who are erudite in the sayings and books of the wise men of old, but those who have an intelligent soul and can discriminate between good and evil. They avoid what is sinful and harms the soul; and with deep gratitude to God they resolutely adhere by dint of practice to what is good and benefits the soul. These men alone should truly be called intelligent.” St. Anthony the Great, “On the Character of Men and on the Virtuous Life: One Hundred and Seventy Texts,” Text 1,The Philokalia: The Complete Text (Vol. 1)
March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎
Recent nontraditional learning instruction has parents wondering if their children are behind academically. I recently read, The Blessings of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel (author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee), and couldn’t help but remind myself that grades are not what matters most. Maybe the pandemic is making parents pause and consider what schooling is really for. “The most reliable predictors of adult success are not grades in high school or a college pedigree. They are the qualities that psychologist Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence: empathy, optimism, flexibility, a good sense of humor, the capacity to function as a team member, and a positive reaction to setbacks.” Aren’t these the characteristics we hope our children will develop? As they enter the real world on their own, what in fact will help them succeed? Our goal as parents is to guide them toward independence, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and confidence while teaching them basic life skills so they use their own unique abilities to make their mark in this world. “If you teach your child that everyday work is a gift, you encourage skills that will allow him to develop his holy potential-first as a child and student, and eventually as a parent and contributing member of the community.” Perhaps we need to refocus our parenting lens; less on academics pressures and more on life skills. Mounting data shows that today’s teens are less prepared for living on their own than generations before. This should be a wake-up call for parents that this is our fault! It is our job to prepare them! Let’s not fail our children but instead arm them to be the productive, innovative, compassionate individuals that our society needs. And maybe don’t think about grades over the next few weeks or months ..think about thier future lives.❤︎
“Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.” Raising Children According to Saint John Chrysostom
School mornings can be hectic….fights for the bathroom, trying to bag healthy snacks and lunches, looking for homework that the dog may have eaten (this actually did happen in our house)…let the mayhem begin! But, you don’t have to start your day in a craze! Try these family-tested tips to make your mornings calmer and happier:
Wake up with soothing music. Who enjoys having a blaring siren abruptly wake them from a sound sleep? No one! Set your alarm to a soft, soothing ringtone or play a classical song. Jazz may be the genre that makes you feel calm, so try playing it for your kids. Continue playing music while the kids make their beds, get dressed, and mosey their way to the kitchen to eat. Over time, they will register the soft, relaxing tunes with a calm, morning routine. (Read my latest post about lighting a scented candle to create more peace as well!)
Set alarms earlier than needed. Alarms are a useful tool. They also decrease nagging done by parents. Teach your children to give themselves more time than they think they need to get ready in the morning. They will feel less rushed and can mentally handle the tasks at hand all in a more positive manner. Add different alarms for various tasks for instance a “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to wake up then a twinkling sound to start getting dressed followed by a chime to head downstairs for breakfast.
Display a schedule. Children need and like structure. Having a bulletin board, wipe-off board or calendar in a highly visible area such as the kitchen, is a great way to let your kids know what’s on the agenda for the day. Soccer practice at 4pm…What needs to be packed? After-school daycare….pack an extra snack. Not only are they mentally prepared for the day, but they can take an active role in getting themselves ready. Make the charts interactive so they physically have to check off a completed task and are ready to go!
Leave a HAPPY note. Who doesn’t like to get a surprise note as a reminder that someone is thinking of them? Take a few minutes to write your kids a special note of love, a smiley face or an inspiring quote. Stick it on the bathroom mirror, put it in their shoe, or hide it in their backpack. Positive vibes will surely follow.
Take deep breaths. When things are hectic, take a moment and take a deep breath. Have your children follow suit. It will supply the brain with fresh oxygen, provide a moment to pause and allow you to move on in a less crazed manner. Ahhhhhh!
Say a prayer. Before your family goes off in their own direction, take a moment to pray. Recall a prayer that’s inspirational to your family, give thanks, ask for guidance, or simply keep someone else in your thoughts. You set the tone of your home, so remain at peace yourself and calm will follow❤︎
Some mornings will no doubt be better than others. But a 100% success rate is probably not possible! Set reasonable expectations with a reasonable timeline and you’ll be happily surprised how much smoother and calmer your days begin.
“Fasting is wonderful because it tramples our sins like a dirty weed, while it cultivates and raises truth like a flower.”
-St. John Chrysostom
Last Lent, I came upon Tending the Garden of Our Hearts: Daily Lenten Meditations for Families by Elissa Bjeletich and Kristina Wenger. It became a special ritual during our 40 days to read this book together. Each week’s theme is explained along with daily scripture and Bible stories. Each chapter ends with a discussion prompt. What makes this a valuable resource is that it’s easy to incorporate it into daily life. Short Bible verses, practical ideas and thought-provoking questions draw us to pick it up! We become inspired, reflective and simply better Orthodox Christians after incorporating it into our lives. Fasting during this season allows us to focus on less material items, and give thanks for what we truly need. “Ascesis is not directed against the body but against passions, whose root is spiritual because the intellect is the first to fall to passion” (Bartholomew of Constantinople). By becoming aware of our choices and thoughts, we can train our minds to focus more on love, prayer, serving others, and less on ourselves. My husband recently commented that Lent is his favorite ‘holiday.’ It’s a time for personal reflection, to develop your own spiritual character. It’s a unique journey for each one of us as well as for our children. My hope is that you journey together with your family during this Great Lent and grow closer to one another in the process. ❤︎
I like to organize! I like to have a place for everything. My daughters have followed in my footsteps, but my son, not so much. We are heading into Lent and cleaning our home is part of our preparedness. This year, my 10yr old has been watching The Home Edit so our home is going through some major re-organization! It first started with my daughter’s room. I spent way too much on clear drawer containers so she could roll her clothes into neat, small bundles. Hours upon hours later she surfaced with a huge smile of accomplishment. She purged bags of clothes that did not fit, hammy downs that she would not wear, and trinkets that were long over due to be tossed. She gained 2 empty drawers, which she stored her hair accessories and jewelry so that the top of her dressers were free from clutter. WOW! I was amazed. Her happiness was contagious and soon we were on to tackle the kitchen pantry.
A trip to our local Home Goods shocked the cashier as she inquired what we could possibly do with all those bins! Honestly, the kitchen project took me a few days to mentally process before we began because I knew it would temporarily disrupt our daily lives. But with her enthusiasm gleaming, we jumped in. I even put a coat of glossy white paint on the shelves since it hadn’t been done in years! Together we sorted, color matched, and rearranged the most highly utilized part of our kitchen. And it is glorious! Something as simple as putting school snacks in a clear bin within easy reach makes mornings that much smoother! Moving nuts to the middle shelf within eye sight allows them to be chosen as a snack more often! Up went the pasta to the top shelf simply because I need to eat less pasta…and it worked! Who would have imagined organizing a pantry would make everyone in our home happier? Even my husband keeps saying he LOVES opening the doors as it looks pretty.
Why stop there? Kitchen drawers were my project one afternoon. My daughter tackled her bathroom closet. Then came refrigerator. Again, it’s incredible what a few clear bins can do to transform a space. We reimagined where food items could go and started with a clean slate. Veggies and fruit came out of the built-in produce drawers and we sorted them by color in the easy to reach middle of the fridge. Breads went into the drawers so they aren’t seen as easily or eaten as frequently. And guess what? We’ve been flying through our fruits and veggies simply because they are front and center. And when you sort by color, they look so nice!
Honestly, all I can say is start organizing the most used parts of your home right now! Think of your kitchen, mudroom, bedrooms, bathrooms. Take your time though…make it a month long project. Keep in mind, if you drag it on too long it won’t get done. Divide tasks, rooms and roles to make it a family affair. Plus, the more hands who contribute, the more ownership they’ll have and will aim to keep it organized along the way. And when people can find things, there’s less complaining, smoother mornings and bedtimes, less chaos, and fewer inquires of where things are. And that makes mom simple happier. ❤︎
If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
I was raised Catholic until I was 7yrs old. When my parents decided to divorce, my mother stopped going to Church. Without guidance, I fell away too. When I met my husband, I was thrown into the world of Greek Orthodoxy. His family’s rich and fierce faith was eye-opening. Their culture is intricately woven into their religion. Liturgies are mostly delivered in Ancient Greek. It took me years to get comfortable with the rituals, icons, chants, symbolism, and Greek written texts. Yet, there was always something so peaceful and calming about each service. When my husband, two children, and I moved away from family and started a new part of our lives in New England, one of the first places we went was Church. It was the summer of 2010, and I saw a flyer for a Bible Camp. When I walked in with a 3 and 4-year-old, not knowing a soul, I was warmly greeted and embraced. I felt welcomed in a way I never experienced. Our previous high-holiday visits to Church quickly morphed into weekly attendance. Our children loved the friendships they formed eagerly awaiting Sunday School each week. Fellowship after Liturgy allowed for learning more about our community, things to do, insight into schools, and a social network connected in faith.
As time progressed, I personally looked forward to sitting in a pew, surrounded by glorious icons, inhaling fragrant incense, and lighting a single white candle. As I paused each Sunday to ignite a flame, I prayed and thanked God for the good health, happiness, and blessings of my family. This Church was deeply part of the overall strength of my young family. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a family,” rings true in my heart. Our Church has become our village even without knowing it. As parents, we surrounded our children with like-minded families, valuing similar morals, dedicated to service, and putting God first and foremost in our lives. With this village, came peace and immense gratitude. I never knew what I was missing in life until this Church and Priest invited me in. After my third child was born, I converted to Greek Orthodox. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ll ever know. In a way, it completed me as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and teacher. It has continued to shape my journey in this world in a way I never imagined. Nor should I have assumed I had it all planned, because I know now more than ever that God’s plan for me is simply more than I ever could have dreamed.
Twelve years later, this Church, our Priest, and its members have become our family. My children have each become interwoven in this community of faith. My older two actively lead a teen youth group proudly engaging and promoting their Greek Orthodox religion. They are starting a Hellenic Club at their Catholic high school sharing their love of Orthodoxy as well as culture with their peers. They seek our social opportunities within the realm of their faith along with purpose. They give of themselves freely to serve others less fortunate. It has shaped who they have become as individuals. Their identity and belonging are rooted in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). This last gift to my children is one I had never expected. If you had asked my younger teenage self if I would belong to a Church or be an active Christian, I’d firmly say, “No.” Yet, once I became a mother, I opened my heart to possibilities, seeking answers for my blessings. The Greek Orthodox Church was my answer and is my gift to my family. It has strengthed my connection to my beloved husband which deepens our family bonds. I wholeheartedly pray my children will continue to walk with God each and every day of their lives and feel as much love and completeness as I have been blessed.
the Essentialist Family 