Category: Greek Orthodox Parenting

Simple Gifts for My Children: Giving of One’s Self

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

Over the summer, my mother crocheted 125 hats for students at my school in school colors. She continues to be an example of generosity with a joyful spirit.

How is it possible that Christmas decorations start lining the shelves in stores beginning in August?! Where’s the anticipation of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, pull out the decorations and start shopping for gifts in the few weeks leading up to December 25th? The overwhelming push for buying ‘stuff’ has been so off-putting. Never mind the fact that the real reason we celebrate Christmas is the birth of Jesus. That completely gets lost to commercialism. I do admit I can get caught up in purchasing presents for my own children, but I stop to remind myself that the real meaning of this holiday is giving to others. The wholehearted joy that comes from selfless giving is a wonderful gift that I can pass on to my children today and always.

Service to others was taught to me at a young age. We did not have a lot of money growing up, but when we had clothes we outgrew or furniture to replace, we always donated our items realizing that others could use them. And even when holiday gifts for my brother and I were scarce, my mother made it a priority to donate to a charity close to her heart. As I raise my own children, I have come to include them in the process of choosing who and how we open our hearts. Over the years, we have served at meal centers, put together meals in a bag, donated toys, coats and mittens, books, school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste, mattresses, made blankets, given money to animal rescue centers, wildlife refuges, and homeless shelters. We spread the word to immobilize troops of friends to support our missions so that we can do more together. Giving to our Church and our schools is essential to us as well. Establishing relationships with homebound seniors through cards, phone calls, and homemade goodies brighten all of our days. In our community, we serve our neighbors whenever we can. Maybe it’s sharing vegetables from our garden, bringing in garbage cans or shoveling a walkway for an elderly woman up the hill. Big or small, noticed or unseen, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” (Albert Einstein).

I hope my children realize they are not alone…they are part of a village of people who help whenever they can, in whatever capacity they have and receive openly in return. Life will bring good times and hardships, but no matter what each day will deliver, may they carry a giving heart because that will fill them with joy. ❤︎

Simple Gifts for My Children: Disconnecting to Reconnect

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.

This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!

Simple Gifts for My Children: Asking for Forgiveness

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.

“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.

Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎

Simple Gifts to Myself: A Mother’s Ministry

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A few months ago, it dawned on me that I really don’t have young children anymore. My youngest turned 10 so now I have a tween and two teens. I work with younger children so I still feel ‘in it’ but wondered how I could offer support to younger moms now that I’m transitioning to new worlds of parenting myself. I decided to start a kind of Mommy and Me playgroup at our church called, Roots & Wings (If you read an earlier post, you won’t be too surprised about this name!). What happened was ironic…a Mom’s playgroup turned into a Mother’s support group. Turns out many other women are seeking advice, encouragement, new ideas, reassurance, and inspiration in all phases of motherhood. We have one young mom with a 3-month-old who is navigating a sleep schedule and tummy time. One mom has two toddlers in very active yet defiant stages. Another has a 24yr old who just moved states away and is dealing with how to continue parenting a grownup! We are all moms dealing with various issues, looking for help along the way….. just what I needed! God really does deliver ❤︎

One mom wrote to me, “Thank you for your effort in inviting and letting (me) and other moms have a space to talk in person. I really appreciate this time. Thank you so much for your words and for giving me encouragement throughout this stage of life… I did some changes I hope will work…thank you for your support.” When you give of yourself, you receive SO much more. I give 1 1/2 hours a month to this group…that’s all! But I get immensely more back. I’m grateful I took a chance to start this group, not knowing if anyone would attend. I’m honored my Priest trusted me to gather a group of women in faith, hope, and love. And I’m blessed that I can continue to grow as a parent alongside such remarkable women.

My gift to you…take a chance on connecting with other people. You never know where it may lead.

Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening

Posted in essentialism, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, Uncategorized2 Comments

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?

There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.

I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.

My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎

Bring on the Laundry!

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Full disclosure….. my mother folded all this laundry. She always insists when she visits!!

I like cleaning. I like organizing. I always have. In fact, one of my first jobs was cleaning apartments when I was in high school. This does not mean my house is always the cleanest but the act of putting things in order, refreshing and decluttering brings me joy and a sense of calm. And hands down, my house runs better when it is neat and orderly. Yes, I’m a Tye A! However, I do not like doing laundry. Actually, it’s the folding part I don’t like. It’s probably because I hav to be still for a few minutes and slowly, carefully fold items. For this multi-tasking brain, that’s hard for me. A little while back, someone shared that they use folding laundry as their prayer time. I was sold…multi-tasking with a purpose! And this has helped me tremendously. Trust me, I have lots of people to pray for these days. But most recently, I read about a mom who said she stop complaining about the never ending loads of laundry when she realized no laundry meant no kids at home. She’s right! I’m not ready for that, right now. I mean I’m getting there but I don’t want an empty house at this very moment. That simple statement changed my mind-set. Truly. Now when I see the piles waiting to be folded, I thank God for my amazing husband, three incredible children, the actual clothes I am able to provide for them, the uniforms from the Catholic schools they attend, and the activities they enjoy while wearing a lot of these clothes. I am blessed and our laundry reminds me of that. Now I will mention that my kids have been doing their own laundry for years, even my 10yr old. They also clean their own sheets. However, somehow I do get to launder extraneous items found in the car or left from a game or towels that were not fully dried and now smell! But I’m not complaining… bring on the laundry!!

Parenting Long & Strong

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Charting their own course, yet still alongside

Now that I have 2 teens off to college really soon, I realize that my job as a personhood leader (read my post Parents as Personhood Leaders) is even more important that ever! Being a teen is hard. Raising a teen is harder. It takes patience, listening, empathy, more listening, perseverance, and more patience. It doesn’t end when kids drive themselves about nor when they leave the nest. Parenting just changes. My kids are not my friends. They are my children and I, their one and only mother. No one will ever love them as much as I do and I make that abundantly clear. My actions are based on this motherly love, with all my best intentions wrapped up. This doesn’t exempt me from making parenting mistakes, but it helps us acknowledge the fact that I’m here for the long journey in life…parenting long. ❤︎

Listening is hard for me, honestly. I’m a talker and a fixer. I truly pray to be a more effective listener and pause on my opinion. I often ask my kids, “Do you want me to simply listen or offer advice?” And they have come to understand what they need in that moment–an ear, shoulder, or wisdom. Parenting strong is more complicated the older kids get. There are more delicate conversations (relationships/sex), hard choices (parties/underage drinking) to navigate, and real-life pressure (college, employment). But that doesn’t mean we parents wither away and let them take the wheel. We are still personhood leaders guiding conversations, offering support, weighing pros/cons along side them. While dialogue can be tense or minimal at times during this stage, our commitment to being there should offer reassurance that they don’t have to do it all alone…parenting strong. ❤︎

Parents as Personhood Leaders

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When you think of your role as a parent, do you consider yourself a teacher, cheerleader, coach, guide, leader? On a recent flight, I read Dr. Todd Cartmell’s book, 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids. His definition of a personhood leader is, “one who people follow simply because of the way they live and interact with others…they have a spark and an integrity that attracts others and makes them want to walk along the same path” (188).

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a Personhood Leader for my kids!! I try every day to be the best version of myself I can, and I fail! But I try agin and again and aim to get better and improve in small ways. Children learn by watching, listening and doing. They watch, listen and do what we do…pure and simple. That’s a hard fact to swallow and live up to. Yet if our jobs as parents is to lead them to be good humans (with your unique version of good-read my last post!), then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk. Dr. Cartmell highlights 8 tools to help parents become personhood leaders: talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading. In time and with faith, we can all become Personhood Leaders, strengthening our family and our community.

drtodd.net

Build the Walls so the House Doesn’t Fall

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I recently started a Mother’s Ministry at my church called, Roots & Wings. My favorite parenting quote passed on to me from my mother is, “There are two gifts we bequeath our children: the first is roots, the second is wings.” I find this incredibly helpful to guide me along my parenting journey and helps me focus on what I want my children to learn, value, appreciate, and embody. One of the moms in our group asked, “How do we raise good humans?” Hmmmmm..that’s not an easy one.

On the way to this group, Maren Morris’ song, The Bones, played on the radio. The phrase, “The house don’t fall when the bones are good,” resonated with me. What makes good bones for a family? What 4 pillars are needed to make the home strong? Maybe this is tied into how we raise good humans?! We lead a powerful Mother’s group, I tell ya’!

In the Bible, the fruits of the Spirit include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues (more than 4!) are the ones I am trying to instill in my children along with developing perseverance, independence and embracing challenges. Providing opportunities to build these skills is my job. Role modeling, role playing, and surrounding our family with like-minded people reinforce these values as well. Gracefully declining events, activities, or social commitments that don’t align with our foundational principles has become easier when I think, “Will this build our family up?”

The foundation you want to build for your unique family is your own decision. Own it! Encourage it! Reinforce it by each decision you make, brick by brick! In time, the walls you create will help buffer adversity. You will build a home that strengthens the character of your children and in turn, help raise a good human.

Securing Their Hearts

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My son carved the heart for me❤️

I recently purchased a bunch of books from the Focus on the Family website. I find they have a fantastic list of parenting and family books. They are inspiring, practical, and quick to read…these are checks on my list!

Start with the Heart, by Kathy Koch, reminds parents of the importance of secure, unconditional love for our children. We must parent with grace, forgive quickly, walk side by side through struggles, satisfy needs not wants, create traditions and memories, be a good role model, and a reminder to raise the unique children we were given. Securing your child’s heart will “increase your influence so you’ll be able to motivate then to be responsible, brave, compassionate” (21). These sound easy but sometimes we need reminders to separate behaviors from beings. What they do is not who they are. Dr. Koch reiterates one of my life mantra’s…progress not perfection. She evens states “prioritize progress” (23) which is so true because it’s the starting of something that is the hardest (a new behavior, project, homework, chores, kind words, forgiveness).

Building character along with effort, diligence and perseverance shapes who your child becomes as an adult. Think of what kind of adult you want contributing to our world and strengthen those qualities. “Aristotle said that ‘courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others'” (54). Dr. Koch gives a slew of examples on how to redirect behavior, choosing wise words, using logical consequences and creating strategies to help develop identity and thus character.

I build my personal library with books I need to guide me through parenting. Start With the Heart proudly stands on my bookshelf, underlined, starred and dog eared.

“Find Five” gives insight to your child’s goals, hopes and dreams. But before you can guide them, you should know yourself better (119). Answer for enlightenment:

5 Things in My Lifetime I Want to…BE, DO, HAVE, HELP

What are they for you? Comment below…

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

https://www.moodypublishers.com/start-with-the-heart/