I have always loved learning, loved school; that’s one of the main reasons I became a teacher. During my years as a homemom, I was always finding ways to better myself. I would take online seminars from my alma mater staying abreast the newest technology, I enrolled in a Life Coach certification program to gain insight into how to inspire others and I ALWAYS read! Reading continues to enlighten, guide and transform me in whatever season of life I’m in.
Recently, my 76-year-old mother took up knitting. She is a very accomplished croceter, but knitting was new. While she has found it challenging, she feels it’s ‘good for her brain’ to keep learning new things. And what an example she sets for me AND her grandchildren. They watch in awe as she patiently tries and retries to learn a new skill. She makes mistakes, gets better, gets frustrated but keeps going. It’s this lifelong learning that keeps her young in spirit, relevant, and simply happy. I can’t help but think of all the things she has learned over three-quarters of a century and how that has shaped this amazing person we call Nana. So for the sake of inspiring your children to simply be better, try something new yourself! Hmmm…I have an idea…
Spring is a time for renewal, to refresh and start again. I chose my book club’s spring read, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam, to bring about life change to simply revive in this season. WOW! That’s all I can say…WOW! How many of us constantly complain that we don’t have enough time in the day to accomplish the things we need to nevertheless less the things we want to do? Vanderkam honestly makes readers pause, reflect and examine how we utilize our time. But here’s the warning…. You need to be utterly HONEST with yourself to get an accurate picture of how you spend your 24 hours per day, 168 hours per week. And trust me, it’s easier said than done.
Vanderkam offers a Time Management Worksheet as a useful tool to record your daily activities in 15minute increments. Sounds like a large undertaking, right? However, the time is well worth it. Think of it as a log to visually track everything you do on a typical day. She does recommend tracking for an entire week as weekends will bring on different schedules. In addition, some days will inevitably pop up atypical appointments, last minute emergencies, and sicknesses that alter your plans. I’ll be completely upfront and admit I didn’t fulfill a week’s worth of tracking but I did get much insight. What was personally most helpful, was logging my activities at the end of a month to see what changes I had in fact made…this is what I recommend!
Bottom line is that 168 Hours shows how you choose to spend your time whether working, carpooling, playing with your kids, or completing house work. It shines light on what you think matters most compared to how much time you actually spend on the most important things or people. Time can get away from us with busy lives, work and responsibilities, but 168 allows us to reexamine our lives and help us make conscious choices that better align with our goals, core competencies and happiness.
Leading a full life is what most of us aspire to. Having a happy family life, purposeful work, meaningful social connections, serving others, prioritizing faithful endeavors and making time to relax or enjoy hobbies is what we strive for. While the exact component of what defines a full life will vary from person to person, the greater idea is the same. What a time overhaul does is show you exactly where you are logging hours, wasting minutes, and underutilizing yourself. What we think we are doing may very well not be happening. For instance, volunteering has always been important to me. I selectively choose which organizations I support but when I looked at my weekly commitments, I realized they were inconsistent. Projects come and go but I don’t have a regular volunteer obligation, which I realize I enjoy…it fulfills me. So scheduling 2 hours per week to help my causes made my life more full!
Starting with a blank slate is invigorating! You are the designer of your life. You fill in the slots with what you choose to do. “You build a life where you really can have it all” (24). You decide how to spend your time doing more of the things that are fulfilling and ones you are passionate about. You choose what is not important in this season of life and make time for things and people who are. If your priority is playing more with your children, block time do that each and every day. Gracefully decline a PTO meeting that you can get the agenda to, or cancel a golf outing you are secretly dreading. If it’s not a priority, get comfortable with saying, “No!” Turn off your phone for 45 minutes so you can play board games, shoot hoops, or take a bike ride together. Make dinner the meal you get home for each night, connect through conversation, share laughs, jokes and stories. This small part of your day may immensely strengthen your bonds while fulfilling your priority to family time.
Vanderkam reminds us that we each have core competencies-things we are naturally good at. It’s most effective and satisfying when our work aligns with these competencies (This will be another blog post!). “You should do what you love and you should love what you do,” says Harvard professor Teresa Amabile (58). While that all sounds idealist, it can and should happen. Again, that may take time for some of us who aren’t living out that dream job. Yet small changes can create a job more consistent with your ideals. Really look at how much actual time is spent on job related tasks. How many employees think they work 40 hours a week, but spend closer to 30? Checking personal emails, taking coffee breaks, scheduling doctor appointments don’t count as work so be honest about your time. If you discover more time, try spending it on pursuing ways to make your current employment more fulfilling, consider alternative careers or even spend it on other time-deficient areas. The time is yours so do with it what will brings you life’s satisfaction and purposeful work. Happiness follows when we are productive, purposeful, and honestly ourselves.
I find happiness is easier to achieve when I have help with mundane, household responsibilities. I consciously remind myself of how cleaning my house creates a calm, organized environment for my children to feel safe and comfortable in. Would I rather outsource that job? Absolutely! And we have in the past. But my husband is firm in his commitment to raising self-sufficient teens and keeping rooms dusted and vacuumed, bathrooms scrubbed, and laundry folded, neatly away is his way of helping them be grateful for what they have and responsible for continual upkeep. Yet looking at how much time I still spend making doctor appointments, weeding the garden beds, and food shopping, I do wonder how I can hire others to help. Vanderkam has someone do her laundry, but I’m not sure that will work for me. However, that’s a conversation my husband and I will have as we prioritize our time and finances to reach more of the life we want.
One of the eye-opening parts of this time makeover was ‘seeing’ that we do have more time for leisurely pursuits than originally thought. Most of us want more leisure time but when it comes, we don’t know what to do or instead, just veg on the couch. Instead, this is the time to pursue the hobby you’ve been putting off, joining the knitting group, book club, taking skiing lessons, playing the cello, or training for a half-marathon. This somewhat gifted time is really important to our overall well-being so make it happen….schedule it and don’t make an excuse to get rid of it! Will it be hard to change your habit of falling onto the couch after a long day at work? Perhaps. However, you’ll be amazed at how your happiness increases when you start making time to do meaningful activities that nurture your soul.
“Broadly, figure out what hours you would like to be working, sleeping, nurturing your family and friends, and nurturing yourself” (221). Take back your 168 hours to create the life you want and deserve. No shame. No guilt. Spring into change and refresh your life, one minute at a time.
When you have kids, things don’t go as planned. The sooner you realize it, the easier time you’ll have. For me, I have come to learn that my home isn’t really mine at all. It belongs to my kids! Early on, the dining room was a playroom. The office was an art center. Half the kitchen housed a toy kitchen, kid sized table, and of course, a doll highchair. Our garage became stroller then tricycle now bicycle central. Add all the balls, beach toys, snow sleds and we are lucky to get our car into it. Yet, our home functions remarkably well because we adjust our environment to the ever-changing developmental stages of our three kids. Who needs a formal dining room anyway when you practically live in your kitchen?
When we moved into our current home over 12 years ago, we were bequeathed my mother’s piano. Movers placed it into our formal living room since there really wasn’t another space for it and there it sat. Occasional interested children would bang on the keys, but the piano simply waited to be dusted. “I don’t think the kids see it enough to want to play,” I declared to my husband. “Our house isn’t that big,” he replied. Out of sight, out of mind kept replaying in my head. “Let’s move it!”
Up two stairs and into the foyer we rolled the piano (yes, my husband and I moved it, which really wasn’t the best idea but this wasn’t thought out too well). The only wall big enough for it was under the stairs directly infront of the door. By all means, this was an interior decorator’s nightmare, but I had a hunch that this old piano was going to be brought back to life! And sure enough, I was right! All three kids passed by this piano many, many times a day to get to and from their bedrooms! Randomly tapping keys turned into sitting on the bench to opening a beginner’s piano book to asking for lessons. Years later, my oldest children play beautifully, oftentimes getting lost their music. Piano has become a form of relaxation but also a way for them to entertain. Annual Christmas concerts are planned, practiced and printed out on programs. These shows have become a most anticipated tradition. I always asks for this to be my gift as having my children perform together is one of my most precious memories. Musical interests have expanded to other instruments as well. My son plays the alto sax and a little bouzouki and likes to compose his own music. He has now started to DJ. Our home is constantly filled with music, the old piano keys creating happiness all times of the day. When I think back to one of the best mom moments I’ve had, putting the piano in our foyer is one of them. Rearranging our home to create opportunities for our kids was always a priority no matter how improper the spaces looked. Plus, I never wanted to be an interior designer anyway❤︎
Jib, tack, trapping, beam reach, turtled, wing on wing…All jargon to me, but not to my teenagers. They teach me about the world of sailing, specifically racing 420s. They become the experts, showing me the ropes or knots of this sport. They take pride in knowing more than me and I let them take ownership of explaining the complexities, navigating the rules, and making sense of watching 65 boats on a race course at sea.
When was the last time your children taught you a skill? Now, my kids teach me many things each and every day such as patience and how many loads of laundry is possible with a family of five. But I’m talking about a tangible skill or facts that may amaze you or knowledge that you once knew but seem to forget quickly these days. Think of those preschoolers who memorize all the scientific names of dinosaurs or the rapid creation of a video game using code you don’t possibly fathom by your middle schoolers. Instead of overlooking the technicalities of their knowledge, celebrate it. Have them become the experts and teach you all that they know, well at least one area at a time. Take the passenger seat and try not to interject your ideas too often. Simply enjoy watching your child take pride, develop confidence, expand their expertise, work through problems, grow trust, and see the light in their eyes as they share what they love with you.
For the next few weeks, you’ll find me harborside throughout Cape Cod, binoculars in hand, cheering on two sailors waiting for them to come ashore and explain what I was even watching. The wind is in their sails ❤︎
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It’s 4:30am on a Saturday morning, still dark and much earlier than I typically write my entries. The smell of newly lit wood is beginning to linger in the air. Today’s menu…pork butt rubbed with a blend of paprika and brown sugar, corn pudding, and cole slaw. The chef…my 15 year old son. His new hobby is cooking on a smoker and he has truly developed a talent over the last few months. From brisket to sea bass (which he caught) to ribs to cheese-stuffed jalapenos, this kid is on fire!! And our family gets to savor his new skills.
Back in February, we headed to South to visit family. My brother has become engrossed in the world of smoking food, which I had little knowledge about. But my son took a huge interest in it (do I mention he’s eating nonstop these days!) and cooked side-by-side his uncle for one week straight. Fast forward to summer vacation and my brother was visiting us up North. Knowing that a smoke-off would ensue, my parents surprised my son with a smoker (technically theirs, yet fully knowing he would take ownership).
“Experts agree that having passionate interests in life improves your effectiveness and well-being.” 1 Hobbies are healthy!2 They build self-awareness, identity, confidence, a skill-set, curiosity, problem-solving, and eventual mastery. Fostering interests build connections between parents and children as well. We give support and enthusiasm while following their lead. Encouraging kids to try new things can ignite passions and careers later in life.
What do your kids like to do in their spare time? Do you notice a natural tendency in some area? Consider activities/interests available in your area. I do hope my son continues to develop his culinary interests for a very, very long time because I don’t mind washing dishes!
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