Category: Joy

Are You Choosing to be Distracted?

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Mornings in our home are quite busy. All five of us are suppose to have morning responsibilities (jobs or chores) to make it go more smoothly as well as to not lay the burden on just one person (ME). Activities include emptying the dishwasher, loading breakfast dishes, feeding and walking the dog, spraying the kitchen counters, as well as starting a load of laundry-first come, first dibs! While they make their own breakfasts and pack lunches, the intention is that they will clean up after themselves too! Oh and I’ve started to workout in the mornings! Also, I work out of the home three days a week so getting out at a precise time is paramount. Needless to say, I can be frazzled!

This morning was no exception. I was coming up from exercising enthusiastically reminding my children of what needed to be done (or as they said, “shouting orders”). My youngest was asking me to head to her room to look at something, and I quickly replied, “Wait a sec…let me do this first.” Well, minutes later I had found 5 things to do…load laundry, fold towels, replenish napkins, put a clean bag in the trash bin, and water the plants. Sophie inquired again as to my whereabouts.

“I got distracted, sweetie, but I’m on my way.”

“You are CHOOSING to get distracted, mom.”

WAIT…WHAT??!!!!

Pause….

Hmmmmm…she’s totally on to something. But first, how did she get SO incredibly insightful at 10 years old. I’ve never use this line on my kids so she didn’t hear it from me!

Point is, she was right! Completely, utterly, 100% correct. I did chuckle because I did not HAVE to do all those things in that moment, but I CHOSE to. My enneagram 1 personality makes me like to have things promptly done and done in a certain way. It is hard for me to walk away from a task that’s not completed, even if it’s not completed in my own mind. But Sophie made me think-How many times have I chosen to be distracted and set myself up to disappoint others, not meet a deadline, or not finish what I could have?

I can honestly say I felt relived in a way when I left my mundane tasks and headed to see what my daughter wanted…proudly wearing her Girl Scout sash. My plants would not have instantaneously died, someone else would have put a clean bag in the trash bin and the towels would have stayed fluffy in the dryer. Thanks for my child, pausing in the moment to consciously decide if what I’m doing is what needs to be done, is what I’m going to work on. And reminding my kids to do the same is powerful! If they can become more aware and reflect themselves, just think about how much time, nagging and stress could be saved and how much productivity could be gained. Sounds simple enough to give a try. Oh, and those towels may stay in the dryer ALL day!

A New Year of Small Changes

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A year ago this month, I launched a non-fiction Book Club asking my Facebook friends to join me as we read James Clear’s, Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results. The response was greater than I anticipated and I think the reason is that change hits home! We all want change but it is HARD. We started the New Year with an 8-week journey into the world of making small changes in our daily lives so that we would see larger growth over time. People wanted to change many different aspects of their lives from weight loss to exercising more, from making time for self-care to volunteering more, from changing careers to entering the workforce after being home childrearing. While the types of changes varied, the sentiment was the same…we’ve been wanting to do this, and NOW is the time. But the key difference for much of the success of the people in this group was changing our mindset to making ONE SMALL change at a time. With progress and small successes, confidence and motivation grew. Big changes did occur as time went on, even after our Book Club finished the book. I, for one, started volunteering at a local inner-city Catholic school which turned into an academic interventionist position and I’m loving it! I also realized that I thoroughly enjoyed guiding a book club with questions, quotes and inspiration and started a FB community aptly titled, Simply Better Yourself. Inspiring others to think of small ways they can better themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually has been very fulfilling. Now, I’m not perfect at always taking care of myself but I think that’s what’s important about our group’s support…we aim for progress, not perfection!

With 2023 beginning, I couldn’t help but purchase my two teenagers their own copies of Atomic Habits. While my children may not always listen to what I say, I thought if they read about the importance and high success rate of making small changes in their lives, maybe they would actually try it (ie. making their beds each morning, staying on top of laundry, planning their homework/project schedule, staying fit during sports’ off-season, studying for SATs). My list could be endless for them but that’s what I want to change…taking me out of the picture as they develop more responsibility for their own future. I believe my goal is to get them ready to be on their own in this world when they leave for college. Yes, I’ll be there for them always, but I want them equipped to handle life. I do think this gift of small changes can enable them to think about ways to improve that will bring greater rewards. When you refocus challenges in manageable bits, anything seems possible.

So, when everyone else is waiting in line to join a gym, I’m lacing up my sneakers to take a walk with my family and dog, with the plan of taking part in our town’s Feaster 5 on Thanksgiving…starting small ❤︎

Simple Gifts for My Children: Traditions

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My eldest daughter painted the sign as a Christmas present one year. She also found a ceramic light up tree and painted that as well since I remembered having one as a child.

I thought the previous blog post was going to be my last entry of simple gifts. Yet, when a cousin asked if I would make my pizzelles for Christmas Eve, I had to smile. My grandmother’s recipe for the Italian cookie has been enjoyed by family and friends since I can remember. I was gifted my own pizzelle iron when I got married, hence carrying on the tradition. And that’s when I realized I do have one more gift for my children this and every year going forward….traditions.

It’s ironic really because I wrote an article this month for a parenting newspaper. And guess what my topic was? Traditions old and new! Yet I didn’t fully think of our customs as a gift, but that’s what they truly are. Traditions are passed down from generation to generation, providing comfort, history, belonging, and simple joy. Many of the things we do each holiday may be overlooked. I use Christmas glasses from when I was a child. They come out each and every year, mostly for egg nog. We admire ornaments from years past, ones that were even pieces of my own baby mobile. I have one photo ornament since we became a family 17 years ago and they have become a visual reminder of how our children have grown. When our children started school, we made teachers a variety of cookies as a gift. Even this last weekend, my youngest inquired as to when we were having Baking Day, she enthusiastically named it. These are all simple traditions created and treasured by my family.

We bake A LOT in our home. Becoming a mother made me a cook and baker. I found such gratification in cooking homemade meals for my family. Baking has become comforting and a way to show love. We pass on the love by making recipes from grandparents (nan’s thumbprint cookies, yiayia’s butter cookies stuffed with Nutella), relatives (my aunt’s cranberry nut bread), and friends (my college roommates’ nana’s date nut bread). We’ve added many favorites of our own from peppermint bark to chocolate-dipped Oreos (notice the chocolate theme?!). But the sentiment is the same; pass on what you love through work with your hands to show others you care.

I admit I had a hundred other things to do today. However, the laundry will eventually get done, dusting the dining room can wait, and researching my next topic will be paused. Instead, I’m making a cup of tea, putting on Christmas music, and deciding to pass on decades of joy. Smiles along with tantalized tastebuds with hints of anisette are my priority. Knowing my children have generations of traditions filling their hearts, makes this gift one that will keep giving when they have families of thier own.

Wishing my Essentialist Family a very, very Merry Christmas! May your days be filled with all things essential: happiness, laughter, kindness, compassion, faith, love and traditions. Oh, and a few pizzelles would make it that more tasty.❤︎

Collecting books each year has become a wonderful keepsake that will be passed on.

Simple Gifts for My Children: Giving of One’s Self

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

Over the summer, my mother crocheted 125 hats for students at my school in school colors. She continues to be an example of generosity with a joyful spirit.

How is it possible that Christmas decorations start lining the shelves in stores beginning in August?! Where’s the anticipation of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, pull out the decorations and start shopping for gifts in the few weeks leading up to December 25th? The overwhelming push for buying ‘stuff’ has been so off-putting. Never mind the fact that the real reason we celebrate Christmas is the birth of Jesus. That completely gets lost to commercialism. I do admit I can get caught up in purchasing presents for my own children, but I stop to remind myself that the real meaning of this holiday is giving to others. The wholehearted joy that comes from selfless giving is a wonderful gift that I can pass on to my children today and always.

Service to others was taught to me at a young age. We did not have a lot of money growing up, but when we had clothes we outgrew or furniture to replace, we always donated our items realizing that others could use them. And even when holiday gifts for my brother and I were scarce, my mother made it a priority to donate to a charity close to her heart. As I raise my own children, I have come to include them in the process of choosing who and how we open our hearts. Over the years, we have served at meal centers, put together meals in a bag, donated toys, coats and mittens, books, school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste, mattresses, made blankets, given money to animal rescue centers, wildlife refuges, and homeless shelters. We spread the word to immobilize troops of friends to support our missions so that we can do more together. Giving to our Church and our schools is essential to us as well. Establishing relationships with homebound seniors through cards, phone calls, and homemade goodies brighten all of our days. In our community, we serve our neighbors whenever we can. Maybe it’s sharing vegetables from our garden, bringing in garbage cans or shoveling a walkway for an elderly woman up the hill. Big or small, noticed or unseen, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” (Albert Einstein).

I hope my children realize they are not alone…they are part of a village of people who help whenever they can, in whatever capacity they have and receive openly in return. Life will bring good times and hardships, but no matter what each day will deliver, may they carry a giving heart because that will fill them with joy. ❤︎

Simple Gifts to My Children: Gratitude

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

“Thank you!” Two small words that are always nice to hear. We are quick to say thanks to a worker at the supermarket or wait staff at a restaurant. We pass along a wave of thanks to our crossing guard in the morning and the receptionist on the phone after scheduling an appointment. But how many times a day do you give a sincere, “Thank you” to your loved ones?

Positive reinforcement goes a long way, especially with highlighting all the good things your children do. I am showering my kids with gratitude for picking up after themselves, helping around the house without being asked, and remembering they have appointments or sport meets and being prepared accordingly. I am grateful that at this point in parenthood, they have become incredibly independent. I want them to know that I am completely proud and thankful for their help and responsibility. And to be honest, it also frees up my mental capacity to focus on other tasks because they have things under control!

And the more I say, “Thank you!” the more they do!! While they’re overall polite children, they have been acknowledging the smaller things. “Thanks, mom for driving me to Launch.” “I appreciate the gas money, mom!” (Well, gas money these days isn’t small!!) Even better, they are appreciating one another even more and verbally say it. It makes my heart full when I hear the grateful comments between siblings, strengthening the bonds that will carry them into adulthood.

During Thanksgiving, we kept a gratitude pumpkin. It sat on our kitchen table and during dinner we wrote something we were grateful for. My initial goal was to write on it every night, but reality made it only possible 3 or 4 times per week. However, that still had a positive impact. My youngest would especially love reminding us it was time to share. Being grateful for things evolved into being more aware of our surroundings such as sunlight in cold, dark New England or small acts of kindness such as turning over someone’s laundry. Or something my husband wrote that we all may take for granted, “Family to come home to.”

Gratitude is simple, free and profoundly loving. The more you share how grateful you are for the unique individuals they are and what they do to contribute to your family, the more all of those attributes will flourish. This simple Christmas gift will continue to spread joy well after the season is over.

❤︎And please know that I am very grateful for all The Essentialist Family readers. You make time to read my blog, and make comments and reach out to me. You make my hobby worthwhile and fill a special place in my heart. Truly, thank you! ~Lauri

Simple Gifts for My Children: Disconnecting to Reconnect

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.

This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!

Simple Gifts for My Children: Asking for Forgiveness

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.

“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.

Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎

Simple Gift to Myself: Dog Walks

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Meet Marlton

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

It’s a mild December morning in Boston, but rainy and deary. Looking out the window I can tell it feels warmer than expected because walkers and joggers are out in my neighborhood at the dimly lit hour of 6am. While the temperature may be inviting, the dampness is not. Yet, I look at my Goldendoodle who will no doubt be looking forward to his walk today. He could care less about the state of the atmosphere. 100-degree, humid summer days or below-zero temps bringing in feet of snow. As long as he’s outside, traipsing around in fresh air, he’s a happy pup!

And I am grateful for that pure, simple joy. The feeling of just being outdoors and running or walking carelessly around. He’s right…it does feel good and refreshing! But to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for him, I’d spend the majority of chilly to cold, rainy to snowy, and hot to humid days inside! I’d bail on my walk and cool off in AC or snuggle warmly on my couch. Yet being a dog owner has given me the gift of selflessness, much like children. And giving him his daily dose of exercise has made me a pretty grateful woman, even if I don’t acknowledge it in the moment (like when the hail is pounding my face). Together, Marlton and I make our bodies stronger, hearts healthier and are simply happier after our walks. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am more fit for the day. And it doesn’t take long…20-30 minutes! How can I not make time for that?! We explore new trails, parks and neighborhoods enjoying all four seasons of our beautiful New England. I coordinate walks with friends as well to squeeze in some social time. Walking and talking does a whole body good. In a way, Marlton is keeping my friends healthy too!

They say dogs are best friends. I couldn’t agree more. He’s been an invaluable source of love and comfort as well as a playmate and entertaining member of our family for almost 7 years. He loves life and can never get enough cuddles. He has shown the kids what true responsibility for a living animal entails and is a testament to the power of unconditional love. He does give us way more than we give him, and even on the upcoming frigid winter days, I’m going to treasure our daily walks. Thank you, Marlton, for being part of our family. We are truly blessed.❤︎

Simple Gifts to Myself: Beach Walks

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❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

It’s a chilly but clear November afternoon on Cape Cod. Thermometer registered at 42 degrees but maybe a tad warmer in the sun. Our family just arrived for the night and while they’re settling in at the house, I head to the beach. My kids cringed when I asked if they wanted to join because it will no doubt be windy and cold. I probably would have responded the same 30 years ago, but how perception changes as one matures.

There aren’t many places in the world where I feel more at peace than when I’m on a beach. Church, yes, but in a different way. Here, the breeze rustles my hair, salt air fills my lungs, sand weighs down my feet as I trudge to the water’s edge. As I look out into the vast openness of the ocean (it’s really Nantucket Sound), I feel calm, content. I hear the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore and take deep breaths. I squint with the glare coming off the water, keeping my distance from the incoming waves, not daring to get my sneakers wet. I find a soft patch of sand and start walking. Not a soul in sight even on a glorious day such as this. But I secretly am glad no one else is here–my special time. I honestly am not thinking, not planning, not organizing in my head…simply being in the moment. I guess the beach does that to me. Grants me a state of mediation in a way. It’s rejuvenating, mind-clearing, and helps center myself. Oh how I wish I could live at the beach year round. One day, I will but for now, I take my beach walks back home through shells, driftwood and photographs. And if I close my eyes and try really, really hard, I capture this moment in time to savor within and bring peace when daily life back home just happens.

My gift to you…what’s a place that fulfills you will peace and contentment? If you can’t go there right now, picture it in your mind-how do you feel? Share your special place with us…

Simple Gifts to Myself: Books, Books, & More Books

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❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

Simply stated, I love to read. Under an umbrella on a beach, curled up on a window seat, snuggled warmly in bed, or waiting in a carpool line, it really doesn’t matter. I pretty much always have a book in tow. Fiction and nonfiction…I typically have both on my nightstand and alternate between a few chapters of each. While some ladies like to get their nails done or splurge at the spa (which I do enjoy), buying books is my treat. I do utilize our fabulous local library but some books I really just want to hang on to and reread. Plus, I am notorious for dog-earring pages, underlining passages, and jotting notes in the margins. I write as I read, making connections, notes to self, questions to research, topics to blog about. The thoughts are endless. Hence, buying my own copies makes much more sense.

And simply, the smell of a new book makes me smile:) A simple pleasure throughout my day. If I have a ‘free’ day or I’m exploring a new town, one of the first things I do is find a bookstore. I think so much is told about a community by their book purveyor. Local authors fill the shelves along with regional history, artisan gifts, and hopefully homemade snacks and a cup of coffee. Comfy chairs beckon perusing various books for hours on end. Soft music in the background drowns out crowded noise and I can just get lost in the world of literature.

Can I say I find myself in a bookstore often? Sadly, no. And I have one of the oldest in our country right down the street! As my kids have gotten older, I find we go there less and less as a family. But this gift I bequeath myself… making time to venture to local bookstores for no other reason than to simply enjoy the experience, to take a deep breath and savor the new pages waiting to be opened. And imagine what adventure awaits.

This past year, I started a Book Club. I reached out to Facebook friends and asked who was in. The response was gratifying and friends from different parts of my life, in different parts of the country have come together over a love of reading. We share stories, inspirational quotes and many laughs. Our meetings have turned into food-themed parties with a fondue night and a s’mores bar (thinking all things bubbly and gold for the New Year!). Book Club has become a highlight on my social calendar and reading with friends adds such fun and excitement to my usual quiet and calming reading ritual. Don’t tell me twice…I will continue reading alone and reading with Book Club, and of course, reading with my kiddos because I can never get enough. ❤︎

My gift to you…what is a tangible item that you immensely enjoy? Treat yourself to it without guilt and treasure the moment. Maybe it’s a book?!

Simple Gifts to Myself: Soul Sisters

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I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends…a 56-minute conversation! I poured myself a cup of coffee to chat. Then, I walked my dog, emptied my dishwasher, and drove to Costco all while chatting away. We talked about our kids’ school pictures and how they never come out great but we keep buying them, dilemmas of having our kids do activities that they love versus sticking out the ones they tolerate, updating on college tours, discussing doctor appointments, rationalizing how doing a private yoga class is SO worth the money because we need to take care of ourselves, which led to why do we have to justify scheduling time for ourselves in the first place to meal ideas, updates on ailing mothers-in-law, upcoming sibling/cousin visits which turned into current news from their lives, and ending with Thanksgiving plans and trying to figure out a time to get our families together because while we talk almost every day, we all haven’t gotten together in over a year.

But Yes, I talk to her almost every day. Crazy?! No, just our norm! We’ve been friends since 8th grade. We’ve been through life together: high school, proms, moving, boyfriends, college, grad school, teaching, husbands, houses, kids, dogs, illnesses, surgeries, deaths, mid-life ‘evaluations,’ pondering life’s big questions, motivating one another, laughing, crying, confiding, supporting, challenging, listening, and simply loving one another for what we each are over the last 32 years. And it’s a blessing I don’t take for granted. Not for one day!

I have one younger brother, 5 years younger. We are definitely close and always have been but there’s something about my soul sisters (girlfriends turned sisters by choice!). In fact, I have a few. One who I also talk with every other day is from 5th grade. There’s something about the history and connection that spans decades that is truly special. Over the years, we’ve lived in neighboring towns while raising our babies, then separated by states. But somehow not seeing one another in person doesn’t diminish the bond. It grows and strengthens over time and over life experiences. Even our kids pick up like they just saw one another because they know we are family. She’s the first to tell me when I’m being too controlling, unrealistic, or just need to stop thinking what I’m thinking. She’s also the first to give me a pat on the back, cheer me on, or help in anyway possible. She never misses a birthday (kids included), anniversary or special occasion. She drives HOURS to see me for my birthday every January and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s a soul sister: created out of love.

My third soul sister came later in life. In fact, I met her in person for the first time at my rehearsal dinner 20 years ago. Our husbands went to dental school together and upon meeting it was a destined friendship destined. We never lived near one another, yet we didn’t need to. Our life philosophies, future visions, and simple truths of our hearts were the same. Through heartache, professional achievements, relocations, and rediscovering pasts, we are there for one another. There’s no hiding, disguising, judging or pretending with my soul sisters…it’s authentic friendships. The easy, natural, meant-to-be kind.

As I’ve gotten older and moved away from home, away from where I had my babies, and started a new part of my life in a new state, I have met some incredible women. My ‘besties’ as they are affectionally called have become my family. I’ve raised my children alongside these women for the past 12 years and they’ve no doubt had an immeasurable impact on me and my family. These women are connected by faith, enriching my life in a myriad of ways. Walks, dinners, workouts, and ministries keep us connected, growing and maturing side by side. Having these women alongside through college, empty nesting, aging parents, midlife change of careers, and midlife change of body will make it all that more funny, manageable, attainable, and memorable.

I believe soul sisters come in different phases of your life for possible reasons unknown at the time. But they are chosen friends. True, authentic confidants. Silly, joyful playmates. Inseparable parts of your being where life wouldn’t be nearly as good without them. Treasured for a lifetime, one cup of coffee at a time.❤︎

My gift to you: celebrate your soul sisters. Let them know how special they are.

Focus on Less, But Gain More

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The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.

Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.

Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done

What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!

More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!

Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs

What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.

More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!

I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎

Homemaking: Purposeful Giving

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Giving is innate for mothers. It’s essentially what we do and who we are. However, given the mundane nature of homemaking, women can become dissatisfied and unfulfilled, often forgetting what purpose there is in daily tasks. “What woman resents is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly. What we fear is not so much that our energy may be leaking away through small outlets as that it may be going ‘down the drain'” (40).

Oxford defines homemaking as the creation of a home, especially as a pleasant place in which to live. What an honor to cultivate a loving, respectful, supportive environment for people you care most about. But it is hard work!! To be completely honest, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It was never how I envisioned my life, probably because I grew up with a single mother who worked full-time. We struggled financially when I was growing up and I knew putting myself through college and graduate school would provide a better life for myself and my family. Yet God had His own plans for me, which is usually how it goes. It took me years to embrace homemaking and realize the real purpose it holds, the breadth it encompasses, and my value within it.

“Purposeful giving is not as apt to deplete one’s resources; it belongs to that natural order of giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion. The more one gives, the more one has to give” (41). With acknowledgment of usefulness, even without financial gain, mothers gain strength and replenish their sense of self. Homemaking is not a full-time job for all mothers, but we all need to see the immense worth in the care, time, and purposeful thought we heartfully dedicate to our families.

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Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Gift from the Sea: Solitude

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Scituate, Ma

Walking along the beach is my haven in the summer months. I used to feel it was selfish to steal a quiet stroll alone. But now I have come to understand that this solitude is a gift not just to myself, but for the ones I love.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s, Gift from the Sea, honestly discusses the huge demands placed on modern American women. While she hopes that we will learn to embrace simplicity, she also reminds us of the importance of being alone. Many of us have to re-learn what it means to even be alone as years have been given to juggling school, child rearing, careers, community service, and cultivating a home. “It is a difficult lesson to learn today-to leave one’s friends and family and deliberately practice the art of solitude for an hour or a day or a week…And yet, once it is done, I find there is a quality to being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, richer, more vivid, fuller than before” (36).

Why do women especially find it hard to make time to be alone? Solitude can differ immensely from person to person both in quantity and in essence. I have created a new morning routine for myself over the past year. I’ve always been an early riser but now before I get up to accomplish my list of tasks, I deep breath for a few moments, then read my devotional. The positive affirmations shape my day, focus my mindset. In a way, I feel rejuvenated and excited to greet what is yet to come. But something so small took many, many, many years to start…why? It is the acknowledgment of the essentiality of making solitude a priority that needs to shift for mothers. No guilt. No excuses. Simply because it makes us better versions of ourselves. “Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others” (38). Now maybe that means making time for a daily workout, painting, going to yoga, gardening in your yard, walking in the woods, sipping tea before anyone else wakes up, journaling before turning off the lights for bed…find what soothes your soul. My 15-minute daily wakeup devotional is what I need, but maybe it’s one hour a day for you or one hour per week or even one weekend a year.

My husband and I have found it essential in our marriage to find time without the children. Even when he was a resident, money was scarce and we were away from family, he found a kind-hearted woman working in one of his clinics who would watch our babies one night a week for $5/hour. I recently reached out to her, 15 years later, and expressed my gratitude again as I reflected on what has helped my marriage remain strong…finding time to be alone even when life doesn’t seem to want to make that possible. Now that our kids are older, date night has come back regularly since we don’t need babysitters (what a treat in itself!). We also faithfully take a trip once a year, alone. Some years it will be a fancy vacation, while other times it’s just a weekend in the mountains or simply the kids staying over at Nana and Pa’s. With our 20-year anniversary next week, I know that our commitment to us as a couple has inevitably contributed to our happiness.

Mothers, you do not have to be walking alone among the sand dunes to find solitude; it is within reach every single day. Make a little time for only yourself, and in doing so, you are giving more to those you love.

Gift from the Sea: Simplicity

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People find solace, rejuvenation, and calm from different places in nature. While I like to hike on wooded trails, jump into a cool mountainside lake, and explore botanical gardens, the sea is my sanctuary. Walking along any beach brings instant peace. My thoughts clear, my breath slows, and I feel lighter. The crashing of waves soothes my mind, the soft sand warms my body, and the salt air refreshes my soul.

I happened upon my mother’s copy of Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Do you ever feel you come across books that you need in a specific moment of time even if you don’t realize it at first? Well, Gift of the Sea was my muse for the next few blog entries as I process how I felt, what I thought, and how this book resonated with me as a woman, mother, and wife in the middle-age season of life.

Simplicity…A way of life, of being, of living. A simple word yet living simply is one of the most difficult things for mothers to do. Our current society, obligations, careers, and caregiving do not help us reach a life of simplicity but instead of multiplicity. How are we supposed to reach a balance between caring for ourselves and fulfilling everything else? Can we live in grace, with inner harmony? “There is no easy answer, no complete answer…perhaps a first step is in simplification of life, in cutting out some of the distractions. But how?” (23).

Simplifying has different meanings for different mothers based upon where they are in life, how many young children are at home, homeschooling vs in-school, household responsibilities, being employed outside of the home, spousal support, and community commitments, to name a few. At Essentialist Family, we have discussed the importance of taking inventory of where you spend your time. When you write down EVERYTHING you do, you can begin to acknowledge that it’s A LOT, and that some things need to be crossed off your list. Mentally and physically eliminating the most obvious unessential items, is a start. It will give you the confidence to tackle harder decisions. Practice makes this process easier and the more you rewrite your list, the more you’ll be able to let go.

Simplify your worldly life. We all have found ourselves caught up in buying the newest gadget, the tool that promises to save us time, the newer car, the extra pair of shoes because they were on sale, the new lunchbox organizers to replace the reusable snack pouches. But it’s still more stuff! Not less, but more! How can we physically decrease the things in our space if we continue to shop? Does scrolling on Pinterest entice us to buy things we truly don’t need? Are we trying to live up to someone else’s image on FaceBook and purchasing items like our Friends? Give yourself a month or two or three to really think about what you are buying. Remember, the key here is less, so if you don’t truly need it, then wait. Next, go through your home, one room at a time and donate or discard clothes, toys, kicknacks, and books you don’t need. (Read our post: Spark Joy Simply in Your Home for guidance (https://wordpress.com/post/theessentialistfamily.com/326).

Simplify your shelter. I’m not saying downsize your home even though we’ve watched Tiny House to prove it can be done. Instead, it’s all about evaluating the rooms of your current home and getting rid/donating extra furniture, wall hangings, throw rugs, closets full of spare sheets and blankets that don’t get used except when company visits. Taking photos off the bookcase shelves and replacing them with a few cherished memories. You’ll begin to feel the peace in your home when it’s clear. Harmony fills the gaps where unnecessary stuff was. Joy begins where clutter ends. Make a daily effort to keep stuff away.

“Simplification of outward life is not enough. It is merely the outside…the complete answer is not to be found on the outside, in an outward mode of living. This is only a technique, a road to grace. The final answer, I know, is always inside. But the outside can give a clue, can help one to find the inside answer” (29).

Stay tuned for the next post…

*Please note: Gift from the Sea❤︎ is best read with toes in the sand!

Some of my favorite beaches: Old Silver, Falmouth, Cape Cod; Poipu, Kauai; Long Boat Key, FL; Goose Rocks, Kennebunkport, Maine.