I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎
Several of my dearest friends live states away. We are lucky to see each other once a year if our schedules magically align. Yet we talk all the time! Saturday mornings I curl up in my office, coffee in hand, and catch up with these soul sisters. Connection is such an integral part of well-being, yet it can be hard to find time to do it. Between working, having 3 kids with their own schedules, and simply taking care of a home, it’s sometimes more work to schedule a coffee meetup. However, I yearned for this time with my SSs to laugh, complain, seek advice, reminisce, and just chat away about life. This hour, bright and early on Saturday mornings, is a highlight of my week…connecting with coffee fills my soul. ❤︎
*In case you are looking for a new read, one of my husband’s employees kindly passed on The Berry Pickers, by Amanda Peters…I couldn’t put it down!!! Thank you, Sue❤︎
**And the beautiful handpainted mug was a surprise from my oldest because I love hydrangeas.❤︎
Happy 2024! How many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken or better yet, never started? Well, I have too many to count! This year I’m changing the habit and instead, will find inspiring quotes to guide my family each week.
What is an authentic self?
Who makes you feel happy when you are being real?
How can you shine in your own light?
Follow along each week as I share quotes that I post in my own home to encourage conversation, inspire action, and simply show love.❤︎
I see roughly 40 students a day as a reading interventionist. As I welcome various groups into my classroom, I have a rule when they come to the door: they must make eye contact, choose a greeting, and give me a handshake, elbow pump, quick dance move or a hug. Guess what the hardest part of this routine is? Loooking me in the eyes when they say, “Good morning, Mrs. D.” Social etiquette is a skill that takes practice and midway through the school year, these kids are experts at it! They confidently wish me a “Good afternoon” as they firmly shake my hand and look me squarely in the eyes. While this takes all of 3 seconds, it’s a life skill that I hope they’ll carry with them every day when they interact with other adults. When was the last time you looked your own children lovingly into their eyes? And they back to you?
School mornings can be hectic….fights for the bathroom, trying to bag healthy snacks and lunches, looking for homework that the dog may have eaten (this actually did happen in our house)…let the mayhem begin! But, you don’t have to start your day in a craze! Try these family-tested tips to make your mornings calmer and happier:
Wake up with soothing music. Who enjoys having a blaring siren abruptly wake them from a sound sleep? No one! Set your alarm to a soft, soothing ringtone or play a classical song. Jazz may be the genre that makes you feel calm, so try playing it for your kids. Continue playing music while the kids make their beds, get dressed, and mosey their way to the kitchen to eat. Over time, they will register the soft, relaxing tunes with a calm, morning routine. (Read my latest post about lighting a scented candle to create more peace as well!)
Set alarms earlier than needed. Alarms are a useful tool. They also decrease nagging done by parents. Teach your children to give themselves more time than they think they need to get ready in the morning. They will feel less rushed and can mentally handle the tasks at hand all in a more positive manner. Add different alarms for various tasks for instance a “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to wake up then a twinkling sound to start getting dressed followed by a chime to head downstairs for breakfast.
Display a schedule. Children need and like structure. Having a bulletin board, wipe-off board or calendar in a highly visible area such as the kitchen, is a great way to let your kids know what’s on the agenda for the day. Soccer practice at 4pm…What needs to be packed? After-school daycare….pack an extra snack. Not only are they mentally prepared for the day, but they can take an active role in getting themselves ready. Make the charts interactive so they physically have to check off a completed task and are ready to go!
Leave a HAPPY note. Who doesn’t like to get a surprise note as a reminder that someone is thinking of them? Take a few minutes to write your kids a special note of love, a smiley face or an inspiring quote. Stick it on the bathroom mirror, put it in their shoe, or hide it in their backpack. Positive vibes will surely follow.
Take deep breaths. When things are hectic, take a moment and take a deep breath. Have your children follow suit. It will supply the brain with fresh oxygen, provide a moment to pause and allow you to move on in a less crazed manner. Ahhhhhh!
Say a prayer. Before your family goes off in their own direction, take a moment to pray. Recall a prayer that’s inspirational to your family, give thanks, ask for guidance, or simply keep someone else in your thoughts. You set the tone of your home, so remain at peace yourself and calm will follow❤︎
Some mornings will no doubt be better than others. But a 100% success rate is probably not possible! Set reasonable expectations with a reasonable timeline and you’ll be happily surprised how much smoother and calmer your days begin.
Take a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release.
My youngest daughter has a “worry” brain. That’s how we’ve come to name her anxiety ridden thought processes that weigh her down. It has been a struggle to have her ease her worries to live in a more calm, happy state. Some days are better than others, especially as she learns strategies to help. Maturity as well as the ability to verbalize her feelings, tiggers and concerns facilitates in getting her emotions under control.
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael Singer, is my most recent read in a genre I don’t typically grab. Yet, I loved it! There’s truth of going outside your comfort zone to experience joy in unexpected ways. As I dove into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that “if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow”(61). I couldn’t help but think of my daughter. I can’t protect her from troubling situations but I can guide her in how she copes. “Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. They’re just events. You determine whether or not you’re going to be happy…if you can live this way, your heart will be so open and your Spirit will be so free, that you will soar up to the heavens (143). Simply, keep an open heart. When negativity, frustration, or disappointment arise, relax your heart and let these feelings flow freely through. Release the negativity. Try it! Because you know what? You will feel better. But it takes deliberate practice, self-awareness, and time. “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It is the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems” (10). And this is what I want to show my daughter…her mind is creating chaos. When she reframes the situation and renames her feelings, she is empowered and her outlook shifts. “That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up” (79).
7:15am. Bedside, I nudge my daughter from sleep. Eyes slowly open and then instantaneously turn red, watery, filling with tears. Not even 10 seconds have gone by since awakening. “What is it, my love?” I ask. “I have MAP testing,” she whimpers. Together, we took a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release. Out went the negative feelings. In came relief. She got up and started her day, tears drying up, a smile emerging. As Singer says, “You live in love and it feeds you and strengthens you” (57). ❤︎
January 2023. A New Year and another birthday a few days later. It’s a time for reflection, change, lists of hopes, long-term plans, redefining wants and needs, and simply finding ways for joy and fulfillment. My book club is finishing up The Untethered Soul by Micahel Singer, and one of my favorite quotes is, “Just embrace life with all of your heart and soul” (46). This will be my mantra for this coming year…keeping my heart open and joyfully welcoming opportunities, and new experiences, while letting go of past frustrations and expectations.
A tradition of my family has been to go to the beach for my birthday, even in the snow! The beach is my happy place; the sound, the smell, the feeling I get. This year it was mild so we headed up to nearby Maine to one of our all-time favorite beaches, Goose Rocks. The sugar-white sand is silky underfoot, while the emptiness of the seashore in winter is serene. Deep breaths in and even slower breaths out refocused me. Children are very perceptive, more than we tend to give them credit for. One by one, they ran and found rocks, smoothed by the ebb and flow of the waves. We like to collect ones that look like hearts. And of course, on this glorious day, we found just the right one. It’s larger than usual, rugged and jagged on one side, more rounded on the other. Smooth in some spots but rough on others. The color varies in shades of gray, and chips can be seen throughout nodding to the hard life under the ocean. Yet, its imperfections make it perfect for me. Our life as a family is not perfect, but in moments like these I want to savor for all time. The joy in my heart and soul are utterly overflowing and I can’t help but say a prayer of gratitude. I do hope, in my 46th year, I give a gift to my children. I want them to feel love, contentment, enthusiasm, and joy in life. I want them to find their own beaches, with loved ones by their sides. Happy, Happy❤︎
My eldest daughter painted the sign as a Christmas present one year. She also found a ceramic light up tree and painted that as well since I remembered having one as a child.
I thought the previous blog post was going to be my last entry of simple gifts. Yet, when a cousin asked if I would make my pizzelles for Christmas Eve, I had to smile. My grandmother’s recipe for the Italian cookie has been enjoyed by family and friends since I can remember. I was gifted my own pizzelle iron when I got married, hence carrying on the tradition. And that’s when I realized I do have one more gift for my children this and every year going forward….traditions.
It’s ironic really because I wrote an article this month for a parenting newspaper. And guess what my topic was? Traditions old and new! Yet I didn’t fully think of our customs as a gift, but that’s what they truly are. Traditions are passed down from generation to generation, providing comfort, history, belonging, and simple joy. Many of the things we do each holiday may be overlooked. I use Christmas glasses from when I was a child. They come out each and every year, mostly for egg nog. We admire ornaments from years past, ones that were even pieces of my own baby mobile. I have one photo ornament since we became a family 17 years ago and they have become a visual reminder of how our children have grown. When our children started school, we made teachers a variety of cookies as a gift. Even this last weekend, my youngest inquired as to when we were having Baking Day, she enthusiastically named it. These are all simple traditions created and treasured by my family.
We bake A LOT in our home. Becoming a mother made me a cook and baker. I found such gratification in cooking homemade meals for my family. Baking has become comforting and a way to show love. We pass on the love by making recipes from grandparents (nan’s thumbprint cookies, yiayia’s butter cookies stuffed with Nutella), relatives (my aunt’s cranberry nut bread), and friends (my college roommates’ nana’s date nut bread). We’ve added many favorites of our own from peppermint bark to chocolate-dipped Oreos (notice the chocolate theme?!). But the sentiment is the same; pass on what you love through work with your hands to show others you care.
I admit I had a hundred other things to do today. However, the laundry will eventually get done, dusting the dining room can wait, and researching my next topic will be paused. Instead, I’m making a cup of tea, putting on Christmas music, and deciding to pass on decades of joy. Smiles along with tantalized tastebuds with hints of anisette are my priority. Knowing my children have generations of traditions filling their hearts, makes this gift one that will keep giving when they have families of thier own.
Wishing my Essentialist Family a very, very Merry Christmas! May your days be filled with all things essential: happiness, laughter, kindness, compassion, faith, love and traditions. Oh, and a few pizzelles would make it that more tasty.❤︎
Collecting books each year has become a wonderful keepsake that will be passed on.
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
I was raised Catholic until I was 7yrs old. When my parents decided to divorce, my mother stopped going to Church. Without guidance, I fell away too. When I met my husband, I was thrown into the world of Greek Orthodoxy. His family’s rich and fierce faith was eye-opening. Their culture is intricately woven into their religion. Liturgies are mostly delivered in Ancient Greek. It took me years to get comfortable with the rituals, icons, chants, symbolism, and Greek written texts. Yet, there was always something so peaceful and calming about each service. When my husband, two children, and I moved away from family and started a new part of our lives in New England, one of the first places we went was Church. It was the summer of 2010, and I saw a flyer for a Bible Camp. When I walked in with a 3 and 4-year-old, not knowing a soul, I was warmly greeted and embraced. I felt welcomed in a way I never experienced. Our previous high-holiday visits to Church quickly morphed into weekly attendance. Our children loved the friendships they formed eagerly awaiting Sunday School each week. Fellowship after Liturgy allowed for learning more about our community, things to do, insight into schools, and a social network connected in faith.
As time progressed, I personally looked forward to sitting in a pew, surrounded by glorious icons, inhaling fragrant incense, and lighting a single white candle. As I paused each Sunday to ignite a flame, I prayed and thanked God for the good health, happiness, and blessings of my family. This Church was deeply part of the overall strength of my young family. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a family,” rings true in my heart. Our Church has become our village even without knowing it. As parents, we surrounded our children with like-minded families, valuing similar morals, dedicated to service, and putting God first and foremost in our lives. With this village, came peace and immense gratitude. I never knew what I was missing in life until this Church and Priest invited me in. After my third child was born, I converted to Greek Orthodox. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ll ever know. In a way, it completed me as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and teacher. It has continued to shape my journey in this world in a way I never imagined. Nor should I have assumed I had it all planned, because I know now more than ever that God’s plan for me is simply more than I ever could have dreamed.
Twelve years later, this Church, our Priest, and its members have become our family. My children have each become interwoven in this community of faith. My older two actively lead a teen youth group proudly engaging and promoting their Greek Orthodox religion. They are starting a Hellenic Club at their Catholic high school sharing their love of Orthodoxy as well as culture with their peers. They seek our social opportunities within the realm of their faith along with purpose. They give of themselves freely to serve others less fortunate. It has shaped who they have become as individuals. Their identity and belonging are rooted in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). This last gift to my children is one I had never expected. If you had asked my younger teenage self if I would belong to a Church or be an active Christian, I’d firmly say, “No.” Yet, once I became a mother, I opened my heart to possibilities, seeking answers for my blessings. The Greek Orthodox Church was my answer and is my gift to my family. It has strengthed my connection to my beloved husband which deepens our family bonds. I wholeheartedly pray my children will continue to walk with God each and every day of their lives and feel as much love and completeness as I have been blessed.
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.
This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.
“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.
Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎
A few months ago, it dawned on me that I really don’t have young children anymore. My youngest turned 10 so now I have a tween and two teens. I work with younger children so I still feel ‘in it’ but wondered how I could offer support to younger moms now that I’m transitioning to new worlds of parenting myself. I decided to start a kind of Mommy and Me playgroup at our church called, Roots & Wings (If you read an earlier post, you won’t be too surprised about this name!). What happened was ironic…a Mom’s playgroup turned into a Mother’s support group. Turns out many other women are seeking advice, encouragement, new ideas, reassurance, and inspiration in all phases of motherhood. We have one young mom with a 3-month-old who is navigating a sleep schedule and tummy time. One mom has two toddlers in very active yet defiant stages. Another has a 24yr old who just moved states away and is dealing with how to continue parenting a grownup! We are all moms dealing with various issues, looking for help along the way….. just what I needed! God really does deliver ❤︎
One mom wrote to me, “Thank you for your effort in inviting and letting (me) and other moms have a space to talk in person. I really appreciate this time. Thank you so much for your words and for giving me encouragement throughout this stage of life… I did some changes I hope will work…thank you for your support.” When you give of yourself, you receive SO much more. I give 1 1/2 hours a month to this group…that’s all! But I get immensely more back. I’m grateful I took a chance to start this group, not knowing if anyone would attend. I’m honored my Priest trusted me to gather a group of women in faith, hope, and love. And I’m blessed that I can continue to grow as a parent alongside such remarkable women.
My gift to you…take a chance on connecting with other people. You never know where it may lead.
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
Simply stated, I love to read. Under an umbrella on a beach, curled up on a window seat, snuggled warmly in bed, or waiting in a carpool line, it really doesn’t matter. I pretty much always have a book in tow. Fiction and nonfiction…I typically have both on my nightstand and alternate between a few chapters of each. While some ladies like to get their nails done or splurge at the spa (which I do enjoy), buying books is my treat. I do utilize our fabulous local library but some books I really just want to hang on to and reread. Plus, I am notorious for dog-earring pages, underlining passages, and jotting notes in the margins. I write as I read, making connections, notes to self, questions to research, topics to blog about. The thoughts are endless. Hence, buying my own copies makes much more sense.
And simply, the smell of a new book makes me smile:) A simple pleasure throughout my day. If I have a ‘free’ day or I’m exploring a new town, one of the first things I do is find a bookstore. I think so much is told about a community by their book purveyor. Local authors fill the shelves along with regional history, artisan gifts, and hopefully homemade snacks and a cup of coffee. Comfy chairs beckon perusing various books for hours on end. Soft music in the background drowns out crowded noise and I can just get lost in the world of literature.
Can I say I find myself in a bookstore often? Sadly, no. And I have one of the oldest in our country right down the street! As my kids have gotten older, I find we go there less and less as a family. But this gift I bequeath myself… making time to venture to local bookstores for no other reason than to simply enjoy the experience, to take a deep breath and savor the new pages waiting to be opened. And imagine what adventure awaits.
This past year, I started a Book Club. I reached out to Facebook friends and asked who was in. The response was gratifying and friends from different parts of my life, in different parts of the country have come together over a love of reading. We share stories, inspirational quotes and many laughs. Our meetings have turned into food-themed parties with a fondue night and a s’mores bar (thinking all things bubbly and gold for the New Year!). Book Club has become a highlight on my social calendar and reading with friends adds such fun and excitement to my usual quiet and calming reading ritual. Don’t tell me twice…I will continue reading alone and reading with Book Club, and of course, reading with my kiddos because I can never get enough. ❤︎
My gift to you…what is a tangible item that you immensely enjoy? Treat yourself to it without guilt and treasure the moment. Maybe it’s a book?!
I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends…a 56-minute conversation! I poured myself a cup of coffee to chat. Then, I walked my dog, emptied my dishwasher, and drove to Costco all while chatting away. We talked about our kids’ school pictures and how they never come out great but we keep buying them, dilemmas of having our kids do activities that they love versus sticking out the ones they tolerate, updating on college tours, discussing doctor appointments, rationalizing how doing a private yoga class is SO worth the money because we need to take care of ourselves, which led to why do we have to justify scheduling time for ourselves in the first place to meal ideas, updates on ailing mothers-in-law, upcoming sibling/cousin visits which turned into current news from their lives, and ending with Thanksgiving plans and trying to figure out a time to get our families together because while we talk almost every day, we all haven’t gotten together in over a year.
But Yes, I talk to her almost every day. Crazy?! No, just our norm! We’ve been friends since 8th grade. We’ve been through life together: high school, proms, moving, boyfriends, college, grad school, teaching, husbands, houses, kids, dogs, illnesses, surgeries, deaths, mid-life ‘evaluations,’ pondering life’s big questions, motivating one another, laughing, crying, confiding, supporting, challenging, listening, and simply loving one another for what we each are over the last 32 years. And it’s a blessing I don’t take for granted. Not for one day!
I have one younger brother, 5 years younger. We are definitely close and always have been but there’s something about my soul sisters (girlfriends turned sisters by choice!). In fact, I have a few. One who I also talk with every other day is from 5th grade. There’s something about the history and connection that spans decades that is truly special. Over the years, we’ve lived in neighboring towns while raising our babies, then separated by states. But somehow not seeing one another in person doesn’t diminish the bond. It grows and strengthens over time and over life experiences. Even our kids pick up like they just saw one another because they know we are family. She’s the first to tell me when I’m being too controlling, unrealistic, or just need to stop thinking what I’m thinking. She’s also the first to give me a pat on the back, cheer me on, or help in anyway possible. She never misses a birthday (kids included), anniversary or special occasion. She drives HOURS to see me for my birthday every January and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s a soul sister: created out of love.
My third soul sister came later in life. In fact, I met her in person for the first time at my rehearsal dinner 20 years ago. Our husbands went to dental school together and upon meeting it was a destined friendship destined. We never lived near one another, yet we didn’t need to. Our life philosophies, future visions, and simple truths of our hearts were the same. Through heartache, professional achievements, relocations, and rediscovering pasts, we are there for one another. There’s no hiding, disguising, judging or pretending with my soul sisters…it’s authentic friendships. The easy, natural, meant-to-be kind.
As I’ve gotten older and moved away from home, away from where I had my babies, and started a new part of my life in a new state, I have met some incredible women. My ‘besties’ as they are affectionally called have become my family. I’ve raised my children alongside these women for the past 12 years and they’ve no doubt had an immeasurable impact on me and my family. These women are connected by faith, enriching my life in a myriad of ways. Walks, dinners, workouts, and ministries keep us connected, growing and maturing side by side. Having these women alongside through college, empty nesting, aging parents, midlife change of careers, and midlife change of body will make it all that more funny, manageable, attainable, and memorable.
I believe soul sisters come in different phases of your life for possible reasons unknown at the time. But they are chosen friends. True, authentic confidants. Silly, joyful playmates. Inseparable parts of your being where life wouldn’t be nearly as good without them. Treasured for a lifetime, one cup of coffee at a time.❤︎
My gift to you: celebrate your soul sisters. Let them know how special they are.
The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.
Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.
Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done
What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!
More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!
Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs
What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.
More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!
I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎
the Essentialist Family 