My friend, Lori, teasingly points out all the times I feel moments are, “Perfect.” How’s the weather? Perfect. How’s your coffee? Perfect. How’s vacation? Perfect. I didn’t realize how often I said it but then I thought about what it meant. The Oxford dictionary defines perfect as ‘having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.’ So when I am sitting on a beach, under an umbrella, watching my kids play in the water, the moment to me is perfect. Each of our own criteria for perfection differs so my ideal beach day may be a flop to you.
I realized I’m also quick to capture a perfect moment; not necessarily a whole day but a little snapshot, in the moment kind of way. I’ve come to appreciate those little things that truly are most important…when my husband grabs hold of my hand as we walk the dog through our neighborhood- prefect. When I see my youngest crocheting alongside her nana- prefect.
So, is my life perfect? Absolutely not!! I’m perfectly imperfect right alongside my perfectly imperfect children, husband, and dog. But all our perfectly imperfect moments make me cherish this one and unique life that has been given to me. And that is simply perfect!❤️
I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎
We were away with another family when their daughter saw my two hugging and shockingly exclaimed, “You two hug?” Mine looked at one another surprisingly and replied, “Yeah!” I guess I take for granted that we’re an affectionate family. Brother hugs his sisters without prompting! Dad hugs both his son and daughters to show his love. We cuddle with our dog, curl up to next to one another while watching movies and my husband and I stroll hand in hand.
I actually felt sad my friend’s daughter doesn’t randomly hug her own brothers. No doubt they love each other but sometimes there’s nothing like a warm embrace from those you care most about.❤️
For several years now, my children have ventured to a one week, religious sleepaway camp on a serene lake in New Hampshire. Days are filled with traditional camp games, bond fires, chatting between bunkbeds, swimming, and making new friends. But they also spend lots of time in a quaint tiny Church beside the lake attending services, reading the Bible, praying, and journaling their thoughts about life as well as their personal relationship with God. My kids LOVE their week at camp. It invigorates their faith, renews the importance of alone time with God, connects Greek Orthodox youth, and simply delights their souls. Sign me up!
My eldest daughter painted the sign as a Christmas present one year. She also found a ceramic light up tree and painted that as well since I remembered having one as a child.
I thought the previous blog post was going to be my last entry of simple gifts. Yet, when a cousin asked if I would make my pizzelles for Christmas Eve, I had to smile. My grandmother’s recipe for the Italian cookie has been enjoyed by family and friends since I can remember. I was gifted my own pizzelle iron when I got married, hence carrying on the tradition. And that’s when I realized I do have one more gift for my children this and every year going forward….traditions.
It’s ironic really because I wrote an article this month for a parenting newspaper. And guess what my topic was? Traditions old and new! Yet I didn’t fully think of our customs as a gift, but that’s what they truly are. Traditions are passed down from generation to generation, providing comfort, history, belonging, and simple joy. Many of the things we do each holiday may be overlooked. I use Christmas glasses from when I was a child. They come out each and every year, mostly for egg nog. We admire ornaments from years past, ones that were even pieces of my own baby mobile. I have one photo ornament since we became a family 17 years ago and they have become a visual reminder of how our children have grown. When our children started school, we made teachers a variety of cookies as a gift. Even this last weekend, my youngest inquired as to when we were having Baking Day, she enthusiastically named it. These are all simple traditions created and treasured by my family.
We bake A LOT in our home. Becoming a mother made me a cook and baker. I found such gratification in cooking homemade meals for my family. Baking has become comforting and a way to show love. We pass on the love by making recipes from grandparents (nan’s thumbprint cookies, yiayia’s butter cookies stuffed with Nutella), relatives (my aunt’s cranberry nut bread), and friends (my college roommates’ nana’s date nut bread). We’ve added many favorites of our own from peppermint bark to chocolate-dipped Oreos (notice the chocolate theme?!). But the sentiment is the same; pass on what you love through work with your hands to show others you care.
I admit I had a hundred other things to do today. However, the laundry will eventually get done, dusting the dining room can wait, and researching my next topic will be paused. Instead, I’m making a cup of tea, putting on Christmas music, and deciding to pass on decades of joy. Smiles along with tantalized tastebuds with hints of anisette are my priority. Knowing my children have generations of traditions filling their hearts, makes this gift one that will keep giving when they have families of thier own.
Wishing my Essentialist Family a very, very Merry Christmas! May your days be filled with all things essential: happiness, laughter, kindness, compassion, faith, love and traditions. Oh, and a few pizzelles would make it that more tasty.❤︎
Collecting books each year has become a wonderful keepsake that will be passed on.
❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.
I was raised Catholic until I was 7yrs old. When my parents decided to divorce, my mother stopped going to Church. Without guidance, I fell away too. When I met my husband, I was thrown into the world of Greek Orthodoxy. His family’s rich and fierce faith was eye-opening. Their culture is intricately woven into their religion. Liturgies are mostly delivered in Ancient Greek. It took me years to get comfortable with the rituals, icons, chants, symbolism, and Greek written texts. Yet, there was always something so peaceful and calming about each service. When my husband, two children, and I moved away from family and started a new part of our lives in New England, one of the first places we went was Church. It was the summer of 2010, and I saw a flyer for a Bible Camp. When I walked in with a 3 and 4-year-old, not knowing a soul, I was warmly greeted and embraced. I felt welcomed in a way I never experienced. Our previous high-holiday visits to Church quickly morphed into weekly attendance. Our children loved the friendships they formed eagerly awaiting Sunday School each week. Fellowship after Liturgy allowed for learning more about our community, things to do, insight into schools, and a social network connected in faith.
As time progressed, I personally looked forward to sitting in a pew, surrounded by glorious icons, inhaling fragrant incense, and lighting a single white candle. As I paused each Sunday to ignite a flame, I prayed and thanked God for the good health, happiness, and blessings of my family. This Church was deeply part of the overall strength of my young family. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a family,” rings true in my heart. Our Church has become our village even without knowing it. As parents, we surrounded our children with like-minded families, valuing similar morals, dedicated to service, and putting God first and foremost in our lives. With this village, came peace and immense gratitude. I never knew what I was missing in life until this Church and Priest invited me in. After my third child was born, I converted to Greek Orthodox. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ll ever know. In a way, it completed me as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and teacher. It has continued to shape my journey in this world in a way I never imagined. Nor should I have assumed I had it all planned, because I know now more than ever that God’s plan for me is simply more than I ever could have dreamed.
Twelve years later, this Church, our Priest, and its members have become our family. My children have each become interwoven in this community of faith. My older two actively lead a teen youth group proudly engaging and promoting their Greek Orthodox religion. They are starting a Hellenic Club at their Catholic high school sharing their love of Orthodoxy as well as culture with their peers. They seek our social opportunities within the realm of their faith along with purpose. They give of themselves freely to serve others less fortunate. It has shaped who they have become as individuals. Their identity and belonging are rooted in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). This last gift to my children is one I had never expected. If you had asked my younger teenage self if I would belong to a Church or be an active Christian, I’d firmly say, “No.” Yet, once I became a mother, I opened my heart to possibilities, seeking answers for my blessings. The Greek Orthodox Church was my answer and is my gift to my family. It has strengthed my connection to my beloved husband which deepens our family bonds. I wholeheartedly pray my children will continue to walk with God each and every day of their lives and feel as much love and completeness as I have been blessed.
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?
There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.
I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.
My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎
I bet you’ve heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. But did you know that it takes 90 days to make the new habit permanent? There are 90 days from Sept 25th to Christmas Eve. What a great time to create the new habit you’ve been thinking of or putting off. What have you been wanting to start with your family? One meal a day together? Family walks? Face Timing grandparents? Writing in a family gratitude journal? Giving thanks at meals? Think about one simple change you can all make or one activity you can add and commit the next 90 days to fulfilling it. Keep a calendar to mark off your family’s progress as you count down to 12/24. Celebrate small wins along the way such as creating a family cheer at week 1 or throwing confetti at week 4. Leave one another notes of encouragement along the way. Thank your family members for being positive, motivating and supportive. Days may be rough and you may skip a day or two. Don’t get discouraged. That’s when the power of family comes into play and you get through it together. Keep the end in mind and focus on strategies that help when the going gets tough! Make sure you celebrate big on Christmas Eve! This process will be a huge life lesson for your kids…creating positive change with loved ones by your side. And a new yearly tradition may have started too❤︎
What will your family take on in the next 90 days?
We are living in a helicopter parenting world. Parents hovering, making sure bad things don’t happen to their kids, choreographing every activity, curating playdates, and dismissing free-time as an important part of childhood. I have have found myself caught up in this protective cycle. But as my kids are getting older, I realize I need to prepare them for the real world…the one where I am not always around!! It doesn’t mean I will let them struggle alone, but instead by their side. I will struggle along with them providing coping skills, strategies and support so that when they fall, they get back up!
Our kids are going to face criticism, failure, and exclusion. It is hard to go through even as adults and even harder to watch our own children withstand less than ideal circumstances. But real life problems can be a positive. Walking the path of life together with our children allows us to use struggles as teachable moments. How can we best respond to being left off the JV Team? What can we do when we were excluded from a ‘best’ friends’ party? Where do we turn when a teacher keeps giving a B- even though you’re fulfilling all the boxes on the class rubric? These struggles provide opportunities for discussion, decision making, responding to emotions, asking for help, considering various options, and reflecting on what can be learned in these moments of disappointment.
How can I best prepare my teens for the impending real world? By letting them fall. While I’ll be by their sides for now, I hope they’ll soon be able to dust themselves off and get back up again all on their own!
Books to Read That Discuss the Importance of Struggle:
The Blessing of a B-, by Wendy Mogel
Parenting Toward the Kingdom, by Philip Mamalakis
I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎
Now that I’m in my mid40s, there are SO many things I wish I had done sooner! They say wisdom comes with age and I am definitely seeing that. Studies also show that woman are happier as they age. If anything, I see a confidence and contentment emerge that I didn’t necessarily have before. I had my first two children less than 1 1/2 years apart just when I hit 30. Life was busy and I was totally immersed in the toddler years then preschools years for what seemed like ages. Several of my friends had mini-vans and I was in awe of the space, all the cup holders, and automatic doors. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to buy one. I had this “never” list in my head…never get a dog, never have more the 2 kids, and never, ever get a mini-van. Not sure how this mantra started but I stuck to it for years. Was I afraid to get older? What would happen if I altered this self-perception? Life was good with a Honda Accord, which turned into a Ford Explorer as we wanted more room. Life was incredible with two kids, but a yearning was there for more. Wouldn’t a dog be a great companion for our family even when I subconsciously knew I’d be the one letting it out, taking it on walks, scheduling vet and grooming appointments? Well, mid30s came and a third baby blessed our family. A few years later, our goldendoodle arrived. And yes, it’s true, I now happily and enthusiastically drive a min-van! What took me SO long?!! There’s so much space. And cup holders and storage galore. And a DVD to quiet those kids for the ‘are we there yet’ trips!! And as my son becomes a young man at 5ft 9in and growing, he has plenty of legroom anywhere he decides to sit. Seven high school sailors with lifejackets and gear off to a regatta? I’ll drive! (Which is awesome because I get to spend time with my teenagers and their friends since I can fit everyone…comfortably!) Oh, and the dog can spread out easily when I take out one of the middle seats-dog bed included! Essentially, it’s a mini-moving van that is going to come in real handy when packing up for college, which will be here before I know it. Now I’m not so sure I can live without the mini-van. I may never want to live without a mini-van as I have lived on the other side of the automatic doors. My new life mantra is, “Never Say Never” because some of life’s greatest blessings are the ones we never imagine. However, I will admit, when I am stopped in front of a store with mirrored glass and I catch a glimpse of a woman sitting in the driver’s seat, it still takes a second to realize it’s me. ❤︎
I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎
School has started and kids are back in class. I’ve been getting very reflective lately as I have a junior and sophomore in high school. I feel like time is ticking…FAST…and there are things I was to accomplish as a parent. I believe my job is to guide these unique children to become the best versions of themselves as they leave my nest. What will I do with this time?
I was watching the news this morning and the reporter was discussing the need for teachers to monitor what students are eating during the school day. And honestly I was taken aback. Teachers are given more and more and more to do within the same timeframe. They are handed all academics, moral development, socio-emotional health, socialization, conflict resolution and now nutrition. But the reason I paused was not to necessarily defend teachers, but to wake-up parents. There are 168 hours in a week. Let’s estimate your child is in school eight hours a day…that’s 40 hours per week of mandated time out of the home. The other 128 hours is up to you! And that’s powerful!!
How do you fill your child’s time? How much sleep are they getting? Who watches your child for after school care? What exercise or sports are they engaged in? What meals and snacks are fueling their bodies? Who are they hanging out with? What are they viewing on screens or listening to in music? Do you make time for Church? Are you volunteering as a family? How much time is devoted to being together? Think hard and take inventory, but without blame or excuses. Acknowledge your reality and make changes if it’s not what you envision. Small changes lead to big results so start somewhere!
So my question to all of us parents is, “What are you doing for your children with 128 hours per week?”
the Essentialist Family 