Category: Orthodoxy Parenting

Book Takeway: The Read-Aloud Family

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March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎

Reading with your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.  Not only is it a way to bond and strengthen your connection, which is what we are all about at The Essentialist Family, but you are building important literacy skills in the process.

Countless studies show that reading aloud increases vocabulary, develops fluency, increases attention span, increases phonemic awareness, enriches conversations, allows for connections between other texts and real world experiences, fosters better listening skills, and creates meaningful experiences between parent and child.

I just finished reading, The Read-Aloud Family, by Sarah Mackenzie, who founded The Read Aloud Revival.  It is a MUST read!  As a teacher, reading aloud to my students was interwoven throughout our days with multiple picture books and passages of chapter books.  When my children were born, books were everywhere from Day 1.  Cuddling in the rocking chair, reading together was how we spent a good portion of our time together.  Reading at bedtime was a ritual, just like so many other families.

However, as my children got to be in upper elementary and now middle school and high school, I have to admit that reading aloud has stopped.  And it’s my fault!  They have assigned readings from school and have a stack of personal reading selections they rarely get to after homework and activities, so how could I possibly add another book to the little time they have?  Reading is suppose to be enjoyable and I didn’t want to make it a chore.

Yet, I did feel like I was denying them an important experience.  The Read-Aloud Family inspired me to not waste another moment and start reading together!  I knew I’d have a challenge enticing my tween and teens so I asked them to join me for dessert!  Out came a pile of picture books, which are never too grownup!  They can ignite imagination through illustrations, offer dialogue about various topics, and are usually short enough so that they can fit into any schedule.  I chose three word-free books: Journey, Quest, and Return by Aaron Becker.  My kids were enraptured in the pictures and each shared their interpretation of what was happening.  It took about 20 minutes to read and we all enjoyed a brownie while we chatted.  I explained that we were going to start Family Read Togethers again.  My son thanked me, my oldest asked if they’d continue getting dessert during each Read Together, and my husband said this was his new favorite family activity.  We figured out what days would realistically work for us to continue this (M,W) and also decided to start an audiobook for the car ride to school!

Sometimes we start to believe that our children are too old for certain things we use to do, like reading to them.  My heart was beaming because I was shown that tweens and teens are still children who do like being with their parents.  Spending quality time reading together was another way for us to connect…but with dessert, of course!

“Men are often called intelligent wrongly. Intelligent men are not those who are erudite in the sayings and books of the wise men of old, but those who have an intelligent soul and can discriminate between good and evil. They avoid what is sinful and harms the soul; and with deep gratitude to God they resolutely adhere by dint of practice to what is good and benefits the soul. These men alone should truly be called intelligent.” St. Anthony the Great, “On the Character of Men and on the Virtuous Life: One Hundred and Seventy Texts,” Text 1, The Philokalia: The Complete Text (Vol. 1)

Book Takeway: The Blessings of a B-

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March is National Reading Month so why not have a list of parenting books to have by your side for guidance, support and inspiration. This month’s blogs will focus on books I have on my shelf.❤︎

Recent nontraditional learning instruction has parents wondering if their children are behind academically. I recently read, The Blessings of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel (author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee), and couldn’t help but remind myself that grades are not what matters most.  Maybe the pandemic is making parents pause and consider what schooling is really for.   “The most reliable predictors of adult success are not grades in high school or a college pedigree.  They are the qualities that psychologist Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence: empathy, optimism, flexibility, a good sense of humor, the capacity to function as a team member, and a positive reaction to setbacks.”  Aren’t these the characteristics we hope our children will develop?  As they enter the real world on their own, what in fact will help them succeed?  Our goal as parents is to guide them toward independence, self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and confidence while teaching them basic life skills so they use their own unique abilities to make their mark in this world.  “If you teach your child that everyday work is a gift, you encourage skills that will allow him to develop his holy potential-first as a child and student, and eventually as a parent and contributing member of the community.”  Perhaps we need to refocus our parenting lens; less on academics pressures and more on life skills.  Mounting data shows that today’s teens are less prepared for living on their own than generations before.  This should be a wake-up call for parents that this is our fault!  It is our job to prepare them!  Let’s not fail our children but instead arm them to be the productive, innovative, compassionate individuals that our society needs.  And maybe don’t think about grades over the next few weeks or months ..think about thier future lives.❤︎

“Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.” Raising Children According to Saint John Chrysostom

Morning Calm

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Thoughtfulls For Kids from Live-Inspired.com

“Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like.”
― Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

School mornings can be hectic….fights for the bathroom, trying to bag healthy snacks and lunches, looking for homework that the dog may have eaten (this actually did happen in our house)…let the mayhem begin! But, you don’t have to start your day in a craze! Try these family-tested tips to make your mornings calmer and happier:

  1. Wake up with soothing music. Who enjoys having a blaring siren abruptly wake them from a sound sleep? No one! Set your alarm to a soft, soothing ringtone or play a classical song. Jazz may be the genre that makes you feel calm, so try playing it for your kids. Continue playing music while the kids make their beds, get dressed, and mosey their way to the kitchen to eat. Over time, they will register the soft, relaxing tunes with a calm, morning routine. (Read my latest post about lighting a scented candle to create more peace as well!)
  2. Set alarms earlier than needed. Alarms are a useful tool. They also decrease nagging done by parents. Teach your children to give themselves more time than they think they need to get ready in the morning. They will feel less rushed and can mentally handle the tasks at hand all in a more positive manner. Add different alarms for various tasks for instance a “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to wake up then a twinkling sound to start getting dressed followed by a chime to head downstairs for breakfast.
  3. Display a schedule. Children need and like structure. Having a bulletin board, wipe-off board or calendar in a highly visible area such as the kitchen, is a great way to let your kids know what’s on the agenda for the day. Soccer practice at 4pm…What needs to be packed? After-school daycare….pack an extra snack. Not only are they mentally prepared for the day, but they can take an active role in getting themselves ready. Make the charts interactive so they physically have to check off a completed task and are ready to go!
  4. Leave a HAPPY note. Who doesn’t like to get a surprise note as a reminder that someone is thinking of them? Take a few minutes to write your kids a special note of love, a smiley face or an inspiring quote. Stick it on the bathroom mirror, put it in their shoe, or hide it in their backpack. Positive vibes will surely follow.
  5. Take deep breaths. When things are hectic, take a moment and take a deep breath. Have your children follow suit. It will supply the brain with fresh oxygen, provide a moment to pause and allow you to move on in a less crazed manner. Ahhhhhh!
  6. Say a prayer. Before your family goes off in their own direction, take a moment to pray. Recall a prayer that’s inspirational to your family, give thanks, ask for guidance, or simply keep someone else in your thoughts. You set the tone of your home, so remain at peace yourself and calm will follow❤︎

Some mornings will no doubt be better than others. But a 100% success rate is probably not possible! Set reasonable expectations with a reasonable timeline and you’ll be happily surprised how much smoother and calmer your days begin.

Book Takeaways: Tending the Garden of our Hearts

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“Fasting is wonderful because it tramples our sins like a dirty weed, while it cultivates and raises truth like a flower.”

-St. John Chrysostom

Last Lent, I came upon Tending the Garden of Our Hearts: Daily Lenten Meditations for Families by Elissa Bjeletich and Kristina Wenger. It became a special ritual during our 40 days to read this book together. Each week’s theme is explained along with daily scripture and Bible stories. Each chapter ends with a discussion prompt. What makes this a valuable resource is that it’s easy to incorporate it into daily life. Short Bible verses, practical ideas and thought-provoking questions draw us to pick it up! We become inspired, reflective and simply better Orthodox Christians after incorporating it into our lives. Fasting during this season allows us to focus on less material items, and give thanks for what we truly need. “Ascesis is not directed against the body but against passions, whose root is spiritual because the intellect is the first to fall to passion” (Bartholomew of Constantinople). By becoming aware of our choices and thoughts, we can train our minds to focus more on love, prayer, serving others, and less on ourselves. My husband recently commented that Lent is his favorite ‘holiday.’ It’s a time for personal reflection, to develop your own spiritual character. It’s a unique journey for each one of us as well as for our children. My hope is that you journey together with your family during this Great Lent and grow closer to one another in the process. ❤︎

Organizing Brings Happiness and Less Complaining

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Our ‘after’ pantry

I like to organize! I like to have a place for everything. My daughters have followed in my footsteps, but my son, not so much. We are heading into Lent and cleaning our home is part of our preparedness. This year, my 10yr old has been watching The Home Edit so our home is going through some major re-organization! It first started with my daughter’s room. I spent way too much on clear drawer containers so she could roll her clothes into neat, small bundles. Hours upon hours later she surfaced with a huge smile of accomplishment. She purged bags of clothes that did not fit, hammy downs that she would not wear, and trinkets that were long over due to be tossed. She gained 2 empty drawers, which she stored her hair accessories and jewelry so that the top of her dressers were free from clutter. WOW! I was amazed. Her happiness was contagious and soon we were on to tackle the kitchen pantry.

A trip to our local Home Goods shocked the cashier as she inquired what we could possibly do with all those bins! Honestly, the kitchen project took me a few days to mentally process before we began because I knew it would temporarily disrupt our daily lives. But with her enthusiasm gleaming, we jumped in. I even put a coat of glossy white paint on the shelves since it hadn’t been done in years! Together we sorted, color matched, and rearranged the most highly utilized part of our kitchen. And it is glorious! Something as simple as putting school snacks in a clear bin within easy reach makes mornings that much smoother! Moving nuts to the middle shelf within eye sight allows them to be chosen as a snack more often! Up went the pasta to the top shelf simply because I need to eat less pasta…and it worked! Who would have imagined organizing a pantry would make everyone in our home happier? Even my husband keeps saying he LOVES opening the doors as it looks pretty.

Why stop there? Kitchen drawers were my project one afternoon. My daughter tackled her bathroom closet. Then came refrigerator. Again, it’s incredible what a few clear bins can do to transform a space. We reimagined where food items could go and started with a clean slate. Veggies and fruit came out of the built-in produce drawers and we sorted them by color in the easy to reach middle of the fridge. Breads went into the drawers so they aren’t seen as easily or eaten as frequently. And guess what? We’ve been flying through our fruits and veggies simply because they are front and center. And when you sort by color, they look so nice!

Honestly, all I can say is start organizing the most used parts of your home right now! Think of your kitchen, mudroom, bedrooms, bathrooms. Take your time though…make it a month long project. Keep in mind, if you drag it on too long it won’t get done. Divide tasks, rooms and roles to make it a family affair. Plus, the more hands who contribute, the more ownership they’ll have and will aim to keep it organized along the way. And when people can find things, there’s less complaining, smoother mornings and bedtimes, less chaos, and fewer inquires of where things are. And that makes mom simple happier. ❤︎

If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎

Lauri

For inspiration check out: https://thehomeedit.com/

Our ‘after’ fridge

Backpack Essential for School: Positivity

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Crayons & positivity

‘Tis the time for back-to-school shopping! Stick me in a store brimming with brightly colored markers, stacks of post-it notes, fun folders and planners galore….I’m a very happy woman. As a former elementary teacher, this time of year is filled with promise, hope, and growth. But while parents are busy purchasing items off the class supply lists, let’s remember to stuff our kids’ backpacks’ with socio-emotional essentials as well.

Starting a new grade or school can be emotionally overwhelming. There are many changes in friends, schedules and routines, new teachers and personalities, coping with homework demands, and navigating teammates. Inevitably, emotions will be running the gamut and some days will be awesome and others downright terrible. So what can we teach our kids to help manage the good and the bad? Positivity, simply having an optimistic attitude!

“Positive thinking is a mental attitude that perceives situations in a constructive way. It does not mean ignoring the negative. Rather, a positive thinker acknowledges a situation and looks at it productively.”1 Making a mental switch is not always easy, but having a positive mindset lends to resilience, self-efficacy, decreased anxiety, and more happiness. This is a skill that needs practice and parents can be great role models. For instance, your child is sad to learn that his best friend isn’t in his new class. Acknowledge his feelings of disappointment, but point out the potential benefits (having a chance to develop other friendships, discover things in common with other people, enlarging social group, planning special outings with his bf). Your positive attitude will help him reframe his initial thoughts and subsequent feelings in a more hopeful manner.

Academically, students who are positive in their abilities and when they come across challenges fare much better. “Students who were positive about math tended to be more interested in it and were also more likely to practice it, and this positive perception towards math and their abilities resulted in enhanced memory and more efficient problem-solving” (How Maintaining a Positive Outlook Can Help Us Learn). To boost memory and performance, guide your kids in attitude. If your child gets stumped on a math problem, teach her to enthusiastically say, “Bring on the challenge!” She’ll be better able to cope and solve.

So while you’re stuffing those backpacks with pencils, folders, and dry-eraser markers, don’t forget about those emotional supplies that will last a lifetime.❤︎

Want more inspiration? Like our new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article?contentid=629&language=English 1

https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/children-positive-attitude#:~:text=According%20to%20positive%20psychology%20researcher,(and%20adults)%20more%20resilient2

How Maintaining a Positive Outlook Can Help Us Learn

Standing Tall in Sunday’s Best

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Have you taken a look around lately and noticed how casual clothing has become? A typical outfit for my teenagers is sports shorts and a t-shirt, possibly with a hooded sweatshirt. I easily fall into this very informal category wearing workout clothes, when in fact, I’m not usually exercising. The pandemic did not help this matter at all. We were given a great excuse to live at home comfortably in pjs for at least 6 days a week. Sunday was the only day we did get dressed up. We are Greek Orthodox and our Church community does get fairly dressed up for service. Men wear suits or jackets, women wear skirts or dresses, boys wear button-down shirts or polos with khakis while girls put on dresses. I have come to truly appreciate the level of formality that comes with attending Church as a family. This past weekend, I watched my children walk into a Church that was new to us. I couldn’t help but notice they stood a little taller, strolled confidently, and greeted everyone with a smile.

“Individuals dressed professionally exhibit significantly greater measures of self-perception, compared to those in both casual attire and their own clothing. By simply wearing professional outfits, (students) had higher self-esteem, self-efficacy.”1 Is dressing up a skill we should teach our children more regularly?

My kids actually like getting ready for Church. It is their norm. No arguing, no squirming saying the clothing is uncomfortable; it’s simply expected. I’ve now transferred this ‘looking nice’ attire for when we go out to restaurants. First of all, it is getting increasingly expensive to eat out as a family of five and I want them to acknowledge that it’s a special event when we do venture out. If putting on nicer clothes helps them feel better and even act better, then maybe Sunday’s best should be worn the other 6 days per week?!

❤︎ Want more inspiration? Like our new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

http://psychlearningcurve.org/dress-to-impress/

Homemaking: Purposeful Giving

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Giving is innate for mothers. It’s essentially what we do and who we are. However, given the mundane nature of homemaking, women can become dissatisfied and unfulfilled, often forgetting what purpose there is in daily tasks. “What woman resents is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly. What we fear is not so much that our energy may be leaking away through small outlets as that it may be going ‘down the drain'” (40).

Oxford defines homemaking as the creation of a home, especially as a pleasant place in which to live. What an honor to cultivate a loving, respectful, supportive environment for people you care most about. But it is hard work!! To be completely honest, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It was never how I envisioned my life, probably because I grew up with a single mother who worked full-time. We struggled financially when I was growing up and I knew putting myself through college and graduate school would provide a better life for myself and my family. Yet God had His own plans for me, which is usually how it goes. It took me years to embrace homemaking and realize the real purpose it holds, the breadth it encompasses, and my value within it.

“Purposeful giving is not as apt to deplete one’s resources; it belongs to that natural order of giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion. The more one gives, the more one has to give” (41). With acknowledgment of usefulness, even without financial gain, mothers gain strength and replenish their sense of self. Homemaking is not a full-time job for all mothers, but we all need to see the immense worth in the care, time, and purposeful thought we heartfully dedicate to our families.

❤︎ Want more inspiration? Like our new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh