Category: Parenthood

Siblings stepping up to serve as examples to one another

Posted in Children, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simple joys, simply better yourself, the little momentsTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!
After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!

Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?

“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.

So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.

Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!

Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎

Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!

Encourage your children to inspire one another with…

  • completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
  • preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
  • starting homework after a snack or practice
  • keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
  • setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
  • choosing a nicer outfit for church
  • picking up the phone to call a grandparent

**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com

Why are Acts of Kindness Shocking?

Posted in Family, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, simply better yourself, the little moments, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Over February vacation, I took two of my kids down to Florida to visit family as a last-minute trip. Truth be told, my Uncle is not doing well and I wanted to be sure we could spend a little time with him. On the flight down, my son was sitting in the row in front of me next to an older gentleman. They struck up conversation about this man’s time in the army and subsequent defense work for 56 years. At the end of the flight, the gentleman asked my son if he could retrieve his bags from the overhead compartment. My son proceeded to offer to carry the bags off the plane as it was obvious that walking was difficult. It took a few moments for the gentleman to get himself out of the row and wobble out of the aircraft. There were several grunts and sighs from the people behind us, suggesting it was taking way too long for their liking. The gentleman even responded that he was sorry and I commented that he did not need to rush and could take his time. (Note here that I had just started reading, The Let Them Theory, by Mel Robbins, on this very flight and I was going to Let Them complain, moan, and roll their eyes and I was not going to rush this older man one little bit.).

Once we got this man settled into his wheelchair with his belongings, we bid farewell with smiles and a warm feeling of simply helping someone. I only hope I am in good health when I’m his age and can travel, “for business” as he was still doing. A fellow passenger stopped me and said I should be proud of my son as he saw the entire situation unfold. “He gave me faith that there’s still kindness in this world.” I was actually a tad taken aback. What had my son done? Get bags down from the overhead? Help lug bags off a plane? Be a friendly face to a man sitting next to him? Be patient?

Have we become a society in which normal graces and common manners are exceptions? Is being helpful to strangers rare? Is friendliness now seen as an act of kindness? How did this happen?????

Yes, I am proud of my son. Not necessarily for that particular moment but for all the moments that led up to this where it has become part of his being that he is helpful, kind, considerate, patient, selfless, and loving. He did not have to think in this moment whether or not to assist an older man; he simply acted on instinct, and acted with love. As we raise our children or even reflect on our own actions as adults, let’s remember that simple manners do go a long way and kindness should be a way of simply being. ♥︎

Fun Mom

Posted in Christian, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, Simple moments, the little momentsTagged , , , , , Leave a comment

My youngest recently told me I’m a “fun mom!” When I inquired what makes me fun, she said because I play!! That’s what our kids want and need from us… connection, sincere interest, engagement. Like all mothers, it seems I always have a list of things to do, but her soft voice echos in my head to make sure I leave time to play.❤️

Midlife Reevaluation

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Little Moments, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment
2 Paths

I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎

Hugs and More Hugs

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Little Moments, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, the little momentsTagged , , , , , Leave a comment

My older two ❤️

We were away with another family when their daughter saw my two hugging and shockingly exclaimed, “You two hug?” Mine looked at one another surprisingly and replied, “Yeah!” I guess I take for granted that we’re an affectionate family. Brother hugs his sisters without prompting! Dad hugs both his son and daughters to show his love. We cuddle with our dog, curl up to next to one another while watching movies and my husband and I stroll hand in hand.

I actually felt sad my friend’s daughter doesn’t randomly hug her own brothers. No doubt they love each other but sometimes there’s nothing like a warm embrace from those you care most about.❤️

Encouraging Disagreement

Posted in Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, UncategorizedTagged , , , Leave a comment

Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!

Take 5

Posted in Family, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Sunset in the Florida Keys

Lots of things happen throughout the day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming…all the decisions that are being made, all the chores that need to be done, all the places that we need to go. For our kids, it’s the same feeling. Yet, we can take a few minutes to regroup, refocus, and regain our calm. For me, it’s waking up before anyone else to read Scripture and give thanks. At work, it’s closing my door and shutting my lights for a few moments of quiet. While making dinner, it’s putting on 2 CELLOS’ instrumental arrangements to soothe our souls as five of us come together bringing our collective days to the table. When we feel a bit restless or even frantic, we simply “Take 5” and then carry on with a lighter heart. Giving kids a technique that they can use with or without you present will empower them to calm their own spirits and positively refocus their moments. ❤︎

A New Year Inspired by Quotes

Posted in Family, Happiness, Joy, Little Moments, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simple joys, Simple moments, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , Leave a comment

Happy 2024! How many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken or better yet, never started? Well, I have too many to count! This year I’m changing the habit and instead, will find inspiring quotes to guide my family each week. 

What is an authentic self?

Who makes you feel happy when you are being real?

How can you shine in your own light?

Follow along each week as I share quotes that I post in my own home to encourage conversation, inspire action, and simply show love.❤︎

Look Me in the Eyes

Posted in essentialism, Family, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, simply better yourselfTagged , , , , Leave a comment

I see roughly 40 students a day as a reading interventionist. As I welcome various groups into my classroom, I have a rule when they come to the door: they must make eye contact, choose a greeting, and give me a handshake, elbow pump, quick dance move or a hug. Guess what the hardest part of this routine is? Loooking me in the eyes when they say, “Good morning, Mrs. D.” Social etiquette is a skill that takes practice and midway through the school year, these kids are experts at it! They confidently wish me a “Good afternoon” as they firmly shake my hand and look me squarely in the eyes. While this takes all of 3 seconds, it’s a life skill that I hope they’ll carry with them every day when they interact with other adults. When was the last time you looked your own children lovingly into their eyes? And they back to you?

Simple Gifts for My Children: Giving of One’s Self

Posted in essentialism, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Joy, Parenthood, parentingTagged , , Leave a comment

❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

Over the summer, my mother crocheted 125 hats for students at my school in school colors. She continues to be an example of generosity with a joyful spirit.

How is it possible that Christmas decorations start lining the shelves in stores beginning in August?! Where’s the anticipation of waiting until after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, pull out the decorations and start shopping for gifts in the few weeks leading up to December 25th? The overwhelming push for buying ‘stuff’ has been so off-putting. Never mind the fact that the real reason we celebrate Christmas is the birth of Jesus. That completely gets lost to commercialism. I do admit I can get caught up in purchasing presents for my own children, but I stop to remind myself that the real meaning of this holiday is giving to others. The wholehearted joy that comes from selfless giving is a wonderful gift that I can pass on to my children today and always.

Service to others was taught to me at a young age. We did not have a lot of money growing up, but when we had clothes we outgrew or furniture to replace, we always donated our items realizing that others could use them. And even when holiday gifts for my brother and I were scarce, my mother made it a priority to donate to a charity close to her heart. As I raise my own children, I have come to include them in the process of choosing who and how we open our hearts. Over the years, we have served at meal centers, put together meals in a bag, donated toys, coats and mittens, books, school supplies, toothbrushes and toothpaste, mattresses, made blankets, given money to animal rescue centers, wildlife refuges, and homeless shelters. We spread the word to immobilize troops of friends to support our missions so that we can do more together. Giving to our Church and our schools is essential to us as well. Establishing relationships with homebound seniors through cards, phone calls, and homemade goodies brighten all of our days. In our community, we serve our neighbors whenever we can. Maybe it’s sharing vegetables from our garden, bringing in garbage cans or shoveling a walkway for an elderly woman up the hill. Big or small, noticed or unseen, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” (Albert Einstein).

I hope my children realize they are not alone…they are part of a village of people who help whenever they can, in whatever capacity they have and receive openly in return. Life will bring good times and hardships, but no matter what each day will deliver, may they carry a giving heart because that will fill them with joy. ❤︎

Simple Gifts for My Children: Asking for Forgiveness

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parentingTagged Leave a comment

❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.

“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.

Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎

Focus on Less, But Gain More

Posted in essentialism, Family, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , 2 Comments

The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.

Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.

Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done

What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!

More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!

Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs

What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.

More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!

I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎

Stop Blaming the Child, Start Teaching the Parents

Posted in Family, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , Leave a comment

“My child doesn’t sit still! My child can’t focus! My child won’t eat anything I make for dinner! My child doesn’t read on grade level! My child throws tantrums! My child refuses to do chores! My child doesn’t pick up his things! My child is not appreciative! My child”….the list goes on and on. There are many, many things we feel our kids don’t do, but there are many more things that they can do. As a Parent Educator, I teach parents to stop placing the blame on their children but instead change their own mindest, expectations, routines, language and consequences. The results can be quite amazing!

It’s hard to accept responsibility when things don’t go as planned. Parenting is one of the hardest areas to acknowledge difficulties because parenting is just plain HARD! And it doesn’t always get easier the longer you do it! Finding support and encouragement is key in being the best parent you can be. Learning new techniques and strategies while seeking advice are essential in the parenting handbook. Take responsibility in the fact that you won’t know everything and won’t do everything well. Utilize resources, devote time to learning, and humbly acknowledge when you need help. This is what makes good parents great!

Stop blaming your kids for not focusing on homework. Teach them to have a snack before getting down to work, having supplies on hand, using a timer to chunk work into 15-minute increments buffered with a 5 minute break, stand while completing work, or using a fidget tool to keep fingers busy.

Stop blaming your kids for not being thoughtful. Teach them to say, “Thank you” when you serve them dinner, have them bring a neighbor’s trash cans off the street to their garage, bake a treat for a senior at your Church, write a thank you note to the crossing guard at school, leave flowers for a sibling on their nightstand.

Stop blaming your kids for watching too much TV. Teach them to shut off TV during school days and play outside, help cook dinner, build with legos, read or simply be bored!

While we can be quick to point out faults in our children, pause to see how it may be possible for you to do a better job teaching them the necessary skills so they are more adept. Teaching parents effective strategies for their parenting toolkit empowers them and their children thus strengthening their families and making life simply happier.

The Magic Of a Whisper or a Cow Bell

Posted in Family, motherhood, Parenthood, parentingTagged , Leave a comment

How annoying is it when your kids begin to ignore you? It seems like you’re talking to yourself! Kids tune us out. It’s a fact! So what can we do to engage our kids? Whisper! Sounds silly but try to change the volume of your voice. They need to lean into you to be able to hear which means they’ll become more focused on the conversation. Try changing your tone and intonation as well. Early childhood educators are experts at this and is why they can captivate a class of 25 4year olds when reading a book aloud. They are dynamic, expressive, boisterous then subdue.

“Parents often have trouble softening their tone, because a harsh one is so effective. There are a few things to consider here. First, if you always yell, you will always need to yell. Continuing to rely upon a certain volume or tone of voice actually trains your kids to only listen when you use it. They know that you don’t mean what you say until you are yelling. Next, a “mean voice” might work in the short term, but it fails in the long run. Not only are your kids not listening or retaining, but you are wearing the relationship down.”1 Now in the moment, our first reaction may be to use a loud voice as our emotions escalate. But we need to pause, take a breath and then respond with a quieter tone. This is modeling at its finest!

But what if you get sick of hearing yourself talk? That’s me! Time for the nonverbal signals…clapping, stomping, a chime, or cow bell…my favorite. Clap out a pattern or stomp a beat from a song…it’s amazing that kids will pause from what they’re doing and listen. They tune into the novel stimuli, which is NOT your voice! We were given a cow bell as a souvenir from an alumni event at my husband’s school. It occasionally rings in the start to dinner and not so quietly declares it’s time to go when we are in a rush. Also try incorporating a thumbs up or another family favorite…point two fingers at my eyes then point to my child indicating, “I am watching you!!”

My other go-to strategy is keeping a small wipe-off board on the kitchen island for a reminder of things that need to get done that day. It’s not a calendar but a reminder/task pad! (J: Empty wheel barrow, E: Order swim gear, S: Is your laundry basket filling up?). This stops me from nagging and gives them ownership by placing responsibility to get it done on their time frame. When they get to erase their task off the board, they feel accomplished too! Sometimes the least said is the most effective.

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

Check out my new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

1https://www.familyeducation.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-the-tone-of-voice-to-use-when-disciplining-kids

https://www.theteachertoolkit.com/index.php/tool/non-verbal-signals