Category: parenting

Simple Gifts for My Children: Disconnecting to Reconnect

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

When my kids were younger, there was never a shortage of ideas of what they’d enjoy getting for Christmas. But as they’ve gotten older, they really don’t ask for toys or games. Most likely, it’s clothes they need or far-off requests such as another pet (I am holding firm with only 1 dog and 1 fish!). I actually find it harder to surprise them with ‘stuff.’ What I have found happening over the last several years, is that we are gifting experiences. We plan outings, concerts, and winter activities to do as a family and some have quickly become our new family traditions. Attending a local ballet conservatory’s The Nutcracker along with bundling up to view a park decked out with a light show have become yearly excursions. Day trips to nearby ski mountains during vacation is a highlight and we even ask relatives to contribute to these staycations. It’s doing things together that they remember much more than how many gifts are wrapped under the tree.

This season, I plan to start gifting early. I find that if we schedule ‘disconnecting’ from our electronic devices, we spend more quality time together. I’m embarrassed to say that at times we have to schedule this and make it a priority but it is true. Between online homework, texting friends, searching the web, blogging, and computer work for my husband, we are all constantly using technology. Yet when we make ourselves unplug, we reconnect face-to-face. We typically have dinner each night together, but after we clean up, it’s off in different directions. However, let’s linger a little longer this month…sit by the fire, play a quick card game or write cards to loved ones we won’t see. We can choose our favorite holiday songs and sing or dance along for a few moments more than we normally would. We can bake cookies with favorite recipes as well as try some new ones, go on a Christmas light tour of our neighborhood, or maybe try snowshoeing (if there’s snow). My hope is that we have more quality time together because life with my children is going by WAY TOO fast and I want to savor it all because it’s our moments together that mean the most. So, if you drive by our house, you may see me sledding down the hill alongside my kids, with not a blog post in sight!

Simple Gifts for My Children: Asking for Forgiveness

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❤︎The series of entries in December will be short essays on simple gifts you can give your children each and every day. During this season of light, hope, and love, I will share my own stories to inspire reflection and possibly spark small changes in your family as we focus on what’s truly essential.

My daughter had done extremely poorly on an exam…failed it. My first reaction was blame- Did you not study enough? Did you not read all 17 short stories? Did you go for help? I was judgemental and quick to react…all my shortcomings, I admit. As I looked at my daughter I could see she was distraught. She had studied and prepared and it was hard and she felt horrible. I knew I needed to apologize. Now was not the time to question, but instead, be there as a shoulder to comfort.

“Will you forgive me?” I asked. “I did not handle that well. I can tell you are upset about the results of your test and my response did not help. Let’s talk about what you can do about this after dinner. I love you.” We hugged and moved on. I sighed heavily because I was truly sorry. While I was disappointed that she failed an exam, what she’ll remember more is how I responded to the situation. She is a responsible, hardworking student so this was not a normal occurrence. I want her to be able to come to me when things go wrong, when she has trouble, when real problems occur because in the grand scheme of life, this was not a big problem. But to her, in this moment, it was a big deal! I think that’s why it sat so heavy on my shoulders.

Yet, the power of forgiveness is powerful. I want my children to hear my apologies each and every day because I do make them. We all do. We are imperfect humans! What shows our strength and humility is our sincere, “I’m sorries.” And I want them to hear me asking for forgiveness for both little things and big ones too. It’s creating a better habit of admitting faults aloud. While that’s not easy for us all to do, I find it becomes easier the more one does it. I do believe our faith affirms this power of forgiveness and makes our family bonds even stronger. And when I admit my faults and accept responsibility, my children follow in my footsteps. Not always, but more often than not. I am shaping future mothers, a father, spouses, co-workers, and neighbors. I hope they too will continue to ask for forgiveness while granting mercy to those around them. What a beautiful Christmas gift ❤︎

Simple Gift to Myself: Dog Walks

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Meet Marlton

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

It’s a mild December morning in Boston, but rainy and deary. Looking out the window I can tell it feels warmer than expected because walkers and joggers are out in my neighborhood at the dimly lit hour of 6am. While the temperature may be inviting, the dampness is not. Yet, I look at my Goldendoodle who will no doubt be looking forward to his walk today. He could care less about the state of the atmosphere. 100-degree, humid summer days or below-zero temps bringing in feet of snow. As long as he’s outside, traipsing around in fresh air, he’s a happy pup!

And I am grateful for that pure, simple joy. The feeling of just being outdoors and running or walking carelessly around. He’s right…it does feel good and refreshing! But to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for him, I’d spend the majority of chilly to cold, rainy to snowy, and hot to humid days inside! I’d bail on my walk and cool off in AC or snuggle warmly on my couch. Yet being a dog owner has given me the gift of selflessness, much like children. And giving him his daily dose of exercise has made me a pretty grateful woman, even if I don’t acknowledge it in the moment (like when the hail is pounding my face). Together, Marlton and I make our bodies stronger, hearts healthier and are simply happier after our walks. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am more fit for the day. And it doesn’t take long…20-30 minutes! How can I not make time for that?! We explore new trails, parks and neighborhoods enjoying all four seasons of our beautiful New England. I coordinate walks with friends as well to squeeze in some social time. Walking and talking does a whole body good. In a way, Marlton is keeping my friends healthy too!

They say dogs are best friends. I couldn’t agree more. He’s been an invaluable source of love and comfort as well as a playmate and entertaining member of our family for almost 7 years. He loves life and can never get enough cuddles. He has shown the kids what true responsibility for a living animal entails and is a testament to the power of unconditional love. He does give us way more than we give him, and even on the upcoming frigid winter days, I’m going to treasure our daily walks. Thank you, Marlton, for being part of our family. We are truly blessed.❤︎

Simple Gifts to Myself: A Mother’s Ministry

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A few months ago, it dawned on me that I really don’t have young children anymore. My youngest turned 10 so now I have a tween and two teens. I work with younger children so I still feel ‘in it’ but wondered how I could offer support to younger moms now that I’m transitioning to new worlds of parenting myself. I decided to start a kind of Mommy and Me playgroup at our church called, Roots & Wings (If you read an earlier post, you won’t be too surprised about this name!). What happened was ironic…a Mom’s playgroup turned into a Mother’s support group. Turns out many other women are seeking advice, encouragement, new ideas, reassurance, and inspiration in all phases of motherhood. We have one young mom with a 3-month-old who is navigating a sleep schedule and tummy time. One mom has two toddlers in very active yet defiant stages. Another has a 24yr old who just moved states away and is dealing with how to continue parenting a grownup! We are all moms dealing with various issues, looking for help along the way….. just what I needed! God really does deliver ❤︎

One mom wrote to me, “Thank you for your effort in inviting and letting (me) and other moms have a space to talk in person. I really appreciate this time. Thank you so much for your words and for giving me encouragement throughout this stage of life… I did some changes I hope will work…thank you for your support.” When you give of yourself, you receive SO much more. I give 1 1/2 hours a month to this group…that’s all! But I get immensely more back. I’m grateful I took a chance to start this group, not knowing if anyone would attend. I’m honored my Priest trusted me to gather a group of women in faith, hope, and love. And I’m blessed that I can continue to grow as a parent alongside such remarkable women.

My gift to you…take a chance on connecting with other people. You never know where it may lead.

Simple Gifts to Myself: Soul Sisters

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I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends…a 56-minute conversation! I poured myself a cup of coffee to chat. Then, I walked my dog, emptied my dishwasher, and drove to Costco all while chatting away. We talked about our kids’ school pictures and how they never come out great but we keep buying them, dilemmas of having our kids do activities that they love versus sticking out the ones they tolerate, updating on college tours, discussing doctor appointments, rationalizing how doing a private yoga class is SO worth the money because we need to take care of ourselves, which led to why do we have to justify scheduling time for ourselves in the first place to meal ideas, updates on ailing mothers-in-law, upcoming sibling/cousin visits which turned into current news from their lives, and ending with Thanksgiving plans and trying to figure out a time to get our families together because while we talk almost every day, we all haven’t gotten together in over a year.

But Yes, I talk to her almost every day. Crazy?! No, just our norm! We’ve been friends since 8th grade. We’ve been through life together: high school, proms, moving, boyfriends, college, grad school, teaching, husbands, houses, kids, dogs, illnesses, surgeries, deaths, mid-life ‘evaluations,’ pondering life’s big questions, motivating one another, laughing, crying, confiding, supporting, challenging, listening, and simply loving one another for what we each are over the last 32 years. And it’s a blessing I don’t take for granted. Not for one day!

I have one younger brother, 5 years younger. We are definitely close and always have been but there’s something about my soul sisters (girlfriends turned sisters by choice!). In fact, I have a few. One who I also talk with every other day is from 5th grade. There’s something about the history and connection that spans decades that is truly special. Over the years, we’ve lived in neighboring towns while raising our babies, then separated by states. But somehow not seeing one another in person doesn’t diminish the bond. It grows and strengthens over time and over life experiences. Even our kids pick up like they just saw one another because they know we are family. She’s the first to tell me when I’m being too controlling, unrealistic, or just need to stop thinking what I’m thinking. She’s also the first to give me a pat on the back, cheer me on, or help in anyway possible. She never misses a birthday (kids included), anniversary or special occasion. She drives HOURS to see me for my birthday every January and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s a soul sister: created out of love.

My third soul sister came later in life. In fact, I met her in person for the first time at my rehearsal dinner 20 years ago. Our husbands went to dental school together and upon meeting it was a destined friendship destined. We never lived near one another, yet we didn’t need to. Our life philosophies, future visions, and simple truths of our hearts were the same. Through heartache, professional achievements, relocations, and rediscovering pasts, we are there for one another. There’s no hiding, disguising, judging or pretending with my soul sisters…it’s authentic friendships. The easy, natural, meant-to-be kind.

As I’ve gotten older and moved away from home, away from where I had my babies, and started a new part of my life in a new state, I have met some incredible women. My ‘besties’ as they are affectionally called have become my family. I’ve raised my children alongside these women for the past 12 years and they’ve no doubt had an immeasurable impact on me and my family. These women are connected by faith, enriching my life in a myriad of ways. Walks, dinners, workouts, and ministries keep us connected, growing and maturing side by side. Having these women alongside through college, empty nesting, aging parents, midlife change of careers, and midlife change of body will make it all that more funny, manageable, attainable, and memorable.

I believe soul sisters come in different phases of your life for possible reasons unknown at the time. But they are chosen friends. True, authentic confidants. Silly, joyful playmates. Inseparable parts of your being where life wouldn’t be nearly as good without them. Treasured for a lifetime, one cup of coffee at a time.❤︎

My gift to you: celebrate your soul sisters. Let them know how special they are.

Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening

Posted in essentialism, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, Uncategorized2 Comments

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?

There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.

I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.

My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎

Whole ♥︎ed Living

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My daughter sculpted the heart

Last year, I started a non-fiction, self-help book club to read books that simply better ourselves, our lives, an our families. The response was inspiring and we now have a community of woman who motivate, support and challenge with one another.

Our latest read was, Imperfect: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. She honestly defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough” (3). She proceeds to explain how this process is “the journey of a lifetime” (3). Ahhhhhhh….we don’t have to squeeze it in this month?! No! This is a LONG, LONG, LONG process that builds upon life experiences and much, much practice. It can also be uncomfortable and risky. Yet, building courage, compassion and connection throughout our years, makes us stronger, resilient, and happier. Letting people see that we are ‘imperfect’ along this journey, actually strengthens our relationships and ourselves. This honesty has a ripple effect and allows these ‘gifts of imperfection’ to give back to us tenfold! For instance, when you are more accepting of yourself and others, you become more compassionate. When you open yourself up to connect with others and allow yourself to receive blessings or help, you will then give more. When you put yourself out there, sharing feelings and experiences, you are showing ordinary courage and inspire others to do the same.

Dr. Brown does DIG (Deliberate, Inspired, Going) deep into ways to that prevent us from living with our whole hearts. So she develop a list of qualities to cultivate so that we can live wholeheartedly:

Start cultivating: authenticity, self-compassion, a resilient spirit, gratitude & joy, intuition & trusting faith, creativity, play & rest, calm & stillness, meaningful work, and laughter, song & dance.

Again, this is a process, a movement towards living better. Simply try to work on these each day, with each conversation, decision and action. Over time, you will notice your gifts strengthening and yourself transforming into a better version of you. “To practice courage, compassion, and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, “I’m all in” (31). So, what are you waiting for? Start Wholehearted Living ♥︎

https://brenebrown.com/

Bring on the Laundry!

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Full disclosure….. my mother folded all this laundry. She always insists when she visits!!

I like cleaning. I like organizing. I always have. In fact, one of my first jobs was cleaning apartments when I was in high school. This does not mean my house is always the cleanest but the act of putting things in order, refreshing and decluttering brings me joy and a sense of calm. And hands down, my house runs better when it is neat and orderly. Yes, I’m a Tye A! However, I do not like doing laundry. Actually, it’s the folding part I don’t like. It’s probably because I hav to be still for a few minutes and slowly, carefully fold items. For this multi-tasking brain, that’s hard for me. A little while back, someone shared that they use folding laundry as their prayer time. I was sold…multi-tasking with a purpose! And this has helped me tremendously. Trust me, I have lots of people to pray for these days. But most recently, I read about a mom who said she stop complaining about the never ending loads of laundry when she realized no laundry meant no kids at home. She’s right! I’m not ready for that, right now. I mean I’m getting there but I don’t want an empty house at this very moment. That simple statement changed my mind-set. Truly. Now when I see the piles waiting to be folded, I thank God for my amazing husband, three incredible children, the actual clothes I am able to provide for them, the uniforms from the Catholic schools they attend, and the activities they enjoy while wearing a lot of these clothes. I am blessed and our laundry reminds me of that. Now I will mention that my kids have been doing their own laundry for years, even my 10yr old. They also clean their own sheets. However, somehow I do get to launder extraneous items found in the car or left from a game or towels that were not fully dried and now smell! But I’m not complaining… bring on the laundry!!

Parenting Long & Strong

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Charting their own course, yet still alongside

Now that I have 2 teens off to college really soon, I realize that my job as a personhood leader (read my post Parents as Personhood Leaders) is even more important that ever! Being a teen is hard. Raising a teen is harder. It takes patience, listening, empathy, more listening, perseverance, and more patience. It doesn’t end when kids drive themselves about nor when they leave the nest. Parenting just changes. My kids are not my friends. They are my children and I, their one and only mother. No one will ever love them as much as I do and I make that abundantly clear. My actions are based on this motherly love, with all my best intentions wrapped up. This doesn’t exempt me from making parenting mistakes, but it helps us acknowledge the fact that I’m here for the long journey in life…parenting long. ❤︎

Listening is hard for me, honestly. I’m a talker and a fixer. I truly pray to be a more effective listener and pause on my opinion. I often ask my kids, “Do you want me to simply listen or offer advice?” And they have come to understand what they need in that moment–an ear, shoulder, or wisdom. Parenting strong is more complicated the older kids get. There are more delicate conversations (relationships/sex), hard choices (parties/underage drinking) to navigate, and real-life pressure (college, employment). But that doesn’t mean we parents wither away and let them take the wheel. We are still personhood leaders guiding conversations, offering support, weighing pros/cons along side them. While dialogue can be tense or minimal at times during this stage, our commitment to being there should offer reassurance that they don’t have to do it all alone…parenting strong. ❤︎

Parents as Personhood Leaders

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When you think of your role as a parent, do you consider yourself a teacher, cheerleader, coach, guide, leader? On a recent flight, I read Dr. Todd Cartmell’s book, 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids. His definition of a personhood leader is, “one who people follow simply because of the way they live and interact with others…they have a spark and an integrity that attracts others and makes them want to walk along the same path” (188).

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a Personhood Leader for my kids!! I try every day to be the best version of myself I can, and I fail! But I try agin and again and aim to get better and improve in small ways. Children learn by watching, listening and doing. They watch, listen and do what we do…pure and simple. That’s a hard fact to swallow and live up to. Yet if our jobs as parents is to lead them to be good humans (with your unique version of good-read my last post!), then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk. Dr. Cartmell highlights 8 tools to help parents become personhood leaders: talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading. In time and with faith, we can all become Personhood Leaders, strengthening our family and our community.

drtodd.net

Build the Walls so the House Doesn’t Fall

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I recently started a Mother’s Ministry at my church called, Roots & Wings. My favorite parenting quote passed on to me from my mother is, “There are two gifts we bequeath our children: the first is roots, the second is wings.” I find this incredibly helpful to guide me along my parenting journey and helps me focus on what I want my children to learn, value, appreciate, and embody. One of the moms in our group asked, “How do we raise good humans?” Hmmmmm..that’s not an easy one.

On the way to this group, Maren Morris’ song, The Bones, played on the radio. The phrase, “The house don’t fall when the bones are good,” resonated with me. What makes good bones for a family? What 4 pillars are needed to make the home strong? Maybe this is tied into how we raise good humans?! We lead a powerful Mother’s group, I tell ya’!

In the Bible, the fruits of the Spirit include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues (more than 4!) are the ones I am trying to instill in my children along with developing perseverance, independence and embracing challenges. Providing opportunities to build these skills is my job. Role modeling, role playing, and surrounding our family with like-minded people reinforce these values as well. Gracefully declining events, activities, or social commitments that don’t align with our foundational principles has become easier when I think, “Will this build our family up?”

The foundation you want to build for your unique family is your own decision. Own it! Encourage it! Reinforce it by each decision you make, brick by brick! In time, the walls you create will help buffer adversity. You will build a home that strengthens the character of your children and in turn, help raise a good human.

Securing Their Hearts

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My son carved the heart for me❤️

I recently purchased a bunch of books from the Focus on the Family website. I find they have a fantastic list of parenting and family books. They are inspiring, practical, and quick to read…these are checks on my list!

Start with the Heart, by Kathy Koch, reminds parents of the importance of secure, unconditional love for our children. We must parent with grace, forgive quickly, walk side by side through struggles, satisfy needs not wants, create traditions and memories, be a good role model, and a reminder to raise the unique children we were given. Securing your child’s heart will “increase your influence so you’ll be able to motivate then to be responsible, brave, compassionate” (21). These sound easy but sometimes we need reminders to separate behaviors from beings. What they do is not who they are. Dr. Koch reiterates one of my life mantra’s…progress not perfection. She evens states “prioritize progress” (23) which is so true because it’s the starting of something that is the hardest (a new behavior, project, homework, chores, kind words, forgiveness).

Building character along with effort, diligence and perseverance shapes who your child becomes as an adult. Think of what kind of adult you want contributing to our world and strengthen those qualities. “Aristotle said that ‘courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others'” (54). Dr. Koch gives a slew of examples on how to redirect behavior, choosing wise words, using logical consequences and creating strategies to help develop identity and thus character.

I build my personal library with books I need to guide me through parenting. Start With the Heart proudly stands on my bookshelf, underlined, starred and dog eared.

“Find Five” gives insight to your child’s goals, hopes and dreams. But before you can guide them, you should know yourself better (119). Answer for enlightenment:

5 Things in My Lifetime I Want to…BE, DO, HAVE, HELP

What are they for you? Comment below…

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

https://www.moodypublishers.com/start-with-the-heart/

Focus on Less, But Gain More

Posted in essentialism, Family, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , 2 Comments

The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.

Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.

Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done

What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!

More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!

Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs

What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.

More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!

I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎

Stop Blaming the Child, Start Teaching the Parents

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“My child doesn’t sit still! My child can’t focus! My child won’t eat anything I make for dinner! My child doesn’t read on grade level! My child throws tantrums! My child refuses to do chores! My child doesn’t pick up his things! My child is not appreciative! My child”….the list goes on and on. There are many, many things we feel our kids don’t do, but there are many more things that they can do. As a Parent Educator, I teach parents to stop placing the blame on their children but instead change their own mindest, expectations, routines, language and consequences. The results can be quite amazing!

It’s hard to accept responsibility when things don’t go as planned. Parenting is one of the hardest areas to acknowledge difficulties because parenting is just plain HARD! And it doesn’t always get easier the longer you do it! Finding support and encouragement is key in being the best parent you can be. Learning new techniques and strategies while seeking advice are essential in the parenting handbook. Take responsibility in the fact that you won’t know everything and won’t do everything well. Utilize resources, devote time to learning, and humbly acknowledge when you need help. This is what makes good parents great!

Stop blaming your kids for not focusing on homework. Teach them to have a snack before getting down to work, having supplies on hand, using a timer to chunk work into 15-minute increments buffered with a 5 minute break, stand while completing work, or using a fidget tool to keep fingers busy.

Stop blaming your kids for not being thoughtful. Teach them to say, “Thank you” when you serve them dinner, have them bring a neighbor’s trash cans off the street to their garage, bake a treat for a senior at your Church, write a thank you note to the crossing guard at school, leave flowers for a sibling on their nightstand.

Stop blaming your kids for watching too much TV. Teach them to shut off TV during school days and play outside, help cook dinner, build with legos, read or simply be bored!

While we can be quick to point out faults in our children, pause to see how it may be possible for you to do a better job teaching them the necessary skills so they are more adept. Teaching parents effective strategies for their parenting toolkit empowers them and their children thus strengthening their families and making life simply happier.

The Magic Of a Whisper or a Cow Bell

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How annoying is it when your kids begin to ignore you? It seems like you’re talking to yourself! Kids tune us out. It’s a fact! So what can we do to engage our kids? Whisper! Sounds silly but try to change the volume of your voice. They need to lean into you to be able to hear which means they’ll become more focused on the conversation. Try changing your tone and intonation as well. Early childhood educators are experts at this and is why they can captivate a class of 25 4year olds when reading a book aloud. They are dynamic, expressive, boisterous then subdue.

“Parents often have trouble softening their tone, because a harsh one is so effective. There are a few things to consider here. First, if you always yell, you will always need to yell. Continuing to rely upon a certain volume or tone of voice actually trains your kids to only listen when you use it. They know that you don’t mean what you say until you are yelling. Next, a “mean voice” might work in the short term, but it fails in the long run. Not only are your kids not listening or retaining, but you are wearing the relationship down.”1 Now in the moment, our first reaction may be to use a loud voice as our emotions escalate. But we need to pause, take a breath and then respond with a quieter tone. This is modeling at its finest!

But what if you get sick of hearing yourself talk? That’s me! Time for the nonverbal signals…clapping, stomping, a chime, or cow bell…my favorite. Clap out a pattern or stomp a beat from a song…it’s amazing that kids will pause from what they’re doing and listen. They tune into the novel stimuli, which is NOT your voice! We were given a cow bell as a souvenir from an alumni event at my husband’s school. It occasionally rings in the start to dinner and not so quietly declares it’s time to go when we are in a rush. Also try incorporating a thumbs up or another family favorite…point two fingers at my eyes then point to my child indicating, “I am watching you!!”

My other go-to strategy is keeping a small wipe-off board on the kitchen island for a reminder of things that need to get done that day. It’s not a calendar but a reminder/task pad! (J: Empty wheel barrow, E: Order swim gear, S: Is your laundry basket filling up?). This stops me from nagging and gives them ownership by placing responsibility to get it done on their time frame. When they get to erase their task off the board, they feel accomplished too! Sometimes the least said is the most effective.

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

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1https://www.familyeducation.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-the-tone-of-voice-to-use-when-disciplining-kids

https://www.theteachertoolkit.com/index.php/tool/non-verbal-signals