Category: self-improvement

Young adulting…family style

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The summer transition from independent, college student to at-home son or daughter, can take time to adjust to. Finding the rhythm of giving space, curfews, helping around the house, doing laundry as well as cooking and shopping for meals all takes time. There are new boundaries, varied expectations, and different roles to get comfortable in. It’s also a time to find new activities to do together. For our family, we got a family membership to a local gym. Now if this sounds like a win-win for everyone, it sure has been!

First of all, it’s an outing we all look forward to. One destination and typically one car–so that means great conversation time! Yet when we arrive at the gym, we all go our separate ways. My oldest is rehabbing from ACL and meniscus surgery so she follows her prescribed exercises. My middle loves tennis so he tries to join a round robin or a pickleball class. My husband heads straight for a cardio machine and I head to spin. It simply works! We’ve never been an ‘exercising family’ but this was a place for us to work on new skills, keeping healthy and getting stronger as a family as well as individually. And honestly, I’ve really enjoyed it!

This young adulthood phase during summer break is turning into a time for us to reconnect in a healthy way for all of us. Embracing how my older kids like to spend their time has given us a common focus, planned outings, and sore abs…oh, how I love my young adults! ❤︎

Come up with a list of new activities you can do with your young adults:

  • What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Together and alone?
  • What’s fun to you as a family?
  • Where can you go together that’s a reasonable distance?
  • What can you each work on?
  • Where will you be excited to go?
  • How many days will you go together a week? For how many hours? Make a plan!

✺ Lauri is a certified life coach working with new grads on creating self-awareness and confidence in their unique selves navigating the space of young adulthood.

5,4,3,2,1 Do It!

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Have a child who procrastinates, gets sidetracked, loses track of time? Inspired by Mel Robbins’, The 5 Second Rule, I tried implementing the ‘countdown to action.’

When my son heads to his room to tidy up, he gets waylaid…Where does he start? How does he fit the clothes in his drawers? What does he toss? He winds up pacing around his room not able to even begin. Know the feeling?! Hence, the countdown to action was implemented! He counts down from 5 and then just acts! He doesn’t think, analyze, or compromise…he simply moves and starts completing one task. It’s the first action of movement that propels him to get started and consequently, keep going.

I find it helps with my own procrastination tendencies. Since I am home, there’s always laundry to do, dishes to load, leaves to rake, lists to be made and meals to prep. I put off my writing or easily get distracted, then get frustrated. Yet, the little act of counting down refocuses me, prioritizes the moment, and actually makes me much more productive.

Mel calls these these everyday acts of courage and they build up so that you can change your future. Sounds simple, right? What a powerful example for our children! Immediately acting gives you strength for the little things which leads to jumping into the bigger moments when in the past we may have run away.

5,4,3,2,1 Try it!

*Have your kids try it for starting homework

*Use it for organizing the garage

*Start a new cleanup routine after dinner where each family member takes on a task

*Write that email of forgiveness

*Apply for a job

*Make conversation with someone new

*Create an art project

*Enroll in grad school

“One moment of courage can change your day. One day can change your life. And your life can change the world.” -Mel Robbins

Siblings stepping up to serve as examples to one another

Posted in Children, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simple joys, simply better yourself, the little momentsTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!
After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!

Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?

“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.

So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.

Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!

Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎

Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!

Encourage your children to inspire one another with…

  • completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
  • preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
  • starting homework after a snack or practice
  • keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
  • setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
  • choosing a nicer outfit for church
  • picking up the phone to call a grandparent

**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com

Lifelong Learning-setting the example

Posted in Family, goals, Happiness, Hobbies, Joy, Little Moments, parenting, self-improvement, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , Leave a comment
Nana’s newest project

I have always loved learning, loved school; that’s one of the main reasons I became a teacher. During my years as a homemom, I was always finding ways to better myself. I would take online seminars from my alma mater staying abreast the newest technology, I enrolled in a Life Coach certification program to gain insight into how to inspire others and I ALWAYS read! Reading continues to enlighten, guide and transform me in whatever season of life I’m in.

Recently, my 76-year-old mother took up knitting. She is a very accomplished croceter, but knitting was new. While she has found it challenging, she feels it’s ‘good for her brain’ to keep learning new things. And what an example she sets for me AND her grandchildren. They watch in awe as she patiently tries and retries to learn a new skill. She makes mistakes, gets better, gets frustrated but keeps going. It’s this lifelong learning that keeps her young in spirit, relevant, and simply happy. I can’t help but think of all the things she has learned over three-quarters of a century and how that has shaped this amazing person we call Nana. So for the sake of inspiring your children to simply be better, try something new yourself! Hmmm…I have an idea…

Exceeding your 40% capacity…1 belief at a time

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I love to read nonfiction, self-help books. If I learn one nugget of information that resonates, it is worth it. This week’s read is The Power of Self-Discipline; 5-minute exercises to build self-control, good habits, and keep going when you want to give up by Peter Hollins. I’m only a third of the way in but this stuck with me:

“When an individual’s mind begins telling them that they are physically or emotionally maxed out, in reality, they have only pushed themselves to forty percent of their full capacity. In other words, they could endure sixty percent more if only they believed that they were capable of it” (77).

Wow! Let this sink in…Tell your kids this! Because imagine when we really grasp this and start believing, really believing what we can do, we can achieve SO much! Remember those dreams we only worked a little on, or that weight loss program that we gave up on 2 weeks in, or that marathon we wanted to run but stopped training when it got cold outside? That’s only 40% of us talking…there’s another 60% that CAN do it!! Reframing, refocusing, and restating our struggles, pain, obstacles and excuses can be pushed out of the way when we start firmly believing in ourselves, believing in that other 60% that exists inside all of us. What are you waiting for?! ❤︎

Pulling the weeds

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Several summers ago I herniated a disc in my back doing what I love… gardening. Since then, the joy of tending to my flowers ceased. The pain radiating down my leg turned off my desire to garden for a very long time. I watched as weeds overtook beds that I had carefully maintained, curated for years. I hired someone to weed a few times a season but it was not the same as my daily love of the flowers that brought much happiness. It was easier to not look at my yard, not spend time there, disregard it.

That changed this summer and I can’t tell you why. A stirring in me perhaps to move forward, yet back to what I love but have put to the side. It’s been hard, sweat-filled, dirt-covered work and I loved every minute. Yes, I garden differently now, carefully bending with my legs, short bursts of time, not feeling the pressure to do it all at once. Instead, I’ve started the regrowth of my garden, slowly, removing weeds one by one. It’s beginning to flourish right before my grateful eyes. Maybe I’m reblooming too.

Daily Thanksgiving

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“Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy.” 57

What a simple gift to give ourselves and our children: the power of giving thanks. With continual thanksgiving, joy flows, worries lessen, internal peace comforts. Feel joy, share joy, give thanks.

Team F💜mily!

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These rules hang in our home as a reminder of how we want to be as a family.

Our family is a team! We work together, help one another, challenge, support, coach, comfort and want to be the best we can be.

Our team mindset considers our family as a collective unit, shaping our decisions, plans, words, and actions. Doing household chores becomes working together to make our home the place we love. Helping unload groceries becomes many hands make light work. Reminders are simply, “Come help!” Because that’s what teammates do!

We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and our team is strengthened by this commitment to one another. So celebrate your one and only amazing family and have fun together… Go f💜mily!

A Lighthouse

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West Chop, Martha’s Vineyard

There’s something about lighthouses that attracts people…

Bold beacons guiding the way safely home.

Who’s the lighthouse in your life?

Midlife Reevaluation

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Little Moments, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment
2 Paths

I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎

Encouraging Disagreement

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Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!

Changing Perspective or Simply Looking a Different Way

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Each morning, I strive to have quiet time reading my devotional. I created a cozy nook in my bedroom with a chair and side table. The chair was positioned with a view of my side yard where I could see a beautiful hydrangea bloom in warmer months.

However, it is newly spring and foliage is nonexistent so I stare are my neighbor’s garage. This is not the view that complements my morning mediations. I really didn’t want to move my comfy spot to another part of the house so what if I turned the chair to look out the same window but in the opposite direction?

Indeed, it worked! A white picket fence offsets the greenery of pines, while a red cardinal perches on bare branches. I could almost imagine I was in a forest, not a suburban neighborhood. Interesting that simply looking a different way could instantly change my perspective. What a good reminder!❤︎

Is This Really Complaint Worthy?

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I can’t help but appreciate my children getting older and passing on wisdom to me. Recently, I was reminding my son to switch his clothes from the washer to the dryer. More accurately, I reminded him 4 times over an hour. Later that night, I commented that it was frustrating when he didn’t complete laundry in a timely manner. He paused, looked at me and asked, “Is this really complaint worthy?” Hmmmm. Did it annoy me to have wet clothes sitting in the washing machine? Absolutely, I’m a Type-A personality and like to promptly finish tasks. Did my 17 year old son take responsibility for cleaning his own clothes without a reminder? Yes. Did this extended chore negatively affect any other part of our day? No. Hence, he was right! One friendly reminder would have been sufficient if I needed to do laundry. But nagging him didn’t foster positive communication or build up our relationship. I thanked him for phrasing his feelings in a way that made me reflect on my own behavior. Now, I contemplate if something is complaint worthy before I make a parental suggestion, valuing our connection over insignificant criticizing. Thank you, son, for making me a better person.❤︎

*Photo: Zakynthos, Greece