Category: self-improvement

Simple Gifts to Myself: Beach Walks

Posted in essentialism, Happiness, Joy, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

It’s a chilly but clear November afternoon on Cape Cod. Thermometer registered at 42 degrees but maybe a tad warmer in the sun. Our family just arrived for the night and while they’re settling in at the house, I head to the beach. My kids cringed when I asked if they wanted to join because it will no doubt be windy and cold. I probably would have responded the same 30 years ago, but how perception changes as one matures.

There aren’t many places in the world where I feel more at peace than when I’m on a beach. Church, yes, but in a different way. Here, the breeze rustles my hair, salt air fills my lungs, sand weighs down my feet as I trudge to the water’s edge. As I look out into the vast openness of the ocean (it’s really Nantucket Sound), I feel calm, content. I hear the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore and take deep breaths. I squint with the glare coming off the water, keeping my distance from the incoming waves, not daring to get my sneakers wet. I find a soft patch of sand and start walking. Not a soul in sight even on a glorious day such as this. But I secretly am glad no one else is here–my special time. I honestly am not thinking, not planning, not organizing in my head…simply being in the moment. I guess the beach does that to me. Grants me a state of mediation in a way. It’s rejuvenating, mind-clearing, and helps center myself. Oh how I wish I could live at the beach year round. One day, I will but for now, I take my beach walks back home through shells, driftwood and photographs. And if I close my eyes and try really, really hard, I capture this moment in time to savor within and bring peace when daily life back home just happens.

My gift to you…what’s a place that fulfills you will peace and contentment? If you can’t go there right now, picture it in your mind-how do you feel? Share your special place with us…

Simple Gifts to Myself: Books, Books, & More Books

Posted in essentialism, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , Leave a comment

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, and everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

Simply stated, I love to read. Under an umbrella on a beach, curled up on a window seat, snuggled warmly in bed, or waiting in a carpool line, it really doesn’t matter. I pretty much always have a book in tow. Fiction and nonfiction…I typically have both on my nightstand and alternate between a few chapters of each. While some ladies like to get their nails done or splurge at the spa (which I do enjoy), buying books is my treat. I do utilize our fabulous local library but some books I really just want to hang on to and reread. Plus, I am notorious for dog-earring pages, underlining passages, and jotting notes in the margins. I write as I read, making connections, notes to self, questions to research, topics to blog about. The thoughts are endless. Hence, buying my own copies makes much more sense.

And simply, the smell of a new book makes me smile:) A simple pleasure throughout my day. If I have a ‘free’ day or I’m exploring a new town, one of the first things I do is find a bookstore. I think so much is told about a community by their book purveyor. Local authors fill the shelves along with regional history, artisan gifts, and hopefully homemade snacks and a cup of coffee. Comfy chairs beckon perusing various books for hours on end. Soft music in the background drowns out crowded noise and I can just get lost in the world of literature.

Can I say I find myself in a bookstore often? Sadly, no. And I have one of the oldest in our country right down the street! As my kids have gotten older, I find we go there less and less as a family. But this gift I bequeath myself… making time to venture to local bookstores for no other reason than to simply enjoy the experience, to take a deep breath and savor the new pages waiting to be opened. And imagine what adventure awaits.

This past year, I started a Book Club. I reached out to Facebook friends and asked who was in. The response was gratifying and friends from different parts of my life, in different parts of the country have come together over a love of reading. We share stories, inspirational quotes and many laughs. Our meetings have turned into food-themed parties with a fondue night and a s’mores bar (thinking all things bubbly and gold for the New Year!). Book Club has become a highlight on my social calendar and reading with friends adds such fun and excitement to my usual quiet and calming reading ritual. Don’t tell me twice…I will continue reading alone and reading with Book Club, and of course, reading with my kiddos because I can never get enough. ❤︎

My gift to you…what is a tangible item that you immensely enjoy? Treat yourself to it without guilt and treasure the moment. Maybe it’s a book?!

Simple Gifts to Myself: Soul Sisters

Posted in Happiness, Joy, motherhood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfLeave a comment

I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends…a 56-minute conversation! I poured myself a cup of coffee to chat. Then, I walked my dog, emptied my dishwasher, and drove to Costco all while chatting away. We talked about our kids’ school pictures and how they never come out great but we keep buying them, dilemmas of having our kids do activities that they love versus sticking out the ones they tolerate, updating on college tours, discussing doctor appointments, rationalizing how doing a private yoga class is SO worth the money because we need to take care of ourselves, which led to why do we have to justify scheduling time for ourselves in the first place to meal ideas, updates on ailing mothers-in-law, upcoming sibling/cousin visits which turned into current news from their lives, and ending with Thanksgiving plans and trying to figure out a time to get our families together because while we talk almost every day, we all haven’t gotten together in over a year.

But Yes, I talk to her almost every day. Crazy?! No, just our norm! We’ve been friends since 8th grade. We’ve been through life together: high school, proms, moving, boyfriends, college, grad school, teaching, husbands, houses, kids, dogs, illnesses, surgeries, deaths, mid-life ‘evaluations,’ pondering life’s big questions, motivating one another, laughing, crying, confiding, supporting, challenging, listening, and simply loving one another for what we each are over the last 32 years. And it’s a blessing I don’t take for granted. Not for one day!

I have one younger brother, 5 years younger. We are definitely close and always have been but there’s something about my soul sisters (girlfriends turned sisters by choice!). In fact, I have a few. One who I also talk with every other day is from 5th grade. There’s something about the history and connection that spans decades that is truly special. Over the years, we’ve lived in neighboring towns while raising our babies, then separated by states. But somehow not seeing one another in person doesn’t diminish the bond. It grows and strengthens over time and over life experiences. Even our kids pick up like they just saw one another because they know we are family. She’s the first to tell me when I’m being too controlling, unrealistic, or just need to stop thinking what I’m thinking. She’s also the first to give me a pat on the back, cheer me on, or help in anyway possible. She never misses a birthday (kids included), anniversary or special occasion. She drives HOURS to see me for my birthday every January and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s a soul sister: created out of love.

My third soul sister came later in life. In fact, I met her in person for the first time at my rehearsal dinner 20 years ago. Our husbands went to dental school together and upon meeting it was a destined friendship destined. We never lived near one another, yet we didn’t need to. Our life philosophies, future visions, and simple truths of our hearts were the same. Through heartache, professional achievements, relocations, and rediscovering pasts, we are there for one another. There’s no hiding, disguising, judging or pretending with my soul sisters…it’s authentic friendships. The easy, natural, meant-to-be kind.

As I’ve gotten older and moved away from home, away from where I had my babies, and started a new part of my life in a new state, I have met some incredible women. My ‘besties’ as they are affectionally called have become my family. I’ve raised my children alongside these women for the past 12 years and they’ve no doubt had an immeasurable impact on me and my family. These women are connected by faith, enriching my life in a myriad of ways. Walks, dinners, workouts, and ministries keep us connected, growing and maturing side by side. Having these women alongside through college, empty nesting, aging parents, midlife change of careers, and midlife change of body will make it all that more funny, manageable, attainable, and memorable.

I believe soul sisters come in different phases of your life for possible reasons unknown at the time. But they are chosen friends. True, authentic confidants. Silly, joyful playmates. Inseparable parts of your being where life wouldn’t be nearly as good without them. Treasured for a lifetime, one cup of coffee at a time.❤︎

My gift to you: celebrate your soul sisters. Let them know how special they are.

Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening

Posted in essentialism, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, Uncategorized2 Comments

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?

There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.

I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.

My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎

Whole ♥︎ed Living

Posted in Happiness, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , Leave a comment
My daughter sculpted the heart

Last year, I started a non-fiction, self-help book club to read books that simply better ourselves, our lives, an our families. The response was inspiring and we now have a community of woman who motivate, support and challenge with one another.

Our latest read was, Imperfect: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. She honestly defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough” (3). She proceeds to explain how this process is “the journey of a lifetime” (3). Ahhhhhhh….we don’t have to squeeze it in this month?! No! This is a LONG, LONG, LONG process that builds upon life experiences and much, much practice. It can also be uncomfortable and risky. Yet, building courage, compassion and connection throughout our years, makes us stronger, resilient, and happier. Letting people see that we are ‘imperfect’ along this journey, actually strengthens our relationships and ourselves. This honesty has a ripple effect and allows these ‘gifts of imperfection’ to give back to us tenfold! For instance, when you are more accepting of yourself and others, you become more compassionate. When you open yourself up to connect with others and allow yourself to receive blessings or help, you will then give more. When you put yourself out there, sharing feelings and experiences, you are showing ordinary courage and inspire others to do the same.

Dr. Brown does DIG (Deliberate, Inspired, Going) deep into ways to that prevent us from living with our whole hearts. So she develop a list of qualities to cultivate so that we can live wholeheartedly:

Start cultivating: authenticity, self-compassion, a resilient spirit, gratitude & joy, intuition & trusting faith, creativity, play & rest, calm & stillness, meaningful work, and laughter, song & dance.

Again, this is a process, a movement towards living better. Simply try to work on these each day, with each conversation, decision and action. Over time, you will notice your gifts strengthening and yourself transforming into a better version of you. “To practice courage, compassion, and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, “I’m all in” (31). So, what are you waiting for? Start Wholehearted Living ♥︎

https://brenebrown.com/

Parents as Personhood Leaders

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , Leave a comment

When you think of your role as a parent, do you consider yourself a teacher, cheerleader, coach, guide, leader? On a recent flight, I read Dr. Todd Cartmell’s book, 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids. His definition of a personhood leader is, “one who people follow simply because of the way they live and interact with others…they have a spark and an integrity that attracts others and makes them want to walk along the same path” (188).

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a Personhood Leader for my kids!! I try every day to be the best version of myself I can, and I fail! But I try agin and again and aim to get better and improve in small ways. Children learn by watching, listening and doing. They watch, listen and do what we do…pure and simple. That’s a hard fact to swallow and live up to. Yet if our jobs as parents is to lead them to be good humans (with your unique version of good-read my last post!), then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk. Dr. Cartmell highlights 8 tools to help parents become personhood leaders: talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading. In time and with faith, we can all become Personhood Leaders, strengthening our family and our community.

drtodd.net

Build the Walls so the House Doesn’t Fall

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementLeave a comment

I recently started a Mother’s Ministry at my church called, Roots & Wings. My favorite parenting quote passed on to me from my mother is, “There are two gifts we bequeath our children: the first is roots, the second is wings.” I find this incredibly helpful to guide me along my parenting journey and helps me focus on what I want my children to learn, value, appreciate, and embody. One of the moms in our group asked, “How do we raise good humans?” Hmmmmm..that’s not an easy one.

On the way to this group, Maren Morris’ song, The Bones, played on the radio. The phrase, “The house don’t fall when the bones are good,” resonated with me. What makes good bones for a family? What 4 pillars are needed to make the home strong? Maybe this is tied into how we raise good humans?! We lead a powerful Mother’s group, I tell ya’!

In the Bible, the fruits of the Spirit include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues (more than 4!) are the ones I am trying to instill in my children along with developing perseverance, independence and embracing challenges. Providing opportunities to build these skills is my job. Role modeling, role playing, and surrounding our family with like-minded people reinforce these values as well. Gracefully declining events, activities, or social commitments that don’t align with our foundational principles has become easier when I think, “Will this build our family up?”

The foundation you want to build for your unique family is your own decision. Own it! Encourage it! Reinforce it by each decision you make, brick by brick! In time, the walls you create will help buffer adversity. You will build a home that strengthens the character of your children and in turn, help raise a good human.

Securing Their Hearts

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , , Leave a comment
My son carved the heart for me❤️

I recently purchased a bunch of books from the Focus on the Family website. I find they have a fantastic list of parenting and family books. They are inspiring, practical, and quick to read…these are checks on my list!

Start with the Heart, by Kathy Koch, reminds parents of the importance of secure, unconditional love for our children. We must parent with grace, forgive quickly, walk side by side through struggles, satisfy needs not wants, create traditions and memories, be a good role model, and a reminder to raise the unique children we were given. Securing your child’s heart will “increase your influence so you’ll be able to motivate then to be responsible, brave, compassionate” (21). These sound easy but sometimes we need reminders to separate behaviors from beings. What they do is not who they are. Dr. Koch reiterates one of my life mantra’s…progress not perfection. She evens states “prioritize progress” (23) which is so true because it’s the starting of something that is the hardest (a new behavior, project, homework, chores, kind words, forgiveness).

Building character along with effort, diligence and perseverance shapes who your child becomes as an adult. Think of what kind of adult you want contributing to our world and strengthen those qualities. “Aristotle said that ‘courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others'” (54). Dr. Koch gives a slew of examples on how to redirect behavior, choosing wise words, using logical consequences and creating strategies to help develop identity and thus character.

I build my personal library with books I need to guide me through parenting. Start With the Heart proudly stands on my bookshelf, underlined, starred and dog eared.

“Find Five” gives insight to your child’s goals, hopes and dreams. But before you can guide them, you should know yourself better (119). Answer for enlightenment:

5 Things in My Lifetime I Want to…BE, DO, HAVE, HELP

What are they for you? Comment below…

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

https://www.moodypublishers.com/start-with-the-heart/

Focus on Less, But Gain More

Posted in essentialism, Family, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , 2 Comments

The past few years have been focused on living a simpler life. I felt ragged with the hectic life of three kids and running the rat race to nowhere. 2020 was a good time to re-evaluate life, especially as a parent. What were my goals as a parent? How did I want my kids to remember our days together? Why were we signed up for SO many activities? With reprioritization, family life is in a much better place and I soon realized doing less is really about having much more.

Here’s what I did with my own kids and the results were incredible! We gained more peace in our home, quality family time, and an overall increase in joy.

Less: Nagging about cleaning their rooms, reminding them about homework, complaining that chores weren’t done

What worked: A wipe-off board was placed on the kitchen island that had daily reminders of tasks/chores to be completed. I gave 1 reminder about homework each night and let it go!! Now’s the time for them to become responsible for their own work, not when they have a revenue stream coming in to support a family. A chore chart was moved from an inconspicuous place in the laundry room to front and center in our kitchen. Do I like it there? Not at all but it gives them a visual cue and keeps me out of the process!

More: We gained happier interactions with one another because we weren’t focused on what was NOT completed yet. They gained confidence in accomplishing tasks on their own. They instituted a new routine of using visual reminders to keep them organized. This transferred to using their planners more for homework! Bonus!! Also, they started leaving me notes as reminders (order swim team gear) which alleviated their periodic frustration when I forgot to do something they needed!

Less: Cut down on activities/sports, get-togethers and unimportant meetings/clubs

What worked: As a family, we discussed how we were way TOO busy! Plus, there were only 2 drivers in the house which made my husband and I chauffers 5 nights per week. Also, what were we all truly getting out of these sports/activities/clubs/nonprofits? We made lists of pros/cons, likes/dislikes, musts/can live without, etc. This process was not overnight but something we discussed for a few weeks. Most of us came to agreements as to what to discard from our schedules, but a few were insistent on specific things. Learning to gracefully say, “No” to clubs, meetings and charity work if we weren’t 100% invested or didn’t realistically have the amount of time to commit took some getting used to.

More: Hands down, we gained more quality time as a family! Priceless! With less running around, we had less stress! There is definitely more calm in our home because we aren’t trying to squeeze 100 things into a single day. I found my kids are more committed to their selected sports/clubs because they gave something up to do them. We began to say, “No,” easier to things we truly didn’t want to do or that didn’t fit into our schedule because we had spent time prioritizing as a family. We began to feel respected more because we said, “No,” thoughtfully. Overall, family happiness, joy and satisfaction with life went up tenfold!

I can’t support the idea of a life reboot enough with the mindset of less but more! Your family is SO worth it! ❤︎

Stop Blaming the Child, Start Teaching the Parents

Posted in Family, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , Leave a comment

“My child doesn’t sit still! My child can’t focus! My child won’t eat anything I make for dinner! My child doesn’t read on grade level! My child throws tantrums! My child refuses to do chores! My child doesn’t pick up his things! My child is not appreciative! My child”….the list goes on and on. There are many, many things we feel our kids don’t do, but there are many more things that they can do. As a Parent Educator, I teach parents to stop placing the blame on their children but instead change their own mindest, expectations, routines, language and consequences. The results can be quite amazing!

It’s hard to accept responsibility when things don’t go as planned. Parenting is one of the hardest areas to acknowledge difficulties because parenting is just plain HARD! And it doesn’t always get easier the longer you do it! Finding support and encouragement is key in being the best parent you can be. Learning new techniques and strategies while seeking advice are essential in the parenting handbook. Take responsibility in the fact that you won’t know everything and won’t do everything well. Utilize resources, devote time to learning, and humbly acknowledge when you need help. This is what makes good parents great!

Stop blaming your kids for not focusing on homework. Teach them to have a snack before getting down to work, having supplies on hand, using a timer to chunk work into 15-minute increments buffered with a 5 minute break, stand while completing work, or using a fidget tool to keep fingers busy.

Stop blaming your kids for not being thoughtful. Teach them to say, “Thank you” when you serve them dinner, have them bring a neighbor’s trash cans off the street to their garage, bake a treat for a senior at your Church, write a thank you note to the crossing guard at school, leave flowers for a sibling on their nightstand.

Stop blaming your kids for watching too much TV. Teach them to shut off TV during school days and play outside, help cook dinner, build with legos, read or simply be bored!

While we can be quick to point out faults in our children, pause to see how it may be possible for you to do a better job teaching them the necessary skills so they are more adept. Teaching parents effective strategies for their parenting toolkit empowers them and their children thus strengthening their families and making life simply happier.

90 Day Challenge

Posted in Family, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, UncategorizedTagged , , , Leave a comment

I bet you’ve heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. But did you know that it takes 90 days to make the new habit permanent? There are 90 days from Sept 25th to Christmas Eve. What a great time to create the new habit you’ve been thinking of or putting off. What have you been wanting to start with your family? One meal a day together? Family walks? Face Timing grandparents? Writing in a family gratitude journal? Giving thanks at meals? Think about one simple change you can all make or one activity you can add and commit the next 90 days to fulfilling it. Keep a calendar to mark off your family’s progress as you count down to 12/24. Celebrate small wins along the way such as creating a family cheer at week 1 or throwing confetti at week 4. Leave one another notes of encouragement along the way. Thank your family members for being positive, motivating and supportive. Days may be rough and you may skip a day or two. Don’t get discouraged. That’s when the power of family comes into play and you get through it together. Keep the end in mind and focus on strategies that help when the going gets tough! Make sure you celebrate big on Christmas Eve! This process will be a huge life lesson for your kids…creating positive change with loved ones by your side. And a new yearly tradition may have started too❤︎

What will your family take on in the next 90 days?

Coffee Table is the New Family Hub

Posted in Children, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , Leave a comment

Take inventory…what’s on your coffee table? And by coffee table I mean the table that’s in your family room, the table in front of your TV where feet gently rest or the remote finds a home. Mine is usually stacked with magazines that want to be read, stylish hardcover books that collect dust and candles (because I do love candles!). But more recently, I cleared off the table…a clean slate. With school starting, I realized time together as a family is going to be at a premium. For our home, that means TV viewing goes down tremendously so that we can actually spend time with one another!! Hence, we don’t watch television Monday-Thursday. It’s been our rule since the kids were young simply because I was tired of arguing with them about how much they could watch (I’ll write a post about this soon!) But the coffee table is still a focal point in our family room without the TV being used. So, how could we better use it? Out came Bananagrams. Now I don’t know the real way to play Bananagrams, if there is one. We just put letter tiles out and make words. But we don’t clean them up! I found if we leave the words and letters on the table, the kids will sporadically pop over and sit to add words. Then comes another child with a parent and soon enough we are gathered by the coffee table. I then took a bowl of colorful pattern blocks and left them off to the side. Now creativity takes over and beautiful designs are created as we sit and chat together. Can your coffee table become your new family hub?

I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎

Check out my new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

Do As I Do

Posted in Family Trips, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment
“Don’t worry that Children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
(Robert Fulghum)

When you become a parent, you have little shadows. Inevitably, you have little ones following your every move and copying you. As your children get older, they may wander farther from your physical presence, but they are still always watching. With my teenagers, I have have found that I need to be more cognizant of my actions as they question what I ask of them instead of blindly following all that I say. For instance, ‘bad’ words have always been off-limits in our home. Now ‘bad’ words were not just curse words but included stupid, dumb and idiot. Now this wasn’t too hard to model because these words aren’t in our lexicon. I didn’t ban these from my children but then use them in my daily discourse. Instead, I consistently omitted them or replaced with another word (example: hate becomes intensely dislike).

It is not easy trying to make the right decision all the time. We tell our children how we want them to act, and what to say, but do we always do it ourselves? We are not perfect, nor should we be. Yet we can be more conscious. Think about the small moments throughout our days and they ways we carry ourselves, decisions we make, how we interact with others. This is what our children see and essentially how they learn to navigate their world. Maybe it’s time to pause a moment before responding to someone who cuts you off when driving or when an older person is struggling to put groceries in the trunk of her car. These are little moments that will shape your child’s understanding of what to do when they are in a similar situation.

Modeling educational standards is important too. Reading aloud to your child is encouraged by educators from essentially birth because it has such an incredibly positive effect on intellectual, academic, emotional, and social growth. As your children get older, promoting independent reading is just as crucial. But life gets busy and it’s hard to make sure it’s getting done. But what if as a family you have quiet reading time on school nights? From 8-8:30pm everyone grabs a book, magazine, or newspaper and simply reads! It can be done independently in separate bedrooms as a time to wind down before lights go out or collectively in the living room as family time. Either way, you are reading and they will see that you do value it because you are doing it!

We took our end of summer vacation to Hilton Head last week (which we absolutely LOVED!!). My older two know they should pack a book because to me, reading is a must on vacation! When we arrived at the airport, my kids quietly muttered that they forgot books. Not a big deal, I declared. They each have their own money that can use to purchase a new book at the airport bookstore. There was no complaining since they have come to understand that our family reads on vacation. They perused the selections and proudly purchased their new reading material. My oldest is not a reader by choice. She never has been and while I respect that it may not be her tendency, I value the importance of reading beyond academic books. She read her new book in 3 days and asked to go to the local bookstore to buy another one, which in fact turned into 2 new books because she couldn’t decide which she liked best. This was a first for her!! Would it have happened if my husband and I didn’t pack our own books and set the example of reading? All I know is, if you join us on vacation, pack a book!

128

Posted in Children, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment
My husband and son on Hilton Head Island.

School has started and kids are back in class. I’ve been getting very reflective lately as I have a junior and sophomore in high school. I feel like time is ticking…FAST…and there are things I was to accomplish as a parent. I believe my job is to guide these unique children to become the best versions of themselves as they leave my nest. What will I do with this time?

I was watching the news this morning and the reporter was discussing the need for teachers to monitor what students are eating during the school day. And honestly I was taken aback. Teachers are given more and more and more to do within the same timeframe. They are handed all academics, moral development, socio-emotional health, socialization, conflict resolution and now nutrition. But the reason I paused was not to necessarily defend teachers, but to wake-up parents. There are 168 hours in a week. Let’s estimate your child is in school eight hours a day…that’s 40 hours per week of mandated time out of the home. The other 128 hours is up to you! And that’s powerful!!

How do you fill your child’s time? How much sleep are they getting? Who watches your child for after school care? What exercise or sports are they engaged in? What meals and snacks are fueling their bodies? Who are they hanging out with? What are they viewing on screens or listening to in music? Do you make time for Church? Are you volunteering as a family? How much time is devoted to being together? Think hard and take inventory, but without blame or excuses. Acknowledge your reality and make changes if it’s not what you envision. Small changes lead to big results so start somewhere!

So my question to all of us parents is, “What are you doing for your children with 128 hours per week?”

Backpack Essential for School: Positivity

Posted in Children, Happiness, motherhood, Orthodoxy Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvementTagged , , , Leave a comment
Crayons & positivity

‘Tis the time for back-to-school shopping! Stick me in a store brimming with brightly colored markers, stacks of post-it notes, fun folders and planners galore….I’m a very happy woman. As a former elementary teacher, this time of year is filled with promise, hope, and growth. But while parents are busy purchasing items off the class supply lists, let’s remember to stuff our kids’ backpacks’ with socio-emotional essentials as well.

Starting a new grade or school can be emotionally overwhelming. There are many changes in friends, schedules and routines, new teachers and personalities, coping with homework demands, and navigating teammates. Inevitably, emotions will be running the gamut and some days will be awesome and others downright terrible. So what can we teach our kids to help manage the good and the bad? Positivity, simply having an optimistic attitude!

“Positive thinking is a mental attitude that perceives situations in a constructive way. It does not mean ignoring the negative. Rather, a positive thinker acknowledges a situation and looks at it productively.”1 Making a mental switch is not always easy, but having a positive mindset lends to resilience, self-efficacy, decreased anxiety, and more happiness. This is a skill that needs practice and parents can be great role models. For instance, your child is sad to learn that his best friend isn’t in his new class. Acknowledge his feelings of disappointment, but point out the potential benefits (having a chance to develop other friendships, discover things in common with other people, enlarging social group, planning special outings with his bf). Your positive attitude will help him reframe his initial thoughts and subsequent feelings in a more hopeful manner.

Academically, students who are positive in their abilities and when they come across challenges fare much better. “Students who were positive about math tended to be more interested in it and were also more likely to practice it, and this positive perception towards math and their abilities resulted in enhanced memory and more efficient problem-solving” (How Maintaining a Positive Outlook Can Help Us Learn). To boost memory and performance, guide your kids in attitude. If your child gets stumped on a math problem, teach her to enthusiastically say, “Bring on the challenge!” She’ll be better able to cope and solve.

So while you’re stuffing those backpacks with pencils, folders, and dry-eraser markers, don’t forget about those emotional supplies that will last a lifetime.❤︎

Want more inspiration? Like our new Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/The-Essentialist-Family-108873438349096

http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article?contentid=629&language=English 1

https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/children-positive-attitude#:~:text=According%20to%20positive%20psychology%20researcher,(and%20adults)%20more%20resilient2

How Maintaining a Positive Outlook Can Help Us Learn