Category: simply better yourself

Young adulting…family style

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The summer transition from independent, college student to at-home son or daughter, can take time to adjust to. Finding the rhythm of giving space, curfews, helping around the house, doing laundry as well as cooking and shopping for meals all takes time. There are new boundaries, varied expectations, and different roles to get comfortable in. It’s also a time to find new activities to do together. For our family, we got a family membership to a local gym. Now if this sounds like a win-win for everyone, it sure has been!

First of all, it’s an outing we all look forward to. One destination and typically one car–so that means great conversation time! Yet when we arrive at the gym, we all go our separate ways. My oldest is rehabbing from ACL and meniscus surgery so she follows her prescribed exercises. My middle loves tennis so he tries to join a round robin or a pickleball class. My husband heads straight for a cardio machine and I head to spin. It simply works! We’ve never been an ‘exercising family’ but this was a place for us to work on new skills, keeping healthy and getting stronger as a family as well as individually. And honestly, I’ve really enjoyed it!

This young adulthood phase during summer break is turning into a time for us to reconnect in a healthy way for all of us. Embracing how my older kids like to spend their time has given us a common focus, planned outings, and sore abs…oh, how I love my young adults! ❤︎

Come up with a list of new activities you can do with your young adults:

  • What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Together and alone?
  • What’s fun to you as a family?
  • Where can you go together that’s a reasonable distance?
  • What can you each work on?
  • Where will you be excited to go?
  • How many days will you go together a week? For how many hours? Make a plan!

✺ Lauri is a certified life coach working with new grads on creating self-awareness and confidence in their unique selves navigating the space of young adulthood.

5,4,3,2,1 Do It!

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Have a child who procrastinates, gets sidetracked, loses track of time? Inspired by Mel Robbins’, The 5 Second Rule, I tried implementing the ‘countdown to action.’

When my son heads to his room to tidy up, he gets waylaid…Where does he start? How does he fit the clothes in his drawers? What does he toss? He winds up pacing around his room not able to even begin. Know the feeling?! Hence, the countdown to action was implemented! He counts down from 5 and then just acts! He doesn’t think, analyze, or compromise…he simply moves and starts completing one task. It’s the first action of movement that propels him to get started and consequently, keep going.

I find it helps with my own procrastination tendencies. Since I am home, there’s always laundry to do, dishes to load, leaves to rake, lists to be made and meals to prep. I put off my writing or easily get distracted, then get frustrated. Yet, the little act of counting down refocuses me, prioritizes the moment, and actually makes me much more productive.

Mel calls these these everyday acts of courage and they build up so that you can change your future. Sounds simple, right? What a powerful example for our children! Immediately acting gives you strength for the little things which leads to jumping into the bigger moments when in the past we may have run away.

5,4,3,2,1 Try it!

*Have your kids try it for starting homework

*Use it for organizing the garage

*Start a new cleanup routine after dinner where each family member takes on a task

*Write that email of forgiveness

*Apply for a job

*Make conversation with someone new

*Create an art project

*Enroll in grad school

“One moment of courage can change your day. One day can change your life. And your life can change the world.” -Mel Robbins

Siblings stepping up to serve as examples to one another

Posted in Children, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simple joys, simply better yourself, the little momentsTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!
After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!

Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?

“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.

So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.

Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!

Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎

Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!

Encourage your children to inspire one another with…

  • completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
  • preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
  • starting homework after a snack or practice
  • keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
  • setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
  • choosing a nicer outfit for church
  • picking up the phone to call a grandparent

**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com

Why are Acts of Kindness Shocking?

Posted in Family, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, simply better yourself, the little moments, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Over February vacation, I took two of my kids down to Florida to visit family as a last-minute trip. Truth be told, my Uncle is not doing well and I wanted to be sure we could spend a little time with him. On the flight down, my son was sitting in the row in front of me next to an older gentleman. They struck up conversation about this man’s time in the army and subsequent defense work for 56 years. At the end of the flight, the gentleman asked my son if he could retrieve his bags from the overhead compartment. My son proceeded to offer to carry the bags off the plane as it was obvious that walking was difficult. It took a few moments for the gentleman to get himself out of the row and wobble out of the aircraft. There were several grunts and sighs from the people behind us, suggesting it was taking way too long for their liking. The gentleman even responded that he was sorry and I commented that he did not need to rush and could take his time. (Note here that I had just started reading, The Let Them Theory, by Mel Robbins, on this very flight and I was going to Let Them complain, moan, and roll their eyes and I was not going to rush this older man one little bit.).

Once we got this man settled into his wheelchair with his belongings, we bid farewell with smiles and a warm feeling of simply helping someone. I only hope I am in good health when I’m his age and can travel, “for business” as he was still doing. A fellow passenger stopped me and said I should be proud of my son as he saw the entire situation unfold. “He gave me faith that there’s still kindness in this world.” I was actually a tad taken aback. What had my son done? Get bags down from the overhead? Help lug bags off a plane? Be a friendly face to a man sitting next to him? Be patient?

Have we become a society in which normal graces and common manners are exceptions? Is being helpful to strangers rare? Is friendliness now seen as an act of kindness? How did this happen?????

Yes, I am proud of my son. Not necessarily for that particular moment but for all the moments that led up to this where it has become part of his being that he is helpful, kind, considerate, patient, selfless, and loving. He did not have to think in this moment whether or not to assist an older man; he simply acted on instinct, and acted with love. As we raise our children or even reflect on our own actions as adults, let’s remember that simple manners do go a long way and kindness should be a way of simply being. ♥︎

Simply Better Yourself

Posted in goals, Happiness, Joy, Little Moments, Midlife, mindfulness, motherhood, scripture, simply better yourself, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Cheers to a new year of simply bettering yourself!

I’ve been MIA…sorry! Life happens and sometimes not in a good way. I herniated a disc in my back months ago and it took a long time to feel well enough to even want to write again. The pain was tremendous and effected every facet of my life. Yet through it all, I prayed…

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1.

I have come to see that years of putting off taking care of myself is wrong. It hurts myself and my family and there is no excuse. I am blessed with good health and function, yet I take it for granted. I believe I got injured for a reason. I needed pain to stop being in the cycle of taking care of everyone around me before I even thought about what I needed. I stopped needlessly worrying about mundane tasks, unimportant events, and unfulfilling relationships. I focused on what was essential to me and my loved ones.

One of my realizations was that now was the time to simply better myself…little steps each day to physically, spiritually and emotionally make me a stronger person. First up was starting my day with inspiration. Before I got out of bed, I read my devotional, wrote about the things I was grateful for, even when first thoughts were self-pity, anger and disappointment. Yet, I did encourage myself to dig deeper. look wide-eyed around me for all the goodness. Next, I was able to focus on my health…a 10-minute routine from my physical therapist on stretching my body is now what I do before I leave the house! This simple new habit led to joining a local gym so I could get into a warm therapy pool to ease the pain and foster healing even more. Now, I can say I’m a gym-regular and can’t imagine my days without it!! Why do bad things need to happen for us to truly focus on what’s important? I have worn out my emotional ‘battery’ on minutia for years and I am trying to stop because it is truly not worth it.

So, why am I telling you all this?? Because I want you to

Simply Better Yourself!

Seek out 1 small, easy way to make today better for yourself…not for others, but for you! Will you eat a healthier snack, go for a walk instead of watching TV, call a friend to catch up, sign up for that yoga class you’ve been dreaming about, or make a home-cooked meal instead of eating out? What is 1 thing you can do right now to Simply Better Yourself? I am definitely stronger, happier and healthier due to the little changes I strive to make each day. Will you join me?!! ♥︎

Finding joy in hard times

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Life is hard. Simply stated, we all have struggles whether or not we share them. However, one of our jobs as parents is helping our kids confront the hard stuff. Teaching them to begin looking at problems from different viewpoints is a positive, life skill. Yes, you can typically see all the negatives to a bad situation, but is there anything we learned? A constructive point? A benefit? Writing a list of pros and cons can help aid in this process too. As they begin to tackle more challenging issues, they’ll develop the mindset to persevere. And perseverance is a quality that increases confidence, self-esteem and happiness. As Jelly Roll sings, “I am not ok but it’s all gonna be alright.” Now that’s something to smile about.

Everyday Inspiration in New England

Posted in Christian, Family, Joy, Little Moments, mindfulness, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, scripture, simple joys, simply better yourselfTagged , , , , , , Leave a comment

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

-Isaiah 26:4

Scituate, MA

Productive Procrastination

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I can always put off tasks to go to the beach!

Do you ever put off what really needs to be done with other simple, mindless or even pleasant activities? I have come to realize that I do it a lot when it’s time to exercise! I find myself putting in another load of laundry, or organizing the linen closet or sweeping the garage. I definitely get sidetracked but I recently learned that what I do has a name… productive procrastination. This doesn’t mean that because it has a name, it’s ok to put off exercising. In fact, it has had the opposite effect! Now I realize what I’m doing…color-coding our monthly calendar can wait until I strength train for 45 minutes! And guess what? The calendar still gets done and I feel stronger, physically and mentally! So, the next time you put off doing that thing that you don’t really like doing…..pause…. and think about how your productive procrastination isn’t that beneficial. Call yourself out on it and then get the real job done!!

Sprinkling Beauty

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I enjoy adding flowers to spaces in our home. Our powder room gets a ton of use since it’s right off our kitchen. Here’s a bloom from my garden, which adds a simple delight for any visitor. It’s these little things that my kids notice and enjoy…it’s what makes our house a home.

Midlife Reevaluation

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2 Paths

I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎

Encouraging Disagreement

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Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!

Changing Perspective or Simply Looking a Different Way

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Each morning, I strive to have quiet time reading my devotional. I created a cozy nook in my bedroom with a chair and side table. The chair was positioned with a view of my side yard where I could see a beautiful hydrangea bloom in warmer months.

However, it is newly spring and foliage is nonexistent so I stare are my neighbor’s garage. This is not the view that complements my morning mediations. I really didn’t want to move my comfy spot to another part of the house so what if I turned the chair to look out the same window but in the opposite direction?

Indeed, it worked! A white picket fence offsets the greenery of pines, while a red cardinal perches on bare branches. I could almost imagine I was in a forest, not a suburban neighborhood. Interesting that simply looking a different way could instantly change my perspective. What a good reminder!❤︎