I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎
Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!
Each morning, I strive to have quiet time reading my devotional. I created a cozy nook in my bedroom with a chair and side table. The chair was positioned with a view of my side yard where I could see a beautiful hydrangea bloom in warmer months.
However, it is newly spring and foliage is nonexistent so I stare are my neighbor’s garage. This is not the view that complements my morning mediations. I really didn’t want to move my comfy spot to another part of the house so what if I turned the chair to look out the same window but in the opposite direction?
Indeed, it worked! A white picket fence offsets the greenery of pines, while a red cardinal perches on bare branches. I could almost imagine I was in a forest, not a suburban neighborhood. Interesting that simply looking a different way could instantly change my perspective. What a good reminder!❤︎
I can’t help but appreciate my children getting older and passing on wisdom to me. Recently, I was reminding my son to switch his clothes from the washer to the dryer. More accurately, I reminded him 4 times over an hour. Later that night, I commented that it was frustrating when he didn’t complete laundry in a timely manner. He paused, looked at me and asked, “Is this really complaint worthy?” Hmmmm. Did it annoy me to have wet clothes sitting in the washing machine? Absolutely, I’m a Type-A personality and like to promptly finish tasks. Did my 17 year old son take responsibility for cleaning his own clothes without a reminder? Yes. Did this extended chore negatively affect any other part of our day? No. Hence, he was right! One friendly reminder would have been sufficient if I needed to do laundry. But nagging him didn’t foster positive communication or build up our relationship. I thanked him for phrasing his feelings in a way that made me reflect on my own behavior. Now, I contemplate if something is complaint worthy before I make a parental suggestion, valuing our connection over insignificant criticizing. Thank you, son, for making me a better person.❤︎
I see roughly 40 students a day as a reading interventionist. As I welcome various groups into my classroom, I have a rule when they come to the door: they must make eye contact, choose a greeting, and give me a handshake, elbow pump, quick dance move or a hug. Guess what the hardest part of this routine is? Loooking me in the eyes when they say, “Good morning, Mrs. D.” Social etiquette is a skill that takes practice and midway through the school year, these kids are experts at it! They confidently wish me a “Good afternoon” as they firmly shake my hand and look me squarely in the eyes. While this takes all of 3 seconds, it’s a life skill that I hope they’ll carry with them every day when they interact with other adults. When was the last time you looked your own children lovingly into their eyes? And they back to you?
I boarded the Island Queen Ferry from Falmouth to Martha’s Vineyard. A friend from home was renting there so we decided to have a Girl’s Day of wandering the quaint streets, visiting Edgartown Books and then eating at Behind the Books cafe (so cute and delicious), and simply catching up on life. The 9am ferry was crowded on this bluebird morning and a pair of older couples were sitting in front of me, chatting excitedly about their first visit to the island, reminiscent of kids in a candy store. There is something magical about the journey across Vineyard Sound instantly transporting you to another world of calm, tranquility, and natural beauty. Upon departure, this group of friends unsuccessfully tried to take a selfie. Overhearing their frustration, I offered to capture the moment. I then realized one of the women was blind, her white cane propped on the empty seat next to her. The travelers graciously thanked me as I teetered back to my seat. The wind picked up, blowing my hair recklessly and I turned my face toward to warm sun. The shore was dotted with grey-washed clapboard cottages shrinking out of sight. The water was glistening so ferociously that I had to squint. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I wondered if this blind woman was able to feel what I was feeling even though she wasn’t seeing the same view. A feeling of sadness swept through me as I thought she was missing out on my experience. Who was I to judge that my eyes gave me more in this world? As I glanced over, her head was raised toward the rays of light, eyes closed yet turned up on the edges hinting at the serene smile dressing her face. The beauty of this moment was felt and savored by both of us with our whole bodies, a wordless understanding of the majesty and adventures lying ahead.
Spring is a time for renewal, to refresh and start again. I chose my book club’s spring read, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam, to bring about life change to simply revive in this season. WOW! That’s all I can say…WOW! How many of us constantly complain that we don’t have enough time in the day to accomplish the things we need to nevertheless less the things we want to do? Vanderkam honestly makes readers pause, reflect and examine how we utilize our time. But here’s the warning…. You need to be utterly HONEST with yourself to get an accurate picture of how you spend your 24 hours per day, 168 hours per week. And trust me, it’s easier said than done.
Vanderkam offers a Time Management Worksheet as a useful tool to record your daily activities in 15minute increments. Sounds like a large undertaking, right? However, the time is well worth it. Think of it as a log to visually track everything you do on a typical day. She does recommend tracking for an entire week as weekends will bring on different schedules. In addition, some days will inevitably pop up atypical appointments, last minute emergencies, and sicknesses that alter your plans. I’ll be completely upfront and admit I didn’t fulfill a week’s worth of tracking but I did get much insight. What was personally most helpful, was logging my activities at the end of a month to see what changes I had in fact made…this is what I recommend!
Bottom line is that 168 Hours shows how you choose to spend your time whether working, carpooling, playing with your kids, or completing house work. It shines light on what you think matters most compared to how much time you actually spend on the most important things or people. Time can get away from us with busy lives, work and responsibilities, but 168 allows us to reexamine our lives and help us make conscious choices that better align with our goals, core competencies and happiness.
Leading a full life is what most of us aspire to. Having a happy family life, purposeful work, meaningful social connections, serving others, prioritizing faithful endeavors and making time to relax or enjoy hobbies is what we strive for. While the exact component of what defines a full life will vary from person to person, the greater idea is the same. What a time overhaul does is show you exactly where you are logging hours, wasting minutes, and underutilizing yourself. What we think we are doing may very well not be happening. For instance, volunteering has always been important to me. I selectively choose which organizations I support but when I looked at my weekly commitments, I realized they were inconsistent. Projects come and go but I don’t have a regular volunteer obligation, which I realize I enjoy…it fulfills me. So scheduling 2 hours per week to help my causes made my life more full!
Starting with a blank slate is invigorating! You are the designer of your life. You fill in the slots with what you choose to do. “You build a life where you really can have it all” (24). You decide how to spend your time doing more of the things that are fulfilling and ones you are passionate about. You choose what is not important in this season of life and make time for things and people who are. If your priority is playing more with your children, block time do that each and every day. Gracefully decline a PTO meeting that you can get the agenda to, or cancel a golf outing you are secretly dreading. If it’s not a priority, get comfortable with saying, “No!” Turn off your phone for 45 minutes so you can play board games, shoot hoops, or take a bike ride together. Make dinner the meal you get home for each night, connect through conversation, share laughs, jokes and stories. This small part of your day may immensely strengthen your bonds while fulfilling your priority to family time.
Vanderkam reminds us that we each have core competencies-things we are naturally good at. It’s most effective and satisfying when our work aligns with these competencies (This will be another blog post!). “You should do what you love and you should love what you do,” says Harvard professor Teresa Amabile (58). While that all sounds idealist, it can and should happen. Again, that may take time for some of us who aren’t living out that dream job. Yet small changes can create a job more consistent with your ideals. Really look at how much actual time is spent on job related tasks. How many employees think they work 40 hours a week, but spend closer to 30? Checking personal emails, taking coffee breaks, scheduling doctor appointments don’t count as work so be honest about your time. If you discover more time, try spending it on pursuing ways to make your current employment more fulfilling, consider alternative careers or even spend it on other time-deficient areas. The time is yours so do with it what will brings you life’s satisfaction and purposeful work. Happiness follows when we are productive, purposeful, and honestly ourselves.
I find happiness is easier to achieve when I have help with mundane, household responsibilities. I consciously remind myself of how cleaning my house creates a calm, organized environment for my children to feel safe and comfortable in. Would I rather outsource that job? Absolutely! And we have in the past. But my husband is firm in his commitment to raising self-sufficient teens and keeping rooms dusted and vacuumed, bathrooms scrubbed, and laundry folded, neatly away is his way of helping them be grateful for what they have and responsible for continual upkeep. Yet looking at how much time I still spend making doctor appointments, weeding the garden beds, and food shopping, I do wonder how I can hire others to help. Vanderkam has someone do her laundry, but I’m not sure that will work for me. However, that’s a conversation my husband and I will have as we prioritize our time and finances to reach more of the life we want.
One of the eye-opening parts of this time makeover was ‘seeing’ that we do have more time for leisurely pursuits than originally thought. Most of us want more leisure time but when it comes, we don’t know what to do or instead, just veg on the couch. Instead, this is the time to pursue the hobby you’ve been putting off, joining the knitting group, book club, taking skiing lessons, playing the cello, or training for a half-marathon. This somewhat gifted time is really important to our overall well-being so make it happen….schedule it and don’t make an excuse to get rid of it! Will it be hard to change your habit of falling onto the couch after a long day at work? Perhaps. However, you’ll be amazed at how your happiness increases when you start making time to do meaningful activities that nurture your soul.
“Broadly, figure out what hours you would like to be working, sleeping, nurturing your family and friends, and nurturing yourself” (221). Take back your 168 hours to create the life you want and deserve. No shame. No guilt. Spring into change and refresh your life, one minute at a time.
I like to organize! I like to have a place for everything. My daughters have followed in my footsteps, but my son, not so much. We are heading into Lent and cleaning our home is part of our preparedness. This year, my 10yr old has been watching The Home Edit so our home is going through some major re-organization! It first started with my daughter’s room. I spent way too much on clear drawer containers so she could roll her clothes into neat, small bundles. Hours upon hours later she surfaced with a huge smile of accomplishment. She purged bags of clothes that did not fit, hammy downs that she would not wear, and trinkets that were long over due to be tossed. She gained 2 empty drawers, which she stored her hair accessories and jewelry so that the top of her dressers were free from clutter. WOW! I was amazed. Her happiness was contagious and soon we were on to tackle the kitchen pantry.
A trip to our local Home Goods shocked the cashier as she inquired what we could possibly do with all those bins! Honestly, the kitchen project took me a few days to mentally process before we began because I knew it would temporarily disrupt our daily lives. But with her enthusiasm gleaming, we jumped in. I even put a coat of glossy white paint on the shelves since it hadn’t been done in years! Together we sorted, color matched, and rearranged the most highly utilized part of our kitchen. And it is glorious! Something as simple as putting school snacks in a clear bin within easy reach makes mornings that much smoother! Moving nuts to the middle shelf within eye sight allows them to be chosen as a snack more often! Up went the pasta to the top shelf simply because I need to eat less pasta…and it worked! Who would have imagined organizing a pantry would make everyone in our home happier? Even my husband keeps saying he LOVES opening the doors as it looks pretty.
Why stop there? Kitchen drawers were my project one afternoon. My daughter tackled her bathroom closet. Then came refrigerator. Again, it’s incredible what a few clear bins can do to transform a space. We reimagined where food items could go and started with a clean slate. Veggies and fruit came out of the built-in produce drawers and we sorted them by color in the easy to reach middle of the fridge. Breads went into the drawers so they aren’t seen as easily or eaten as frequently. And guess what? We’ve been flying through our fruits and veggies simply because they are front and center. And when you sort by color, they look so nice!
Honestly, all I can say is start organizing the most used parts of your home right now! Think of your kitchen, mudroom, bedrooms, bathrooms. Take your time though…make it a month long project. Keep in mind, if you drag it on too long it won’t get done. Divide tasks, rooms and roles to make it a family affair. Plus, the more hands who contribute, the more ownership they’ll have and will aim to keep it organized along the way. And when people can find things, there’s less complaining, smoother mornings and bedtimes, less chaos, and fewer inquires of where things are. And that makes mom simple happier. ❤︎
If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎
A few years back, a mom friend popped over after school. She walked in and looked around quite suspiciously. “Is this how your home is all the time?” she wondered. I didn’t know what she meant until she said her house was not as peaceful and her kids, not as calm. So I shared my thoughts on how I create calm in the chaos of life!
1.Turn down the lights or better yet, open the shades
Imagine coming home from a busy day at school, bombarded with tests, overwhelming assignments, navigating the social world of teens, hangry, and physically and emotionally exhausted. You fling open the door to your haven of home and are blinded by glaring florescent lights turned all the way up to BRIGHT. You squint! You bend your head away from the blinding light before a headache ensues. Not a comforting way to come home.
Instead, open the door to a kitchen with the blinds opened all the way up and natural light pouring in. The high hats are dimmed a tad, producing a glowing effect that brings a smile to a warm room. Is this ambiance any harder to create in your own home? Probably not, but lighting does make a large impact on how people feel. And after a long day at school and work, your family wants to come home and feel at ease, relaxed and happy to be together. Turn the lights down a notch to create this calming effect.
2.Light a candle
Using scent is a powerful calming technique. Lavender, vanilla, and rose can instantly bring calm one first sniff. I happen to look for beach inspired scents as anything beachy brings a relaxing vibe to our home. You can also try plug-in air fresheners, dried flowers, or essential oil diffusers to fill your home with longer lasting smells. I happen to prefer candles as the flicker of light also soothes–maybe even put on the fireplace for the same effect!
3.Turn on the music
Do you like waking up to a beeping, blaring alarm blasting at a high volume? Neither do I. Talk about jarring yourself into a state of panic rather than starting your day peacefully. Walking into a home filled with soft jazz, classical music, drumming or soothing sounds of a rainfall does produce calm almost instantaneously. “Music around 60 beats per minute can cause the brain to synchronize with the beat causing alpha brainwaves (frequencies from 8 – 14 hertz or cycles per second). This alpha brainwave is what is present when we are relaxed and conscious.”1 We constantly have music playing because I visibly see how it positively effects my family. Plus, when the volume is subtle, voices get softer. I asked for a record player a few Christmases ago and even though I only have a few albums, they work wonders! We also did get Sonos speakers for the main living areas just for this reason of creating a soothing environment.
So, what are you waiting for? Create a more calming home right now in 3 easy ways! Let me know how it went….
If you enjoyed this post, follow my blog for more tips and thoughts on being an Essentialist Family….Simply Happier❤︎
I have a house phone so all my kids can make calls.
I spoke with one my oldest friends this morning. The conversation lasted 1 hour and 4minutes. And let me tell you…the time flew by! While this is not typical, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time catching up about our children, hearing about upcoming birthday celebrations, talking through doctor appointments, devising strategies to deal with child organization, discussing which volunteering commitments give us joy, what we ate for breakfast and when we were making time for our workout routines. While she was on speaker, I emptied the dishwasher and refilled it, did 2 loads of laundry, tidied the kitchen, walked the dog and ate breakfast. This multi-tasking morning while conversing with a dear friend was just what we both needed. Our socio-emotional well-being increased tenfold!
Then I go to wondering how often my teens pick up the phone and talk to friends? RARELY!!! And it shocks me because it’s so nice to chat with friends and I don’t mean to chat via text but actually hear their voices, listen and feel their excitement in happy moments, and verbally console when disappointment strikes. I encourage my kids to call their friends yet they hardly do. “No one does that, mom” they firmly state. But why not? They should! Aren’t we trying to raise competent, contributing citizens? Well, they will in fact need to communicate effectively with others and not just by texting! Let’s encourage our kids to pick up the phone and start calling their friends and let’s go out on a limb and add extended family members.
My 10yr old talks every single day to my mother on the phone. And not just with me urging her to dial. She asks to use my phone to call or Facetime and they can talk for 20-30 minutes strong. She has become such a great conversationalist too! Because there can be awkward moments of silence… how does she break that? You can get stuck on what to discuss…so what else can you talk about? Some topics can be boring or uncomfortable…so how do you change course? All these skills are being developed by simply taking with Nana! So, let’s hand over our phones or start encouraging our kids to press the green Call button to talk it up! Their future selves will thank us 🙂
Take a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release.
My youngest daughter has a “worry” brain. That’s how we’ve come to name her anxiety ridden thought processes that weigh her down. It has been a struggle to have her ease her worries to live in a more calm, happy state. Some days are better than others, especially as she learns strategies to help. Maturity as well as the ability to verbalize her feelings, tiggers and concerns facilitates in getting her emotions under control.
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael Singer, is my most recent read in a genre I don’t typically grab. Yet, I loved it! There’s truth of going outside your comfort zone to experience joy in unexpected ways. As I dove into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that “if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow”(61). I couldn’t help but think of my daughter. I can’t protect her from troubling situations but I can guide her in how she copes. “Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. They’re just events. You determine whether or not you’re going to be happy…if you can live this way, your heart will be so open and your Spirit will be so free, that you will soar up to the heavens (143). Simply, keep an open heart. When negativity, frustration, or disappointment arise, relax your heart and let these feelings flow freely through. Release the negativity. Try it! Because you know what? You will feel better. But it takes deliberate practice, self-awareness, and time. “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It is the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems” (10). And this is what I want to show my daughter…her mind is creating chaos. When she reframes the situation and renames her feelings, she is empowered and her outlook shifts. “That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up” (79).
7:15am. Bedside, I nudge my daughter from sleep. Eyes slowly open and then instantaneously turn red, watery, filling with tears. Not even 10 seconds have gone by since awakening. “What is it, my love?” I ask. “I have MAP testing,” she whimpers. Together, we took a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release. Out went the negative feelings. In came relief. She got up and started her day, tears drying up, a smile emerging. As Singer says, “You live in love and it feeds you and strengthens you” (57). ❤︎
I recently gave a class of 4th graders the opportunity to take home math fact worksheets so they could improve their scores on multiplication tests. Out of 19 students, 4 raised their hands eagerly wanting the extra practice and excited to put in the work to do better. The others simply had no interest. I was shocked and honestly disappointed! You tell this educator, mom, and writer of self-improvement that you don’t want to ‘better yourself’ and you may get a lecture or two. 🙂
The math lesson was paused and I pulled up a stool to the front of the class for a heart-to-heart. I explained to these young students that there comes a time when they assume more responsibility for their own learning. This shift in ownership will determine who is going to excel. Who is going to do the extra work, read additional materials and ask more questions to expand knowledge? Where does this drive come from? It has to come from within!
Intrinsic motivation “is the drive that comes purely from within, without any ostensible external rewards. You do it because it’s inherently enjoyable, and not because of any anticipated reward, deadline, or outside pressure.” 1 It is out of joy that people are motivated and desire to fulfill the outcome, It becomes a personal mission to do something better like running faster, eating less sugar, or scoring higher on math tests. Many people use extrinsic motivation, which utilizes an external reward to encourage behavior such as toys, stickers, or even money. However, extrinsic motivation doesn’t last. There’s no real internal compass that continues to drive you when situations get tough or drag on. So how do we help kids begin to feel intrinsically motivated so that they can develop skills that will benefit them into adulthood?
Let’s MAP it out! Kids need mastery in a topic, autonomy in their learning and purpose of why they are even learning in the first place!2 Providing successful opportunities builds confidence and a platform for wanting to continue the feeling of victory. When given choices of what to learn and how to learn it, students will increase their enjoyment during the process which will allow for taking on more work or problems. Acknowledge their successes and increase awareness of how they are feeling after they accomplish their goals. What was their process? What worked for them? What did they learn? These questions place the responsibility back on themselves as they reflect on hard work, organization, and commitment to spend time on their goals.
Here are 5 ways to increase intrinsic motivation in your kids today:
Praise their effort, not the outcome. You focused on building that Pinewood Derby car every Sunday for three weeks! You made it a priority to refine the design as you tested its speed.
Focus on one area at a time. Make a goal of getting 95% or higher on weekly spelling tests.
Devise a plan for your child to complete tasks on his/her own. Create a chart, calendar or checklist with activities to be done independently to help reach his/her goal.
Explain the why!Mastering math facts on timed drills will help you solve problems faster and make more complex math easier.When you are checking out of a store, you can make sure you get the correct change back by completing the math in your head!
Point out feelings. You tied your shoes all by yourself! How do you feel?
Developing intrinsic motivation does not happen instantaneously. It is a process, but so incredibly important for lasting success. Guide your children to look for challenges as a way to better themselves and when they see a challenge have them shout, “BRING IT ON!”
Mornings in our home are quite busy. All five of us are suppose to have morning responsibilities (jobs or chores) to make it go more smoothly as well as to not lay the burden on just one person (ME). Activities include emptying the dishwasher, loading breakfast dishes, feeding and walking the dog, spraying the kitchen counters, as well as starting a load of laundry-first come, first dibs! While they make their own breakfasts and pack lunches, the intention is that they will clean up after themselves too! Oh and I’ve started to workout in the mornings! Also, I work out of the home three days a week so getting out at a precise time is paramount. Needless to say, I can be frazzled!
This morning was no exception. I was coming up from exercising enthusiastically reminding my children of what needed to be done (or as they said, “shouting orders”). My youngest was asking me to head to her room to look at something, and I quickly replied, “Wait a sec…let me do this first.” Well, minutes later I had found 5 things to do…load laundry, fold towels, replenish napkins, put a clean bag in the trash bin, and water the plants. Sophie inquired again as to my whereabouts.
“I got distracted, sweetie, but I’m on my way.”
“You are CHOOSING to get distracted, mom.”
WAIT…WHAT??!!!!
Pause….
Hmmmmm…she’s totally on to something. But first, how did she get SO incredibly insightful at 10 years old. I’ve never use this line on my kids so she didn’t hear it from me!
Point is, she was right! Completely, utterly, 100% correct. I did chuckle because I did not HAVE to do all those things in that moment, but I CHOSE to. My enneagram 1 personality makes me like to have things promptly done and done in a certain way. It is hard for me to walk away from a task that’s not completed, even if it’s not completed in my own mind. But Sophie made me think-How many times have I chosen to be distracted and set myself up to disappoint others, not meet a deadline, or not finish what I could have?
I can honestly say I felt relived in a way when I left my mundane tasks and headed to see what my daughter wanted…proudly wearing her Girl Scout sash. My plants would not have instantaneously died, someone else would have put a clean bag in the trash bin and the towels would have stayed fluffy in the dryer. Thanks for my child, pausing in the moment to consciously decide if what I’m doing is what needs to be done, is what I’m going to work on. And reminding my kids to do the same is powerful! If they can become more aware and reflect themselves, just think about how much time, nagging and stress could be saved and how much productivity could be gained. Sounds simple enough to give a try. Oh, and those towels may stay in the dryer ALL day!
A year ago this month, I launched a non-fiction Book Club asking my Facebook friends to join me as we read James Clear’s, Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results. The response was greater than I anticipated and I think the reason is that change hits home! We all want change but it is HARD. We started the New Year with an 8-week journey into the world of making small changes in our daily lives so that we would see larger growth over time. People wanted to change many different aspects of their lives from weight loss to exercising more, from making time for self-care to volunteering more, from changing careers to entering the workforce after being home childrearing. While the types of changes varied, the sentiment was the same…we’ve been wanting to do this, and NOW is the time. But the key difference for much of the success of the people in this group was changing our mindset to making ONE SMALL change at a time. With progress and small successes, confidence and motivation grew. Big changes did occur as time went on, even after our Book Club finished the book. I, for one, started volunteering at a local inner-city Catholic school which turned into an academic interventionist position and I’m loving it! I also realized that I thoroughly enjoyed guiding a book club with questions, quotes and inspiration and started a FB community aptly titled, Simply Better Yourself. Inspiring others to think of small ways they can better themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually has been very fulfilling. Now, I’m not perfect at always taking care of myself but I think that’s what’s important about our group’s support…we aim for progress, not perfection!
With 2023 beginning, I couldn’t help but purchase my two teenagers their own copies of Atomic Habits. While my children may not always listen to what I say, I thought if they read about the importance and high success rate of making small changes in their lives, maybe they would actually try it (ie. making their beds each morning, staying on top of laundry, planning their homework/project schedule, staying fit during sports’ off-season, studying for SATs). My list could be endless for them but that’s what I want to change…taking me out of the picture as they develop more responsibility for their own future. I believe my goal is to get them ready to be on their own in this world when they leave for college. Yes, I’ll be there for them always, but I want them equipped to handle life. I do think this gift of small changes can enable them to think about ways to improve that will bring greater rewards. When you refocus challenges in manageable bits, anything seems possible.
So, when everyone else is waiting in line to join a gym, I’m lacing up my sneakers to take a walk with my family and dog, with the plan of taking part in our town’s Feaster 5 on Thanksgiving…starting small ❤︎
❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.
It’s a mild December morning in Boston, but rainy and deary. Looking out the window I can tell it feels warmer than expected because walkers and joggers are out in my neighborhood at the dimly lit hour of 6am. While the temperature may be inviting, the dampness is not. Yet, I look at my Goldendoodle who will no doubt be looking forward to his walk today. He could care less about the state of the atmosphere. 100-degree, humid summer days or below-zero temps bringing in feet of snow. As long as he’s outside, traipsing around in fresh air, he’s a happy pup!
And I am grateful for that pure, simple joy. The feeling of just being outdoors and running or walking carelessly around. He’s right…it does feel good and refreshing! But to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for him, I’d spend the majority of chilly to cold, rainy to snowy, and hot to humid days inside! I’d bail on my walk and cool off in AC or snuggle warmly on my couch. Yet being a dog owner has given me the gift of selflessness, much like children. And giving him his daily dose of exercise has made me a pretty grateful woman, even if I don’t acknowledge it in the moment (like when the hail is pounding my face). Together, Marlton and I make our bodies stronger, hearts healthier and are simply happier after our walks. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am more fit for the day. And it doesn’t take long…20-30 minutes! How can I not make time for that?! We explore new trails, parks and neighborhoods enjoying all four seasons of our beautiful New England. I coordinate walks with friends as well to squeeze in some social time. Walking and talking does a whole body good. In a way, Marlton is keeping my friends healthy too!
They say dogs are best friends. I couldn’t agree more. He’s been an invaluable source of love and comfort as well as a playmate and entertaining member of our family for almost 7 years. He loves life and can never get enough cuddles. He has shown the kids what true responsibility for a living animal entails and is a testament to the power of unconditional love. He does give us way more than we give him, and even on the upcoming frigid winter days, I’m going to treasure our daily walks. Thank you, Marlton, for being part of our family. We are truly blessed.❤︎
the Essentialist Family 