Category: simply better yourself

Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening

Posted in essentialism, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourself, Uncategorized2 Comments

❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?

There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.

I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.

My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎

Whole ♥︎ed Living

Posted in Happiness, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , Leave a comment
My daughter sculpted the heart

Last year, I started a non-fiction, self-help book club to read books that simply better ourselves, our lives, an our families. The response was inspiring and we now have a community of woman who motivate, support and challenge with one another.

Our latest read was, Imperfect: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. She honestly defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough” (3). She proceeds to explain how this process is “the journey of a lifetime” (3). Ahhhhhhh….we don’t have to squeeze it in this month?! No! This is a LONG, LONG, LONG process that builds upon life experiences and much, much practice. It can also be uncomfortable and risky. Yet, building courage, compassion and connection throughout our years, makes us stronger, resilient, and happier. Letting people see that we are ‘imperfect’ along this journey, actually strengthens our relationships and ourselves. This honesty has a ripple effect and allows these ‘gifts of imperfection’ to give back to us tenfold! For instance, when you are more accepting of yourself and others, you become more compassionate. When you open yourself up to connect with others and allow yourself to receive blessings or help, you will then give more. When you put yourself out there, sharing feelings and experiences, you are showing ordinary courage and inspire others to do the same.

Dr. Brown does DIG (Deliberate, Inspired, Going) deep into ways to that prevent us from living with our whole hearts. So she develop a list of qualities to cultivate so that we can live wholeheartedly:

Start cultivating: authenticity, self-compassion, a resilient spirit, gratitude & joy, intuition & trusting faith, creativity, play & rest, calm & stillness, meaningful work, and laughter, song & dance.

Again, this is a process, a movement towards living better. Simply try to work on these each day, with each conversation, decision and action. Over time, you will notice your gifts strengthening and yourself transforming into a better version of you. “To practice courage, compassion, and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, “I’m all in” (31). So, what are you waiting for? Start Wholehearted Living ♥︎

https://brenebrown.com/

Do As I Do

Posted in Family Trips, motherhood, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment
“Don’t worry that Children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
(Robert Fulghum)

When you become a parent, you have little shadows. Inevitably, you have little ones following your every move and copying you. As your children get older, they may wander farther from your physical presence, but they are still always watching. With my teenagers, I have have found that I need to be more cognizant of my actions as they question what I ask of them instead of blindly following all that I say. For instance, ‘bad’ words have always been off-limits in our home. Now ‘bad’ words were not just curse words but included stupid, dumb and idiot. Now this wasn’t too hard to model because these words aren’t in our lexicon. I didn’t ban these from my children but then use them in my daily discourse. Instead, I consistently omitted them or replaced with another word (example: hate becomes intensely dislike).

It is not easy trying to make the right decision all the time. We tell our children how we want them to act, and what to say, but do we always do it ourselves? We are not perfect, nor should we be. Yet we can be more conscious. Think about the small moments throughout our days and they ways we carry ourselves, decisions we make, how we interact with others. This is what our children see and essentially how they learn to navigate their world. Maybe it’s time to pause a moment before responding to someone who cuts you off when driving or when an older person is struggling to put groceries in the trunk of her car. These are little moments that will shape your child’s understanding of what to do when they are in a similar situation.

Modeling educational standards is important too. Reading aloud to your child is encouraged by educators from essentially birth because it has such an incredibly positive effect on intellectual, academic, emotional, and social growth. As your children get older, promoting independent reading is just as crucial. But life gets busy and it’s hard to make sure it’s getting done. But what if as a family you have quiet reading time on school nights? From 8-8:30pm everyone grabs a book, magazine, or newspaper and simply reads! It can be done independently in separate bedrooms as a time to wind down before lights go out or collectively in the living room as family time. Either way, you are reading and they will see that you do value it because you are doing it!

We took our end of summer vacation to Hilton Head last week (which we absolutely LOVED!!). My older two know they should pack a book because to me, reading is a must on vacation! When we arrived at the airport, my kids quietly muttered that they forgot books. Not a big deal, I declared. They each have their own money that can use to purchase a new book at the airport bookstore. There was no complaining since they have come to understand that our family reads on vacation. They perused the selections and proudly purchased their new reading material. My oldest is not a reader by choice. She never has been and while I respect that it may not be her tendency, I value the importance of reading beyond academic books. She read her new book in 3 days and asked to go to the local bookstore to buy another one, which in fact turned into 2 new books because she couldn’t decide which she liked best. This was a first for her!! Would it have happened if my husband and I didn’t pack our own books and set the example of reading? All I know is, if you join us on vacation, pack a book!

128

Posted in Children, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment
My husband and son on Hilton Head Island.

School has started and kids are back in class. I’ve been getting very reflective lately as I have a junior and sophomore in high school. I feel like time is ticking…FAST…and there are things I was to accomplish as a parent. I believe my job is to guide these unique children to become the best versions of themselves as they leave my nest. What will I do with this time?

I was watching the news this morning and the reporter was discussing the need for teachers to monitor what students are eating during the school day. And honestly I was taken aback. Teachers are given more and more and more to do within the same timeframe. They are handed all academics, moral development, socio-emotional health, socialization, conflict resolution and now nutrition. But the reason I paused was not to necessarily defend teachers, but to wake-up parents. There are 168 hours in a week. Let’s estimate your child is in school eight hours a day…that’s 40 hours per week of mandated time out of the home. The other 128 hours is up to you! And that’s powerful!!

How do you fill your child’s time? How much sleep are they getting? Who watches your child for after school care? What exercise or sports are they engaged in? What meals and snacks are fueling their bodies? Who are they hanging out with? What are they viewing on screens or listening to in music? Do you make time for Church? Are you volunteering as a family? How much time is devoted to being together? Think hard and take inventory, but without blame or excuses. Acknowledge your reality and make changes if it’s not what you envision. Small changes lead to big results so start somewhere!

So my question to all of us parents is, “What are you doing for your children with 128 hours per week?”

Gift from the Sea: Simplicity

Posted in essentialism, Happiness, Joy, motherhood, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment

People find solace, rejuvenation, and calm from different places in nature. While I like to hike on wooded trails, jump into a cool mountainside lake, and explore botanical gardens, the sea is my sanctuary. Walking along any beach brings instant peace. My thoughts clear, my breath slows, and I feel lighter. The crashing of waves soothes my mind, the soft sand warms my body, and the salt air refreshes my soul.

I happened upon my mother’s copy of Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Do you ever feel you come across books that you need in a specific moment of time even if you don’t realize it at first? Well, Gift of the Sea was my muse for the next few blog entries as I process how I felt, what I thought, and how this book resonated with me as a woman, mother, and wife in the middle-age season of life.

Simplicity…A way of life, of being, of living. A simple word yet living simply is one of the most difficult things for mothers to do. Our current society, obligations, careers, and caregiving do not help us reach a life of simplicity but instead of multiplicity. How are we supposed to reach a balance between caring for ourselves and fulfilling everything else? Can we live in grace, with inner harmony? “There is no easy answer, no complete answer…perhaps a first step is in simplification of life, in cutting out some of the distractions. But how?” (23).

Simplifying has different meanings for different mothers based upon where they are in life, how many young children are at home, homeschooling vs in-school, household responsibilities, being employed outside of the home, spousal support, and community commitments, to name a few. At Essentialist Family, we have discussed the importance of taking inventory of where you spend your time. When you write down EVERYTHING you do, you can begin to acknowledge that it’s A LOT, and that some things need to be crossed off your list. Mentally and physically eliminating the most obvious unessential items, is a start. It will give you the confidence to tackle harder decisions. Practice makes this process easier and the more you rewrite your list, the more you’ll be able to let go.

Simplify your worldly life. We all have found ourselves caught up in buying the newest gadget, the tool that promises to save us time, the newer car, the extra pair of shoes because they were on sale, the new lunchbox organizers to replace the reusable snack pouches. But it’s still more stuff! Not less, but more! How can we physically decrease the things in our space if we continue to shop? Does scrolling on Pinterest entice us to buy things we truly don’t need? Are we trying to live up to someone else’s image on FaceBook and purchasing items like our Friends? Give yourself a month or two or three to really think about what you are buying. Remember, the key here is less, so if you don’t truly need it, then wait. Next, go through your home, one room at a time and donate or discard clothes, toys, kicknacks, and books you don’t need. (Read our post: Spark Joy Simply in Your Home for guidance (https://wordpress.com/post/theessentialistfamily.com/326).

Simplify your shelter. I’m not saying downsize your home even though we’ve watched Tiny House to prove it can be done. Instead, it’s all about evaluating the rooms of your current home and getting rid/donating extra furniture, wall hangings, throw rugs, closets full of spare sheets and blankets that don’t get used except when company visits. Taking photos off the bookcase shelves and replacing them with a few cherished memories. You’ll begin to feel the peace in your home when it’s clear. Harmony fills the gaps where unnecessary stuff was. Joy begins where clutter ends. Make a daily effort to keep stuff away.

“Simplification of outward life is not enough. It is merely the outside…the complete answer is not to be found on the outside, in an outward mode of living. This is only a technique, a road to grace. The final answer, I know, is always inside. But the outside can give a clue, can help one to find the inside answer” (29).

Stay tuned for the next post…

*Please note: Gift from the Sea❤︎ is best read with toes in the sand!

Some of my favorite beaches: Old Silver, Falmouth, Cape Cod; Poipu, Kauai; Long Boat Key, FL; Goose Rocks, Kennebunkport, Maine.

Go Play!

Posted in parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , , Leave a comment
Family volleyball

Did you know that there is a National Institute for Play? I’m serious because this is important stuff! Children are spending less time than ever playing but it’s essential to their overall physical, emotional, social and emotional health! So as parents, we need to make the time and prioritize playing!

*Put it on your daily calendar. When you see play written down, you’ll most likely follow through and remember to give the kids time to play.

*Schedule short and long playtimes. 20 minutes is enough time to play on busy days but try to incorporate longer periods as well since more creativity and imagination need sustained time.

*Make it a habit. Schedule playtime as a family at the same time several days per week. Sunday after Church? Friday night board games?

*Create a go-to family favorite list to spark ideas. Write activities on popsicle sticks and place in a jar to be randomly picked.

*Simple is best! No fancy games or toys needed.

*Try not to intervene when they are bored! Figuring out what to do with free time is a skill!

*Make time for playing in the fresh air!

When parents fully realize the importance of play, it is easier to make it happen. Play develops creativity, problem-solving, critical thinking, executive functioning, motor skills, social interactions, self-confidence, self-awareness, and fairness, to name just a few.

Next time your child wants to watch TV tell them to, “Go Play!”

nifplay.org

Nature’s Power of Connecting to One’s Self

Posted in essentialism, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment

I grew up in an apartment outside New York City. I didn’t have a backyard, green grass, window boxes, or even trees to hang a swing. I dreamt of the day I would leave the city and have a home in the suburbs. The dream did come true and every day I’m thankful. Some people can’t live without the hustle and bustle of city living, but me…I savor waking up to chirping birds, sip coffee watching hummingbirds float among vibrant flowers, and read a book under the shade of a giant maple listening to the rustling of its leaves. Over the years, I have proudly become a gardener. I relish learning about native species, fancy going to my local nursery to add new flowers to our beds, and treasure the quiet moments I spend tending and cultivating my garden.

Last summer during the pandemic, my mother gifted me, The Well-Gardened Mind: The Restorative Power of Nature. I think she was trying to lift my spirits as I had been suffering from sciatica from a hernitated disc. Summer didn’t turn out as expected and I spent most of my days painfully immobile. However, this book simply rejuvenated me. I made my way out into the shaded streets for short strolls-I couldn’t even call them walks, really, but shuffling of my feet. Yet, forcing myself outdoors a few times a day for meager intervals began to lift my spirits, providing a sense of calm and peace with my physical situation. Mentally, I got stronger and thus began challenging my body and it responded. Strolls turned into walks which turned into longer ones. While my pace was somewhat embarrasing, I felt like I was making progress and healing.

Months later, I was infact healed. However, the three months of daily pain made me reflect on how I got to this stage in the first place. “Our emotional lives are complex and need constant tending and reworking. The form this takes will be different for each one of us, but fundamentally, in order to counteract nagative and seld-destructive forces, we need to cultivate a caring and creative attitude. Above all, we need to recognize what nourishes us” (35). I had not been tending to myself. Typically, I was last on my list, putting everyone and everything else before my own needs…until my body gave in. Then I had no choice but to stop and listen and think and make changes.

Nature is beautiful; she is forgiving. Slowly, I began to forgive myself for neglecting my physical and emotional wellbeing. I started anew. I didn’t apologize for scheduling a personal trainer, I didn’t make excuses for getting on my Peloton, I didn’t cringe when I bought organic fruits and vegatables, and I enthusatically made time in my day to simply rest. And every day, I put on my sneakers and walk under the shaded trees, down by the pond in my neighborhood, giving thanks for Nature’s splendor that gives me peace and good health.

Friendliness is Contagious

Posted in essentialism, Family Trips, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , , Leave a comment

We just came back from a family vacation in the beautiful state of Arizona. The pure majesty of the land was awe-inspiring. It has been on my wish-list of places to visit and I feel fortunate to have been able to see the Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon with my children. But one of the experiences that really made me pause was the friendliness and welcoming nature of every person at our resort in Sedona. And I mean EVERY person we crossed paths with or interacted during for our stay. Now I’ve traveled a fair amount but what we witnessed here was above anything. Sincere smiles, warm greetings, shouts of, “Hello” from passing golf carts, and enthusiastic waves from housekeeping and maintenance were at your every turn. You felt it was the culture here to be more than friendly…to elicit smiles and joy. And guess what, it works! We couldn’t resist smiling and fully enjoying where we were. A feeling of contentment pervades when you are surrounded by happiness.

I consider myself a happy, optimistic person. Yet I couldn’t help but reflect and wonder how I can greet my own family members each day with more joy. A gracious, “Good morning” and a hug even if my teens would rather not. A wave out the window as my daughter drives off to school. Grabbing bags off my husband’s arms when he arrives home at night. While these acts seem simple, happiness is contagious so these small, friendly greetings will foster a home environment that exudes more joy and peace. Sounds enchanting to me.

What’s Your WHY?

Posted in essentialism, simply better yourselfTagged , , Leave a comment

We each have our own hopes and dreams, for ourselves and our families. As we go through life, our dreams take detours, find new paths or never reach the destination we first thought we wanted. Seasons change and so do we, but what typically remains constant is our why. However, we need to checkin with ourselves, revisit our why and see if our life aligns with it. Or has life taken its own turn, out of your control? Do we need to take back the wheel? Simply start with your why...

Why did we want a family?

Why do believe ___________ is important?

Why do we spend time__________?

Why are we spending money on___________?

Use these prompts to think and converse about why you make decisions, why you devote time to certain activities, why you spend time with specific people. Do they match up with your core beliefs or what’s essential to your unique family? Are you caught up in a cycle of keeping up with the Jones’?

Now’s the time to redirect your focus back on your family’s why…why you make family dinner a priority, why you speak kindly, why you travel, why your kids commit to one sport per season, why you serve others in your community. Other families don’t have the same essentials as you! Their whys are unique! But as long as you are living by your own why, you’ll be living a happier life.

Resources: Start with Why, Simon Sinek