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Midlife Reevaluation

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2 Paths

I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎

Encouraging Disagreement

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Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!

An Apple A Day

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Don’t all parents try to get their kids to eat more fruit? A quick trick that’s worked for us…make it pretty! Yes, rainbow fruit kabobs are more fun to eat, but it takes work to put them together. A colorful fruit salad would be a great way to start the day but if it gets a little soggy, no one will eat it. So, I took out a tiered serving platter from my closet, arranged various types of fruit on it, and placed it in the middle of our kitchen island. Amazingly, the fruit gets grabbed up when my kids walk by, it gets packed into lunch boxes and is chosen for dessert! A simple solution even if it only lasts for a little! Now I need to see what fancy ways I can present vegetables.❤︎

Take 5

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Sunset in the Florida Keys

Lots of things happen throughout the day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming…all the decisions that are being made, all the chores that need to be done, all the places that we need to go. For our kids, it’s the same feeling. Yet, we can take a few minutes to regroup, refocus, and regain our calm. For me, it’s waking up before anyone else to read Scripture and give thanks. At work, it’s closing my door and shutting my lights for a few moments of quiet. While making dinner, it’s putting on 2 CELLOS’ instrumental arrangements to soothe our souls as five of us come together bringing our collective days to the table. When we feel a bit restless or even frantic, we simply “Take 5” and then carry on with a lighter heart. Giving kids a technique that they can use with or without you present will empower them to calm their own spirits and positively refocus their moments. ❤︎

A New Year Inspired by Quotes

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Happy 2024! How many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken or better yet, never started? Well, I have too many to count! This year I’m changing the habit and instead, will find inspiring quotes to guide my family each week. 

What is an authentic self?

Who makes you feel happy when you are being real?

How can you shine in your own light?

Follow along each week as I share quotes that I post in my own home to encourage conversation, inspire action, and simply show love.❤︎

Book TakeAway: Sweet Jesus, is it June Yet?

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Once a teacher, always a teacher. A true educator has an innate desire to make this world a better place by teaching our children, who will be our future. I believe this mission takes a toll with never-ending responsibilities, increasing academic demands, managing behavioral and psychological challenges facing most children, and trying to appease parents, administrators and politicians alike. Yet, teachers preserve. Their purposeful work is a compass, guiding them to bring knowledge, curiosity, compassion and empathy to a younger generation. However, this is hard! Teachers are human, fallible, and exhausted. How can we help recharge their enthusiasm, rediscover their passion, and further their commitment?

Sweet Jesus, is it June Yet? by Amy J. Cattapan, helps educators find solace, motivation and inspiration through a higher purpose. Her own experience with teacher burnout is real and she honestly shares how she found peace and wisdom through the Bible. “Sometimes I think that I can only be successful if there are no thorns in my side. If the path is totally clear and I have no cause to stumble, then all will be well. However, that’s not true. Thorns grow. Stumbling blocks appear. Doors are slammed in my face. The good news is that we need not worry. God’s grace is enough to get us through it. In fact, the Lord told St. Paul that ‘power is made perfect in weakness.’ So the next time you feel discouraged because your teaching isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, remember that God’s grace will be enough to get you through it” (106).

For my fellow teachers, please remind yourself of the gift you have and the talents are you giving your students.

You are a servant leader.

Remember your purpose.

Don’t be hard on yourself.

We all make mistakes.

Take 1 day at a time.

Learn from your students.

Ask for help.

Build friendships within your school walls.

Be a voice for change.

Stay positive.

Make time for yourself!

Connect with your students.

Plant seeds that may grow in the years to come.

Trust in God.

It’s not surprising that most educators start counting down the end of the school year months before it arrives! “I wanted to endure whatever trials might come my way as an educator with a humility based on kindness and compassion, and a strength that comes from knowing who you are” (135). This will be one of the toughest jobs we’ll ever have but one of the most rewarding. And while in unison we pray, “Sweet Jesus, is it June Yet?” we’ll garner the strength, patience, wisdom and grace to continue opening new cartons of crayons, organizing bookshelves, and color-coding literacy centers, with our faith guiding the way.

Relax, Release

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Take a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release.

My youngest daughter has a “worry” brain. That’s how we’ve come to name her anxiety ridden thought processes that weigh her down. It has been a struggle to have her ease her worries to live in a more calm, happy state. Some days are better than others, especially as she learns strategies to help. Maturity as well as the ability to verbalize her feelings, tiggers and concerns facilitates in getting her emotions under control.

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael Singer, is my most recent read in a genre I don’t typically grab. Yet, I loved it! There’s truth of going outside your comfort zone to experience joy in unexpected ways. As I dove into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that “if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow”(61). I couldn’t help but think of my daughter. I can’t protect her from troubling situations but I can guide her in how she copes. “Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. They’re just events. You determine whether or not you’re going to be happy…if you can live this way, your heart will be so open and your Spirit will be so free, that you will soar up to the heavens (143). Simply, keep an open heart. When negativity, frustration, or disappointment arise, relax your heart and let these feelings flow freely through. Release the negativity. Try it! Because you know what? You will feel better. But it takes deliberate practice, self-awareness, and time. “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It is the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems” (10). And this is what I want to show my daughter…her mind is creating chaos. When she reframes the situation and renames her feelings, she is empowered and her outlook shifts. “That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up” (79).

7:15am. Bedside, I nudge my daughter from sleep. Eyes slowly open and then instantaneously turn red, watery, filling with tears. Not even 10 seconds have gone by since awakening. “What is it, my love?” I ask. “I have MAP testing,” she whimpers. Together, we took a deep breath in. Hold 1,2,3. Slowly, let it out. Relax your heart. Release. Out went the negative feelings. In came relief. She got up and started her day, tears drying up, a smile emerging. As Singer says, “You live in love and it feeds you and strengthens you” (57). ❤︎

Simple Gifts to Myself: Exercise….Like it or not!

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On the wall in our gym as daily motivation!

First thing to go when I am short on time is exercise! I still go for my daily walks, mostly because my dog needs them but other that than, working out gets cut off my to-do list very quickly. Until I herniated a disc in my back. The pain was unlike any other and it took me 3 months to recuperate. I vowed then that exercise was a must-do for my health, the one thing I do take for granted. I think it’s not until you get injured or really sick that you sometimes put things in perspective. Right? And that’s not the way it should be!! Each day is a gift and I am learning to live more healthily, making exercising a priority. And guess what?! I actually enjoy it now! It’s been slightly over a year and I can honestly say I look forward to my workouts. It has been a growth mindset for me, realizing that in order to keep my body strong, I have to work out strong!

During my injury, I was going to physical therapy, which helped a lot. But as I was phasing out, I realized that I needed someone to guide me so I would have a productive exercise regimen. Finding a personal trainer has been, in a way, a lifesaver (While I’ve tried to keep my simple gifts free, this one does cost me $). I found a compassionate, patient, funny, strong woman who I look forward to starting off my week with. Exercising is fun, challenging, and always changing yet safe for my injury. She makes me a better person from the inside out! Truly! I tell my children to surround themselves with people who make them better and having Kim part of my tribe no doubt is a testament to that. We all tend to get focused on strengthening our minds and souls but our bodies need attention and dedication too. It’s been a year of commitment and I am no doubt stronger than I was, tougher than I thought, but I still have a long way to go. Kim loves the same mantra, “Progress not perfection.” So when days go by and I confess to her that I just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to head to the basement and follow a routine, she affirms it’s alright and then, “Let’s get to it!” Because while I’m not perfect at working out each and every day, I am darn near close and closer than I have ever been in my life. And that’s something I’m proud of… giving myself the gift of health and gratefully acknowledging the unique body, mind and soul already given to me by God and making sure I take care of it the best way I can.

My gift to you….remember to make time to strengthen your physical body before you need to worry about it! There’s always an excuse lurking nearby but try to squash that voice and replace it with, “It will only take a few minutes to make me stronger.”

Simple Gifts to Myself: Tucked Away Space

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❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

Organized Chaos….A term I used to described my classroom when I was a teacher. Scattered business at first glance, but managed activities when you took a closer look. I now use this endearing term referring to the busy life that at times invades our home, yet in a manageable form simply because my Type A personality needs to have organization. With the nature of having 2 teens, a middle schooler, a dog, oh and a husband, our home has ‘stuff.’ And while I try to make sure only stuff with purpose is in our home, things collect. This is not calming for me. I need less visual stimulation, less clutter, and less noise. But where do I go?

My house doesn’t allow the luxury of my own ‘room’ and I realized I don’t need an entire room to call my own, but crave an area that’s just mine….all mine! For now, it’s a small writing desk in our living room (I say ‘for now’ because I am notorious for rearranging furniture in any home I’ve ever lived and that’s primarily because as my family grows and ages, our needs change and the spaces need to adapt to work most effectively and efficiently for us! Disclaimer: it drives my family members bananas!!). This little area has become a sanctuary.

I happened upon Shauna Niequist recently and read 4 of her books in one week! I just related to so much she wrote about and her style made me feel like we were chatting over a cup of coffee! I took Shauna to my sanctuary one afternoon and chuckled when I read one of her essays. “One thing I’ve found in all the places we’ve lived, you always find your space, your little corner, and we all find those spaces for different reasons” (I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet, 178). Maybe it’s inherent in our nature to find a cozy spot that gives comfort, security, and for me, creative freedom. I didn’t fully realize that one reason I was drawn to my desk was that I wanted to write more. My mini-space nurtures my soul and in essence, my writing.

It took me years to realize that I a window seat nook, a comfy chair with a side table, and a craft table in the basement were all small places that I had found to renew my spirit and energize my soul. Sometimes we look for grand gestures for calm and connectedness, but often times it simply takes a mini-space carved into your home that may have been overlooked or passed by a hundred times.

My gift to you…go create a spot just for you! No sharing allowed!! Get thrifty and imaginative. Don’t spend much time, just make the space. Make it known that this new mini-space is yours and start enjoying it! I’d love to hear where you found your space and how this gift keeps giving… ❤︎

Simple Gifts to Myself: Pre-Dawn Awakening

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❤︎The series of entries from the beginning of November thru December will be short essays on parts of my life that I may have taken for granted, but have come to realize are simple, true gifts that nurture my soul. My conscious, daily gratitude has opened my eyes and heart to the small wonders, everyday tasks that are simple gifts. During this season of thanksgiving, I hope to awaken the simple gifts you already have within.

I have always been an early riser. Early to bed, early to rise has been my natural rhythm. A few years back, I began to treasure my still-dark wakening moments in a different way. I purposefully made sure I awoke before my children. I would tiptoe into our family room, light a candle, pour a warm cup of coffee and just sit. As tempted as I was to put on the news and start my day, I forced myself to sit still. At first, this was a struggle. I felt jittery because my to-do list was being rattled off in my mind. It was hard, really hard for me to simply sit and do nothing but be present in the quiet moment of the early morning. My house was quiet. My house was still. I became quiet…my mind still. I would hear my breath and softly rock in the rocking chair. Have I been able to listen like this since becoming a mother? Since ever? I never gave myself this time before. Maybe I never realized I needed it? Maybe I didn’t know moments so small were immensely powerful?

There’s something restorative in waking up another day. God’s gift of opening my eyes and brining possibility into my life. Sitting by the light of a single candle lets the light shine on hope, beginnings, forgiveness, and joy. I can’t help but smile as I recount my blessings, my loves, and contentment that fills my heart. Simple gratitude. Deep, long breaths sustain my body and my soul. Last Christmas, I treated myself to Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about this devotional sooner because it enriches my mornings immeasurably. I love this book so much that I’ve gifted it to my dearest family and friends so they can feel the love as well. It has become a conversation starter with God. Enlightening passages frame each day and allow me to focus on a specific message, theme, or word. My time shifts from quiet nothingness to guided thinking. But my guide is God, whose messages grant me peace, hope and love. I am renewed, inspired, and strong.

I feel the change within myself after moments alone. Some days a few minutes are all I need, yet many days it stretches to 20 minutes or so. I have come to crave my pre-dawn awakening as it fulfills me in a way I had yet to experience. In a way it’s the most simple gift I can give myself, but it may be one of the most essential.

My gift to you…permission to find quiet, alone time. It’s ok to do this…it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s imperative because you will be able to give more of yourself when your heart and soul are renewed with gratitude. So, tomorrow in the pre-dawn hours, light a candle and awaken the quietness within you.❤︎

1 Word that Flips the Switch on Homework Battles

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“Do I HAVE to do this assignment? Why do I have to study? I KNOW it all! I am TOO tired for more work. No one else has to do this!” The rants are endless, arguments are too frequent, and the frustration simply frustrating. Personally, I don’t believe in homework. Reading…yes! Long term projects….Yes! Filler worksheets each night…No! Fighting with your kids with only a few precious hours to share each night? Definitely NOT.

But recently I flipped the switch on our homework battle with my 10 year old by asking her, “What did you EARN on your science quiz?” “I GOT an 83,” she replied with a disappointing sigh. “You didn’t get an 83. You EARNED an 83,” I casually stated. She looked at me perplexed and I explained how a teacher doesn’t randomly hand out grades. Mrs. Berard doesn’t give her an 83 and a classmate a 93 just because she feels like it. Students EARN their grades based on the work put into preparing for assignments, how much they study, and whether they understand the material or simply memorize it.

Well, thinking about the difference between those words made a HUGE difference. It placed the responsibility solely in my daughter’s hands. Would she find a Quizlet for extra practice? Did she reread the chapters to understand the concepts? Was she asking questions if she was confused? Yes, Yes, and Yes! It’s almost if the word earned her the right to make decisions over how and what she studied. It took me out of the picture. And I had to embrace that and let her take ownership.

She has another science quiz coming up and hands down she prepared much more than last time and without the usual complaining! While reviewing her progress report I made sure to say, “What grades did you earn thus far in middle school?” Earn does not only apply to school work, but also about how they earn money for chores (or if they didn’t) and even how they earn consequences. It’s amazing how this new vocabulary transferred to my high schoolers as well. Did they earn the privilege to drive the car??!!!❤︎

90 Day Challenge

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I bet you’ve heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. But did you know that it takes 90 days to make the new habit permanent? There are 90 days from Sept 25th to Christmas Eve. What a great time to create the new habit you’ve been thinking of or putting off. What have you been wanting to start with your family? One meal a day together? Family walks? Face Timing grandparents? Writing in a family gratitude journal? Giving thanks at meals? Think about one simple change you can all make or one activity you can add and commit the next 90 days to fulfilling it. Keep a calendar to mark off your family’s progress as you count down to 12/24. Celebrate small wins along the way such as creating a family cheer at week 1 or throwing confetti at week 4. Leave one another notes of encouragement along the way. Thank your family members for being positive, motivating and supportive. Days may be rough and you may skip a day or two. Don’t get discouraged. That’s when the power of family comes into play and you get through it together. Keep the end in mind and focus on strategies that help when the going gets tough! Make sure you celebrate big on Christmas Eve! This process will be a huge life lesson for your kids…creating positive change with loved ones by your side. And a new yearly tradition may have started too❤︎

What will your family take on in the next 90 days?

Saying, “No,” Gracefully

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“I won’t be able to join you, as I’m finishing my book on the beach.”

Why is saying, “No,” so difficult for most people? How did we get to be a YES! culture even though we don’t want to do a lot of the things we agree to? Well, an Essentialist Family learns to become confident in agreeing to commitments and decisions that benefit their family and have no problem declining when it’s not in their best interest. Here are some ways to gracefully say, “No,” and give you time to truly think about whether or not you and your family want to commit.

“Thank you for thinking of me. I will check my calendar and get back to you.”

“That sounds fun! I always run things by my kids first before I commit them but I’ll let you know what they think.”

“We make decisions as a family, so I’ll bring it to their attention and fill you in on what we decide.”

“I’ve agreed to several volunteer projects at the moment, but when one finishes and I’ll reach out to you.”

“Fall is a busy time of year for us, but we’ll consider this in the spring.”

Learning to prioritize engagements and projects becomes easier the more you do it. Have a script you are comfortable with so it comes to mind whenever you are put on the spot. You will begin to see how people will respect you more when you pause and explain how you commit to only those activities, committees, and parties that are essential to you and your family. Not only will they realize you value your time when you gracefully say, “No,” but you may inspire them to do the same.

#1 Summer Gift for Kids: Boredom

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“What can I do now, Mom? I’m BORED!!!!” Haven’t we all heard this before? It gets irritatingly under your skin. However, boredom is one of best things we can give our kids and summer is the perfect time to start. Here’s why:

Boredom…

-increases tolerance for unpleasant experiences

-helps manage frustrations when things don’t go smoothly or planned

-allows kids to spend quite time with one’s self, which is often not possible in today’s hectic world

-develops executive functioning skills such as planning, organizing, executing

-facilitates problem solving

-surrounds kids in quietness and solitude

-fosters creativity, ingenuity

-allows getting into the ‘flow’

-increases self-confidence

-develops self-awareness and shines a light on personal interests-reading, building, tinkering, journaling,

Next time your child whines that he or she has nothing to do, celebrate the fact and say, “I know you can figure out something to do in your free-time. Have fun!”

https://childmind.org/article/the-benefits-of-boredom/

Picnic Essentials

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@Haggetts Pond

*picnic basket -I’m loving the Peterboro Basket Company… sadly they are closing so if you don’t have one, go shopping!

*blanket/beach towel/table cloth- I happen to adore oilcloth… it repels spills so it’s easy to clean and sand falls right off

*reusable containers for nibbles/glass jars for drinks

*Food! As simple or fancy as you’d like. I tend to get snacks- a mix of pre-made and homemade. I don’t always bring a cooler so plan accordingly. Remember to pack a garage bag…carry in & carry out.

*sunblock/bugspray

*Journal/notebook… We have a family gratitude journal that has become our Picnic log…we record when, where, what we did! It’s been fun and I highly recommend it as the kids thoroughly enjoy looking back through it.

https://www.peterborobasket.com/