It’s 4:30am on a Saturday morning, still dark and much earlier than I typically write my entries. The smell of newly lit wood is beginning to linger in the air. Today’s menu…pork butt rubbed with a blend of paprika and brown sugar, corn pudding, and cole slaw. The chef…my 15 year old son. His new hobby is cooking on a smoker and he has truly developed a talent over the last few months. From brisket to sea bass (which he caught) to ribs to cheese-stuffed jalapenos, this kid is on fire!! And our family gets to savor his new skills.
Back in February, we headed to South to visit family. My brother has become engrossed in the world of smoking food, which I had little knowledge about. But my son took a huge interest in it (do I mention he’s eating nonstop these days!) and cooked side-by-side his uncle for one week straight. Fast forward to summer vacation and my brother was visiting us up North. Knowing that a smoke-off would ensue, my parents surprised my son with a smoker (technically theirs, yet fully knowing he would take ownership).
“Experts agree that having passionate interests in life improves your effectiveness and well-being.” 1 Hobbies are healthy!2 They build self-awareness, identity, confidence, a skill-set, curiosity, problem-solving, and eventual mastery. Fostering interests build connections between parents and children as well. We give support and enthusiasm while following their lead. Encouraging kids to try new things can ignite passions and careers later in life.
What do your kids like to do in their spare time? Do you notice a natural tendency in some area? Consider activities/interests available in your area. I do hope my son continues to develop his culinary interests for a very, very long time because I don’t mind washing dishes!
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Giving is innate for mothers. It’s essentially what we do and who we are. However, given the mundane nature of homemaking, women can become dissatisfied and unfulfilled, often forgetting what purpose there is in daily tasks. “What woman resents is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly. What we fear is not so much that our energy may be leaking away through small outlets as that it may be going ‘down the drain'” (40).
Oxford defines homemaking as the creation of a home, especially as a pleasant place in which to live. What an honor to cultivate a loving, respectful, supportive environment for people you care most about. But it is hard work!! To be completely honest, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It was never how I envisioned my life, probably because I grew up with a single mother who worked full-time. We struggled financially when I was growing up and I knew putting myself through college and graduate school would provide a better life for myself and my family. Yet God had His own plans for me, which is usually how it goes. It took me years to embrace homemaking and realize the real purpose it holds, the breadth it encompasses, and my value within it.
“Purposeful giving is not as apt to deplete one’s resources; it belongs to that natural order of giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion. The more one gives, the more one has to give” (41). With acknowledgment of usefulness, even without financial gain, mothers gain strength and replenish their sense of self. Homemaking is not a full-time job for all mothers, but we all need to see the immense worth in the care, time, and purposeful thought we heartfully dedicate to our families.
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Summer has always been a convenient time to get your home cleaned up, organized, and ready for the school year ahead. Marie Kondo’s, Spark Joy, really hit home as I value and take pride in the environment I create for my family. And it’s a fact…the more organized my home is, the better our family lives. We eat better when meals are planned ahead and there’s time left to prepare them! Our mornings are less rushed when lunches are prepacked, clothes laid out, and homework completed! We talk nicer to one another when there’s less stress too! And honestly, we have time to play and simply hang out together when life is organized, which means more happiness all around.
Don’t think Kondo’s only about folding clothes into small bundles that fit much better in your drawers. This book shows you how to organize your home and the rooms you live in rooms as well as your belongings so that you are happier. Less truly is more. Get those donation bins and trash bags out and spend some time figuring out what items you really can’t live without, the ones you truly use, and the ones that just make you smile.
Let’s get started! Put these 3 places on your MUST-DO list before school starts. Give yourself a day to tackle them all or space them out over a week. Whichever method you prefer or have time for, you’ll inevitably be more organized and less stressed before school starts.
Pantry
Time for a pantry overhaul!
*Get rid of expired items, almost empty boxes, and the snacks no one likes. Find a meal center to donate unopened food items.
*Empty the entire pantry and wipe down shelves.
*Collect baskets/bins from around your home or purchase matching baskets. Donate what you don’t need! Place specific snacks and food items together in the bins for easy retrieval. We keep a large snack bin stocked with prepackaged snacks for school lunches and afterschool activities. We also keep reusable water bottles as well as reusable mini-bags so that our pantry serves as a one-stop place for our kids to pack their own lunches. Maybe rethink where you store certain items in your kitchen to improve overall daily function. Having an organized,well-stocked pantry will help make mornings run smoother and happier!
2. Mudroom
I call the place where we store backpacks, jackets, shoes, etc. our mudroom. Ours is actually in the breezeway, which is a 3 season hallway that attaches to our garage (how I dream of a fully insulated, cubby-laden space, with slate floors, oh, and a doggy shower!), but it serves the purpose quite efficiently. Some people have a laundry room that serves as a mudroom space too.
*Try on shoes and coats and donate those that don’t fit or are not worn regularly. Season-specific garments can be placed in bins outside of the mudroom to make more room.
*Have designated hooks for each child as it makes it easier for them to hang up their coats/backpacks when they have a certain spot. Use large baskets or racks to keep shoes organized and in pairs!!
*Less is more, especially here. Only have available what you’ll use over the season.
3. Homework Area
An organized homework area with school-aged children benefits everyone! Some families have desks in each child’s room while others, like us, have a common space. We have an office that is used by all 5 of us. It only had one desk, however, we had a shelf built along one wall and voila, it became a desk space that fit two stools! It serves its purpose quite well and offers a quiet getaway when someone doesn’t want to do work at the kitchen table.
*Have a desk clean-out party! It feels so good to throw away old papers, stubs of pencils, and dried-out markers.
*Take inventory of what items are needed so you can start the year prepared.
*Gather small glasses, jars or vases to store writing implements, paperclips, and mini-post-it notes. Have bins for papers or file folders to keep the paper trail/assignments/projects in order.
*Hang a calendar! Even if your child uses a personal daily planner, I can’t urge enough the importance of having a clearly visible family calendar to record meetings, events, obligations, birthdays, extra-curriculas, etc. (I should do a separate post on this!). Color code it for each family member too!
*Make sure lighting is bright! Keep a few plants for better air quality!
This may seem like a lot but some work now will give your family huge benefits each day! And these 3 areas will typically motivate you to continue organizing other rooms…like the kids’ bedrooms!! Remember, less to clean, less to tidy, less to nag about, and much more JOY!
Did you know that there is a National Institute for Play? I’m serious because this is important stuff! Children are spending less time than ever playing but it’s essential to their overall physical, emotional, social and emotional health! So as parents, we need to make the time and prioritize playing!
*Put it on your daily calendar. When you see play written down, you’ll most likely follow through and remember to give the kids time to play.
*Schedule short and long playtimes. 20 minutes is enough time to play on busy days but try to incorporate longer periods as well since more creativity and imagination need sustained time.
*Make it a habit. Schedule playtime as a family at the same time several days per week. Sunday after Church? Friday night board games?
*Create a go-to family favorite list to spark ideas. Write activities on popsicle sticks and place in a jar to be randomly picked.
*Simple is best! No fancy games or toys needed.
*Try not to intervene when they are bored! Figuring out what to do with free time is a skill!
*Make time for playing in the fresh air!
When parents fully realize the importance of play, it is easier to make it happen. Play develops creativity, problem-solving, critical thinking, executive functioning, motor skills, social interactions, self-confidence, self-awareness, and fairness, to name just a few.
Next time your child wants to watch TV tell them to, “Go Play!”
“I won’t be able to join you, as I’m finishing my book on the beach.”
Why is saying, “No,” so difficult for most people? How did we get to be a YES! culture even though we don’t want to do a lot of the things we agree to? Well, an Essentialist Family learns to become confident in agreeing to commitments and decisions that benefit their family and have no problem declining when it’s not in their best interest. Here are some ways to gracefully say, “No,” and give you time to truly think about whether or not you and your family want to commit.
“Thank you for thinking of me. I will check my calendar and get back to you.”
“That sounds fun! I always run things by my kids first before I commit them but I’ll let you know what they think.”
“We make decisions as a family, so I’ll bring it to their attention and fill you in on what we decide.”
“I’ve agreed to several volunteer projects at the moment, but when one finishes and I’ll reach out to you.”
“Fall is a busy time of year for us, but we’ll consider this in the spring.”
Learning to prioritize engagements and projects becomes easier the more you do it. Have a script you are comfortable with so it comes to mind whenever you are put on the spot. You will begin to see how people will respect you more when you pause and explain how you commit to only those activities, committees, and parties that are essential to you and your family. Not only will they realize you value your time when you gracefully say, “No,” but you may inspire them to do the same.
Summer vacation arrives and our hub becomes Cape Cod. The natural beauty of 560 miles of coastline provides endless opportunities for beaching, boating, exploring, and relaxing family time. An added bonus is that friends from all over the country vacation here as well. It becomes a time to reconnect, introduce generations, and an opportunity for impromptu getaways. A childhood friend has a home on Martha’s Vineyard and she was on-island, kidless. Would I be interested in heading over for the night?! Within one minute, my ferry was booked!
I typically don’t plan mini-vacations with friends. Life is busy and at times, it seems like more of a hassle to plan all that would be needed for me to make it happen. But this is my year of trying to Simply Better myself. And guess what? Trips with friends can actually boost your overall health. In the Mayo Clinic’s Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, there are 5 main reasons to hang out with your friends:
Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
Help you cope with traumas
Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits
And quite honestly, the laughter, reminiscing, and joy that emerge from just being alone with a friend makes it worthwhile too. So, next time a friend asks to go away, do it for your health!
We just came back from a family vacation in the beautiful state of Arizona. The pure majesty of the land was awe-inspiring. It has been on my wish-list of places to visit and I feel fortunate to have been able to see the Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon with my children. But one of the experiences that really made me pause was the friendliness and welcoming nature of every person at our resort in Sedona. And I mean EVERY person we crossed paths with or interacted during for our stay. Now I’ve traveled a fair amount but what we witnessed here was above anything. Sincere smiles, warm greetings, shouts of, “Hello” from passing golf carts, and enthusiastic waves from housekeeping and maintenance were at your every turn. You felt it was the culture here to be more than friendly…to elicit smiles and joy. And guess what, it works! We couldn’t resist smiling and fully enjoying where we were. A feeling of contentment pervades when you are surrounded by happiness.
I consider myself a happy, optimistic person. Yet I couldn’t help but reflect and wonder how I can greet my own family members each day with more joy. A gracious, “Good morning” and a hug even if my teens would rather not. A wave out the window as my daughter drives off to school. Grabbing bags off my husband’s arms when he arrives home at night. While these acts seem simple, happiness is contagious so these small, friendly greetings will foster a home environment that exudes more joy and peace. Sounds enchanting to me.
We each have our own hopes and dreams, for ourselves and our families. As we go through life, our dreams take detours, find new paths or never reach the destination we first thought we wanted. Seasons change and so do we, but what typically remains constant is our why. However, we need to checkin with ourselves, revisit our why and see if our life aligns with it. Or has life taken its own turn, out of your control? Do we need to take back the wheel? Simply start with your why...
Why did we want a family?
Why do believe ___________ is important?
Why do we spend time__________?
Why are we spending money on___________?
Use these prompts to think and converse about why you make decisions, why you devote time to certain activities, why you spend time with specific people. Do they match up with your core beliefs or what’s essential to your unique family? Are you caught up in a cycle of keeping up with the Jones’?
Now’s the time to redirect your focus back on your family’s why…why you make family dinner a priority, why you speak kindly, why you travel, why your kids commit to one sport per season, why you serve others in your community. Other families don’t have the same essentials as you! Their whys are unique! But as long as you are living by your own why, you’ll be living a happier life.
Exploring Tulips in Bloom @ Stevens-Coolidge House & Gardens, North Andover
I LOVE summer! Who doesn’t? It’s a season of more relaxation, less business. A time to try new things, explore new places, make new foods. I always start the summer with a dream list of things I want to accomplish for myself and for my family…workout in the early mornings, go for a hike once a week, spend less time on personal devices. Unfortunately, my best intentions typically never amount to anything but a good thought. However, this summer will be different! Why? Well, I have been inspired by James Clear’sAtomic Habits, An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. I started a Book Club earlier this year and this was the first book we read. The response was unanimous…it’s AMAZING!! Thought provoking yet practical. If you don’t have it, run to your local bookstore and read ASAP so you can use the summer to establish all those routines, hopes and dreams you’ve had for your family and finally implement them! Here’s how:
Start small. Atomic means an extremely small amount so this is your mantra…simple & small. Yes, you have grandiose ideas of what you want to accomplish, where you want to end up. But pause, reflect and think about where you can start. Think of the process of creating new habits as walking along a winding path in the woods. Visualize where the path leads and what it will look like at the end. Now prepare for your journey with incremental steps, knowing where you want to go. Establish new habits so that you will succeed in your endgame.
Make it Obvious. No guessing allowed-clear and concise goals, habits. Create an intention to implement your new habit. Pair your new, desired habit with a current one. This habit stacking is powerful and easy.
I want to go on more hikes with my family. After we finish dinner on Tuesdays (current habit), we go for a hike (new habit).
Take time to plan and setup your environment so that you will succeed. A family backpack is ready to go by the door with bug spray, sunblock, map, and trail mix for our hike.
Make it Attractive. New habits should be enticing!
Washing/vacuuming the car…family ice cream party!
Surround your family with others who have the habits you are trying to create. When summer arrives, attending Church every Sunday gets tough for us. How about inviting another family over for a BBQ after services?
Make it easy. What can you easily accomplish first along your path? Set your family up to succeed! This should be a painless, even joyful approach to making positive changes.
I want my family members to load their dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher instead of piling them up in the sink. I empty the dishwasher first thing in the morning so it’s ready. A a post-it note saying, “I’m ready to be filled!” greets them as a friendly reminder. The more they do this, the less they need my sign as it becomes automatic.
Make it Satisfying. Happiness=Repetition. If your family enjoys the new routine, they’ll be more apt to continue.
Cleaning up after dinner becomes a dance party with music!
Track your progress and celebrate accomplishments. Everyone loves to be rewarded for a job well done. Use a calendar to track your new habits and decide on a reward once you keep up with your habits for one week, two weeks, one month, etc.
A dog-walking schedule was created and after 1 week of no reminders of whose turn it was, the kids got to choose a new toy for our dog. Win-win, especially for our pup!
Remember, you are striving for Progress not Perfection, my favorite quote of the book! This is SO true not just for habits, but for raising our families. Use summer vacation to slowly and simply establish new habits, create new routines to essentially have more happiness together. ❤︎
*picnic basket -I’m loving the Peterboro Basket Company… sadly they are closing so if you don’t have one, go shopping!
*blanket/beach towel/table cloth- I happen to adore oilcloth… it repels spills so it’s easy to clean and sand falls right off
*reusable containers for nibbles/glass jars for drinks
*Food! As simple or fancy as you’d like. I tend to get snacks- a mix of pre-made and homemade. I don’t always bring a cooler so plan accordingly. Remember to pack a garage bag…carry in & carry out.
*sunblock/bugspray
*Journal/notebook… We have a family gratitude journal that has become our Picnic log…we record when, where, what we did! It’s been fun and I highly recommend it as the kids thoroughly enjoy looking back through it.
As summer approaches, Summer Bucket Lists emerge! Hitting #1 on our family list, is PICNICS (to be quite honest, it was my idea..they know just to go along with it!). I dusted off my old picnic basket (over 30 years old) and started making plans for New England Summer Picnics 2022. Family picnics pack adventure, food, and quality time all in one. We spend the summers in Cape Cod so our basket is going to earn a lot of mileage as picnics give us a reason to explore uncharted territory, places we’ve been meaning to go, or simply occasions to celebrate.
But did you know there are actual health benefits to picnics? The Health Fitness Revolution says there are 10 reasons to pack one:
Being outdoors (time to explore!)
Family Bonding ♥︎ (Yes!!)
Enables conversation (perfect for families so leave the phones in the car!)
Time for self-reflection (good time to talk about any issues)
Fosters healthy eating (depends what you pack!)
Keeps you active (bring along paddles, football, spike ball)
Mood booster 😀
Relieves stress (every family can relate..being outside calms us all!)
Build stronger bones (who would have thought but vitamin D is from the sun!)
Saves $ (simple pleasures, not fancy outings)
@South Cape Beach, Cape Cod
We took our first picnic of the season on Memorial Day Weekend. With a few festive items to make it extra special and enticing, we headed to a ‘secret beach’ nearby. It’s not really a secret at all but it requires a drive down a long, BUMPY, not well-traveled dirt road that gives it the impression that it’s all ours. My mother had passed on pictures of my grandfather who served during WWII at the young age of 19. Soon after being enlisted, he was captured and became a POW for several years. He did return to his family, but so many others were not as fortunate. We took time to honor his memory, service, sacrifice and selflessness. Our first picnic was a testament to why I wanted to make them a priority this summer: simple pleasures for lasting memories.
With the Near Year upon us, it’s time for reflection. Pause to think about what your hopes and dreams are for your family. Do you have adventures you’d like to plan? Have you scheduled more family time into your calendar? But more basically, have you thought about what’s most essential to creating the family you love to be with? Do you crave slower moments, wish to hear more positivity, embrace your home being tidy? This is your year to create the family environment you’ve always wanted but didn’t have the guidance to see it through.
Week 1: Here are some activities to do together this week as you begin to create a more connected family. Set time aside a few times this first week as you establish a new routine. Some call this a family meeting, but I like to keep it less formal. We tend to have our family time in the car or during Sunday Suppers-doesn’t matter when or where just as long as you carve out distraction-free moments for family discussion.
Write your Hopes & Dreams-Gather together and talk about what each envision your family to look like, sound like, feel like. For example, do you need more organization and order, more quiet and calm voices, or more hugs? Be honest with one another and really listen to what’s being said. Don’t offer feedback but instead jot down opinions. These can be very enlightening and a future source for conversations as well as areas to focus on.
Create Top 5-Make a list of all the values, qualities, beliefs that are important to each person. Combine and narrow down the list to determine what’s crucial to your unique family. Are you respectful, giving, positive, patient, faithful? These are the beliefs you hold dear to your hearts.
What’s Essential? Now look back at your Hopes & Dreams and Top 5 beliefs. Find similarities and merge them into a family manifesto, pledge, mission statement…a guiding mantra that your family finds essential and will live by! Write it, print it, display it…live it! ❤︎
Starting the New Year is one of my favorite times of the year, just like back to school (I think that’s the former teacher in me). I find it refreshing to turn a blank page, start projects that have been pushed aside, and simply reflect on what’s important. Life is chaotic and while I do pride myself in living in somewhat ordered chaos, I need moments to pause and reset. My path on the Essentialist Family has been years in the making. As this blog unfolds, you’ll discover my journey and why I am so passionate about inspiring other families to reconnect with one another in simple and intentional ways. Simply stated, that’s where true happiness lies…with those we love. If you’ve joined me on the Essentialist Family journey, you may have started your family motto and list of essential beliefs that your family holds dear. The most basic theme I’ve heard over and over again is LOVE. Love is what connects, fulfills, comforts, supports, encourages, protects, inspires, and make us truly happy.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” –1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Take this week’s quote and write it on pretty paper to display on your fridge. Maybe print it out in a fancy font and put it on every family member’s pillow one night. Use it as a reminder of how simple love is, yet how powerful. Say it out loud, talk about it over a meal, discuss what it means. And essentially realize that love never fails.♥︎
the Essentialist Family 