Tag: famiy relationships

Young adulting…family style

Posted in Family, Family coaching, mindfulness, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, self-improvement, simply better yourselfTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The summer transition from independent, college student to at-home son or daughter, can take time to adjust to. Finding the rhythm of giving space, curfews, helping around the house, doing laundry as well as cooking and shopping for meals all takes time. There are new boundaries, varied expectations, and different roles to get comfortable in. It’s also a time to find new activities to do together. For our family, we got a family membership to a local gym. Now if this sounds like a win-win for everyone, it sure has been!

First of all, it’s an outing we all look forward to. One destination and typically one car–so that means great conversation time! Yet when we arrive at the gym, we all go our separate ways. My oldest is rehabbing from ACL and meniscus surgery so she follows her prescribed exercises. My middle loves tennis so he tries to join a round robin or a pickleball class. My husband heads straight for a cardio machine and I head to spin. It simply works! We’ve never been an ‘exercising family’ but this was a place for us to work on new skills, keeping healthy and getting stronger as a family as well as individually. And honestly, I’ve really enjoyed it!

This young adulthood phase during summer break is turning into a time for us to reconnect in a healthy way for all of us. Embracing how my older kids like to spend their time has given us a common focus, planned outings, and sore abs…oh, how I love my young adults! ❤︎

Come up with a list of new activities you can do with your young adults:

  • What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Together and alone?
  • What’s fun to you as a family?
  • Where can you go together that’s a reasonable distance?
  • What can you each work on?
  • Where will you be excited to go?
  • How many days will you go together a week? For how many hours? Make a plan!

✺ Lauri is a certified life coach working with new grads on creating self-awareness and confidence in their unique selves navigating the space of young adulthood.

Giving his world a chance

Posted in Family, Happiness, parenting, the little momentsTagged , , , , , Leave a comment

Last week, my son was home from school, resting on the couch watching anime. Several times I had wanted to comment that I thought he was wasting his brain watching cartoons but I went along with my tasks keeping my thoughts to myself. Finally, I came up with a question that wasn’t too critical or judgemental as I didn’t want him to necessarily be offended over something I didn’t understand.

“What draws you to this type of show?” I inquired.

“Mom, you would LOVE this show! It will make you cry!!” He enthusiastically shared.

Wow! That was not the response I was expecting…not at all. He went on to explain how this show, Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, was about enjoying one’s journey through life when looking back; appreciating what you have and what each day has to offer; remembering that sometimes the most beautiful memories are the most simple (like a field of flowers); not taking people for granted.

I sat there stunned that my 18 year old spoke so eloquently and philosophically about a show I was quick to bawk at. Humbly, I sat on the couch next to him and watched. He was right…once I got past not comparing anime to a traditional cartoon but value it for a different genre, I moved past criticism and toward appreciation. I did enjoy the life lessons, excitedly anticipated the next scenes, and got teary eyed as I was ashamed it took me this long to lean into his world. His knee-jerk response was how he knew I would love it so why did I not open the door sooner? My son knows me very well and I should know his tastes in shows would reflect him as well. I can’t say anime is my new favorite thing, but when my boy is watching, I will be sure to get comfy alongside.

Fostering sibling connections as they get older

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Our family life is changing. Our oldest is a freshman at college, our middle will be heading off to college in 5 months and our youngest is in middle school. Our home feels different with one less child and the siblings feel the change too. While I talk to my college daughter every day, the others don’t. The older two text often as they share news of mutual friends, upcoming concerts, or restaurant recommendations. However, the daily discourse is missing. Days can go by with typical busy routines and no one checks in. And the youngest misses out the most. It’s not that anyone is doing it on purpose; it’s simply that life can get hectic and it may not be a top priority…until it is!

I’d say my biggest accomplishment is my family. Not only do we really love one another but we truly like each other! We enjoy spending time, we respect our different personalities, acknowledge our strengths, support one another with our struggles, and have fun together. But this has taken time and effort. It is work to make a family strong and I want my kids to know this! And if they value these relationships, they need to work at them. Now’s the time for them to learn how to foster their own relationships with one another…making the time, putting in the calls, scheduling dinners, remembering special events, giving words of encouragement, being there to listen, sharing funny stories, and continuing to love.

I feel like I’ve guided them to this point but will try really hard to step back and watch this next phase of their sibling journey and pray it is uniquely strong, supportive, loving and fun. ♥︎

Siblings stepping up to serve as examples to one another

Posted in Children, Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Happiness, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, self-improvement, simple joys, simply better yourself, the little momentsTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
This is what causes me to get annoyed before school!
After seeing an older sibling’s room stay tidy, my youngest now starts her day like this!!

Nagging…who doesn’t get tired of hearing their own voices?

“Make your bed! Open your shades!!” I remind almost EVERY morning! I’ve tried multiple strategies, yet the beds don’t get made most days.

So today I tried something new….My middle was up and lounging on the couch for a few moments before he left for school. I happened to peek into his room and lo and behold the room was dark and the quilt and sheets were jumbled in a pile.

Instead of my usual rant, I calmly suggested, “Would you please set an example for your younger sister and get your room ready for the day?” Well, that boy let out a long, loud sigh but then he got right up and went to tidy his room. Siblings can be great teachers to one another and this was a way to use his positive influence. Because it is true…as a 17 year old young man, his 12 year old sister is looking to him to see what he does, how he talks, how he acts, what he prioritizes, when he does homework, when he’s on his phone, how he talks to his parents, if he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, how he does his chores, if he puts away his razor in the bathroom and if he makes his bed. He needs to realize that his actions are speaking loudly and influencing her at a very impressionable age as well. Wouldn’t you know, both beds were made, laundry was put away and shades were up!

Now let’s see how long this lasts…♥︎

Positive sibling influence can make your home a happier place for all!

Encourage your children to inspire one another with…

  • completing chores (without reminders is even better!!)
  • preparing for the day ahead (packing backpacks, lunchboxes)
  • starting homework after a snack or practice
  • keeping bedroom/bathroom organized
  • setting a timer to be on time for a sports practice or extracurriculur acitivities
  • choosing a nicer outfit for church
  • picking up the phone to call a grandparent

**Did you try this?? Share your stories with me at lauri@theessentialistfamily.com

What’s sweeter than candy for your kids on Valentine’s Day?

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Is Valentine’s Day really a holiday? How did we get caught up in buying overpriced flowers, needless candy, and $10 cards? Don’t get me wrong, I do stop at my local chocolatier and purchase a small piece for my kids and hope I get one too!! And there is much I do appreciate about February 14th… It’s a reminder to let people know how you feel about them. Reach out to those friends you haven’t checked in with for a while, write teachers a note of gratitude or do something thoughtful for those you love. Simply hug a little tighter, say “I love you” a lot more, and thoughtfully show your love.

This year, I wrote qualities that I admire about each of my children on heart-shaped sticky notes and put them on their bedroom doors. When they started their days, I wanted them to be reminded of why they are loved and what makes them special! At the end of the day, the candy wrappers will be thrown in the garbage, flowers wilted away, but I hope that the words of love and value will remain in their hearts for much longer. ♥︎

Will You Forgive Me?

Posted in Children, Christian, Family, forgiveness, Happiness, Joy, Little Moments, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, parentingTagged , , , , , Leave a comment
Taken by my oldest at sunrise at
Mayflower Beach on Cape Cod

One of the most powerful ways I have connected with my children is asking for their forgiveness. Will you forgive me? These four little words have deepened our relationships, fostered greater respect and heightened awareness of the importance of acknowledging when we make mistakes. Teaching my children to say, “I’m sorry” when they were younger was a critical first step in developing empathy and taking ownership of wrongdoing. However, as they got older, I found that they were quick to respond but wondered if they really meant it. Asking for forgiveness allows them to pause and reflect on what actually happened. It also gives a voice to the one who was wronged. There have been times when I was asked to forgive and with an open heart I shared, “Of course, but I need a moment.” Forgiving shows unconditional love but it also validifies the feeling of disappointment and the acceptable need to calmly regroup and move on. This entry is brief…Will you forgive me?❤︎

Do you want me to listen or give advice?

Posted in Greek Orthodox Parenting, Joy, Little Moments, mindfulness, motherhood, Orthodox Parenting, parenting, UncategorizedTagged , , , Leave a comment
3 swans in Nantucket Sound

I like to talk things out. I’m an advice-giver. I am a problem-solver. I seek solutions. But sometimes my kids don’t appreciate these qualities. And they are exactly right! While these characteristics can be good, they are not always helpful. Raising teens is a whole new ball game in parenting. My role and strategies have evolved in this season of childrearing. One of the best tips I received was when my kids come to me about a troubling issue I ask, “Do you want me to listen or give advice?” This has worked wonders! In the past, I would tend to offer advice, since that’s my personality, and a teen would stomp off in frustration because that was not what she was looking for. While she didn’t know exactly what she wanted, it was not necessarily a cure. Listening has wound up being more helpful and what they need in many difficult situations. I undermined their coping skills by trying to fix the problems with my own perspective and my own solutions. I am not surprised to discover that they have amazing foresight, conflict resolution skills and simply good heads on their shoulders. What I find is they need an unbiased ear to listen, an unconditional hug to soothe, and a simple smile to assure them I’m always here. Sometimes my best advice is none at all.❤︎

A Small Glimpse of Joy

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My dad has Alzheimer’s. For those of you who love someone suffering from this terrible disease, you understand how sad it is. He hasn’t known me or his grandchildren for years yet times I get a glimpse of familiarity; his hug a little tighter, his smile a tad broader. In my last visit to the facility he’s in I brought my dog. My dad loved Marlton and when he saw him, his eyes twinkled and he chuckled. Did he really remember my dog? I’ll never know. But what my heart feels is that Marlton brought my dad a moment of happiness and unconditional love and that’s all I can hope for these days. 💜

Hugs and More Hugs

Posted in Family, Greek Orthodox Parenting, Little Moments, Orthodox Parenting, Parenthood, parenting, the little momentsTagged , , , , , Leave a comment

My older two ❤️

We were away with another family when their daughter saw my two hugging and shockingly exclaimed, “You two hug?” Mine looked at one another surprisingly and replied, “Yeah!” I guess I take for granted that we’re an affectionate family. Brother hugs his sisters without prompting! Dad hugs both his son and daughters to show his love. We cuddle with our dog, curl up to next to one another while watching movies and my husband and I stroll hand in hand.

I actually felt sad my friend’s daughter doesn’t randomly hug her own brothers. No doubt they love each other but sometimes there’s nothing like a warm embrace from those you care most about.❤️

Engaging Enneagrams-Enhancing Family Relationships

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When a friend first inquired what my enneagram was, I had no idea what she was talking about. But then I listened to a podcast that highlighted The Road Back to You, by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile, and I was intrigued. “The purpose of the Enneagram is to develop self-knowledge and learn how to recognize and dis-identify with the parts of our personalities that limit us so we can be reunited with our truest and best selves” (24). There are nine personality types: Perfectionist, Helper, Performer, Romantic, Investigator, Loyalist, Enthusiast, Challenger, Peacemaker. Each chapter begins with simple questions that make you self-reflect, essentially revealing your tendencies and personality type. Just make sure you are completely honest! One of the best tips they gave was to narrow a few types down that you feel represent your personality and then ask your closest family or friends which one they think embodies you best. While I thought I was the Helper, it was unanimous that I was the Perfectionist by my children! While a tad unsure at first, I delved into the characteristics of Type 1 and sure enough, it is me. I soon discovered why I tend to make certain decisions, what stresses me out, what I need to thrive, and how I can be the very best version of me. I did learn type 1s tend to have rapid speech, which is definitely me, but this can lead from a teaching perspective to preaching. I never considered this aspect before yet quickly realized I need to be conscious of how I blog and share information, thoughts and inspiration. This layer of understanding has allowed me not to shy away from my tendencies, but embrace them and use them in a positive way.

Soon enough, my children discovered their enneagrams: a Peacemaker, a Helper, and a Performer. Together, we began to understand one another better. Developing compassion strengthens families and all relationships. Communication becomes more effective while respecting and honoring differences. Being a 1w2 makes me the unique person I am. I think my children see that more clearly now just as they recevied a glimpse into their own persnolities. What’s your enneagram?

https://www.ianmorgancron.com/

https://suzannestabile.com/