How annoying is it when your kids begin to ignore you? It seems like you’re talking to yourself! Kids tune us out. It’s a fact! So what can we do to engage our kids? Whisper! Sounds silly but try to change the volume of your voice. They need to lean into you to be able to hear which means they’ll become more focused on the conversation. Try changing your tone and intonation as well. Early childhood educators are experts at this and is why they can captivate a class of 25 4year olds when reading a book aloud. They are dynamic, expressive, boisterous then subdue.
“Parents often have trouble softening their tone, because a harsh one is so effective. There are a few things to consider here. First, if you always yell, you will always need to yell. Continuing to rely upon a certain volume or tone of voice actually trains your kids to only listen when you use it. They know that you don’t mean what you say until you are yelling. Next, a “mean voice” might work in the short term, but it fails in the long run. Not only are your kids not listening or retaining, but you are wearing the relationship down.”1 Now in the moment, our first reaction may be to use a loud voice as our emotions escalate. But we need to pause, take a breath and then respond with a quieter tone. This is modeling at its finest!
But what if you get sick of hearing yourself talk? That’s me! Time for the nonverbal signals…clapping, stomping, a chime, or cow bell…my favorite. Clap out a pattern or stomp a beat from a song…it’s amazing that kids will pause from what they’re doing and listen. They tune into the novel stimuli, which is NOT your voice! We were given a cow bell as a souvenir from an alumni event at my husband’s school. It occasionally rings in the start to dinner and not so quietly declares it’s time to go when we are in a rush. Also try incorporating a thumbs up or another family favorite…point two fingers at my eyes then point to my child indicating, “I am watching you!!”
My other go-to strategy is keeping a small wipe-off board on the kitchen island for a reminder of things that need to get done that day. It’s not a calendar but a reminder/task pad! (J: Empty wheel barrow, E: Order swim gear, S: Is your laundry basket filling up?). This stops me from nagging and gives them ownership by placing responsibility to get it done on their time frame. When they get to erase their task off the board, they feel accomplished too! Sometimes the least said is the most effective.
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