The African saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is so true and may ring even more true as they get older. My son graduated from high school a few weeks ago and had a ceremony at church honoring seniors. Our church pews were filled with people who watched our family grow and mature over the last 15 years. My husband and I observed our son greet fellow parishioners with heartfelt gratitude as they wished him well and showered him with blessings on his next phase in life.
We watched him shake hands with a man who has been his mentor as a Dj, offering business and life-advice, taking him under his wing. We saw him embrace a woman who has been his biggest cheerleader, encouraging him to continue being involved in the young adult Greek community in Boston. He hugged our priest, sharing a special moment as he has worked side-by-side on the altar serving in faith for many years.
At some point in the adolescent years, our kids listen better to others. It’s a normal part of their development and I saw how it can visibly be a positive source of support, motivation, and confidence building. These adults inevitably helped shape his course in life, helped mold his identity, and were vital in his maturing into the young man he has become. It does make you, as parents, realize just how essential it is to surround your children with people you respect, admire, and trust. It is these people your teens and young adults will emulate…know these people, believe in these people, love these people for they will do the same for your children.❤︎
The summer transition from independent, college student to at-home son or daughter, can take time to adjust to. Finding the rhythm of giving space, curfews, helping around the house, doing laundry as well as cooking and shopping for meals all takes time. There are new boundaries, varied expectations, and different roles to get comfortable in. It’s also a time to find new activities to do together. For our family, we got a family membership to a local gym. Now if this sounds like a win-win for everyone, it sure has been!
First of all, it’s an outing we all look forward to. One destination and typically one car–so that means great conversation time! Yet when we arrive at the gym, we all go our separate ways. My oldest is rehabbing from ACL and meniscus surgery so she follows her prescribed exercises. My middle loves tennis so he tries to join a round robin or a pickleball class. My husband heads straight for a cardio machine and I head to spin. It simply works! We’ve never been an ‘exercising family’ but this was a place for us to work on new skills, keeping healthy and getting stronger as a family as well as individually. And honestly, I’ve really enjoyed it!
This young adulthood phase during summer break is turning into a time for us to reconnect in a healthy way for all of us. Embracing how my older kids like to spend their time has given us a common focus, planned outings, and sore abs…oh, how I love my young adults! ❤︎
Come up with a list of new activities you can do with your young adults:
What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Together and alone?
What’s fun to you as a family?
Where can you go together that’s a reasonable distance?
What can you each work on?
Where will you be excited to go?
How many days will you go together a week? For how many hours? Make a plan!
✺ Lauri is a certified life coach working with new grads on creating self-awareness and confidence in their unique selves navigating the space of young adulthood.
We have another high school graduate in our home. It’s been a week filled with joy, 18 years of memories, sweet tears, and a full heart. I desperately try to live in the moment and not wish for years past. I savor the time I have with my young adult children and truly enjoy the changing nature of our relationships, watching them make the most of this phase.
And my one bit of advice to all graduates is always the same…be true to yourself. God created only ONE you; one unique, incredibly special you. Listen to your inner voice…what gives you joy? What are you drawn to? How do you like to spend your time?
Look at what you’re good at…these are your strengths; use them to help others, to find a career that’s fulfilling. Don’t shy away from things that come naturally but challenge yourself to grow further.
Be honest with yourself…what is hard for you? These are weaknesses that can be turned into gifts. Put hard work into making changes that better yourself. We all have areas that we need to work on so embrace them for they will make you stronger.
Your path will not look like anyone else’s and it shouldn’t. Be proud of that! Take quiet time alone to get to know your true self, pondering questions, planning actions to answers. Self-reflection is a normal part of human development and happens quite often throughout your life so get used to it. Enjoy the process, the metamorphosis…this one unique life that only you will live. ❤︎
Guiding Questions for Graduates:Set aside some quiet time and write down honest answers to these questions.This is a valuable way to learn more about your unique self.
How do I describe myself?
What do I like to do in my spare time? What are my hobbies?
What’s fun? What brings me happiness?
What do I find hard to do? What’s challenging for me?
When do I procrastinate? When am I excited to start something?
How do I handle stress?
What do I value? What’s important to me?
Who do I prioritize? Who do I go to for help or advice?
What motivates me? Inspires me?
Here is a list of my goals:
Where do I see myself in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
✺ Lauri is a certified life coach working with new grads on creating self-awareness and confidence in their unique selves navigating the space of young adulthood.
Last week, my son was home from school, resting on the couch watching anime. Several times I had wanted to comment that I thought he was wasting his brain watching cartoons but I went along with my tasks keeping my thoughts to myself. Finally, I came up with a question that wasn’t too critical or judgemental as I didn’t want him to necessarily be offended over something I didn’t understand.
“What draws you to this type of show?” I inquired.
“Mom, you would LOVE this show! It will make you cry!!” He enthusiastically shared.
Wow! That was not the response I was expecting…not at all. He went on to explain how this show, Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, was about enjoying one’s journey through life when looking back; appreciating what you have and what each day has to offer; remembering that sometimes the most beautiful memories are the most simple (like a field of flowers); not taking people for granted.
I sat there stunned that my 18 year old spoke so eloquently and philosophically about a show I was quick to bawk at. Humbly, I sat on the couch next to him and watched. He was right…once I got past not comparing anime to a traditional cartoon but value it for a different genre, I moved past criticism and toward appreciation. I did enjoy the life lessons, excitedly anticipated the next scenes, and got teary eyed as I was ashamed it took me this long to lean into his world. His knee-jerk response was how he knew I would love it so why did I not open the door sooner? My son knows me very well and I should know his tastes in shows would reflect him as well. I can’t say anime is my new favorite thing, but when my boy is watching, I will be sure to get comfy alongside.
Our family life is changing. Our oldest is a freshman at college, our middle will be heading off to college in 5 months and our youngest is in middle school. Our home feels different with one less child and the siblings feel the change too. While I talk to my college daughter every day, the others don’t. The older two text often as they share news of mutual friends, upcoming concerts, or restaurant recommendations. However, the daily discourse is missing. Days can go by with typical busy routines and no one checks in. And the youngest misses out the most. It’s not that anyone is doing it on purpose; it’s simply that life can get hectic and it may not be a top priority…until it is!
I’d say my biggest accomplishment is my family. Not only do we really love one another but we truly like each other! We enjoy spending time, we respect our different personalities, acknowledge our strengths, support one another with our struggles, and have fun together. But this has taken time and effort. It is work to make a family strong and I want my kids to know this! And if they value these relationships, they need to work at them. Now’s the time for them to learn how to foster their own relationships with one another…making the time, putting in the calls, scheduling dinners, remembering special events, giving words of encouragement, being there to listen, sharing funny stories, and continuing to love.
I feel like I’ve guided them to this point but will try really hard to step back and watch this next phase of their sibling journey and pray it is uniquely strong, supportive, loving and fun. ♥︎
Is Valentine’s Day really a holiday? How did we get caught up in buying overpriced flowers, needless candy, and $10 cards? Don’t get me wrong, I do stop at my local chocolatier and purchase a small piece for my kids and hope I get one too!! And there is much I do appreciate about February 14th… It’s a reminder to let people know how you feel about them. Reach out to those friends you haven’t checked in with for a while, write teachers a note of gratitude or do something thoughtful for those you love. Simply hug a little tighter, say “I love you” a lot more, and thoughtfully show your love.
This year, I wrote qualities that I admire about each of my children on heart-shaped sticky notes and put them on their bedroom doors. When they started their days, I wanted them to be reminded of why they are loved and what makes them special! At the end of the day, the candy wrappers will be thrown in the garbage, flowers wilted away, but I hope that the words of love and value will remain in their hearts for much longer. ♥︎
Husband & youngest daughter spending time together
This past Sunday at Church, our Deacon enlightened the children that love is a verb. Think about that for a minute…love is an action; it’s something you do, say, show. I couldn’t help but think what an important reminder for adults too. Imagine if we all showed affection more often, spoke kind words more than others, and did small acts of lovingkindness throughout our days. Treating love as an action to our children will encourage them to reciprocate it not only to the family but to those all around. Now that’s something to pass on…❤︎
5 Ways to Show Love to Your Kids
leave “Just Because I Love You” notes in lunchboxes, in sport bags, on bathroom mirrors, on pillows
give a hug & kiss, cuddle up, walk arm-in-arm,
say, “I love you!” “You mean SO much to me!” “I’m very lucky to have you!”
make their favorite meal, snack or dessert
plan one-on-one time together (neighborhood walk, bike ride, trip to the mall, ice cream outing, board game)
My friend, Lori, teasingly points out all the times I feel moments are, “Perfect.” How’s the weather? Perfect. How’s your coffee? Perfect. How’s vacation? Perfect. I didn’t realize how often I said it but then I thought about what it meant. The Oxford dictionary defines perfect as ‘having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.’ So when I am sitting on a beach, under an umbrella, watching my kids play in the water, the moment to me is perfect. Each of our own criteria for perfection differs so my ideal beach day may be a flop to you.
I realized I’m also quick to capture a perfect moment; not necessarily a whole day but a little snapshot, in the moment kind of way. I’ve come to appreciate those little things that truly are most important…when my husband grabs hold of my hand as we walk the dog through our neighborhood- prefect. When I see my youngest crocheting alongside her nana- prefect.
So, is my life perfect? Absolutely not!! I’m perfectly imperfect right alongside my perfectly imperfect children, husband, and dog. But all our perfectly imperfect moments make me cherish this one and unique life that has been given to me. And that is simply perfect!❤️
We were away with another family when their daughter saw my two hugging and shockingly exclaimed, “You two hug?” Mine looked at one another surprisingly and replied, “Yeah!” I guess I take for granted that we’re an affectionate family. Brother hugs his sisters without prompting! Dad hugs both his son and daughters to show his love. We cuddle with our dog, curl up to next to one another while watching movies and my husband and I stroll hand in hand.
I actually felt sad my friend’s daughter doesn’t randomly hug her own brothers. No doubt they love each other but sometimes there’s nothing like a warm embrace from those you care most about.❤️
Summer has always been a convenient time to get your home cleaned up, organized, and ready for the school year ahead. Marie Kondo’s, Spark Joy, really hit home as I value and take pride in the environment I create for my family. And it’s a fact…the more organized my home is, the better our family lives. We eat better when meals are planned ahead and there’s time left to prepare them! Our mornings are less rushed when lunches are prepacked, clothes laid out, and homework completed! We talk nicer to one another when there’s less stress too! And honestly, we have time to play and simply hang out together when life is organized, which means more happiness all around.
Don’t think Kondo’s only about folding clothes into small bundles that fit much better in your drawers. This book shows you how to organize your home and the rooms you live in rooms as well as your belongings so that you are happier. Less truly is more. Get those donation bins and trash bags out and spend some time figuring out what items you really can’t live without, the ones you truly use, and the ones that just make you smile.
Let’s get started! Put these 3 places on your MUST-DO list before school starts. Give yourself a day to tackle them all or space them out over a week. Whichever method you prefer or have time for, you’ll inevitably be more organized and less stressed before school starts.
Pantry
Time for a pantry overhaul!
*Get rid of expired items, almost empty boxes, and the snacks no one likes. Find a meal center to donate unopened food items.
*Empty the entire pantry and wipe down shelves.
*Collect baskets/bins from around your home or purchase matching baskets. Donate what you don’t need! Place specific snacks and food items together in the bins for easy retrieval. We keep a large snack bin stocked with prepackaged snacks for school lunches and afterschool activities. We also keep reusable water bottles as well as reusable mini-bags so that our pantry serves as a one-stop place for our kids to pack their own lunches. Maybe rethink where you store certain items in your kitchen to improve overall daily function. Having an organized,well-stocked pantry will help make mornings run smoother and happier!
2. Mudroom
I call the place where we store backpacks, jackets, shoes, etc. our mudroom. Ours is actually in the breezeway, which is a 3 season hallway that attaches to our garage (how I dream of a fully insulated, cubby-laden space, with slate floors, oh, and a doggy shower!), but it serves the purpose quite efficiently. Some people have a laundry room that serves as a mudroom space too.
*Try on shoes and coats and donate those that don’t fit or are not worn regularly. Season-specific garments can be placed in bins outside of the mudroom to make more room.
*Have designated hooks for each child as it makes it easier for them to hang up their coats/backpacks when they have a certain spot. Use large baskets or racks to keep shoes organized and in pairs!!
*Less is more, especially here. Only have available what you’ll use over the season.
3. Homework Area
An organized homework area with school-aged children benefits everyone! Some families have desks in each child’s room while others, like us, have a common space. We have an office that is used by all 5 of us. It only had one desk, however, we had a shelf built along one wall and voila, it became a desk space that fit two stools! It serves its purpose quite well and offers a quiet getaway when someone doesn’t want to do work at the kitchen table.
*Have a desk clean-out party! It feels so good to throw away old papers, stubs of pencils, and dried-out markers.
*Take inventory of what items are needed so you can start the year prepared.
*Gather small glasses, jars or vases to store writing implements, paperclips, and mini-post-it notes. Have bins for papers or file folders to keep the paper trail/assignments/projects in order.
*Hang a calendar! Even if your child uses a personal daily planner, I can’t urge enough the importance of having a clearly visible family calendar to record meetings, events, obligations, birthdays, extra-curriculas, etc. (I should do a separate post on this!). Color code it for each family member too!
*Make sure lighting is bright! Keep a few plants for better air quality!
This may seem like a lot but some work now will give your family huge benefits each day! And these 3 areas will typically motivate you to continue organizing other rooms…like the kids’ bedrooms!! Remember, less to clean, less to tidy, less to nag about, and much more JOY!
the Essentialist Family 