There’s something about lighthouses that attracts people…
Bold beacons guiding the way safely home.
Who’s the lighthouse in your life?
A Lighthouse
Tag: simply better yourself
Midlife Reevaluation
I think I was about 45 when I started thinking about wanting a change in my life. I had been a home mom for 17 years. Actually, I never had planned or wanted to stay home but our situation evolved into that being the best plan for our growing family. My children were getting older, college was on the horizon and my role was changing. I was restless. What did I want to do? It was a time of reflection, an honest assessment of my strengths and areas to build on, as well as trying to determine what jobs were realistic during school hours. The more women I talk with about this time in our lives, the more I find I’m not alone. I hate to coin this time in my life as a midlife crisis because it was not a catastrophe. I viewed it as a period where my mom duties at home were shifting allowing new doors to open. Time was available to develop an identity beyond mother. What were my interests in my forties? How did I want to spend my time? For me, I didn’t necessarily want to start a career. Instead, I wanted to serve. I wanted a purpose to fill my days outside of my home. It was a sense of fulfillment I was seeking quite possibly because my nurturing persona wasn’t needed in the same way anymore. It’s been a few years since I started on this journey of reevaluation and while I did go back to work as a reading interventionist in an inner-city Catholic school, my soul is partially fulfilled. What I’ve come to acknowledge is that this journey is changing all the time, right alongside the metamorphosis of my almost 50-year-old self as well as my almost empty nester family. I have to stop myself from trying to have it figured out. Serving in my role works now but I’m flexible in that tomorrow it may not. What fulfills my heart in this moment, may leave it searching for different meaning next month. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not even restless. And this is quite a gift that midlife has brought. I’m content to explore opportunities, change my mind, and simply be. When your path diverges, where will you go? ❤︎
Encouraging Disagreement
Several years ago, I started a non-fiction book club among friends focusing on reading self-improvement books to simply better ourselves (that’s our motto!). This past spring, we read Think Again, by Adam Grant. Pack it into your beach bag because it’s a must-read on so many levels. As a parenting enthusiast, as I call my passion for becoming a better parent, I couldn’t help but appreciate the importance of creating a home environment where family members are encouraged to disagree. Yes, you heard this right…bring on the arguments! Well, wait a second. Kids need to be guided through how to voice their opinions in a constructive way, especially opinions that go against other’s views. It’s important that they learn to stand up for themselves in a safe place, gaining confidence to bring their voice into the larger world. “Being able to have a good fight doesn’t just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles” (80). Good debating skills allow us to make valid claims for our point while also acknowledging where the other side is coming from and at times, negating their theory with examples. Practice does make more effective disagreeing so don’t not fight in front of your kids. They need to see the working out, talking through, compromising, and changing one’s viewpoint in a realistic way. “Productive disagreement is a critical life skill,” says Grant. “Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought…it can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we can be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships” (80). So, the next time you want to run into the bedroom and shut the door so your kids don’t hear you argue with your husband….think again!
Sleepaway Camp
For several years now, my children have ventured to a one week, religious sleepaway camp on a serene lake in New Hampshire. Days are filled with traditional camp games, bond fires, chatting between bunkbeds, swimming, and making new friends. But they also spend lots of time in a quaint tiny Church beside the lake attending services, reading the Bible, praying, and journaling their thoughts about life as well as their personal relationship with God. My kids LOVE their week at camp. It invigorates their faith, renews the importance of alone time with God, connects Greek Orthodox youth, and simply delights their souls. Sign me up!
Solitude
Quiet
Peaceful
Time to think
Sort things out
Calming
Restoring
Rejuvenating
Why don’t I do this more often?
Take 5
Lots of things happen throughout the day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming…all the decisions that are being made, all the chores that need to be done, all the places that we need to go. For our kids, it’s the same feeling. Yet, we can take a few minutes to regroup, refocus, and regain our calm. For me, it’s waking up before anyone else to read Scripture and give thanks. At work, it’s closing my door and shutting my lights for a few moments of quiet. While making dinner, it’s putting on 2 CELLOS’ instrumental arrangements to soothe our souls as five of us come together bringing our collective days to the table. When we feel a bit restless or even frantic, we simply “Take 5” and then carry on with a lighter heart. Giving kids a technique that they can use with or without you present will empower them to calm their own spirits and positively refocus their moments. ❤︎
A New Year Inspired by Quotes
Happy 2024! How many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken or better yet, never started? Well, I have too many to count! This year I’m changing the habit and instead, will find inspiring quotes to guide my family each week.
What is an authentic self?
Who makes you feel happy when you are being real?
How can you shine in your own light?
Follow along each week as I share quotes that I post in my own home to encourage conversation, inspire action, and simply show love.❤︎
90 Day Challenge
I bet you’ve heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. But did you know that it takes 90 days to make the new habit permanent? There are 90 days from Sept 25th to Christmas Eve. What a great time to create the new habit you’ve been thinking of or putting off. What have you been wanting to start with your family? One meal a day together? Family walks? Face Timing grandparents? Writing in a family gratitude journal? Giving thanks at meals? Think about one simple change you can all make or one activity you can add and commit the next 90 days to fulfilling it. Keep a calendar to mark off your family’s progress as you count down to 12/24. Celebrate small wins along the way such as creating a family cheer at week 1 or throwing confetti at week 4. Leave one another notes of encouragement along the way. Thank your family members for being positive, motivating and supportive. Days may be rough and you may skip a day or two. Don’t get discouraged. That’s when the power of family comes into play and you get through it together. Keep the end in mind and focus on strategies that help when the going gets tough! Make sure you celebrate big on Christmas Eve! This process will be a huge life lesson for your kids…creating positive change with loved ones by your side. And a new yearly tradition may have started too❤︎
What will your family take on in the next 90 days?
Advice to My Younger Self…Buy the Mini-van!
Now that I’m in my mid40s, there are SO many things I wish I had done sooner! They say wisdom comes with age and I am definitely seeing that. Studies also show that woman are happier as they age. If anything, I see a confidence and contentment emerge that I didn’t necessarily have before. I had my first two children less than 1 1/2 years apart just when I hit 30. Life was busy and I was totally immersed in the toddler years then preschools years for what seemed like ages. Several of my friends had mini-vans and I was in awe of the space, all the cup holders, and automatic doors. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to buy one. I had this “never” list in my head…never get a dog, never have more the 2 kids, and never, ever get a mini-van. Not sure how this mantra started but I stuck to it for years. Was I afraid to get older? What would happen if I altered this self-perception? Life was good with a Honda Accord, which turned into a Ford Explorer as we wanted more room. Life was incredible with two kids, but a yearning was there for more. Wouldn’t a dog be a great companion for our family even when I subconsciously knew I’d be the one letting it out, taking it on walks, scheduling vet and grooming appointments? Well, mid30s came and a third baby blessed our family. A few years later, our goldendoodle arrived. And yes, it’s true, I now happily and enthusiastically drive a min-van! What took me SO long?!! There’s so much space. And cup holders and storage galore. And a DVD to quiet those kids for the ‘are we there yet’ trips!! And as my son becomes a young man at 5ft 9in and growing, he has plenty of legroom anywhere he decides to sit. Seven high school sailors with lifejackets and gear off to a regatta? I’ll drive! (Which is awesome because I get to spend time with my teenagers and their friends since I can fit everyone…comfortably!) Oh, and the dog can spread out easily when I take out one of the middle seats-dog bed included! Essentially, it’s a mini-moving van that is going to come in real handy when packing up for college, which will be here before I know it. Now I’m not so sure I can live without the mini-van. I may never want to live without a mini-van as I have lived on the other side of the automatic doors. My new life mantra is, “Never Say Never” because some of life’s greatest blessings are the ones we never imagine. However, I will admit, when I am stopped in front of a store with mirrored glass and I catch a glimpse of a woman sitting in the driver’s seat, it still takes a second to realize it’s me. ❤︎
I believe sharing experiences and learning new strategies are the ways we better ourselves as parents. If you think this blog will help other families on their journey of parenthood, please share the link. It takes a community to raise our kids and live simply happier.❤︎
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Standing Tall in Sunday’s Best
Have you taken a look around lately and noticed how casual clothing has become? A typical outfit for my teenagers is sports shorts and a t-shirt, possibly with a hooded sweatshirt. I easily fall into this very informal category wearing workout clothes, when in fact, I’m not usually exercising. The pandemic did not help this matter at all. We were given a great excuse to live at home comfortably in pjs for at least 6 days a week. Sunday was the only day we did get dressed up. We are Greek Orthodox and our Church community does get fairly dressed up for service. Men wear suits or jackets, women wear skirts or dresses, boys wear button-down shirts or polos with khakis while girls put on dresses. I have come to truly appreciate the level of formality that comes with attending Church as a family. This past weekend, I watched my children walk into a Church that was new to us. I couldn’t help but notice they stood a little taller, strolled confidently, and greeted everyone with a smile.
“Individuals dressed professionally exhibit significantly greater measures of self-perception, compared to those in both casual attire and their own clothing. By simply wearing professional outfits, (students) had higher self-esteem, self-efficacy.”1 Is dressing up a skill we should teach our children more regularly?
My kids actually like getting ready for Church. It is their norm. No arguing, no squirming saying the clothing is uncomfortable; it’s simply expected. I’ve now transferred this ‘looking nice’ attire for when we go out to restaurants. First of all, it is getting increasingly expensive to eat out as a family of five and I want them to acknowledge that it’s a special event when we do venture out. If putting on nicer clothes helps them feel better and even act better, then maybe Sunday’s best should be worn the other 6 days per week?!
❤︎ Want more inspiration? Like our new Facebook page!
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Getaway for Mom Is What the Doctor Ordered
Summer vacation arrives and our hub becomes Cape Cod. The natural beauty of 560 miles of coastline provides endless opportunities for beaching, boating, exploring, and relaxing family time. An added bonus is that friends from all over the country vacation here as well. It becomes a time to reconnect, introduce generations, and an opportunity for impromptu getaways. A childhood friend has a home on Martha’s Vineyard and she was on-island, kidless. Would I be interested in heading over for the night?! Within one minute, my ferry was booked!
I typically don’t plan mini-vacations with friends. Life is busy and at times, it seems like more of a hassle to plan all that would be needed for me to make it happen. But this is my year of trying to Simply Better myself. And guess what? Trips with friends can actually boost your overall health. In the Mayo Clinic’s Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health, there are 5 main reasons to hang out with your friends:
- Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
- Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
- Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
- Help you cope with traumas
- Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits
And quite honestly, the laughter, reminiscing, and joy that emerge from just being alone with a friend makes it worthwhile too. So, next time a friend asks to go away, do it for your health!
https://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/girls-trips-really-are-good-your-health
Friendliness is Contagious
We just came back from a family vacation in the beautiful state of Arizona. The pure majesty of the land was awe-inspiring. It has been on my wish-list of places to visit and I feel fortunate to have been able to see the Grand Canyon and Antelope Canyon with my children. But one of the experiences that really made me pause was the friendliness and welcoming nature of every person at our resort in Sedona. And I mean EVERY person we crossed paths with or interacted during for our stay. Now I’ve traveled a fair amount but what we witnessed here was above anything. Sincere smiles, warm greetings, shouts of, “Hello” from passing golf carts, and enthusiastic waves from housekeeping and maintenance were at your every turn. You felt it was the culture here to be more than friendly…to elicit smiles and joy. And guess what, it works! We couldn’t resist smiling and fully enjoying where we were. A feeling of contentment pervades when you are surrounded by happiness.
I consider myself a happy, optimistic person. Yet I couldn’t help but reflect and wonder how I can greet my own family members each day with more joy. A gracious, “Good morning” and a hug even if my teens would rather not. A wave out the window as my daughter drives off to school. Grabbing bags off my husband’s arms when he arrives home at night. While these acts seem simple, happiness is contagious so these small, friendly greetings will foster a home environment that exudes more joy and peace. Sounds enchanting to me.
the Essentialist Family 