Walking along the beach is my haven in the summer months. I used to feel it was selfish to steal a quiet stroll alone. But now I have come to understand that this solitude is a gift not just to myself, but for the ones I love.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s, Gift from the Sea, honestly discusses the huge demands placed on modern American women. While she hopes that we will learn to embrace simplicity, she also reminds us of the importance of being alone. Many of us have to re-learn what it means to even be alone as years have been given to juggling school, child rearing, careers, community service, and cultivating a home. “It is a difficult lesson to learn today-to leave one’s friends and family and deliberately practice the art of solitude for an hour or a day or a week…And yet, once it is done, I find there is a quality to being alone that is incredibly precious. Life rushes back into the void, richer, more vivid, fuller than before” (36).
Why do women especially find it hard to make time to be alone? Solitude can differ immensely from person to person both in quantity and in essence. I have created a new morning routine for myself over the past year. I’ve always been an early riser but now before I get up to accomplish my list of tasks, I deep breath for a few moments, then read my devotional. The positive affirmations shape my day, focus my mindset. In a way, I feel rejuvenated and excited to greet what is yet to come. But something so small took many, many, many years to start…why? It is the acknowledgment of the essentiality of making solitude a priority that needs to shift for mothers. No guilt. No excuses. Simply because it makes us better versions of ourselves. “Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others” (38). Now maybe that means making time for a daily workout, painting, going to yoga, gardening in your yard, walking in the woods, sipping tea before anyone else wakes up, journaling before turning off the lights for bed…find what soothes your soul. My 15-minute daily wakeup devotional is what I need, but maybe it’s one hour a day for you or one hour per week or even one weekend a year.
My husband and I have found it essential in our marriage to find time without the children. Even when he was a resident, money was scarce and we were away from family, he found a kind-hearted woman working in one of his clinics who would watch our babies one night a week for $5/hour. I recently reached out to her, 15 years later, and expressed my gratitude again as I reflected on what has helped my marriage remain strong…finding time to be alone even when life doesn’t seem to want to make that possible. Now that our kids are older, date night has come back regularly since we don’t need babysitters (what a treat in itself!). We also faithfully take a trip once a year, alone. Some years it will be a fancy vacation, while other times it’s just a weekend in the mountains or simply the kids staying over at Nana and Pa’s. With our 20-year anniversary next week, I know that our commitment to us as a couple has inevitably contributed to our happiness.
Mothers, you do not have to be walking alone among the sand dunes to find solitude; it is within reach every single day. Make a little time for only yourself, and in doing so, you are giving more to those you love.
the Essentialist Family 